Desired
by mcc101180
Summary: Sometimes your life doesn’t follow a straight path, as was the case for Bella Swan, whose life twisted and turned. What happens when a series of events sends her life on a completely different path? AH, OOC, M for potty mouths and lemons.
1. What Things May Come

**I'm new to the scene, so I can't promise you much of anything, and certainly not greatness, but I can tell you I'll try my best. Tremendous thanks to everyone who pre-read this, listened to me babble, and held my hand as I questioned doing this; your support is immeasurable and immensely appreciated. Here's hoping this doesn't suck too much.**

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to SM, all the ramblings in the middle are mine, let's try to keep it that way.**

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They kept telling me that I needed to leave; that I had to let him go. But how was this even possible? This was the father of my unborn child, the man I had promised myself to for eternity. Sure the last few months had been tough, but I knew he loved me and was only reacting to all the changes we were experiencing. There's no way this was the same man, it just didn't make sense.

We were supposed to be having a romantic weekend to reconnect. Instead he was lying in a hospital bed, with tubes and wires covering almost every inch of his body. The doctors had told us that if it weren't for the machines he would have passed away days ago. There had been no change in his brain activity and there was little hope that things would turn around. When the doctors came in to discuss removing him from life support I vehemently objected. Refusing to allow my pleas to fall on deaf ears, I sat at his side, trying to express to this once vibrant being just how much he meant to me, and how much both our child and I needed him. I was sobbing uncontrollably when I felt a strong pair of hands grip my shoulders and whisper my name.

"Bella, honey, we need to let the doctors in."

My father's eyes were rimmed red and puffy. He had grown to love this man as a son and this turn of events was hitting him just as hard as the rest of us. I knew that what he was saying was true, but I couldn't bring myself to walk away. I wasn't ready to be without him.

My father never released me as I bent down to whisper 'I love you' and placed a tender kiss on his forehead. My knees grew weak as I struggled to maintain my balance. Tears streamed silently down my cheeks. I leaned into my father and followed him out of the room. With every step I took, I felt like I was leaving a big piece of my heart behind. This wasn't supposed to be how this day ended. I was supposed to be wrapped up in my fiancé's arms safe and secure. Instead I watched as they rolled his body away.

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**So there we have it, the next chap is in the works and I hope to have it up in a few days. Go ahead and click that button and let me in on what your first impressions were. **


	2. Lasting Impressions

**So here we go again, same rules apply; not greatness, but I'm trying for something that doesn't make your eyes bleed. Thanks to all the wonderful ladies who read this and gave me feedback, and encouraged me when I felt like chucking the whole thing. Thanks to everyone that read, reviewed, and/or favorited the prologue. Taking the time to give this a shot means the world to me. **

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi, the ramblings are mine, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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EPOV

I knew from the moment I caught sight of her, across the parking lot on the first day of junior year, that she was it for me. Long, chestnut hair whipped around her as she gathered her things from a rusted truck that must have once been a beautiful cherry red. I, like most of the rest of the student body, had heard of her eminent arrival. In a town as small as Forks, the littlest things garnered the rapt attention of all the townsfolk, and word often dripped from their lips like the juiciest news around.

There was much speculation as to why the police chief's teenage daughter, his pride and joy, the only positive thing to come out of his short-lived marriage to the flighty daughter of the town's former mayor, had suddenly shown up after an extended absence. All ranging from rampant drug abuse to getting expelled from three private schools to her mom up and leaving her to fly around the world with her new artist boyfriend. Looking at this vision of a woman, she appeared to be the picture of innocence and all these stories seemed utterly ridiculous, serving no purpose outside of filling the lonely existences of the housewives while their children were at school.

I was shaken out of my trance by my twin sister, Alice, who declared that we were going to be late if we didn't get a move on it. The half second that it had taken me to turn and acknowledge her pestering was enough to lose sight of the girl that surely was destined to be an important part of my future. The morning classes flew by in a blur, and I sadly had not been awarded the opportunity to catch a glimpse of her again.

I was sitting at my usual lunch table, with my older brother Emmett, his girlfriend Rose, Alice and her boyfriend Jasper, when I was rewarded with her reappearance. She entered the crowded cafeteria and quickly made the line, in what could only be described as a vain attempt of hoping to acquire something semi-edible to eat. The whole while she kept her head down, shuffling her feet as she went along. Once her tray was full, she momentarily looked up and I was met with the deepest pair of chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen. Scanning the tables she sought out an empty spot. The urge to leap from my seat and wave frantically that she should sit with me now and forever, because anywhere else would lack logic and reason, overwhelmed me. Instead, I remained firmly planted in my chair and words failed me.

The beautiful girl with mesmerizing eyes walked toward an empty spot next to Angela Weber. She ducked her head and exchanged greetings to the remaining members of the table as introductions were made. Many of the male members of the table lavished extra ordinate amounts of attention on her, lingering a little too long with their handshakes, causing Bella to stiffen and wince. Mike Newton in particular, a major fucktard who was not one to take a hint, seemed to have taken a liking to her and I overheard him offering his services as her personal tour guide for the remainder of the day. I breathed out a sigh of relief as she politely declined. Thankfully, Angela stepped in to steer the conversation away from Bella. Bella smiled in gratitude and began to pick apart her lunch.

My gaze was transfixed on this fascinating being that with one glance had captured my heart. As I stared, it soon became apparent that she not only had captured my heart, but had taken hold of an appendage much lower on my body. I felt myself stiffen as I watched her pink, pouty lips wrap around her fork, her tongue darting out to lap up the juices. I shifted uncomfortably trying to adjust the raging hard-on that had just popped up at the thought of all that her lips could do, and how much I wanted to be the one who she did them to.

My sister noticed my fidgeting and followed my gaze, before returning her eyes to mine and smirking. I shot her a death glare, which didn't seem to faze her, for all she did was turn back to the conversation she was having with Rose and let out a chuckle. The rest of the table turned their attention to me, and were met with the same look; fortunately it seemed to work better on them, and they all resumed their previous activities. I didn't have time for my sister's busy-bodying. Every second spent focusing on her was a moment less that I had to take in all things Bella Swan, like the way she picked off all the mushrooms from her pizza, even though I knew for a fact they also had plain pizza today, or the sporadic laughter that came out like a tinkling bell, carrying across the lunchroom, which seemed to embarrass her when anyone averted their eyes in her direction, or the resulting blush that would color her face and neck.

Shifting in my seat once again, I was disappointed to discover that due once again to my sister's incessant need for attention, Bella was retreating from my view. Gathering my tray of uneaten food, I stalked off to the trash, depositing the contents before heading out into the hall and down the stairs to the biology lab. I wasn't sure about a lot of things but I knew one thing for certain, I needed to find a way to have Bella in my life, and given the way all the guys had been leering at her, I needed to find one fast.

Engulfed in my thoughts, I sped down the stairs, unaware of where my feet were carrying me, until I slammed into something that was a mixture of hard and soft.

"Fuck," I said as I grabbed my ribs.

I heard a tiny whimper, looked up and was met dead on with the same chocolate brown eyes and pouty, pink lips that I had spent the better part of the last half hour ogling. _Fuck me. Way to go jackass. I'm sure that slamming into a girl is a great way to get her to go out with you. Oh shit, I hit her, what if she's hurt? _

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I stammered.

"No it was my fault, I got turned around and was checking my schedule and I guess I wasn't paying attention."

Her voice was timid and she purposely avoided looking me directly in the eyes. I noticed a blush creeping over her cheeks and stared at her in puzzlement. Being in such close proximity was enough to send my dick into overdrive, her hair, her eyes, her lips, her floral scent all emitted signals that caused me to swell. _Fuck_, _not now. I need to get this shit under control before she thinks I'm some fucking pervert. Well you are._ I was so wrapped up conjuring disturbing images, such as the time we went to beach and I had to see both my grandmother and Jasper in their bathing suits, seriously, who wears a Speedo anymore, in an effort to get my situation under control that I hadn't realized Bella had started to speak again.

"…guess I should have taken Mike up on his offer, but he was..."

I cut her off before she could even finish the sentence; anything that would connect Mike with Bella needed to be squashed post haste, that douchebag had royally pissed me off ever since we started high school. He thought since his family owned several stores in town he was some sort of king, fuck that shit, he was just a pimply-faced creep who thought his money could buy him popularity. Luckily most of the people here didn't buy into his crap and he had gotten a harsh reality check sophomore year.

"You don't need Mike, you've got me." She was blushing again; what's there to blush about? "I mean, I can help you. What's your next class?"

She looked at me from under her eyelashes and I felt my newly flaccid dick twitch. C_alm down, buddy._

"Umm.." She pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, and a muted moan built in my throat, damn this girl is so sexy and she doesn't even know it. "Biology with Mr. Banner. I asked someone to point me in the right direction and I must have taken a wrong turn or something. I was headed back upstairs to the office, when I accidentally slammed into you, which I'm so sorry about."

I halted her ramblings by placing a finger on her lips and I could've sworn I felt an electric current pass between us. She must have felt it too because she shuddered and blushed a furious red.

"That's my next class also. I'll walk you there."

I walked behind her and placed my hand on the small of her back, as I guided her down the hall to the biology lab. Like in the lunchroom, she shuffled along with her hair falling down around her face in a curtain, eyes steadily fixed on the ground. I caught several of the guys from the baseball team eying her and I gave them all a look that clearly said, 'back the fuck up.' I had no right to claim her; I hadn't even introduced myself for fuck's sake. I swear if my mother knew how shitty my manners were she'd kick my ass for sure.

Not even two minutes later, we arrived at the door, and I reluctantly moved my hand away from the sliver of skin that had formed as her sweater lifted. She entered the room and I was rewarded with a fantastic view of her shapely ass. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who caught sight of it, as I saw Mike and Eric with their heads together ogling her like a bunch of pre-pubescent Neanderthals. I _accidentally _knocked over their lab books as I made my way to the back of the room.

Bella had stopped at Banner's desk to drop off her schedule, and I noticed that my table was the only one with an empty seat. _Looks like this will be easier than I thought._ _Well it would be if you weren't such a socially inept 'tard with a constant hard-on for a girl you've only spoken a dozen words to._ She made her way over to the bench and placed her things down gingerly before sliding into her seat and staring straight ahead at the board. _Say something._

"Hi, I'm sorry I didn't get to introduce myself before, I'm Edward Cullen and you must be Isabella."

I plastered the biggest smile possible as I angled my body toward her and extended my hand. _Really? A handshake? No wonder you're single._

"Nice to meet you, and it's just Bella."

She took my hand in hers and the same electricity that I had felt in the hall was back and it was cranked up to about an eleven. She quickly pulled her hand away and returned her focus to Mr. Banner who had just begun the lesson.

I couldn't even begin to tell you what we learned that day, as I spent the period staring unabashedly at Bella, studying her every movement. The way she brought her pen to her lip, the way her brow furrowed as she tried to concentrate on the diagrams Banner was drawing on the board, the way her hair swayed as she shifted in her seat.

Before I knew it, the bell had rung and she began to gather her books. For the third time that day I wasn't fast enough and she slipped away. I saw her leaving the room and made to run after her, when Mike swooped in and extended his arm. I half expected her to junk punch him, well not really, she didn't seem like the type of girl to resort to physical violence, though it'd be fun to watch, but was instead disappointed to see her graciously accept his offer and they walked down to the gymnasium. Cursing my inability to escort her to her next class, in the hopes of expanding our exchanges beyond just a few sentences, I threw my books into my bag and headed off to the language wing.

Emmett stood outside the Spanish class, with his typical grin on full display.

"What the heck are you smiling about, doofus?"

"Oh nothing, Eduardo. Well nothing besides you popping a boner in the cafeteria for the new girl?" His grin grew exponentially as he chuckled.

I scowled at him. Normally I'd punch him or wrestle with him, but doing so on school grounds was not a good idea, especially not on the first day of school. But when we got home, it'd be a completely different story. Fucker better sleep with one eye open.

"Shut the fuck up, Emmie-poo."

His face fell and his lips formed a tight line at the mention of Rosalie's pet name for him. I had had the unfortunate experience of walking in on them during a make-out session last year in the basement. The experience had scarred me, but at the same time left me with this embarrassing nickname, which I gladly dropped whenever my dumbass brother took things too far.

The hour, like the rest of the day, breezed by and I jumped out of my seat the minute the bell rang. I sped to the parking lot hoping to catch Bella before she headed home. I had no clue what I was going to say to her, but I knew I couldn't let another minute pass without seeing her. I looked around the lot and noticed that her beat-up truck was still where she had left it this morning. I debated between going over there and waiting for her or going to stand by my Volvo. Figuring that waiting by her truck would make me come off a little stalkerish, especially given my hour-long drool fest in biology, I leaned against the Volvo and put my hands behind my head. I struggled to get a hold of myself as I wanted nothing more than to race into the gymnasium and pull Bella out.

As my mind went through all the reasons why this would not be a good idea, including the fact that her father was the chief of police and would likely shoot my ass, the doors opened and out came Bella, and on her arms were Angela and…Alice. _Fuck me. What is my sister doing with her? This can't be good._ Trailing behind the girls was Jasper, looking the epitome of cool, calm and collected. In all the years I had known Jasper I had never really seen him in any other state. He was like the cool air that follows a tornado, which my twin most definitely was. They made their way over to the car, and their giggles filled the air.

"You have to come over to my house this weekend. We can go into Port Angeles and catch a movie," I heard my sister say.

Bella glanced over at me before responding, "I'll have to ask my dad."

"Oh we are going to have so much fun. You and Ben will come with, right, Angela?"

"Of course. Speaking of Ben I promised him a ride home. Great meeting you, Bella. See you tomorrow." Angela sprinted off to the far corner of the lot where Ben Cheney was standing.

"…and then after the movies we could…" I cleared my throat alerting my sister to the fact that she should cease her relentless yammering.

"What's got your panties in a bunch, twin?" she snipped at me.

"I…uh…" I really was at a loss as to what to say. _Was this embarrass Edward day?_ First Emmett and now Alice. At least Emmett had the decency to do it when it was just the two of us; Alice had called me a pussy in front of the girl who had turned me upside down in less than a day.

"Mom is expecting us, remember she reminded you not to be late getting home," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh cool it, five more minutes isn't going to make a difference," she retorted. She returned her focus to Bella who appeared a little shell-shocked by our bickering. "I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse my brother, Mom dropped him one too many times as a baby. He hasn't quite figured out proper etiquette, and it doesn't seem to matter how much Mom or I try to browbeat it into him. He's still acts like a 'tard. So, ask your dad and let me know so we can start planning for Saturday."

She wrapped her arms around Bella and squeezed her to her chest in a tight embrace. I have never felt greater jealousy of my younger sister than at that moment. I wanted to be the one that had their body pressed up against Bella. _Crap, I really need to stop thinking of these things._ Bella's was bound to notice the constant state of wood at this rate. The girls said their goodbyes, and Bella tentatively waved at both Jasper and I. Continuing with my being slower than molasses, I lifted my hand and totally blanked on the whole waving thing, as my eyes landed on her hips as they swayed their way across the lot. My vision was marred by my sister waving her hands in front of my face.

"Earth to Edward. What's up with you?" She smirked at me.

"Nothing," I mumbled, as Bella's truck thundered past us.

Climbing into the driver's side, I cranked up the stereo, in no mood for the barrage of questions that my sister was sure to hit me with. We made it home in fifteen minutes; I knew that driving at breakneck speeds was a no-no, but I really couldn't help myself, it was beyond exhilarating to race around the curves that led to our house.

The second I put the car in park, I sped up to my room, completely ignoring my mother's greeting, I was sure to get a lecture about that later, and locked myself in the bathroom. A shower was exactly what I needed to relieve some of the tension that had accumulated inside of me today. I had never been so hard for so long, at least not since I found the stash of my dad's Playboys at the age of 12, and certainly never over a live female.

Jumping in the shower, the warm water cascaded down my chest as I gripped myself firmly in my hand and stroked myself from base to tip. Closing my eyes and throwing my head back, I allowed images of Bella to flood my mind. The way her lips wrapped around the fork at lunch, only it wasn't a fork any more. The way she darted out her tongue to collect the juices. The way her hair hung down the front of her chest to her nipples, as they hardened in the cool air of the lab. I imagined licking around her peaks, sucking them into my mouth, feeling her wetness on my fingers as I plunged inside of her. The way her body shook as I brought her to the edge of ecstasy. The sound of her moaning my name filled my ears. My hand moved at lightning fast speed as it flew over my shaft, my wrist twisting as it reached the head. I felt the muscles in my stomach tense, and I came with such force that my knees wobbled. Bracing myself against the shower wall, I shot my load down the drain and breathed out a sigh of relief.

Was this what it was going to be like every day? I wasn't sure my body would be able to handle that if it were the case. Who was I kidding? I'd gladly suffer through nonstop hard-ons and shower wanking brought on by Bella. I didn't know what it was about the girl that had me so riled up, but I most definitely couldn't wait to find out.

Climbing out of the shower, I reached for a towel and dried myself off. Throwing on a pair of boxers, I crashed onto my bed, closed my eyes and was assaulted yet again by thoughts of Bella. I was rigid in less than sixty seconds. _Man, this was going to be a long night._

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**Loved it, hated it, really could care less, I want to know. So click the button and let me have it. Above all else, thanks for taking the time to read.**


	3. Making Connections

**Here we are yet again. Many thanks to everyone who's been reading, reviewing, alerting, I am ecstatic. I have to give a special thanks to teacher1209 for offering to pre-read this for me, and to tinkermegan68, author of Come a Little Closer Baby, who has been holding my hand all the way, and without her this probably would not be posted. To all the ladies on Twitter who cheered me on, I love you all hard. Finally, a reminder that it's not greatness, but I'm giving it a go in any event.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi, and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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BPOV

Staring at the lavender paint of the frozen room which had once acted as my nursery, I let out a deep sigh of frustration, or was it anxiety? Maybe a little of both. Ambling out from under the blankets, I made my way over to the bathroom to prepare myself as best as I could for what was sure to be a day filled with much tedium. Dread washed over me as the thought popped into my head of starting over in the middle of high school, having no friends in the town that had once been home to both of my parents.

*B&E*B&E*

They had dated throughout most of their junior and senior years in high school, and as college acceptance came rolling in they had learned that Renee was pregnant. Being an honorable man, Charlie got down on one knee and asked her to spend the rest of her days as his wife. She accepted and a few months later, they were married and moving into a small house together.

Things during her pregnancy progressed normally. Charlie, the doting husband and father-to-be, catered to her every whim and desire. Due to the unexpected speed bump in their future plans, they no longer would be traveling out of state to the big schools to which Renee had been accepted, instead opting for a few community college courses and low paying part-time jobs.

Once I was born, Renee apparently began to become more restless. Over the next fifteen months, she and Charlie argued constantly about how she felt trapped. Charlie, not being a man of many words, took to spending more and more time at the police station where he acted as a clerk. One day upon his arrival at their home, he encountered something that would forever change his life; my mom had packed our bags and laid them by the front door. She uttered the words that would resonate in all the future actions of my father, "I can't stay married to you. This town is suffocating me and so are you. I've never felt so trapped in all of my life. This wasn't how things were supposed to turn out and I can't sit idly by and watch my life deteriorate." Charlie finally let all his emotions and worries show as he pleaded with her, begging her to stay, to think of their Bella, promising to make things better for them, to make sure she was happy. Renee refused to listen to what he was saying, and gathered our things and headed to the door, assuring him that this was all for the best and wished him well.

This was fifteen years ago, and when my mother answered my questions as to why I was the only kid in my class that didn't have a daddy with them on the first day of school, I didn't understand what her unhappiness had to do with anything. I figured if she loved me she'd want me to have both parents there for me. As I aged, I resented her less, understanding that she really had done what she had thought was best. When I was ten, I started making trips from Phoenix to Forks for two weeks during the summer to spend some 'quality time' with my dad. Unfortunately, the man my mother had described to me as pleading with her not to take me away seemed to have faded into the shadows with the years of separation. Don't get me wrong he was happy to see me, but he, like my mother, made little effort to ensure that I was happy first and foremost. Our time was mainly spent in a boat with his best friend Billy and his son Jacob. Not the ideal activity for a pre-teen girl. If we weren't out on the water, Charlie sat in the leather recliner with a beer in hand watching one sports team or another on TV. Spending more and more time on my own during the visits was seriously damaging to my psyche. Here I was, fighting with my mom over her selfish decision to move miles away, robbing me the opportunity of a two-parent household, only to be confronted with another parent who was too wrapped up in their own wants to care.

The two weeks spent in the dreary, rainy town had slowly become my own personal hell. Instead of letting it consume me I chose to make the most of my solitude. I read non-stop, fictional characters becoming my good friends. On the boat trips, while the males stood around talking sports and commenting on how the fish were biting, I sat at the end of the boat with a book in my lap. Charlie never forced me to join in on their activities, seemingly oblivious to my displeasure. One participant on these trips was not quite so unaware.

The final year I came up to visit, Billy's son, Jacob, or Jake as he preferred to be called, chose to sit beside me instead of his usual perch alongside his dad. Looking over my shoulder at my choice in reading material, he tried to strike up a conversation with me.

"So, Catcher in the Rye, eh? You don't seem like the baseball type."

"I'm not." _Did he really just make the assumption that I was reading a book about sports? _I was probably the least athletic person around, and generally did not care for them.

"So, um, if you don't like baseball, why would you read a book about it? I just don't get it."

Jake was two years younger than I was, but had a hulking frame that caused him to tower over me by at least a foot. He really was genuinely sweet, caring for his father the way he did, and he had an air of innocence that made it impossible for me to truly be annoyed with him.

Closing my book and sighing, I put on a forced smile. "It's about a boy named Holden Caulfield. He suffers some misfortunes stemming from getting kicked out of yet another prep school. He travels to New York City and…" I proceeded to tell him about all the experiences he had while in the city. "…and he uses his alienation as a form of self-protection. But the irony of it all is that he is in dire need of human interaction and affection, but shields himself off from it. Thus it ends up being both a blessing and a curse."

"Oh that's cool. So, ummm, how's your visit going? Haven't seen you down at the Rez lately."

"Umm…It's going great. Sorry I haven't been around much, I guess I've just been a little busy," I spoke softly, ducking my head and fiddling with the string to my hoodie. I had always been told that I couldn't lie to save my life, and really it just made me feel terrible, so I tried to avoid doing it whenever possible. There was no reason to tell half-truths to Jake; what would he care if I told him I was unbelievably lonely, and didn't go down to the reservation because I felt out of place and wasn't prepared for having another group of people rejecting me. Yet, I couldn't find it in me to be strong enough to open up to him.

"Sure, sure," was the only response I received.

Looking up, I saw sadness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. _Did I do this?_

Wanting to smooth out the wrinkles around his eyes and in his forehead, I changed the subject. "So how are your friends…Embry and Quil, right?"

That was the prompting needed for Jake to launch into story after story about the misadventures he and his friends had experienced thus far on their summer break. An hour and a half later as Billy and Charlie were calling to us that they were done for the day and ready to head back for some fish fry, I realized that this trip had really become bearable. There was suddenly the slight chance that I wouldn't feel lonely and undesired while I remained. Jake and I parted ways with the promise of some hang out time the following day. We spent the rest of the week running around on the beach, or hanging out at his house. We joked and laughed, and for those few hours I was able to forget the feeling that something was missing in my life.

When I got back to Phoenix that year, I knew that things had been changed for me. I had a real friend; someone who didn't judge, left all their expectations at the door and truly cared what I thought, what I wanted; someone who tried their hardest to make me smile even through my tears. The next year as I prepped for my visit, I did so with a newfound excitement. No longer would I be alone during the two weeks there. Jake and I had corresponded much throughout the year and planned several outings during my stay. Three days before I was supposed to fly out, my mom told me that my dad wouldn't be able to take me as planned. I was dejected. I had built this trip up so much in my head and to learn it wasn't going to happen was saddening to say the least. To top it off, there was no reason as to why it wouldn't take place. Simply, 'I'm sorry, not going to happen' and a 'maybe next year.' But next year it was the same. It wasn't until two months ago that I had learned the reasoning behind being so suddenly pushed away. Somehow my father had gotten the impression that I hated spending time with him, and that he was hindering me. While I wished he would've shown more affection toward me, I didn't blame him for not doing so. It just wasn't in his nature, but I'd never say I hated spending time with him.

Renee and Charlie had argued and my father expressed his displeasure with my mother and her deceptions, fighting with her to allow me to visit right away, feeling he had been cheated out of the opportunity to be a part of my life. My mother, finally acting like a reasonable adult, said I was old enough to decide on my own.

Starting over in a town where the only types of weather were rainy and warm, and raining and freezing cold was not an ideal situation, but after hearing their history and seeing the glimmer of that man as he fought for me, I decided that he needed me even if he didn't explicitly state it.

Things were strained when I arrived last week to move in with Charlie, neither one of us knowing how to broach the subject of the time we had lost. Charlie smiled broadly at me as he helped me with my sole suitcase and laptop up to what would be my bedroom for at least the next two years. He set my things down on the bed before exiting the room with a mumbled, "Meet you downstairs in ten; thought we'd go to the diner for dinner." The diner? Why wasn't I surprised? Charlie, if nothing else, was a creature of habit, which was one of the reasons why his pushing so hard for me to live with him had seemed odd.

*B&E*B&E*

I finished my morning routine, grabbing an apple on the way out the door. Taking care not to have an unnecessary spill as I walked down the driveway, I made my way over to my welcoming present from my father, a well-worn Chevy, and climbed into the cab. Catching the first glimpse of the school and the bustling crowds of people caused anxiety to creep back in. During my visits, I hadn't had any interactions with the kids from town, and as I was coming in halfway through, most of them had likely already formed their circles of friends and I highly doubted that I'd even know how to penetrate them if I tried. I had decided that adopting the 'keep your head down, keep to yourself, go unnoticed' attitude was the way to go. After all, I was here to spend time with Charlie, not make besties. I seriously didn't see myself remaining here after high school, visiting more often, sure, but this would not be where I lived out my days. Thus there really wasn't a point in going out of my way to be social. I had done just fine in Phoenix when it was just me and my books. Besides, I already had one person close to my age whom I could hang out with, if I so chose.

Jake had come by the house with his dad to drop off the truck and to say he was excited to see me was the understatement of the century. He was like a dog in heat; all he needed to do was jump up and down and start humping my leg. He expressed a great desire to spend as much time as humanly possible hanging out, and the thought actually made me smile. To say I was disappointed when he told me that he didn't go to Forks High would also have been a huge understatement; I would've really liked to have at least one friendly face there on my first day.

My engine backfired as I pulled into the parking lot. Hopping out of the truck, my face reddened in embarrassment. I swiftly gathered all of my things looking up briefly to study the other students in the lot. A flash of bronze hair caught my eye. Looking to the west I noticed a tall, lean, bronzed-haired boy standing beside a petite, raven-haired girl, and they seemed deep in conversation. He was turned in such a way that I couldn't catch sight of his face. But based on his profile, I noticed his strong, angular jaw which had a slight amount of stubble, and his lips…he was beautiful, and I know guys aren't supposed to be beautiful, but there really wasn't a more fitting word for what he was. The honking of a car horn broke me from my blatant eye-fucking. Shaking my head, I slammed the remaining books into my bag and made my way to the main office.

The morning flew by. The courses were not challenging in the least, having already done most of the assignments back in Phoenix. Fortunately, many of the students weren't pushy and let me be, settling for a simple wave and polite hello.

Lunch was by far the hardest part of the day. Throughout the morning classes I was able to simply slip into a seat and focus on the lesson being taught. It appeared that several of the other students however, weren't quite as interested in the lessons as they were in me. Being treated like a shiny new toy was overwhelming. In a town this small, I wasn't surprised that there were various rumors over my arrival. But what was surprising was the extent to which these rumors had gone. Most of their theories were much more exciting than the reality of it all: drug abuse, expulsions, my mom ditching me to fly around the world…well that last one wasn't too farfetched.

Shockingly, when I had come to the final decision to move to Forks in an effort to strengthen the diminishing relationship with my father, Renee had taken it rather well. Turns out her relationship with her latest boy toy had become serious. Renee and Phil had been dating since the beginning of the year, and I figured that like many of her previous relationships, that this too was fleeting. When it extended past a month, I was surprised, but I was downright floored when my mom countered my news of moving with news of her engagement and the possible move across country that she and Phil were considering. I wanted to be happy for her, but I couldn't help but feel hurt. If she knew she was getting married and moving away, could it be that my move was completely unrelated? Had she suddenly realized she had had enough and wanted to pawn me off on Charlie? I really was at a loss as to what to believe. I had suddenly felt extremely undesired.

After lunch, I nearly died of embarrassment as I made a hasty exit from the cafeteria, hoping to avoid an overly persistent boy named Mike. When Angela had made introductions at lunch, he clasped my hand in his for far too long, effectively managing to skeeve me out. I didn't think that that was his intention, but he seemed like a typical teenage boy with a one-tracked mind. I was saved from the task of being put in the position of hurting his feelings by Angela. She had been in two of my three morning classes and when I spotted her in the lunchroom I knew she was a safe bet for a lunch companion.

As I raced down the hall, I lost my way, finding myself unable to locate my next class. With my head buried in my schedule, I began my ascent up the stairs in the direction of the main office. My movement was suddenly halted, when the beautiful, bronzed-haired boy from the parking lot came crashing into my life, quite literally. His proximity had me flustered as I apologized profusely for my absentmindedness. My face was angled to the ground as I fidgeted, feeling wave after wave of embarrassment mix with a feeling far removed from that, but what was it? I felt a tingling in my limbs and there was some sort of pull that was drawing me toward this boy. My nervousness turned into rambling as I continued my apologies and berated myself for not being more aware.

"I guess I should have taken Mike up on his offer, but he was…" I didn't get the opportunity to finish my thought when the nameless boy that had stolen my breath away cut in.

"You don't need Mike, you've got me," he said, and I felt my cheeks redden at the thought of how much I wished that this was true, and that he was mine to keep. Willing those silly thoughts away, I heard him clarify. "I mean, I can help you. What's your next class?" _Of course, what else would he have meant? Silly Bella._

I proceeded to ramble on and express my regret over running into him, and with one gentle movement he tore my world apart. All the thoughts of keeping to myself, wanting to go unnoticed, flew out the window, as he placed his finger to my lips, shushing me. I had to fight with all my strength against the urge to dart my tongue out and encircle the pad of his finger with my lips. The electricity that passed between us sent shivers throughout my body. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Never before had my body reacted so strongly to someone. As he escorted me to class, with his hand lightly resting on the small of my back, my skin was afire, my heart pounding in my chest and my breath coming out short and fast. Those two minutes stretched into infinity, yet passed all too quickly. As I entered the room, I once again felt the eyes of my new classmates, the males especially, on me. I made my way quickly to the teacher's desk, handing him my schedule. My eyes scanned the room in my periphery and noticed that the only open seat was at the side of the boy that held the power to be my undoing in the firm grasp of his long, dexterious fingers. Shaking my head to drive my thoughts away from all the wonderful things I'm sure his fingers were capable of, I made my way over to the bench, placed my things down as I settled into my seat and directed my focus to the front of the room.

My foolish attempt at feigning disinterest was interrupted by the velvelty voice that was running on repeat in my head. "Hi, I'm sorry I didn't get to introduce myself before, I'm Edward Cullen and you must be Isabella." He extended his hand and his face was encompassed by an astonishing smile, full of bright white teeth.

"Nice to meet you, and it's just Bella." Reaching out I clasped his hand in mine, and was shocked by the same current that I had encountered just moments ago. Withdrawing my hand from his grasp, I refocused my attention to the board. When the bell rang signaling the end of class, or rather the end of a torturous hour in which I was bombarded by the sweet scent of vanilla and sandalwood, I gathered my books and made a hasty exit, not wanting to intensify my longing for the boy who would surely star prominently in my dreams. As I passed through the door, I was confronted by the person responsible for my post-lunch tangle with Edward. Mike the ever persistent, and apparently dense, offered yet again to escort me to my next class. His offered arm served as just the distraction I needed from thoughts of what could never be. I laced my fingers around the crook of his elbow and he directed me toward the gym. My distaste for sports and all things related would make the next hour interesting to say the least.

When we reached the gymnasium, I thanked Mike for his assistance as I headed for the locker room. He made an attempt to call after me, and I waved him off, indicating that I'd talk to him later. _Boy, what have I gotten myself into?_ Changing quickly, I entered the main room and noticed that the boys were on the floor, tossing a basketball between themselves, while the girls sat grouped on the bleachers. I noticed a set of blondes on the right; as they looked up at me with their steel blue eyes, their faces turned to sneers before they turned back to their incessant chatter. _That's certainly not a group I'll be requesting membership to any time soon._ The calling of my name by an unknown female voice broke my perusal of the remaining females. Turning to the left, I spotted Angela sitting on the third tier with the same girl with the dark hair that stood beside Edward this morning. Having captured my attention, she bounced exuberantly and waved, calling out to me yet again. Tentatively I strode in their direction, smiling meekly at the two. "Umm…hi, have we met?" I spoke softly, my voice unsure. I had met quite a few people this morning, but not so many that I did not know for a fact that I had yet to make her acquaintance.

"No silly, we haven't. I'm Alice," she said before hopping out of her seat and embracing me into a tight hug. Angela chuckled as I glanced her way, shrugging her shoulders and looking out onto the floor. I was released from her surprisingly strong grip, and stumbled slightly. My falter snapped Angela out of her daze, as she held on firmly to my elbow, guiding me into the seat next to her. Ensured that I was fine, Alice began to rattle off questions at a mile a minute, wanting to know every tiny detail about me, including what had been my favorite subject at school back in Phoenix, to my shoe size, which she had correctly guessed as being a seven. When the discussion turned to fashion, her excitement escalated as she proposed a shopping trip for the weekend to help "Forks-ize" my wardrobe. She had a point; much of what I had brought with me from Phoenix would not be suitable for the upcoming months. The onslaught of questions and giddiness over promised excursions was overwhelming, but not just due to the speed. I had come in this morning set on ghosting through the day, putting in the effort required before heading home to hole up in my room. Yet, just a few hours later, I found myself wanting to be seen, wanting to be included.

When the hour was up, my friend count had shot up from one to three. Alice and Angela flanked me, hooking their arms with mine as they led me to the parking lot. I made to move toward my truck, only to be stopped by Alice, as she dragged me over toward…Edward. He stood beside the lanky blond that Alice had told me was Jasper, her 'soulmate.' I made a feeble attempt at avoiding eye-contact with him, only to be foiled when Alice asked me to come over this upcoming weekend to hang out. Feeling drawn to him, I shifted my eyes, drinking in his face, before giving a non-committal answer that I'd have to ask my dad. Seeming satisfied with my response, Alice continued her descriptions of all the activities she envisioned for our time together. My limited focus was completely lost, when a throat cleared, and Edward spoke. I watched as his tongue and lips moved, shaping the words. He said they had to go. I wanted to scream out that the was the last thing he should do; that having him near gave me a new sense of meaning and that he had replaced the need for air in my life. But I didn't; I stayed quiet as I witnessed the bickering that seemed commonplace amongst siblings; _yet another thing I hadn't experienced first-hand._ Succeeding in stalling Edward, Alice turned to me, giving me justification for her twin's behavior before insisting that we begin preparing for the weekend. She wrapped me once more in a tight hug, pressing her body to mine; however, in my mind it wasn't the short-haired girl with an infectious happiness but rather her moody, devastatingly attractive brother. My face flushed and I sped across the lot clambering into my truck before speeding, if you can call forty miles an hour speeding, away.

After I made the turn into the driveway, I shut the engine off, and pounded my fist against the steering wheel. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ It was simply illogical for me to being feeling this way; my thoughts should be focused on doing well in school, discovering who my father was as a person, and passing my days in as calm a manner as possible. Not lusting after a boy who had barely said a dozen words to me. Pulling my bag from the truck, I made my way up to my room. Deciding that maybe working on my homework would help refocus my wandering mind, I pulled out my textbook. When I saw that it was my biology book, I took that as a sign that all hope was lost. Even the monotony of schoolwork was useless in flushing the image of the beautiful boy from my mind. Throwing the book back into my bag, I lay my head on the bed, allowing my hair to flow out behind me as I sighed. Remembrances of the feel of the fingers of the bronze-haired, emerald-eyed god as they rested on my back, the velvety tone of his voice as he told me I had him, the tingle I felt as his hand clasped mine, rushed back to me. Oh how I wished there was a greater meaning to those simple words, if only he were mine. But he was him and I was me, there was no possible way that a guy like him would fall for someone as plain as me. Rolling over in defeat, I buried my face in my pillow, trying to come up with a plan to exorcise this desire from my heart. No way would I survive the next two years pining for the unattainable. I needed a way to get Edward Cullen out of my head and out of my heart.

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So there we have it: Bella's take on being the new girl. Share with me your thoughts; I'd love to hear it, good or bad.

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	4. SlipUps and Failed Apologies

**A/N: Many thanks to everyone who's been reading, reviewing, alerting; I am ecstatic. I have to give a special thanks to juliamine, author of It Was Only His Baby, for offering to pre-read this for me and for validating for me on Twilighted. As always my undying gratitude to tinkermegan68 who has been holding my hand the whole way, you are amazing. To all the ladies on Twitter who cheered me on, I love you all hard. Finally, a reminder that it's not greatness but I'm giving it a go in any event.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi, and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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EPOV

"Edward…ungh..yes…right there. Ahh.. That feels so good. Yes. Yes. YES!"

I groaned as my hand assaulted my dick for the tenth time since I had arrived home from school the day before. I was going to have some serious chafing if I kept this up. I felt my balls tighten and I fumbled for a tissue moments before I achieved my release.

_Bang. Bang. Bang. _"Edward, hurry up. We're going to be late for school," I heard my sister shriek.

"Geez, Alice, give me a minute why don't you? I'll be down soon," I gritted out.

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I righted myself and headed toward the bathroom. Turning on the shower to the coldest setting possible, I allowed my boxers to slip to the floor. I yelped as I submerged myself into the icy stream of water, allowing it to trickle its way down my skin. Grabbing the soap in my hands, I worked the bar into a nice lather and began to slather my upper body, slowly making my way down to my abdomen. I twitched as my fingers inched their way to the trail of hair descending from my belly button. _Not now. Keep it under wraps, hornball. _I willed the thoughts of Bella and the luscious curves of her hips and ass, the swell of her breasts, the pale skin covering her delicate collarbones to fade from my mind.

Rinsing off quickly, I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel as I headed back into my room. I pulled out the first pair of pants that my hand touched, along with a dark blue button down shirt. Dressing quickly, I picked up my keys and cell phone before slipping on my boots. Running my hand through my hair, I looked in the mirror, sighing as I took in the sight before me. I had two days' worth of stubble on my face, and my hair was in complete disarray.

"EDWARD, LET'S GO!!!"

_How had I gotten straddled with such an annoying imp for a twin sister?_

Shouldering my book bag, I flung open the door and pounded down the stairs. I nearly crashed into the brat in question as she stood at the foot of the stairs, arms crossed defiantly over her chest, toe tapping the hardwood, scowl marring her perfectly plastered face. Her grey eyes were filled with fury. "What took you so long? I want to catch Bella before first period. If you make me miss her, so help me…"

"Why don't you quit yapping, then maybe we could get going already." Lowering my jacket from the hook by the door, I turned the corner and headed for the front door.

"Edward, honey, you should eat something," the voice of my mother floated from down the hall. She was the sweetest woman I knew. No one had more compassion and love than she. She had done her best to ensure that my siblings and I showed the utmost respect for those around us, displaying proper manners at all the opportune times. Thus when I callously sped past her last night to handle my urgent situation in the shower, failing to emerge for over an hour, I had gone against all my mother's lessons.

When she knocked on my door to let me know dinner was ready, I was confronted by the full extent to which my actions had disappointed her. _"Edward, haven't I raised you better? What could've possibly been so important that you had to fly past me without so much as a hello?" _she had asked. How could I answer that, _Well you see Mom there's this hot new girl that has me walking around hard as granite at just the sight of her, so I really needed to get up to my room and whack off to the thought of pounding into her. Sorry that my brain was so consumed that I forgot to exchange pleasantries._ I'm sure that would've gone over well. I settled for a stream of 'ums' and awkward fidgeting. She relented and put me out of my misery, patting me on the shoulder and sighing, reminding me of the importance of manners, and requesting that I clean myself up and head downstairs.

"I'll grab something on the way to school, Mom." In that instant she rounded the corner, apron surrounding her waist, hands resting on her hips, frown spreading across her face.

"Son, starting the day with a good meal is extremely vital if you'd like to guarantee a productive day. Why don't you come back to the kitchen, I was making your father some eggs," her tender voice spoke.

Eggs sounded wonderful. Angling my body to follow after her, my path was impeded my sister, "Mom, I have to meet up with a girl from my class to go over an assignment, and I am already behind schedule, I'll make sure we stop to grab a muffin or something." She stretched and planted a kiss on my mother's cheek before wrapping her hand forcefully around my forearm and shoved me to the door. I looked at my mother apologetically, barely managing to kiss her goodbye. She waved before heading back to the kitchen.

As we exited the house, I shrugged out of my sister's grasp and hurried my way over to the car. She bounced behind me, her exuberance at an all time high.

"Alice, calm down. If you were in such a rush why didn't you ride with Emmett?" I looked to the right and noticed that his Jeep was not in its usual spot.

"He left an hour ago, spouting something about getting a little 'something, something' before heading to school. I don't know about you, but I'd like to avoid vomiting first thing in the morning. The way he attacks Rose is like a Hoover vacuum. No, thank you."

I put the car in drive as she continued on with her one-sided discussion of all the reasons why being confined to such close quarters with two over-sexed teenagers was not an ideal morning activity. We rounded the corner and pulled up to find Jasper leaning against his porch, toothpick dangling from his lips, bag draped over his shoulder, shades covering his steel blue eyes. He sauntered over to the car, sidling his way into the back seat before he leaned forward and placed a gentle peck on Alice's forehead, followed by a "good morning, love" and a nod in my direction.

Pressing my foot down on the gas, and turning the radio up, I tuned out the lovebirds and headed to school, momentarily allowing the events of the previous day to replay in my mind, dissecting every possible way I could have done it better. The words I should have said. The actions I should have taken. Today would be different. I would do everything in my power to get to know the beautiful, brown haired girl with the intoxicating scent and the captivating eyes.

I pulled into the lot and my eyes immediately drifted to the spot in which the rusted cherry red truck sat just 24 hours ago. My heart jumped when I saw not only the truck, but the frame of the girl who had entranced me so completely. Her step was calculated, the roads were icy and I noted how her grip on the door tightened as she tentatively placed herself on the darkened pavement.

Seeming to feel secure in her position she reached into the cab and retrieved her bag. Her hair, which had hung freely over her shoulders yesterday, was pulled back into a loose ponytail. Dark blue jeans hugged her every curve, and were so tight they must have been painted on. The hint of a lavender top peeked out from underneath a jacket that was sure to be lacking in providing sufficient warmth. The weather was turning brisk and a chill filled the air during the evening and early morning hours.

As the car came to a halt, the passenger side door shot open and Alice sprang from the car, waving frantically, shouting out to Bella. The suddenness of Alice's desire for attention caught her off guard and her feet slid from under her, her knees buckled and she outstretched her hand in search of some sort of purchase.

I bolted from my side of the car and ran to her side, making it there in barely enough time to brace her fall. Her back crashed into my chest and I heard a muted groan (or was it a moan) escape her lips. The feel of her body pressed against mine sent an unwanted message to my dick. _Really? Now of all times._

I braced my shoulder against the side of the truck and pulled the both of us to a standing position. She brushed her hands along her backside, and it was my turn to moan. She turned her head and looked at me over her shoulder and I could've sworn a smile crossed her lips. In a flash the brazen girl was gone and replaced by the timid one who had sat beside me for that lone hour in the lab yesterday. "Thank you," she whispered in a tone that was barely audible.

"You're welcome," I replied, "Are you…" I never got the opportunity to finish my train of thought, before we were interrupted.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Are you ok? Do you want me to take you to the nurse? Maybe I should call your dad…" _Did this girl ever take a breath?_

Bella seemed shaken as she answered, "NO! I mean, I'm ok. I was only on the ground for a second. I'm fine, thanks to…thanks to your brother," she turned to me, and repeated, "Thank you, Edward." Her eyes shifted avoiding eye contact as they trained themselves on the ground. Mine however were focused on the way her tongue and lips moved as they wrapped around her speech. I felt the urge to reach my hand out and lift her chin so that she would face me head on. Instead my hands stayed affixed to my sides as she was yet again whisked away. Alice had looped her arm through Bella's and was carting her off toward the building.

A hand clapped down on my back, and the drawl of my best friend rang in my ear, "Nice save, Ed. Glad to see chivalry isn't dead up North; my mama would be proud." The hand released me and he strode off after the girls. Pulling myself together, I righted my bag and made my way to my first class, having long lost sight of Bella. I'd just have to set my plan in motion at lunch.

However, when lunch came, I was unable to get a word in edgewise, as Alice had yet again monopolized all of her time, yammering on about her favorite obsession and pastime, shopping. It seemed that Bella's dad had agreed to her spending the night at our house over the weekend, news that my hormones were more than pleased with. I felt my jeans tighten as my length grew and stretched the fabric.

I shifted uncomfortably for several minutes before I abruptly excused myself and ran from the room, earning a glare from Alice and was that a look of…sadness, from Bella. I rounded the hallway, pressing my back against the wall, inhaling deeply as I tried to calm my nerves. _She's just a girl. A fucking, gorgeous one, but just a girl. You've been around girls before, stop acting like a tool._

With my panic attack having subsided, I began to make my way down to the lab. My hands moved nervously through my hair as I descended. Experiencing a strange sense of déjà vu I crashed into a body full of soft curves. _Shit. You are doing a bang-up job, Cullen. At this rate she'll never go out with you, heck, she'll never want to be friends with you._ I looked up, panty-dropping grin securely adhered to my face, expecting to meet the same rich colored eyes and skin as I had yesterday, only to be disappointed to see that it was not Bella, but rather Jessica who stood before me.

"Edward, how clumsy of me? You'd think with how _big_ you are I'd have seen you. Are you ok?" she all but purred at me as she placed her hand on my chest, making a circular motion as she passed it along the planes.

Wanting to limit the amount of physical contact between us, I grasped her hand in mine, squeezing gently, before allowing it to fall to her side. "I'm fine, are you ok?"

"Yes," she said. Followed shortly in a much lower tone by, "more than."

Her fake breasts were pushed out in front of her as she arched her back. Her golden locks were flowing down her back in waves. Her outfit, well if you could call it that given the lack of fabric, consisted of a denim mini skirt, v-neck bright pink cashmere sweater and a pair of those ridiculous Ugg boots. I had no idea why girls thought that pairing those boots with a short skirt was an appropriate combination.

I took a step back, wanting to separate us further. However, Jessica had other plans and proceeded to take a step forward to counter the one I took in reverse. She reached her hands up and threaded them through my hair. I stiffened at her touch, cringing away. Her fingers were not the ones I longed for, this wasn't what I wanted; I needed to get away, and now.

"Jessica, I really have to go, are you sure you are ok?" Bodies passed us by on the stairs, several of which had no problem lavishing their attention upon our exchange. I didn't care what my fellow classmates thought was going on, it wouldn't be the first time they were well off base, but I definitely did care what a particular brunette would conclude should she run upon us in such a compromising position. As if the day could not get any worse, said brunette rounded the corner, still being towed by my spiky haired sister. Her eyes went wide with shock then clouded over with sadness, before vanishing from sight. _Fuck_. _Can I catch a break?_

I brushed past Jessica, while she sputtered out a response to my question. I needed to reach Bella before she entered the classroom. I needed to explain, but explain what exactly? Bella and I weren't dating; we weren't even friends for that matter. So why did I feel this overwhelming urge to apologize for having a brief, harmless conversation with another girl. My movements slowed as my stride lessened. I didn't need to explain; there was no reason for Bella to be mad; it was nothing.

I entered the lab to find Bella already seated at the bench, notebook and manual neatly arranged in front of her. Her hair had been removed from her ponytail and lay loose surrounding her in a curtain. _Maybe I did have a reason to be worried._

Shaking the thought away, I took my seat and turned to face her. "Hey, how are you feeling? That was a close call this morning, eh?"

In return, she responded by saying a total on two words, "Fine" and "Yes".

Mr. Banner came into the room moments later, and that was the end of our conversation. I watched the clock intently, hoping to corner Bella before her next class to figure out what the problem was. Unfortunately, she must have been doing the same, for the second the bell rang she sprang from her seat and was out the door, leaving me foolishly calling after her.

When Alice exited the gym, I was perched on my car, eyes trained on the door, just as I had been yesterday. But unlike yesterday, Bella was not with her. My eyes scanned the lot and I noticed that her truck was absent as well. _How long had it been gone? Surely it was there when I came out here, wasn't it?_ I couldn't recall seeing it, having been so wrapped in how I would make this right, whatever this was.

My sister wore a scowl, and for once, she was silent. A silent Alice was definitely a bad thing. _Way to screw the pooch, buddy. _The silence in the car as we drove to Jasper's was deafening. Both Alice and Jasper clambered out of the car when it came to a stop; Alice never turning to address me. Jasper looked down at me sympathetically, and let me know that Emmett had promised to drive Alice home for dinner. I nodded in understanding, before revving the engine and speeding off in the opposite direction.

The car weaved through the back roads aimlessly, yet not so much. I knew deep down what I needed to do, and though I couldn't admit it out loud, my body had other plans. The car slowed as the two story white washed house came into view. Sitting in the driveway were two vehicles, a new police cruiser and the very truck which served as transportation for the girl who inadvertently wrapped me around her little finger, breaking through my façade with the lick of her lips, and the sway of her hips.

I peered through my windshield at the rooms of the first floor, noting the flicker of a television screen, and the outline of a figure in a recliner. _Must be the Chief._ No other shadows were seen, and my eyes ventured up to the second floor. Only two windows were there and both were dark.

I sighed and reached to turn the engine back on, resigned to the fact that I would have to wait until tomorrow to talk to her, when a small beacon of light illuminated the room on the left side of the house. My hand came to rest in my lap, as my eyes stayed fixated on the sliver of light. I waited impatiently for her to come into view. As she crossed in front of the window, I felt all of the air whoosh out of my lungs. She was breathtaking. Her hair looked damp and was piled atop her head in a messy bun. A ratty cotton robe wrapped around her small frame loosely; in the v formed by the sides, her pale skin glistened. The tie began to slip away and I knew that looking away would be the proper thing to do, but for the life of me I couldn't will myself to do so. The fabric fell from her shoulders and down to the floor, revealing what was underneath. She was clad in a pale blue camisole and boy shorts. She bent to gather the discarded material and I nearly came in my pants. Her ass was propped high in the air, and all I could think about was gripping her hips firmly in my grasp as I pounded away at her. My cock was equally pleased by the visual and was aching to be released.

I allowed my fingers to trace along the seam of my jeans, hoping to provide some friction. Once the robe was nestled in its spot, Bella crawled on top of the bed and under the covers. She lay facing the window, and I was granted the opportunity to peruse her fully. I noted the way her lips parted and moved slightly as if she were having a silent conversation, her eyes fluttered shut, blocking them from view. She looked wholly at peace. Well, rather, she would, had I not noticed the way her brow was furrowed; a deep crease having formed between them. The tension in her face seemed rooted to that spot and I couldn't help but wonder if I might have been the cause behind it. I sat in my car, hands firmly planted on the wheel, _no sense torturing myself_, for several moments before I noticed that the light in the downstairs room had been shut off. Looking down at the dash, I noted the time and cursed internally as I realized that I was late for dinner. My mom was sure to have my ass for this one.

Stepping down on the gas pedal, I sped home, throwing the door open the moment I reached my spot. Once inside the door, I toed off my boots, not wanting to track mud through the house, I was in enough trouble as it was. I flew up the stairs and chucked my bag into my room, before racing down the stairs and toward the back of the house.

Seated at the table were both of the parents, which only made the situation worse, Dad was rarely able to eat with us given his hectic schedule, my brother Emmett who looked like a feral beast who hadn't been fed in days, and Alice whose scowl had failed to fade with the passing hours. Sheepishly, I took my seat across from my mother and muttered my apologies. All eyes were directed at me, and my father was the first to speak. He cleared his throat and began, "Edward, care to explain where you were, and why you are thirty minutes late for dinner? You know we will not begin eating unless all parties are in attendance." His voice was gruff, and he had a stern look on his face.

"I…uh…I was driving around, and lost track of time. I'm sorry," my voice contrarily was shaky and low.

Both my sister and brother glanced in my direction with disbelief and shock on their faces over my blatant lie.

I returned their glances with a glare before redirecting my eyes to my plate. _What was their problem?_

My mother let out a sigh, picking up her fork and began eating the now cold food. Following her lead I did the same. Guess that's the end of that discussion. I stewed over all the ways today had gotten fucked up. My self-gratification being interrupted by Alice, the superhero antics in the parking lot, the lunch room hard-on from hell, the hallway meltdown and subsequent run-in with Jessica, the parking lot snub, the lurking outside her house, the lying to my parents.

My self-loathing was interrupted by the tinkling sound of my sister's voice, "So Mom, remember that girl I was telling you about? Well I asked her to come over on Saturday and her dad said it was alright. So I was thinking we could go in to Port Angeles Saturday morning, and I was wondering if I could borrow your car."

_She was still coming over. Well that's something, maybe I could make things right then. Now or never, doofus._

"Well dear, your father has to work, and I have a meeting at the club, so I'm not sure that'll work…" my mother replied.

"Mom, I can take them," I blurted out, immediately slamming my hand to my face. _Did I really want to be stuck with Alice on a Saturday? Yes, if it meant being with Bella, then yes I did. _

"Oh thank you, Edward. That will work perfectly," my mother said.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her lip out into a pout.

"But Mom, isn't there some other way?" she whined.

"Alice, if you hadn't damaged your car, there would be no need for your brother to give up his afternoon to chauffeur you around, take care to remember this," was the response her query received from our mother.

With a huff, Alice put her utensils down and asked to be excused. Her footsteps resounded as she stomped her way up the stairs.

A smirk spread across my lips as I imagined what it would be like to have Bella's scent envelop me as she sat in my car; the way her laughter would fill the air; the blush that would likely make an appearance. As my thoughts began to drift to the movement of her body in my backseat, I caught my brother's eye. He wore a toothy grin, his dimples prominently on display.

"What?" I mouthed to him.

"Oh nothing, Eduardo, just thinking about this really funny thing that happened at lunch today. I'm having a HARD time getting it out of my HEAD, sometimes I think it might just EXPLODE," he chuckled as he spoke his words.

I grimaced and balled my hands into tight fists, _boy, he was really asking for it; that's two times in as many days._

The clearing of my father's throat and his pointed stare was enough to cease Emmett's chuckling and straighten my scowl. Gathering my plate I excused myself, placing it in the dishwasher before heading up to my bedroom. Slipping out of my jeans, I undid the top button of my shirt before pulling it over my head and throwing it to the ground. I knew I should put the dirty clothing in the hamper, but couldn't be bothered.

I flopped back on the bed, and my hands immediately went to my hair, tugging in frustration. Exhaling forcefully, I rolled to my side, tucking my arm underneath my pillow and pulled it close to my body. How much difference a day makes, just twenty-four hours ago, visions of pouty pink lips, dark brown eyes, silky skin and voluptuous curves filled my head, sending signals to my dick placing me in a constant state of arousal; now as I lay here those images were replaced with ones of sad eyes, turned shoulders, and glistening tears. They played on a constant loop until my eyes grew heavy and sleep overtook me.

When I awoke the next morning it was with renewed hope. I could fix this. Nothing happened with Jessica. I could explain, Bella was a reasonable person, she'd understand. Wouldn't she?

I jumped out of bed and into the shower, yet again noting how much different it was from my last. Not once did I consider jerking off, there'd be time for that later, right now, it was about getting Bella to listen. I was dressed and ready to go within moments. The door to Alice's room was closed and I considered repaying her wake-up call from the previous morning, but rethought it as I recalled her attitude toward me at dinner, _looks like there are two females whose forgiveness you need_.

I made my way down to the kitchen and found my mother humming as she flipped a pan of French toast. She jumped slightly as I placed a kiss on her cheek and wished her a good morning. Taking a glass from the cabinet over the sink, I filled it with orange juice and took a plate filled with toast. Sitting at the island I began to inhale the delicious food, mumbling my appreciation between bites.

The banging on my door, followed by the huff from my sister, brought an Emmett like chuckle to my lips.

The tapping of her heels echoed through the hall, followed by an exasperated sigh as she entered the kitchen with her head down, "Mom, Edward is going to make me late again. I just don't get why he has such poor manners. I mean…"

She lifted her eyes and took notice of me, jumping slightly as she likely played back her words. I lifted my hand and wiggled my fingers in a wave. My mother observed our exchange, trying diligently to keep a stoic expression on her face, ultimately failing as she let loose a giggle. Seeing her poise slip away caused me to join her in laughter. Alice, not being one to take mocking lightly, turned on her heel and left the house with a slam of the door. The merriment died down as I collected my dirty dishes and placed them in the sink.

Throwing my bag over my shoulder I kissed my mother goodbye and steeled myself for the onslaught of all of Alice's fury as I made my way over to the car. Instead of screaming and raging, I was met by silence. _Uh oh_, _not good._

"Alice, I'm sorry, I couldn't help it," I started.

Arms folded, she focused her attention on her nails as if I had not said a word. I made my way in front of her, inches from her face. Continuing with her inspection as if I were not there, she sighed deeply.

"So, this is it, you aren't going to talk to me? Come on, I said I was sorry. You have to admit it was kind of funny, right?" I said lightheartedly.

From the piercing stare she afforded me, I took it that she did not agree with my summation. My shoulders slumped as I determined that this was a battle that would not be won overnight.

Coming around the front of the car, I slid into the driver's seat, unlocking the remaining doors. Moments later, Alice was occupying the adjacent seat. Once I was sure she was buckled in, I took off to pick up Jasper. I debated taking another stab at a conversation, but the echoing of pop music from the stereo told me that Alice was not interesting in talking. Using the time awarded me by this unfortunate circumstance, I thought of the best approach to fixing things with Bella.

When we pulled into the lot a few minutes later, I had come to the conclusion that being as truthful as possible was the best solution. My heart raced as I searched the lot. Her usual spot was empty. _Hmm, maybe she's just running late_. I sat there staring out the windshield convincing myself that she'd be here any minute. Jasper shot me a questioning look, and I waved him off. He sped after Alice, roping his arm around her waist. Her posture slackened as she leaned into him. Leaning forward, pressing my head against the steering wheel, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the love they shared. Being surrounded by complete and utter bliss on a near 24/7 basis was draining to say the least. Sure I could get a date if I really wanted to, but it was more a matter of who the date would be. There were far too many Jessicas out there, who only saw the pretty face and the nice things that my family's money could afford me. They didn't care about my wants, dreams, aspirations for the future. Maybe I had a shot with Bella; she didn't seem like the rest of them.

The ringing of the morning bell brought me out of my stupor. Raising my head I was disappointed to see that the lot was still lacking the presence of Bella and/or her truck. Resolving that it would do me no good to sit in my car all day, and cutting wasn't really an option, I pulled myself out of my seat and rushed to my first class. The hours which typically sped by dragged on indefinitely. When the lunch bell finally rang, my leg was bouncing and my body vibrating at a speed akin to Alice hopped up on sugar and caffeinated beverages. My hasty exit caused a stir as I knocked into a pair of sophomore girls outside of the cafeteria. I apologized profusely, helping them right their books before entering the room.

I stood a bit straighter, allowing my eyes to wander about the room, seeking out the brown haired girl. I spotted Angela and a hopeful smile crossed my lips. Scanning the table, I saw that my expedited travelling was in vain, she wasn't there. _Had she really not come in today?_

I made the line, randomly grabbing pieces of food and placing them on my tray. As I sat at our regular table, my eyes stayed fixated on the double doors. Any time a medium sized girl with brown hair walked into the room, I jumped slightly in my seat, straining to get a better glimpse. Each and every time, disappointment washed over me as I realized it wasn't her.

The minutes passed slowly, but after a while it didn't matter anymore; she wasn't here. I'd just have to come up with another way to apologize.

Gathering my tray of untouched food, I headed to the lab. As I passed the steps a sense of longing hit me. This is where we first met. Where her body made contact with mine for the first time. I could remember the feeling that overcame me as she looked up at me from under her eyelashes, the way her cheeks flushed, the feel of her lips against my fingertips. The longing soon mixed with lust and I fought with myself to reel in my inappropriate thoughts.

Fortunately the short trip to class was uneventful, that was until I reached the door. As I headed the last few feet to the classroom, my heart leapt as Bella came into view. She had her head down, nose pressed into a book.

"Bella," I shouted, picking up my pace to make my way over to her.

Her book tumbled from her hand, and I overheard her murmur a curse under her breath. Scooping low, she went to retrieve her book, just as I did the same. Our fingers touched, and the electricity that always seemed to pass between us ran rampant, shooting up my forearm. Sharply she pulled her hand away, allowing the book to rest in my palm. I righted myself extending my hand in offering. She tentatively accepted the book and pulled it close to her chest. My eyes caught a glimpse of the cover and my brows furrowed in confusion. "Salinger, interesting choice," I stated.

Her eyes flashed with a variety of emotions before settling on being dull and slightly unfocused. She nodded her head meekly and made her way around me and into the room.

_Huh? What was that?_

I took my seat while I made an attempt to sum up the courage to rectify the misunderstanding brought about by yesterday's events.

Clearing my throat, I began, "Bella, about yesterday…"

In that instant Mr. Banner entered the room with a set of video equipment in tow. _Fucking perfect._

I shifted my position in my seat, as he explained that over the next few days we would be viewing several videos on cell division and various other biological processes.

Tearing a sheet of paper from my notebook, I scribbled out four words that I hoped would be the first step toward forgiveness.

The hour passed at a snail's pace, the movie acting as background to the real activity I had undertaken. My eyes roamed Bella's body, unable to catch sight of her face beneath the curtain of hair that she had created. Her nipples puckered in the cold air, her chest rose and fell as she took long slow breaths, her lips quivered as she whispered to herself. I was enraptured by every inch of her skin, my body angling toward her ever so slightly, my fingers itching to reach out and touch, stroke, grasp. I watched as her pen made a swirling motion along the page in front of her, and my mind drifted back to the note. She barely acknowledged it; merely glancing at it before shoving it in her bag.

I wanted to write another, something more to evoke a response. Grabbing for my notebook again, I wracked my brain for the right words, finally settling on the truth. Scribbling furiously I scrawled it all out on the page before me. Feeling satisfied, I ripped it from its binding, turning to present it to Bella. Only she wasn't there. Looking around the room, I noted that my classmates were filing out of the room. _Huh? Why hadn't I heard the bell?_ Sure enough the clock indicated that class had ended about three minutes ago. _Had I really been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed her departure? _

Shoving my supplies in my bag, I raced down the hall to the gymnasium; if I pushed myself hard enough I'd be able to make it before class started. My legs burned and my chest pounded. Leaning against the doorframe I allowed the air to fill my lungs, feeling a slight burn as they expanded. I caught sight of her back as she headed toward the locker room a moment too late. Looking at my watch I saw I had only a few minutes before second bell would ring, and I'd officially be late to my last period class. I needed to get her the note, she had to understand. As I searched the room, I knew that the only alternative to waiting around and hand delivering the note was to entrust someone else to do it for me. I strode across the floor to the group gathered at the far end of the basketball court.

"Hey, I need you to do me a favor, can you get this note to Bella, it's important."

I waited just long enough to take in the responding nod before I darted down the hall and back toward the language wing. I settled in my seat a half second after the second bell rang.

Ms Goff faced me and tsked, "Señor Cullen, usted es tarde. Quiere explicar por qué?"

"Perdóneme Señora, estaba hablando con un compañero de clase acerca de un proyecto. No sucederá otra vez."

Anxiously, I watched the clock, counting down the minutes. I desperately needed to see her, to gauge her reaction to my confession. When I got to the lot however, she was already gone. Settling into the car, I turned on the stereo allowing my head to fall back. The door opened and Jasper was at my side.

"Are you okay?" he said.

"No," was the only answer that seemed fitting.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Fuck, man. We're not twelve…or girls. I have this under control," I sputtered harshly.

"Really? Under control? That's why I had to witness two females with tears in their eyes because of you?" he barked back.

"Tears? Shit. When was this? What happened? What do I do?" I shot off questions as soon as they popped into my head.

Smirking he replied, "Thought you had this under control." Kicking his feet up, he entwined his hands and stretched them behind his head.

"I was wrong."

"You got that right."

"Help me…Please."

"Thought you'd never ask. What you have to do is…"

I listened intently as he schooled me on getting back into the good graces of my sister. He told me that she was catching a ride with Rose and Emmett, and we didn't need to wait for her.

By the time I dropped him off, we had come up with a plan that sure as shit was ten times better than the one I had devised on my own. I offered my thanks for his assistance, and his response was far from what I expected. He all but growled out, "Don't fuck this up. You may be my friend, but this is the woman I love," before he slapped the hood of my car and skipped, yes skipped, up the steps.

_I can do this._ But first there's just one thing I wanted to do first.

Accelerating down the road, I traveled over the set of roads with which I had become acquainted the night before. Stopping a few feet from the driveway, my car hidden from view by lush trees, I peered out at the illuminated windows. Unlike the night before the upper floor remained darkened, while the sole remnants of light came from the room on the lower right.

The flickering of the television screen was the same as before, but now instead of one figure there were two. Bella sat in the chair adjacent to her father with a plate in her lap. Her hands pulled at its contents, shredding the bread to bits, never taking a bite. A deep crease took up residence between her brows, and her lips were puckered. The sight of her made my heart clench. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her stress and worries away. _She's got to talk to you first._ Right the plan. Looking down at the clock I noted that if I wanted to avoid another scolding I needed to get a move on it.

Dinner went as smoothly as could be expected, with Alice and her perma scowl, and Emmett and his wise cracks. Excusing myself before the rest of the table, I went to my room and began to work on the items Jasper had suggested.

The next morning, I was all set. For the second day in a row, I got an early start, showering and dressing on my own accord; eating the meal my mother provided willingly. When Alice emerged the next morning, squealing was heard throughout the room. I couldn't help but smile. She ventured down the stairs, arms laden with evidence of my apology. I wiped the grin from my face as she walked into the kitchen, turning my focus to my plate.

My mother took in the sight before her and released a deep sigh, "They're gorgeous, Alice. Here let me get you some water." The opening and closing of cabinets was followed shortly by the running of the faucet. My mother arranged the daffodils in a vase and set it on the counter. Alice sauntered to my side, plopping into the seat next to mine.

"Edward…I'm sorry, I was a brat," Alice spoke softly.

"No, Alice, I was a jerk. I shouldn't have laughed at you," I said.

"Aww, this pleases me so," my mother interjected, "Now hurry along before you are late for school."

"Give me a minute, Alice. I need to grab something from my room," I said as I stood.

The drive to school was much more animated than the one the day prior. Alice made short work of catching me up on everything that had transpired since we had last spoken. Normally the yapping would make me cringe, but it had been an uncomfortable few days and I more than welcomed the sound of her voice and laughter as it filled the air. Jasper gave me a thumbs' up as he joined us. She was still going on when we pulled up to the school ten minutes later.

I had been so consumed by what she was relating to me that I had failed to check for Bella's truck. As we exited the car, I realized we had missed her; her truck sat in its spot but she was nowhere in the lot. I trudged my way through my morning classes, perking up only moments before lunch. Learning my lesson from yesterday afternoon, I walked briskly but carefully to the cafeteria.

I felt my shoulders hunch dejectedly as I took in the fact that she wasn't there. I sat for about 15 minutes before my impatience got the best of me. Pacing the halls I tried to calm my nerves. As the first bell sounded, I entered the classroom. I was startled to find Bella already at the bench. _How had she gotten by me?_ Slipping in next to her, I flashed her a megawatt smile and said, "Hi." _Smooth, real smooth._

In return she offered me a terse 'hello'.

"Bella, I think I need to explain…"

"Attention class, I have a few announcements I'd like to make before we watch the next installment of the movie," Mr. Banner began. _Fuck, cockblock much._

A growl rumbled in my chest and Bella shot me a worried look. I flashed her a crooked smile and turned to face the front.

The week passed in much the same manner, with either Bella making it in before me, or the lot being empty when I finally made my way inside. She never returned to Angela's lunch table nor any other for that matter. I scoured my brain with thoughts as to where she could be spending the hour, drawing a blank. Several times I'd been able to catch her before class, and she always had a book in her hand. Hmm a book? Why had I never noticed this before? _Maybe because you were staring at her tits, perv. _Maybe, hmm, I'd have to investigate that next week, if this behavior persisted.

When Thursday came we had hardly spoken a few dozen words to one another. The fact that we spent most of the week watching videos didn't help matters either. I knew I need to take some drastic measures to get her to talk to me, but wasn't sure I was ready to do so.

_Fuck it. No more pussy-footing. Now or never, right?_

**

* * *

**

**BPOV**

Is this what I've been reduced to? Hiding in the library, arriving late or far too early to classes in the hopes of not having to experience anew the hurt caused by seeing Edward with HER. The fictional characters provided me solace; feeding my need to escape better than any amount of food possibly could. They were familiar, my expectations always being met, disappointment never greeting me.

I knew I was being irrational; he was just a boy, a beautiful, beautiful boy, but just a boy. Besides I was here for Charlie, not to fall in love, not to lust. In holing myself off I was also pushing away people who had genuinely wanted to get to know me, to be friends.

The day after the 'incident', or the 'need to bleach my brain' as I liked to call it, I made the decision that it would be better if I spent lunch in the quiet of the library, away from the prying eyes and concerned faces. After seeing Jessica wrapped around Edward in the hall, on _our_…no, the, steps, I did my best to push back the all too familiar feeling. I was hurt, I felt unwanted.

But this was silly. We had barely shared a dozen words. I had no clue his likes or dislikes; what he wanted his major to be in college; places he'd like to visit; if he was dating anyone. That last one would have been really vital information; I mean what right did I have to be jealous, for all I knew she was his girlfriend.

Pulling the tie from my hair I allowed it to frame my face, shielding my eyes from view. My body stiffened as I felt the air around me whoosh as Edward took his seat. His scent surrounded me, filling my nostrils, making my head feel light and my knees grow weak. My gaze was pinpointed on the board, despite his attempts to capture my attention. _Didn't he know that he didn't have to try so hard? _In a manner of just a day, he had filled my thoughts so thoroughly that it made my head spin.

He began to speak and I felt my will to ignore him crumble. It was unnerving the power that the simple sound of his voice had over me. Fortunately I did not have to watch my resistance falter, because Mr. Banner entered the room with the video monitor in his wake. _Perfect._ No way would Edward be able to make me succumb to my overwhelming desire for his everything: his voice, his lips, his touch, his fingers.

Or so I thought.

How he was able with just four words to both elate me and crush my spirits is beyond me. I stared at the unfolded sheet of paper, drinking them in, turning them over and over in my mind, before hastily stashing it in my bag. I'd deal with them, and him, later; for now I needed to get through the rest of the day.

As the movie played, I noticed his frantic scribbling and determined that I couldn't allow myself to be subjected to the torment of his words piercing through me like the sharpest of knives. I've heard it all before: 'I think you are a great girl, but I'm just not interested' or better still 'I'm really glad to have a _friend_ like you'. Eying the clock I bolted from my seat a second before the bell rang. Luckily Edward was so immersed in his writing that he failed to see my speedy exit. No way could I deal with this.

I raced down the corridor to the gymnasium, avoiding the calls for attention from my classmates. Just one more hour and then I could go home. When class finished, I skipped changing out of my gym shorts, not wanting to get held back by Alice and having to explain my despondence. The cool air hit me as I made my way over to my truck.

When I arrived home, I removed the paper, flattening the creases made by the folds and re-read the simple words that possessed the potential to mean a variety of things. In a script far too elegant for the average seventeen year old boy, he had written "We need to talk". That's it. No allusion as to the subject matter up for discussion. Past experiences had taught me that those words never led to pleasant conversations. 'Honey we need to talk. It's about your trip…", "Honey, we need to talk. It's about your dad…" Yup, definitely not words that evoke good thoughts.

Shoving the paper back into my book bag, I went about my nightly routine, cooking dinner, doing homework, reading. Throughout all these tasks, the presence of the note haunted me. I couldn't wrap my mind around what we could possibly have to talk about. I had only just met him yesterday. We're lab partners, that's it. Maybe his sister and I were on the way to being friends, or close acquaintances at the very least, but that did not change the fact that there was a non-existent relationship between us outside of the lab. I couldn't do this to myself. I wouldn't turn into the stereotypical teenage girl who fretted about the pretty boy. It just made no sense.

Concluding that any semblance of maintaining my typical routine was lost, I shelved my book and crawled under my covers, praying that sleep would come easily. Unfortunately, I failed to pray that the sleep that would come would be dreamless. Instead I was met with dreams of the pretty boy with the emerald eyes and bronze-hair.

The scene that played before me was familiar yet entirely different. There he stood in the hall, on the stairs, with a girl pressed close to him. I tried to fight off the dream, not wanting to relive the feeling of seeing Jessica with her hands threaded through his hair. As I made to brush off the fog of my dream, I noted that the girl was a brunette and not a blonde. Interesting. Looking closer, I caught a glimpse of her face as she tilted her head. Brown eyes, not blue. A smile spread across her lips while a matching one graced his. Wait…that's me. I'm the girl. I observed as his hands held my face, bringing his close to mine. He darted his tongue out to wet his lips. He isn't…is he? Ducking his head he pressed his lips to mine. I watched as my hands tightened their grip on his hair, crashing my lips to his. A moan erupted in that instant. And then another. Wait…is this the dream or is this me?

I woke with a start to find my hand tracing the waistband of my pajama bottoms, my forehead drenched in sweat. He's just a boy. He's your lab partner. You do not get to have dreams of mauling him in the hallway. Walking to the bathroom I splashed some cool water on my face, before settling back into bed. I fixed my gaze to the ceiling, with my hands shoved under the pillow behind my head, not trusting that they would not take up any more late night roaming. Eventually, my eyes grew heavy and a dreamless slumber took over me.

The rest of the week followed much of the same pattern. I arrived at school well before the other students, spending my free time in the library. I brought a sandwich or salad with me from home so that I could avoid the lunchroom and the staring. In lab, I spoke only when absolutely necessary, which thankfully wasn't much since we were still watching videos. At the end of the day, I was the first to leave the parking lot. The nights were the only time when there was any real change. The dreams continued, except they got to be more vivid and our activities increased. I could taste him on my tongue; feel his fingers on my skin. A kiss which was once just a kiss became caressing, then fondling, then all out groping. I awoke panting and covered in sweat on more than one occasion, cursing the fact that Charlie's room was down the hall from mine. I hoped that he did not overhear my late-night mumblings. I would surely die of embarrassment should I have to face him after that.

Alice cornered me on Thursday, concerned by my noticeable absence for the past few days. Her face was dejected and sadness weighed heavily in her expression. I reassured her that nothing was wrong and I was just busy adjusting to the new school, new town and all. She seemed convinced and I breathed a sigh of relief. If only it were the whole truth.

We confirmed our plans for the weekend. She wanted me to ride home with her and Edward after school on Friday. My blurted "no" caught her off guard causing her to jump slightly. I clarified my outburst by stating that I needed to stop home first to make sure that Charlie had something to eat for dinner. The hurt clouded her face again and she mumbled a weak, "I see." Quickly wanting to remedy the situation I suggested she ride with me to my house, since it wouldn't take more than an hour, and then we could go over to her house together. This seemed to appease her and she gave a bounce as she led me to the cafeteria. I tried to shrink away from her grasp, but surprisingly for someone so small she was freakishly strong. My heartbeat slowed as my breathing became shallow. My feet were like lead as my eyes darted around the room seeking out the bronze mop of hair with a mixture of joy and trepidation filling my heart. I was overcome with relief when he was nowhere to be found.

"Ali, where's Eduardo?" Emmett asked in between shovels of food from his tray.

My ears perked up at the mention of his name, or nickname rather.

It wasn't Alice that answered but rather Jasper, "He said he had to work out something in the library."

_Phew, lucky me._ Thank goodness Alice had dragged me along behind her, otherwise I would likely be face-to-face with him right now, and I certainly was not ready for that.

The lunch table conversation was light and easy to follow, allowing for little time to get lost in my thoughts. Soon enough it was time for biology. Giving myself the standard pep talk I made my way to the lab. It's only an hour, you can do it. What I hadn't counted on was seeing Edward standing outside of the door, in a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. His hands were tucked into his pockets, and I may have actually swooned a bit at the sight of him. Squaring my shoulders I walked the three feet to the door. Apparently my calculation skills were rather faulty because I hadn't counted on him impeding my path with his body.

"Bella," he breathed out, sending a tingly sensation straight through me. It reminded me of the way he moaned my name in last night's dream as we were…shaking my head, I cleared away the inappropriate thoughts, turning my attention to him.

"Edward," I said curtly. I sidestepped in an attempt to navigate my way around him. Jutting his arm out to make contact with the wall, he blocked my movement.

"Bella, wait."

My feet betrayed me as they came to a standstill. Huffing in defeat, I responded to his request, "What is it that you want? Class is about to start."

My sharp tone alarmed him, and his arm dropped from the wall. "I..uh..I…was wondering if you got my note?" he stammered out.

_Was he serious? _He handed me the note himself.

I nodded. "Was that all?"

His face fell. "Umm…yeah…I guess…sorry." He stepped away from the door, hands firmly shoved into the deep recesses of his pockets.

I made my way over to the bench, setting my books before me. _That was just weird._ Not wanting to dwell on it anymore, I resolved that if he would let it drop so easily, then so would I. After all he never once brought up the need for our conversation. Maybe he decided against it. Again a mix of emotions hung heavily over my heart. I was grateful for not having to be rejected again, but saddened by the prospect of losing the possibility that it wasn't a death sentence he had planned to deliver.

Mr. Banner entered the room a moment later sans video equipment. I guess movie time was over. He went on to describe the material we would be covering. It was a fairly easy assignment. I had actually done it last year in my old school. The problem was it was an assignment that required participation by both partners.

Sticking with the idea of putting the note behind us, I called out to Edward to ask if he'd like to start. In a very gentlemanly display he insisted that ladies go first. I peered through the objective lens of the microscope and identified the stage of mitosis. Edward's pen etched the answer down on the sheet of paper in front of him before he asked if I minded if he double-checked. Feeling confident in my answer I told him to feel free. His confirmation that I was correct brought a genuine smile to my lips. He reached over to grab the next slide at the same time that I went to pass it to him, and our fingers grazed one another. A jolt of electricity flew between us, startling me. The slide slipped from my grasp and clattered to the table.

Heads turned in our direction and I felt the blood rush to my face. Edward seemed unfazed by the attention now being directed at us, instead whispering words of concern. I assured him that I was fine, just a tad clumsy, and that we should finish the assignment. He let it drop but not before shooting me a questioning look. We finished well before any other group; there was no denying that we were a great match. Exiting the room, I could still feel the tingling in my fingers from where his met mine. I was walking in a daze, consumed by the sensation. Reality came crashing down on me when the feeling intensified, shooting up my arm. I turned sharply to find Edward at my side, his fingers stroking my arm. I pulled my arm away in shock, and a similar look appeared on his face.

"I…um…I'm sorry, I was talking to you for the past few minutes and you weren't responding, so I was…I was trying to get your attention…I'm really sorry…"

His awkward murmurs were rather endearing. I wasn't angry, I hope he knew that. Why not just tell him?

"It's ok, I was just thinking about something, and I didn't hear you."

"What were you thinking?" came from his mouth at the same time that I asked "What were you saying?"

We laughed nervously, and he gestured to me that I should go first.

"I was asking, what you were trying to talk to me about while I was in la-la land."

"Oh. Nothing really. Alice just mentioned at dinner the other night that your dad agreed to let you spend the weekend at our house. So I wanted to coordinate the ride tomorrow. Maybe Alice and I can pick you up in the morning, that way you wouldn't have to worry about your truck, and then you could just go home with us after school," he spoke animatedly.

"Oh, that won't be necessary. I'll drive myself. Was there anything else?" I asked as we neared the gym.

"I see. No, that was all. I guess I'll see you around," he ducked his head and shuffled his way back in the opposite direction.

_Weird._

The last hour flew by quickly and on more than one occasion I found myself lost in a daydream. Alice and Angela kept shooting me worried looks when I created a lull in the conversation due to my fantasizing. When the bell rang, I didn't rush like I had the past few days, instead dragging my feet, waiting as long as possible for Alice to finish changing. All in the hopes of catching one more glimpse of the beautiful boy.

When I made it home that evening my head was foggy, thoroughly clouded with all things Edward. I had gone from one extreme to the next and it had me reeling. For much of the week I had done everything in my power to avoid any contact with him, and in the matter of just a few hours I found myself craving as much of his presence as I could get. It was starting to give me whiplash.

The evening ritual was almost all but forgotten, save for making dinner, lord knows if Charlie were left to his own devices he'd starve or burn down the kitchen; I had no clue how he survived for so long on his own.

Clearing away the dishes, I told my dad that I was tired and was going to call it an early night. He found nothing odd in my behavior, not once commenting on the way I bounced in my seat, or the hurried consumption of my meal. Instead he simply asked if I was ok, and not coming down with a cold. Telling him he had no worries, I kissed him on his cheek and fled to my room.

With my back pressed against the door, I let out a silent scream. The feelings were far too overwhelming, and I needed to come up with a way to flush this boy and his hold on me from my life. Dressing for bed, I decided that the answer would have to evade me for one more night and that I'd worry about it in the morning. I tossed and turned as the images from my recurrent dream made their way into my subconscious. The feel of his lips was so real, the aching between my legs grew exponentially as his tongue danced with mine. Suddenly the vision morphed and I saw his naked body pressed into mine, thrusting deep inside of me.

"Edward…ungh..yes…right there. Ahh.. That feels so good. Yes. Yes. YES!" Dream Bella screamed in pleasure.

My heart thudded as I shot up in bed, a loud moan filling the room, my panties drenched in moisture.

_Shit. This can't keep happening. How was I supposed to make it through the weekend? _

**

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**

So there we have it a little bit of fluff. If you loved it, hated it, felt indifferent I'd like to know. Also I'm curious how you came across this. If I need to thank anyone for the rec, I'd very much like to do so.

**Spanish is my third language, but this is what the exchange should translate to:**

"**Señor Cullen, usted es tarde. Quiere explicar por qué?" - "Mr. Cullen, you are late. Do you care to explain why?"**

"**Perdóneme Señora, estaba hablando con un compañero de clase acerca de un proyecto. No sucederá otra vez." - "Forgive me, Mrs/Ms, I was talking to a classmate about a project. It won't happen again."**

**Also there's a thread for this on Twilighted. I post teasers and answer as many questions as possible, so feel free to stop by. **

**http:// twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=7180&sid=18a480325da027f64bfa7b9ae71734be**


	5. Push and Pull

**It's been a while, I know. Sorry for the wait, more below.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi, the ramblings are mine, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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BPOV

The leaves changed colors and blankets of snow covered the ground. My friendship with Alice strengthened and it felt wonderful to laugh again; to not have the hollow feeling in my chest of being a burden. We spent weekends at each other's houses, occupying our time with a little bit of everything and a whole lot of nothing, but it was a comfortable relationship. On the days when I sat in her room I couldn't help but think of the boy a few feet away. A boy who I could not figure out, yet desperately desired to do so. Our "relationship," for lack of a better word, was at a standstill, filled with more awkward moments than not, and had been ever since that first weekend that I had spent the night. The morning after my dreams started, I felt groggy and all around pissy as I climbed into the shower. The fantasies I had about Edward the night before had left me with an ache in more than one region of my body and I was feeling tense. I let my fingers wander as I reflected on the events of the past week, and the boy who had me on edge.

*B&E*B&E*

His hold on me was so intense; I was having trouble wrapping my mind around it. It had been five days. Five days since I saw him across the parking lot. _His hair…his eyes…his lean body_. Five days since I had first felt the spark. _The tingling that shot through me after the slightest of touches making me feel as if I was being burned alive._ Five days since I felt my world come crashing down. _Edward, why did you have to taunt me so?_ And now I was faced with something far worse.

Two days. Two days in his home. _Where he slept…where he showered. _The thought of him naked and wet had me moaning. Two days of being thoroughly immersed in his presence. _His touch…his skin against mine._ Two days with his scent invading my nostrils. _His smell...his sweet delicious smell._ Two days of fighting the urge to claim him. To push him down and make him mine. Not Jessica's. Not any of the other girls' who gawked at him in the hall. Mine.

I still hadn't come up with a plan to avoid the dreams during my weekend stay at the Cullens', but I knew I needed to think of something and I had to do it quickly. The prospect of Charlie overhearing my late-night moaning was embarrassing enough; thinking about Edward doing it was downright terrifying.

I stood in the cascading water until it felt like droplets of ice attacking my skin. Shivering, I stepped onto the mat grabbing a towel from the rack and pulled it around my body tightly before walking into my bedroom.

When I walked into the room I jumped at the sight of Alice sitting on my bed, magazine in her lap. She took in my expression, which I'm sure was akin to that of a deer in headlights, a questioning look encompassing her face.

"What…what are you doing here?" I barely managed to squeak out, the wheels in my brain working overtime in an attempt to ascertain why she was here in my room so early in the morning, then on to the better question. How long had she been here? And what had she heard?

She waved her hand in dismissal of my question, closing the magazine and setting it on the bed.

"Bella, I think we need to have a little talk. About Edward."

_Crap. This can't be good._

"Edward? What about him?" I tried to exude an air of indifference as I scurried around the room gathering my clothes for the day with my head tucked, avoiding her knowing gaze.

"Bella…Bella, look at me."

I lifted my eyes and squared my shoulders, willing my embarrassment and fear away.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry my brother is an ass who doesn't think before he speaks or acts. I'm sorry he made you feel uncomfortable. I know you've been avoiding me pretty much all week and I can't help but think it's because of him, unless…I'm wrong and you were hiding from me for another reason. Did I do something? I know I can be pushy, or so I'm told. But I really like you. It's been a while since I had a friend like you, someone real and down to earth." Her rambling began to increase in pitch as she fidgeted, playing with her hands nervously.

I made my way over to the bed and sat beside her, placing my hand on hers to calm her. I spoke reassuringly, "Alice, you've done nothing wrong, I promise." She made to interrupt me and I raised my hand signaling that I wasn't quite done. "And neither has Edward. We're lab partners. That's it. I like you too and I don't want you to worry. I've just been busy settling in; I swear."

Quirking her eyebrow at me in disbelief, she assessed my expression, searching for who knows what. Seeming satisfied with what she discovered she nodded, and stood, flitting around the room before approaching the closet and scanning its contents.

It was my turn to be nervous and fidget. She still hadn't really given me a straightforward answer as to why she was here.

"Was this all that prompted your early morning visit? Couldn't it have waited until I got to school?"

Turning on her heel, deep navy shirt in hand, a wry smile spread across her lips, she spoke firmly, "Well…there's something else. My car is still being repaired and my mom and dad are both using theirs this weekend, so we're going to have to have Edward take us into Port Angeles tomorrow. I just needed to be positive that this wasn't going to be a problem for you. I mean I want you to be comfortable. I've already had a talk with Edward, and he's assured me he'll be on his best behavior. But if you don't think it'll be a good idea I understand."

_Was I okay with this? _A whole day with Edward, outside of school. I knew when I agreed to spend the night over at Alice's that I'd likely end up in the same room with him at one point or another, but a whole day, away from prying eyes; a day in his car, his scent surrounding me, the feel of the electrical current as it filled the air around us, that was not something I considered, but something my body and heart obviously desired because before I could even fully process it, I blurted out a response.

"That'll be great." I clapped my hand onto my mouth, turning away from the shocked look that sprung to her face. "I mean, that'll work."

"Good. Now get dressed. We're going to be late." She chucked the shirt at me and shooed me off to the bathroom.

Doing as ordered, I threw the shirt over my head and shimmed my way into my jeans before passing a brush through my hair and pulling it into a loose bun at the nape of my neck. I wasn't much for primping, but I took an extra moment to give myself the once over before heading back into my room.

Alice had vacated the room during the few moments when I was changing and I sighed in bewilderment as I pondered what she could be up to. I didn't have to wonder for long because when I made my way down the stairs I saw her perched at the kitchen table opposite a grinning Charlie. _Huh? That's weird. Haven't since him smile like that in…well, I really can't remember when the last time was that he looked so at ease._

"…and there's this really great place over on Spring Street. It has all of these tables out front..."

"Um, Alice, I think we better get going, don't want to be late and all." I grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter before motioning to the door. "Bye, Ch…Dad. I'll come by after school and leave you some dinner in the fridge, ok?"

Alice stood from her chair, still yammering on about all the different places she intended on taking me, making suggestions to Charlie for nice places to take a date. _Date? What the…_

"Alice," I stated sternly.

"Bye, Chief Swan. It was a pleasure talking to you." She waved at him as she shot me a glare.

"Alice, how many times do I have to tell you, call me Charlie," he chuckled. "Bye, Bella, have a great weekend."

When she was within arm's reach, I grabbed her hand and pulled her to my side, leading her out the door. "What was that all about? I mean, really…"

Every single thought flew from my head as my eyes lifted and I saw before me a shiny silver car which was severely eclipsed by the figure standing in front of it. Edward leaned against the passenger side door, legs crossed with his arms running through his hair. He seemed to be mumbling to himself and I stood with my mouth agape staring at his lips. Shaking my head I turned toward Alice, but she was not at my side. She skipped down the front steps, her movement causing Edward to cease his murmurings and straighten out his posture.

With increased speed, I hurried off the porch, stumbling along the way, until I caught up to Alice.

"What? What is Edward doing here?" I asked in just above a whisper, keeping my eyes trained on his.

"Oh, well, I needed him to drop me off over here, and he insisted on waiting, stating it only made sense that we all drove in together, spouting off about the earth's finite resources or something. Who knows? But it's not going to be a problem, right? I mean he's driving us tomorrow anyway. We can think of this as a test run, make sure he's on his best behavior." She shrugged and continued on to the car, leaving me frozen in the driveway.

Sucking in a deep breath, I steadied myself before I joined her just as she was slipping into the back seat. Edward remained toward the front of the car as I made my approach. _Where do I sit? Would he be offended if I sat in the back with Alice? Does he want me to sit up front with him? Do I want to?_

My internal debate was cut short, by the domineering voice of the tiny backseat occupant. "Bella, Edward, get in. We still have to pick up Jasper."

I'm not sure what it was, but in that instant my mind was made up. Reaching forward to grasp the handle, the all-too-familiar tingle took up residence in my fingertips as they brushed against his. Sharply pulling my hand back, I apologized, feeling the blush creep onto my face. His hand returned to the handle, opening the door and directing me inside. I slid into the seat with ease and allowed my eyes to wander about the interior as I heard the muted sound of the door closing.

Looking up, my jaw dropped as I fully took in the sight before me. When I first noticed him outside the house, I was too consumed with trying to understand why he was there, that I hadn't truly looked at him. He wore a pair of low-slung, button-fly jeans, and a plain white T-shirt with a dark jacket on top. His bronze locks were windblown and in total disarray. His thumb hooked the belt loop of his jeans and my heart raced as I watched his fingers flex. His eyes sparkled as they reflected the rising sun and shone a bright emerald. Scruff covered his jaw and I could almost feel it on my skin. Tingles shot through my lower body and a whimper escaped my lips. A throat clearing from over my shoulder startled me, causing me to jump in my seat.

"Bella, are you okay? You look flushed. You're not coming down with anything, right?" Alice inquired, with a slight smile playing across her lips.

"I'm fine. It's just a little warm in here," I responded as I heard the door shut. With the addition of his presence in the car, I suddenly felt like the temperature had risen another ten degrees. Apparently I wasn't the only one who felt the shift; Edward turned on the air conditioning as he started the car and I relished the cool breeze that blew upon my face.

Throughout the ride my mind raced, not over the topics that Alice hurled my way at a mile a minute, but rather on merging the image of dream Edward with that of this boy who sat stoically beside me. The boy who could barely allow a moment to pass where our bodies were not in contact did not add up with the one who sat as far as possible from me in his seat; the boy who had said no more than a quiet hello while opening my door was not the same as the one who breathlessly said my name the night before; the boy whose eyes did their best to avoid my gaze was nowhere near the one whose stare pierced through me as he examined every inch of my skin. I sniffed at my hair in an attempt to ensure that my odor was not the cause of the distaste he wore heavily on his face.

The standoffish behavior continued upon our arrival at school. We did the lab in near silence, only voicing requests for materials when absolutely necessary. When the bell rang, he gathered his things and left me with a simple, "I'll meet you in the parking lot after class." He didn't even wait for a reply. His expeditious exit left me stunned and it occupied my mind for the next hour. As the final bell rang, I had convinced myself that my mind was playing tricks on me, and that nothing had changed other than my newfound desire for him in my life, and I was simply projecting these desires onto him expecting reciprocation and feeling defeated when it did not appear. _Just lab partners,_ I reminded myself.

Since Edward and Alice had insisted on picking me up for school that day, Edward needed to drive me home to prepare dinner for Charlie. I awkwardly invited him in and he hesitated momentarily before Alice shot him a glare. He walked into the living room and shuffled his feet with his head tucked and his hands stuffed into his pockets. I told him I'd just be a few minutes and rushed off to the kitchen. Grabbing hold of the edge of the sink, I let out a deep exhale as I tried to center myself.

"Are you sure you're okay?" a tinkling voice asked from behind, shaking me from my thoughts and causing me lose hold of the counter.

With a sickeningly sweet smile I replied, "Alice, don't be silly, I'm great. Can you grab the chicken from the fridge for me?"

The distraction of chopping and sautéing busied my mind, keeping it off of the fact that sex on legs Edward Cullen was just a few feet away and that I'd be in his house for the rest of the weekend.

Before I knew it, I had all of the items placed in storage containers on the top shelf of the refrigerator, and my overnight bag was seated atop the kitchen table. Unable to stall any longer, I gathered my things and made my way over to the living room to let Edward and Alice know we could get going. As I rounded the corner, a fresh wave of embarrassment overcame me as I took note of what Edward was doing and had likely been doing for the last hour or so. He stood hunched over, fist wrapped tightly around the object in question…my school photos.

Charlie had prominently displayed every one of my pictures from elementary and junior high school, and at this very moment Edward held in his hand the worst of them all, from seventh grade when Renee decided she wanted to try her hand at hairdressing and gave me bangs and a too short bob. Plus to add insult to injury, I wore a poorly knitted Christmas sweater that my "Aunt" Sally had made for me. Why my mother thought hanging out with all the town crazies was a good idea was beyond me.

In a timid voice I spoke quickly, telling them that I was done. Placing the frame back into its rightful place, Edward turned to me and flashed a startling smile. How with one look this boy was able to make me lose feeling in my extremities was out of my realm of comprehension, but in that instant that's exactly what happened. _Way to go Bella, swoon over a guy who's probably laughing at how hideous you looked in that picture. _

Alice's arm linking with mine pulled me from my internal tirade as she led me to the car. Without hesitation, I followed her into the backseat. The drive to the Cullens' was short. As we pulled up to the beautiful three-story house, if house was even an appropriate word for the luxurious residence, I audibly gasped. I suspected that they were well off based on their clothing and the cars that both Edward and Emmett drove, but seeing where they lived confirmed it. When the car came to a complete stop I hesitated with my fingers on the door handle. The jerking open of the door elicited another gasp and a slight tremble. Edward extended his hand and clasped it around mine, pulling me lithely to my feet. The sudden movement brought my body flush with his and my gasping turned to a deep moan. His body stiffened and he abruptly released me, turning and speeding off in the direction of the house.

Alice came up behind me, muttering silent curses as she walked up the path, stopping to wave me over in her direction. The moment my feet crossed the threshold I was pulled into a warm embrace by an auburn-haired woman who I could only assume was Esme, Edward and Alice's mother. She exuded warmth and within seconds I felt the tension in my body slip away as I returned her greeting.

"Oh, Bella, I can't tell you how pleased I am to meet you. Alice has told me so many wonderful things about you. Here let me take your things. I've set you up in the guest room next to Alice's, I hope that you will find the accommodations to be to your liking," she spoke sweetly, a genuine smile gracing her flawless face.

"Yes, Mrs. Cullen. That will be perfect. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you and your husband are allowing me to stay over this weekend," I responded.

"Oh, dear, call me Esme, and no thanks are needed at all. It's our pleasure. Seeing Alice this enthusiastic over something warms my heart, and she has her father wrapped around her little finger so I know he agrees."

"She's not the only one." A man with sandy blond hair entered the foyer at that moment and placed a kiss on Esme's cheek before turning his attention to where Alice and I stood. "Hello, Bella. It's very nice to finally meet you."

"Daddy," Alice screamed before she hurled herself at the man, crushing herself to him. He rocked back on his heels but managed to stay upright as she made contact.

"Alice, why don't you show Bella around and I'll put her things away and finish up dinner. Bella, we're having lasagna, is that ok?" Esme asked.

"Mrs. C..." She shot me a warning glance. "Esme, that will be perfect, but you really don't need to go to any trouble on my account." Alice was very much her mother's daughter. In just a few days she had gone out of her way to make sure I was comfortable and here I was not even ten minutes through the door and her mother was treating me as if she had known me for years. It was all a tad overwhelming. Why couldn't all the Cullens extend the same welcome? _Just lab partners, just lab partners._

"Come on Bella, we'll start with my room." Alice grabbed me by the hand and tugged, barely affording me enough time to wave to her parents. We climbed two flights of stairs passing magnificent pieces of art along the way; whenever I made to stop in hopes of examining further, Alice yanked on my arm and propelled me forward.

Several moments later, we entered a room that at first sight I knew had to be hers. Its bright colors matched her sunny disposition to a tee. It was all hearts and flowers, literally. A vase filled with an extraordinary bouquet of daffodils sat perched on her dresser and glass hearts lined the base of her vanity. She bounced into the room and plopped down on the bed. Her body vibrated with excitement that was slowly becoming highly contagious.

My eyes scanned as I paced the length of the room as I tried to flush the tension from my limbs. In yet another attempt to put me at ease, Alice patted the spot closest to her on the bed. Tentatively, I sat and pulled at the strings hanging from the cuff of my shirt.

She opened and spread a leather bound album across our laps. Picture after picture of a smiling, spiky-haired Alice looked back at me. Even at a young age it was apparent that she was vivacious and full of joy. Her playful expression soon stood in stark comparison to that of her often sullen, bronze-haired brother. His face morphed from jovial and carefree to dark and brooding with each turn of the page. _He really does run hot and cold, doesn't he?_

When we reached the early teen years, I fell in love. Watching the thin, awkward boy with glasses turn into the well-built, confident one with glasses filled me with a mix of emotions from sympathy to lust. My fingers were tracing the outline of his figure from a Halloween party when the sound of the door creaked open.

Esme stuck her head through the gap and sighed. "Alice, why am I not surprised that your tour never progressed any further than your bedroom?" she spoke as she shook her head with a disapproving look on her face. I looked up at the clock and noted that several hours had passed in what felt like only a matter of minutes.

"Esme, it's not her fault. She was showing me some old photos and I guess we lost track of time..." I began.

"Bella, dear, it's okay. Alice knows I was only teasing. In any event, dinner's ready. So go clean up and head down. Emmett has just arrived and I'd very much like to dine all together before Carlisle has to head in to the hospital." She shot me a warm smile and shut the door.

"Well it looks like this'll have to be a two spot tour for now. I promise to show you the rest of the house after dinner," Alice said as she shut the book and led me out the door and down the hall.

Once at the bathroom, she left me to wash up stating that she was going to head down to help her mother with all the last minute things. I assured her I'd be fine and would come right down when I was done.

_So far so good._

As I was descending the second set of stairs, I immediately regretted not asking Alice to wait for me. My loss of direction came crashing into me, as I collided with the all-too-familiar hard body of the boy who permeated my every thought lately.

"We really need to stop meeting like this," he chuckled.

"I...umm...I'm sorry. I thought I'd be able to make it down on my own. Wait, shouldn't you be downstairs? Aren't you eating with us?" I asked with a great deal of uncertainty.

"Of course I am. My mom got worried when you didn't show up right away, so she sent out a search party," he said as he pointed his thumb to his chest, grinning at me.

"Oh." _Oh? No wonder he runs away every chance he gets._

"So, shall we?" He bent his arm in offering.

Hesitantly, I placed my hand in the crook of his elbow and allowed him to steer me down the hall. After several turns, we pushed open a set of double doors and met with four differing expressions from the individuals seated at the table. Shock. Disbelief. Approval. Elation.

Wanting the spotlight to be directed elsewhere immediately, I roughly pulled my hand from its resting spot and took residence in the seat closest to Alice, commenting on the wonderful aromas emanating from the food on the table. Conversation never touched upon our joint arrival and for that I was extremely grateful.

After clearing the dishes, despite the protests of Esme, Alice and I were shooed down to the basement. Edward and Emmett were mid-game when we arrived. My stumbling over the last step caught Edward's eye affording Emmett the opportunity to gain the upper hand, effectively putting an end to their game.

Before the thought of a rematch could pop into either of their heads, Alice decided she wanted to watch her favorite movie, _The Ugly Truth_. While Alice placed the DVD into the player, I surveyed the available seats before opting for the one that was the furthest from Edward. His body grew more and more rigid as the movie progressed, and Gerard Butler was able to only retain about sixty percent of my attention. When the restaurant scene played on the screen, I couldn't help but envision that it was I that was experiencing such excitement and not because a pair of panties but as the result of Edward and his manipulations of my body. I snapped out of my fantasizing when I heard footsteps, looking up in time to see the retreating form of the man of my dreams.

Sadness washed over me at the loss of his presence and only grew with every moment that he didn't return, which he never did. Neither Alice nor Emmett made mention of his odd behavior.

The credits soon rolled on the screen and I stretched letting out a yawn which only served to set Alice off as she soon followed with one of her own. Wishing Emmett a good night we climbed to the top floor. Alice walked me to the guest bedroom and told me to rest up because we had a busy day planned and I'd need my energy. I laughed and hoped she was joking. Before closing the door my eyes landed on the door to Edward's room feeling defeated that it was closed and I would not get to see him before I slept.

Lying in the guest room, I replayed in my mind every touch we shared, every desire that surged through my body. I knew I should stop; that the thoughts weren't healthy; that it would only mean heartache, but I just couldn't find the will to do so. I wanted him even though I knew I shouldn't. In my dreams all the reasons not to go to him and claim him flitted away. There we were equals and all the rest was insignificant. Tossing and turning I made a futile attempt at shutting my brain off so that I could rest up for the following day's activities. After about the hundredth lap around the bed, my lids grew heavy and I met a fitful slumber.

_He sucked my nipple in between his lips, allowing his tongue to circle it. The pads of his fingers stroked my sides as his hands traveled down the length of my body before finally resting on my hips. His hands splayed across my abdomen and a solitary digit traced the lacy hem of my panties before he cupped the juncture between my legs and pressed the heel of his palm into my clit. A guttural moan filled the room as my body writhed under his grasp. Accelerated breaths caused my chest to expand and contract forcefully. _

_"Edward, I want to feel you inside of me. Please," I pleaded._

_He complied with my request, ripping the fabric from my skin before plunging two fingers deep inside of me, pumping steadily. My wriggling grew ten-fold as I tried to stave off the impending orgasm that I felt slowly building. This wasn't what I had meant. I wanted him inside of me, not just his fingers, although they were doing such wonderful things to me._

_"Edward...oh, Edward...fuck...I...fuck...Edwarddd."_

_I screamed out his name as he deepened his thrusts hitting a new spot each time._

I awoke with a start to find my hand between my legs rubbing furiously at my aching clit. A sheen of sweat glistened on my skin in the moonlight that was streaming through the bay windows on the far wall.

_Shit. Why does this keep happening_? It's one thing for the dreams to invade my evenings in the privacy of my bedroom, but here? And now? This was not an opportune time for the two worlds to collide. I prayed that the Cullens were heavy sleepers or at the very least that they had opted for the extra thick walls. The last thing I needed was to face knowing looks from Alice's parents or worse yet her brother (either of them) in the morning.

My skin was heated to the touch and I chose to head down to the kitchen to seek out a refreshment to cool me down. After two glasses of ice water, I climbed the two flights of stairs back to the guest room. As I cleared the last step, a noise from the end of the hall caught my attention; it was almost like a low groaning.

Inching closer to the door, I was able to discern more sounds. When I overheard my name being uttered in Edward's voice I nearly fell flat on my face as I sped to the other room, hastily shutting the door behind me. Back pressed against the wooden barricade, I flashed back to what had just transpired. _It couldn't be. No way was Edward thinking about me, and especially not like that._

_Wait, if I had overheard Edward, was it possible that he had overheard me?_ The thought terrified me to no end and kept me awake for several hours as I berated myself for lacking the ability to keep it together during my visit.

The next morning was filled with awkward pauses and avoidance of stares. The joyful experience I had anticipated for the day spent in close proximity to Edward was marred by the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment that colored my face a bright cherry red. When it came time to leave for Port Angeles, I made sure to nestle myself in the backseat with Alice, certain that sitting at Edward's side would cause me either to burst into tears or jump over the console to mount him. Both of which would not make the situation any easier to deal with.

When Alice asked me how I slept, I could've sworn Edward tightened his grip on the steering wheel as I witnessed his knuckles change to the color of a blank sheet of paper. My response of 'just fine' was not probed further since we were pulling up to Jasper's house.

Alice had scheduled an early movie followed by some shopping and lunch at her favorite café. Throughout the day, my edginess subsided as I allowed myself to focus on having a good time and getting to know my companions better. By the end of the outing, I found myself openly and willingly laughing along with Angela to Ben's retelling of some of the sillier things he had done when trying to get her attention. Parting ways when we reached her car, some of the stiffness returned as I realized that now that the group had shrunk in size, the memories of the previous day had more room to roam.

Chin tucked to my chest, I dragged my feet to the car, slipping into my spot in the back. The shutting of doors rang through the air, but still I kept my head down. Only when I felt an eerily familiar tingle creep up my thigh did I dare to lift my eyes. At my side was not the small frame and short black hair of Alice, nor the lanky, blond-haired Jasper. No, it was the bronzed-hair boy who whispered my name into the night air causing my body to short circuit. His thigh brushed against mine but the rest of his body remained rigid, his eyes trained straight ahead. Jasper occupied the driver's seat and Alice fiddled with the radio. None of it made sense. I knew I should pull away, that I should put some space between us, but I couldn't. Instead my body seemed to inch closer to his, closing the minute gap between us. His lips morphed from the thin line that had taken up residence on his face since the onset of the trip into a crooked smile, turned up at the corners.

Jasper sped away from the lot, and I felt my body jerk forward in my seat. A muscular forearm flew in front of me, pressing my back against the leather. Just as quickly as it had appeared it was gone. I eyed Edward and caught him in the midst of an internal debate. Seemingly having come to a resolution, the forearm returned, reaching above my shoulder. Pulling on the seatbelt, the back of his hand grazed my breast as it traveled down to my abdomen. The _click_ of the belt echoed through the air. He began to pull his body away from mine and I felt the warmth of his breath on my neck as he whispered, "Safety first. It'd be shameful to have such precious cargo damaged."

I stared at him dumbfounded. _What?_ My breathing was shaky at best and my eyes were unfocused. Every one of my senses was infinitely more attuned to him now that he was so near.

Moments later we were driving along the winding path leading up to the Cullens'. At a lightning fast pace, he was out of the car. My heart sank at his rapid exit. That is until my door opened and I caught sight of his offered hand. I reached out to entwine my fingers with his, angling my body toward the door. As I started to stand, I felt myself being flung back against the seat. Looking down I realized the error of my ways, I was still strapped in. _Real smooth, Bella._ After I had remedied the situation, I stood and once again fell forward into his chest. However, unlike our previous encounter, he did not release me, instead pulling me tighter to his body. I felt his chin rest against the top of my head as he inhaled deeply.

I really was at a loss. One minute he was pushing me away. The next it seemed as if he couldn't get close enough to me. He really was starting to give me whiplash.

The rest of the weekend followed pretty much the same pattern, the constant push and pull. Fortunately, the evening after our outing had been dreamless, well for me at least. I fought the urge to sneak into the hall and investigate whether Edward was having a repeat of the previous night's events. Burying my head under the pillows seemed to do the trick and I remained tucked into bed until late the next morning. When it was time to head home, I was reluctant to leave. It had been such a great weekend and I feared what would happen when we were back at school.

Apparently I was right to be afraid. Gone were all the glances and gentle caresses. Edward did his best to limit his interactions with me. The weeks passed and he grew more and more distant. I couldn't figure out what was behind his change and the sting of rejection brought tears to my eyes on a near nightly basis. To make matters worse, Alice and I had become extremely close and Esme insisted that I visit quite often, so I was constantly reminded of his disinterest. I needed a way to purge him from my system, and the only way I knew how to do that was one that frightened me. Staring down at the flyer I made up my mind that it really was the only way.

**

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**

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing.

**Thanks to Juliamine for looking this over for me and for acting as a sounding board.**

**Tiff- Hope you are getting better every day.**

**Still sans beta, so if you know of one, or are one and would like to give me some tough love, let me know.**

**The next chapter is in the works and there shouldn't be as long a wait.**

**Wrapping this up before it goes on far too long, by requesting that if this is no good and should not be continued let me know.**

**Thanks again for reading, go on ahead and tell me what you thought.**


	6. BlowUps and Invitations

**No epic A/N needed. I'll save it all for the end.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi, and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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EPOV

There had been a gradual shift in our "relationship" ever since the first weekend that she spent at our house. Every glance in her direction had me yearning for her touch. Every touch had me hungering for a kiss. Every kiss…hell, there were no kisses because I was a chickenshit who couldn't even tell her that I wanted to be with her. _Well you did, remember? She blew you off._

I still couldn't understand how she could read the letter and act like it wasn't a big deal. She just wanted to brush it under the rug. The dismissal hit me hard and I told myself that the only thing I could do was accept it; to buck up and let it go. I mean it had only been a few days after all. Maybe it was just the newness of her that had me so infatuated. No, it couldn't have been; I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Something about Bella drew me in from the start. She was special. I could feel it down to my very being.

The first night she slept over, the echoing of her voice grew to a decibel that I knew for certain wasn't simply in my head. But the why I was hearing it puzzled me. I strained my ears to discern what her murmurings were, but soon enough the straining proved unnecessary as a throaty moan filled the air followed shortly by the sound of my name reverberating through the room. My body tensed, an erection soon pressing soundly against the flap of my pajama bottoms. Thoughts raced through my head as I tried to correlate the sounds I heard with the shy girl with whom I foolishly played a game of cat and mouse just hours ago.

No longer was she timid and unassuming, instead being a vixen, determined and needy. My hand snaked its way into my pants freeing myself from the tight confines. Her eyes…shining bright with a mixture of innocence and playfulness. Her lips…pink and plump, begging to be kissed. Her hands…roving and eager. Her breasts…pert and full. The images swirled as my hand raced. The sound of my name falling from her lips played on a continuous loop as I neared completion. All it took was four words to send me hurtling over the edge. "Edward, come for me." As I climaxed, through shuddering breaths I panted out her name. Once clean I hurried down to the kitchen for something to drink, sparing a glance at her shuttered door before I collapsed onto my bed and fell into a deep slumber.

The next day I struggled with what had transpired the night before. Even with the unconscious admission of her yearning for me and my all too prominent reciprocation I couldn't bring myself to admit to her face the depth of my feelings. Since words failed me, I tried to allow my actions to speak for me. Unfortunately I hadn't accounted for my complete and utter lack of decisiveness and only likely succeeding in confusing and frustrating her further. At least I think I did. Well, I knew I was certainly frustrated. Why it had to be so difficult was beyond me.

Oh yeah, it always came back to the letter. If she had just been more receptive and seemed in the slightest interested in discussing the possibility of pursuing something serious with me, I think it would have been so much easier. Maybe I was wrong and she was no different than the rest, from girls like Lauren and Jessica who were only interested in the looks and the expensive things. Even as the thought entered my head I knew it to be false. She was different. Special. And I needed her.

Jasper's words came back to me and I determined that letting it go wasn't the answer. I'd spent at least an hour a day with her, often times more as I watched her friendship with Alice grow from that of casual acquaintances to the best of friends. My mom fell in love with her from the second she met her and I really couldn't blame her. Once she learned of Bella's love for cooking and old movies she constantly extended invitations to have her over. The one hour a day soon grew to every other weekend, many of which were filled with outings to Port Angeles. I all too willingly acted as chauffeur during these trips, desiring as much time in Bella's presence as I could be afforded.

When Alice got her car back from the shop, an intense displeasure washed over me as my time with Bella was drastically reduced. At the very least I had gratitude for the fact that it was no longer the lone hour in which we shared a lab bench, barely able to utter a word outside of the realm of the assignment. There were movie nights, dinner table banter, and she slept a few feet from my door at least twice a month. The fog her scent left me in lulled me to sleep on many occasions. To a sleep filled with visions of her supple curves, and breathy whispers.

After the failed weekend, I made it my mission to ask her out on a date. Start small. Maybe that was the problem. A letter filled with hefty declarations of love and the feeling that she was shaped ideally for me and me alone may have been too rash. I could do small. I mean we have been out to see a movie and eat already, granted it was with my sister, her boyfriend and two of their friends, but it wasn't as if we were complete strangers.

Sadly luck was not on my side. Every time I steeled myself to ask her out, to spend time just the two of us, time we desperately needed to really get to know one another, something came up. Whether it was Alice and her constant interruptions, or Emmett and his gregarious nature, or Jessica and her peroxide twin Lauren, heck even the teachers were cockblocking me. That's why when the flyers for the school dance started popping up everywhere I knew it would serve as the perfect opportunity to try again.

We sat at the lunch table, our books spread out in front of us. My focus was more on the way her hair spiraled around her earlobe than on the blood-typing data we were going over for the upcoming exam. Today was the day. No more waiting. Setting my pen down on the table I straightened out my posture and turned in an attempt to garner her attention. Before I could speak a word, Mike came up to the table, a smile wide on his lips.

"Hey, Bella, how's it going?" He angled his body in such a way that his back was to me.

She lifted her eyes from the book and sighed, "Hey, Mike, Edward and I are just going over the material for the test next period. Can I help you with something?"

He wrung his hands and stuttered out, seeming to have lost some of his self confidence as he noted my glare. "Umm…Well the spring dance is coming up and I was just wondering ifyouwantedtogowithme?" His words streamed together as he stared at her, his smile never faltering.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" The blush creeping over her face betrayed her innocent request for repetition.

"I wanted to know if you would like to go the dance…with me."

_Please say no. Please say no._

"Um, well I'm not sure I'm going. Can I get back to you?"

_She didn't say no._ True. But she also didn't say yes.

"Ok. I guess I'll see you in the lab." He sauntered off, beaming as he did a ridiculous fist pump and settled into the table with his bosom buddies, Eric and Tyler. The knuckleheads bumped fists as Mike, no doubt, embellished his courting skills.

I was at a loss for words. Clearing my throat, I spoke softly trying desperately to sound nonchalant as I inquired, "So, Mike, eh? Are you going to say yes?"

"I don't know, maybe." She looked up and I'm sure she saw all the hurt that was clearly displayed on my face. "But probably not. I'm not really much of a dancer. I just couldn't hurt his feelings. I'll think of something to say to let him down easy."

"Oh." _Really, 'Oh', that's all you could come up with? Ask her to go with you, dummy._

"Bella, I was…"

"Hey guys." I turned to the right and saw my sister plop into the seat across from Bella, followed by Jasper.

The connection between our eyes broke as Bella turned to face the new arrivals.

"So Bella have you decided who you're taking to the dance? I overheard Mike telling Eric that you were going to be his date. We'll have to go shopping Friday after school."

Before she could respond, I interjected, "Bella doesn't dance. Mike is just talking out of his ass…again." I slammed my books shut and excused myself from the table.

_Fucking Newton._

Why are you running away? Get your ass back there and ask her.

I spun on my heel and made my way back to the cafeteria only to stop short as I took in the sight before me. Jasper was gone from the table and Bella sat with her forehead pressed to Alice's as they spoke in whispers. I spotted the tears glistening on Bella's lashes as she rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. _Shit. I'm an ass._

I weaved my way to the table, calling out to her. When her eyes met mine she took on the look of a deer caught in a pair of headlights before she bolted from her seat and out through the rear door.

Accelerating my stride I turned to follow her only to have my path blocked by five feet of fury and shocking, black hair. Alice pushed back on my chest, drawing my attention away from the swinging door.

"Seriously, what is your malfunction?" she screeched as her fist collided with my chest. "She's my friend and you are acting like a total spaz. Cut that shit out already. For months you've been playing games with her emotions, pulling her in only to push her ten steps back. I've done my best to stay quiet, but enough is enough. Leave her alone. I mean it." She thumped me on my chest once more before she raced after Bella.

She had a point. Enough was enough.

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BPOV

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did I allow myself to get sucked back in? I had a plan. They say the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Though the thought of being under someone else scared the life out of me, and technically Edward wasn't my someone to get over. But nevertheless I needed Edward to not permeate my every thought, waking or otherwise, and I figured going to the dance, on a date, with someone who was certainly not Edward would be a good way to get out of his grip. So why was it when Mike asked me to go with him I couldn't just say yes? The answer was far too easy and downright depressing. Mike wasn't Edward.

When I looked at Edward's face as I mentioned my uncertainty about my answer to Mike's invitation, the hurt I saw was enough to break my resolve. The part of me that I tried to suppress, the part that wanted nothing more than to be immersed in all things Edward, struggled to break free of its shackles and to reassure him that I wanted no one but him.

As we stared at one another I felt my guard slipping, the carefully constructed façade of indifference beginning to fade away. Fortunately, I was able to hold on to the last shred of dignity that remained when our connection was broken by Alice. It took all my strength to fight the urge to hurl as she mentioned how Mike was going around bragging about succeeding in acquiring me as his date to the dance. I stared in abject horror as Edward spoke in a forceful whisper before promptly standing and stalking off. This wasn't the first time he had done this, but with each passing encounter it stung a little more. This time was no different. I was foolish to think that I had distanced myself enough to not allow him to get under my skin.

Tears took shape upon my lashes as Alice offered comfort, Jasper's form slipping silently from view.

_What is so wrong with me?_

Less than a minute passed before a pair of emerald eyes entered my line of vision. Regret and apology lingered and the power behind his unspoken words startled me. As he called out my name and took steps toward me, I knew I needed to save myself from more pain and hurt, and the only way I knew how was to run. So I did. I ran until my legs ached and my head grew light. I pushed into the bathroom and allowed my back to press against the door. The tears turned to sobs as I struggled to catch my breath.

Succeeding in calming myself significantly, I stood and made my way over to the sink to splash some water on my face. Looking in the warped glass at my reflection, my earlier question replayed through my mind. _What is so wrong with me?_ I poked and prodded looking for that one flaw that would explain it; the one thing that would justify Edward's erratic behavior. Dropping my hands in defeat, I turned to exit the room, only succeeding in bumping into Alice on my way out. She gripped my wrist and tugged me back into the bathroom.

I protested and struggled out of her grasp. "Alice. I need some time. Can I just call you later?"

When I raised my head to look at her, I was shocked by her appearance, letting out a quick gasp. Her eyes were red and puffy and her lower lip quivered as she held back the new tears that lingered on her lashes.

"Oh, Alice, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so short with you." I closed the space between us and pulled her into a tight hug.

Sniffles filled the air before she spoke, "Bella, I'm so sorry. I wish I could give you some sort of explanation for E…"

I cut her off. There was no need for Alice to apologize or make excuses, whatever was or wasn't, for that matter, going on with her brother was not her fault and I needed her to know this.

"Alice, stop. You have nothing to apologize for. You are my best friend. I don't know what I would do without you. You've made these last few months some of the happiest in my life. I promise I'm not running away from you. I just need to go talk to Mr. Banner. Why don't you come over after school? We can pick out some things for you for the dance, ok?"

A nod and a smile was the only confirmation I needed to know that we would be ok. Brushing away the residual tears, I made my way into the hall, hurrying my way to the biology office. I was hoping to catch Mr. Banner before the bell rang. No way could I make it through the next hour sitting so closely to a boy who set my world on fire with a simple look, test or no test.

Luckily, my academic excellence afforded me some leeway and Mr. Banner agreed to arrange a make-up exam first thing the next morning when I explained to him that I was not feeling well and needed to go home early. He gave me a note excusing me from class and instructed me to take it to the main office.

After expressing my thanks I hurried to the office, pausing momentarily as I reached the steps. Cursing myself internally, I trudged up the stairs and into the office. Ms. Cope sat behind the main desk and shook her head as I crashed into the room, stumbling over my own feet. I handed her the note quickly and waited anxiously as she scanned it, my eyes darting to the clock as my foot tapped restlessly against the tiled floor.

Seeming satisfied with the contents, she filed it away and bid me farewell, insisting that I get some rest and feel better soon.

I rushed out of the office just seconds before the first bell rang. I was rounding the corner on my way to the main door when the all too familiar bronze hair caught my eye. Tearing my eyes from the back of his head I sped to the set of double doors and out into the crisp air. My hands rested on my knees as I collected myself.

The ride home took less than half the time it usually did as I accelerated my way down the roads, desperate to lock myself away in my room. And that's exactly where I stayed until I heard the light rapping of Alice's knuckles on the front door.

Our encounter was tense at the start, the events of the day still hanging over our heads. But as time progressed and our laughter grew exponentially, a familiar ease settled over us. We talked about Alice's dress ideas and she tried to steer the conversation back to my accepting one of the numerous invitations I had received. However, she was smart enough to take my clipped answers at face value and soon dropped the conversation, easily segueing into something humorous that had occurred in gym.

We sat giggling at the dinner table when Charlie came in the house at about six p.m. She hopped up and hugged me before doing the same to a stunned Charlie. Waving and shouting over her shoulder, she told me she'd call me later.

My dad shot me a questioning glare, to which I responded, "Alice." He chuckled and patted me on my head as he went to take a seat in the couch while I finished preparing dinner.

We sat in near silence as we ate, and it was peaceful. Charlie never pushed, he sensed something was off, but when I told him I was just tired he let the subject drop. He offered to clear the dishes so I could head up to bed early and I kicked myself for using that as my excuse. While I had wanted to escape to the solace that my bedroom provided when I left school earlier, now when it was so near to bedtime that was the last place I wanted to be. Sleep meant dreams of Edward. On any other day I think I would have been ok with this, even accepting of it as a reality, but not today, not after the incident at school, not when I was so vulnerable. I considered taking a sleep aid to knock me out entirely before the dreams had the opportunity to take hold of me, but decided that I had to face whatever may come head on.

Changing quickly I settled under the covers and closed my eyes anticipating the onslaught of images.

_Nothing._

I awoke the next morning filled with a mixture of relief and disappointment. Not a single frame flashed behind my eyes as I rested. Trying to focus on the positive aspect of this I determined that this was a good sign; that I could make it through the day without needing to shutter myself away from the world.

When Alice had called me after dinner, she had suggested cancelling our sleepover; to which I promptly replied that that wouldn't be necessary. She countered by suggesting that we have it at my place this week instead of hers to which I gladly agreed. We talked some more about the dance and somehow by the end of the conversation she had talked me into going. This thought came back to me as I rushed through my morning routine. Going to the dance meant that I needed to select the lesser of the evils, going with one of the guys who had asked me or going alone and risking having to watch Edward from a distance.

It was a sign when the phone rang just as I was about to leave for school.

"Good Morning, Swan residence."

"Bella?" a husky voice responded.

"This is she." I was unfamiliar with the voice and couldn't figure out who would be calling so early on a school day.

"Great, it's Jake."

Jake. The tension that had built in my limbs dissipated and a smile spread on my face. Jake and I had started to spend time together again a few weeks after my arrival. It was always something fun and light, from hanging out on the beach down at the reservation, or watching him work on his car in the garage. Those few hours every couple of weeks were a nice contrast to the energy charged ones spent in Edward's presence. Everything about Jake was comfortable and warm. At first I worried that he might expect more from our relationship than I was prepared or eager to give him, but that fear quickly faded away when he told me about the girl who he had a crush on but who didn't seem to notice him. This fact alone further endeared me to him. After all, I did know a little bit about wanting something that was always just slightly out of reach.

"Jake. To what do I owe this honor, I was just about to walk out the door."

"Oh that's right, sorry, different school schedules and all, I forgot. I'll just call you later. B…"

Before he could say 'bye' I cut him off, "It's ok, Jake. You know I always have time for you." I swear I could almost hear him smiling.

"Sure, sure. So, Bells, I was wondering if you'd be up for hanging out with your dear buddy Jake tonight."

"I'd…I…I can't." It pained me to turn him down, but I remembered that Alice was coming over, and I doubted she'd want to spend her evening with Jake and me.

"It's ok, maybe next time. I guess I'll talk to you later."

Once again before he could hang up the phone I stopped him. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

When I arrived at school the feeling of unease that I had expected was long gone. I made my way to my classes with my head held high, confident in my steps. I experienced a momentary slip as I entered the cafeteria. Through my peripheral I searched the faces of the crowd for a set of jade colored eyes. When I came up empty that unsettling mixture of relief and disappointment coursed through my veins. Relief dominated as I recollected the feeling that had carried me through the morning and the conversation that had sparked it. Gathering food randomly, I made my way over to the spot at Alice's side.

Beaming at her, I told her of my talk with Jake, all the while surreptitiously eying the door. She was ecstatic and rearranged our plans for the evening to include a trip to Port Angeles after school, as she deemed every article of clothing in my closet to be severely lacking.

The giddiness that she had infected me with continued as she walked me down to the lab. A surge of tension and crackling electricity filled the air as I made my way into the room and over to the still empty lab bench.

I pondered momentarily where he was as I took note of the ticking arms of the clock. The sound of a throat clearing broke me from my contemplation. I looked up half-expectant and half-fearful of the sight that would greet me.

Instead of green I saw blue, and immediately I felt neither fear nor excitement but resignation.

"Hey, Mike. How's it going?" I spoke in a calm, disinterested tone.

"Bella, where have you been? I was looking for you after lunch yesterday to make arrangements for our date but couldn't find you anywhere. So what time do you want me to pick you up?" As he spoke he inched his way on to the edge of the bench, leaning in close to my face.

_Was he fucking serious. What part of 'I'll get back to you' did he not seem to get? Nowhere in there was a 'yes'._

"Mike, I'm sorry that you somehow got the impression that I had agreed, but I already have a date." I tried to keep my voice even as I seethed.

"You…what?" He stumbled over his simple words and stood, his eyes full of disbelief.

"I can't go with you. I have a date with…"

Before I could complete my sentence, the velvet voice that had the ability to evoke both the sweetest and most haunting of dreams said, "me."

Edward took his seat beside me, sitting closer than usual and glared at Mike.

I gaped as I watched Mike stomp away. _What had just happened?_

I turned toward Edward ready to unleash my fury over his jackass move, but quickly changed my mind when I saw the deep bags under his eyes and the sudden slump of his shoulders.

Instead I opted for a simple, "thanks."

He shook his hand dismissively, and spoke in a harsh whisper, "It was nothing. Mike's an ass," followed in an even lower tone by, "and so am I."

Not sure the best response to two obviously true statements I chose to say, "You do know I actually have a date, and could have convinced him that it was someone other than you, right?"

"I know," he said before turning from me and facing the board.

Class went by without further incident and the high that I was on carried me through the rest of the day. I couldn't quite wrap my brain around why Edward would come to my aid, but I didn't have the energy nor the desire to focus on it. I met Alice in the parking lot and we made the trek out to Port Angeles.

Two hours and three shops later, Alice had proclaimed our trip a success, having purchased a dress, two pairs of shoes, and a clutch, along with a half dozen pairs of earrings and various accessories.

We grabbed a quick bite to eat before we made our way back to my house where we vegged out on the couch and watched movies, until we were both yawning and unable to keep our eyes open. We walked up to the second floor and I left Alice at the guest bedroom before walking to my own. Our house was much smaller than hers and it always embarrassed me when it was my turn to play host, but she always reassured me that spending time with me was far more important than how many rooms we spent the time in.

I managed yet again to make it through the evening dream-free, which was surprising given the fact that I spent at least half an hour before I closed my eyes replaying Edward telling Mike that he was my date to the dance. Despite everything that had occurred with us, there was a part of me, a rather large one at that, that wanted this to be true, that wanted Edward to want me.

When I awoke the next morning it was to the smells of bacon and pancakes, and was that burnt toast? I hurried down the stairs and made my way into the kitchen, to find Charlie sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other. Alice stood by the stove flipping pancakes, with an apron haphazardly tied around her waist. I relieved her of the spatula and retrieved the blackened pieces of bread from the toaster. Once breakfast had been salvaged, we settled in to a light conversation before Alice scurried off to shower and change. Emmett was coming by to pick her up so that she could go home to get ready and then she and Jasper would come by to pick up me and Jake.

Not moments after Alice cleared the doorway shouting her goodbye, did Charlie turn to me with a huge grin and ask, "So Jake huh? Billy told me about it but I just couldn't believe it until I heard it from you. About time you two kids got it together."

"Ugh Dad. You know Jake and I are _just _friends. It's not like that."

His face fell before he spoke again, "So there are no boys in town that have caught your eye?"

I thought for the briefest of seconds on how to respond before settling on, "No."

He nodded his head and resumed reading the paper. I cleared the dirty dishes and excused myself before heading up to my room. I still had about four hours before I needed to think about getting ready so I busied myself with chores. Laundry and scrubbing of the counters and floors took up only two hours so I moved on to homework. Looking at the clock I seemed satisfied that it was a good enough time to shower and begin getting dressed.

The dress Alice had convinced me to get was a dark blue strapless dress that had sheer cap sleeves and a ribbon around the middle. She had decided when we got home that it would be best paired with a pair of Mary Janes. I tried to convince her that heels and I do not make for a good combination but she would hear nothing of it. I won the battle when it came to hair and makeup and politely declined her "offer" to do both; she relented, but not before providing her opinion on what would look best. "We" selected to pull my hair up into a loose ponytail of cascading curls and go light on the makeup, just some gloss and shadow. She tried to push for mascara, but the thought of poking myself with the wand earned a firm "no" from me.

As I was putting the finishing touches on my ensemble, I heard the phone ring. Charlie answered and told whoever it was to hold before he hollered up to me.

I started to wobble my way down the stairs. When the task of walking in the heels became too daunting, I removed them and raced the rest of the way. I look at my father for some indication as to who it was but received nothing.

"Hello?"

"Bella," a groggy voice responded.

"Jake? Are you ok? What's wrong? You sound terrible," I spoke in a rush.

A chuckle came through the phone but was soon cut off by hacking as he coughed, "I guess you can say that. I'm really sorry, I woke up this morning feeling horrible, but hoped it would go away by now. I'm still up to get down, but the warden tells me I need to stay home and rest." He laughed at his own joke. Billy was a sweetheart and the idea of him being a warden was rather amusing. "I'm really sorry, Bella, I'll make it up to you, I promise." The coughing resumed as he finished his sentence.

"Oh, Jake, don't be silly. We'll hang out some other time. Get some rest and don't give your dad such a hard time. He's only doing that because he loves you."

"Sure, sure. Later Bells," he whispered.

"Bye Jake," I said before hanging up the phone.

_I guess there goes that idea. Alice is not going to be happy. Better get it over with._

I dialed Alice's number and was only able to get through to her voicemail. I left her a message apologizing and telling her that Jake couldn't make it so I was going to sit this one out and I'd see her in school on Monday.

I hung up and made my way up the stairs, passing a sympathetic looking Charlie along the way, scooping down to retrieve my discarded shoes.

Thirty minutes later, the doorbell chimed. _I guess Alice didn't get my message._ Sighing, I shouted out to Charlie that I'd answer the door, and received a grunt from where he sat in his recliner.

Swinging open the door, I spoke, "Alice, I left you a message. I'm not going."

But the person filling the door frame certainly wasn't Alice.

"What…what are you doing here?"

"Taking you to the dance, of course."

**

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A/N:

**Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews. I enjoy every last one, even the ones that tell me they are confused or frustrated.**

**Special thanks to Katie (pkitten21) who stepped up and offered to beta this for me, I am extremely grateful for the suggestions.**

**Next chapter is half done, so I am hoping to wrap it up in the next few days.**

**In the mean time go ahead and click that button and let me have it, good or bad.**


	7. Failed Rescues and Lost Words

**It's a miracle, less than a week between updates. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. I loved reading them all even the ones expressing their frustration. Believe me I'm there with you too. **

**Special thanks to Katie (pkitten21) for whipping out the red pen on this one.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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EPOV

"Me." The word was out of my mouth before I could fully process what I was saying. The look on Mike's face was utterly priceless. _Cocky fucker, serves him right._

The joy soon faded as Bella spun to face me. Fury soon turned to pity as she took in my appearance. Little sleep had been had the previous evening as I tormented myself by replaying my jackass moves over and over – a compilation of errors streaming through my mind in slow motion. When I woke this morning weary and dejected, I considered spending the day in bed. However, doing that meant I would have to be subjected to my mother's constant worrying and questioning. I really was not up for that. I mean how could I possible explain that I was pretty sure I was in love with a girl who I could barely control myself around. No, staying home would be far worse than going to school and having to own up to my mistakes.

She thanked me and I brushed it off, but not before silently apologizing for far too many things. When she told me she did in fact have a date, my affirmation was more sincere than placating. Of course she did. Who wouldn't want to take her out to the dance? _Could have been you. _

I was numb for the rest of the day, dragging myself to class, answering when spoken to. Not only could it have been me, it _should_ have been me.

As I was leaving my last period class, bouncy curls and bright colors intercepted me.

"Edward, I've been looking all over for you," Jessica purred.

_Great, this was not how I wanted the day to end._ Jessica always seemed to find me at the least opportune times. For months I had been evading her as she waited outside of classrooms or by my car after school. It certainly didn't help matters with Bella; she would often walk out of the gym with Alice and find Jessica throwing herself at me.

"Jessica, what is it? I'm sort of in a hurry." All I wanted to do was get home and wallow for the rest of the weekend.

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah, and what was that?" _Why was she stalling?_

"I wanted to know if you wanted to be my date for the dance tomorrow." She blinked her eyelashes furiously at me, and pressed her palm into my chest, effectively causing my back to lay flush against the wall.

Gripping her wrist in my hand, I shoved off the wall and responded, "I'm not going. Is that all?" I started walking toward the main exit, leaving Jessica glued to her spot, mouth agape. Soon a scowl formed and she came stomping after me.

"What do you mean you're not going? You have to go. We need to talk. What about all the words…"

I never did hear what else she was saying because in a matter of minutes I had made it to my car and turned the radio on while I sped away.

I drove for hours, trying to clear my head. I circled the familiar route that always led me to Bella's house, only pausing momentarily to take in the sight of her as she walked up the front steps with my sister, both of them with their heads thrown back in laughter, a half dozen shopping bags in tow.

Not wanting nor needing to add stalking to my repertoire of asinine moves, I drove off and headed home. Alice had switched the sleepover plans and would now be spending the night at Bella's instead of vice versa. No doubt as a result of the lunchroom blow-up the day before. Mom, taking the reduction of dinner guest in stride, opted for a quick meal instead of her typical three course menu. Dad, on his way to the hospital to work the late shift, grabbed the containers she had packed for him and headed off. Emmett was out on a date with Rose, so it left just the two of us.

"So, Edward, tell me, how was your day?"

"Fine." I was not in the mood to have a conversation, but by the look on my mom's face I knew I had to give her something. "Same as always, I suppose." I smiled warmly at her while I stabbed at my food with my fork.

"I see. So nothing of interest happened today? I heard the spring dance is tomorrow. I assume you've extended an invitation to one of the girls at school, right?" She stared at me with rapt attention, waiting eagerly for my response.

"Actually, no I haven't. I wasn't planning on going."

"Hmm. Surely, there's got to be at least one young lady at your school that has caught your attention. It would be a shame for you to miss out on the fun," she spoke sweetly.

_Of course someone had caught my attention, but she had a date already. No way could I suffer through three hours of mediocre music, spiked punch and raging hormones, only to have to watch her on someone else's arm._

"There'll be other dances. Besides dressing up and going to dances is more Alice's thing anyway."

I shoved my plate away, my appetite long faded.

A deep sigh escaped my mother's lips and the clanging of silverware on china echoed before she spoke firmly, "Edward dear, are you sure you are alright? I'm always available to listen if you want to talk about what's troubling you." She extended her hand and rested it on my forearm.

"I know, Mom. I'm just tired. Mind if I head up to bed early?"

"Of course, son. Maybe some rest is all you need."

"Thanks." I placed a kiss on her cheek and ran to put my dishes in the sink before hurling myself up the stairs and into my room.

In the confines of my room I was able to drop the mask that I wore to keep my mother and her need to hover at bay. The four walls served as free space to just be, and not worry about what the right way to act was.

Changing quickly, I crawled under the blankets and prayed that sleep would come. Preferably a sleep filled with images of _her._ The harder I tried to conjure the pictures that would ease me into a peaceful slumber that I was entirely undeserving of, the further away they slipped. The lines grew fuzzy, the sounds dropped to just above a whisper. As my eyes grew heavy I could hardly make out the color of her eyes, or the sound of her voice.

I awoke the next morning, later than usual, but for once I didn't seem to care. I had nowhere to be, no one to rush to see. I was alone. And it only seemed fitting.

Once I was showered and changed, nourishment took over the highest slot on the agenda. Ambling my way to the kitchen, the wafting smell of frying bacon and pancakes filled my nostrils.

"Mmmm, whatever you are making smells heavenly." Greeting my mother, I grabbed a cup and filled it with juice before settling in beside my father. "Hey, Dad. Shouldn't you be catching up on your beauty sleep?"

"Har, har, har. Very funny. I actually managed to get in quite a few naps during my shift, so I feel great. So, what are your plans for today? Your mother tells me you have opted not to go to the dance like your sister," Carlisle spoke between sips of his coffee.

"Not really sure. Probably just hang around here and watch some movies," I said with a shrug.

Gratefully, the remaining topics of discussion steered away from the upcoming day's events and focused more on future plans. Every summer we took a family vacation, each year alternating who got to choose the location. This year it was my turn. The last thing on my mind was putting any real distance between Bella and I. It was bad enough that we were in the same room and it felt like we were hundreds of miles apart. I don't think I could deal with physically being away for weeks.

The sound of the door shutting and a deep bellow that could only belong to Emmett broke up our chatting. His large frame entered into view eclipsing Alice who stood behind him.

Esme rose from her stool to greet them. Soon she carted Alice off to prep for the evening's festivities leaving the three of us to clean up.

"So Eduardo, who's your hot date for the evening? Heard Stanley yammering on to Lauren about how she had bought a dress to match the sparkling color of your eyes," my goof of a brother asked as he flung his arm around my shoulders.

Brushing off his embrace, I gathered the rest of the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. "I'm not going."

"Why the heck not? You've got chicks chasing after you constantly, and you never take any of them up on their offers to…" noticing my father's quirked eyebrow, "help you work on that really HARD math homework, and study for your ORAL exams. I mean, come on, what's wrong with you? There's got to be at least one girl you wouldn't mind spending a few hours with."

"Just drop it already. I said I'm not going, so leave it at that." I shut the door with a huff before I turned to leave the room. My hand gripped the banister ready to climb the stairs and hide out in my room for the rest of the evening, when the sound of my sister's voice floated down to me, "…and then Bella got this really pretty dress. I'm sure her date will absolutely love it. I mean why wouldn't he? She's beautiful as is, but with…"

I couldn't listen to any more. Wanting to distance myself as much as possible from reminders of the fact that I had blown every opportunity I had been lucky enough to receive, I headed down to the den. Unfortunately, Emmett not one to let things go, was right at my heels.

"So it _is_ true. I figured as much, but you never made a move so I thought Jasper was just blowing smoke out his ass," he chuckled.

"What are you talking about? And why are you following me around? Don't you have to get ready for the dance?" _Why couldn't everyone just leave me alone?_

"Nah man, I got tons of time. Doesn't take all that much work to make this look good." He flexed his muscles and began to strut in a ridiculous fashion. "So, what happened, man? I know you've always been a little different, especially since that whole thing with…" I shot him a warning glare, "_her_, sophomore year, but is it that hard to ask a girl to a dance? Especially one who obviously has a thing for you, heavens knows why."

"Em, I have no clue what you are talking about, and frankly I don't care. If you want to be down here with me, then fine, but please no talking." I dug out the controllers for the Xbox 360 and loaded up Halo 3. "Are you playing or what?" I asked as I handed him the second controller.

We played in relative silence for over two hours before Emmett gave up and headed upstairs to change. Turning off the game I stood stretching my legs and headed up to the kitchen for a snack.

Esme was in the middle of prepping the ingredients for dinner, when a distraught looking Alice entered the kitchen.

"What's wrong, baby?" my mother cooed.

"I just got a message from Bella. Her date had to cancel, so she's not going. This is so disappointing. I was really looking forward to tonight," Alice said with a pout.

"Oh, Alice sweetie, I'm so sorry. Isn't there anyone else that she could go with? Or maybe you could go in a group? There has to be someone who is available." Her eyes suddenly landed on me. "Edward, I have a wonderful idea you should take Bella to the dance."

"Mom, I don't think that's such a good idea," I stammered.

"Don't be silly, she shouldn't have to miss it. I'm sure I can find something of your father's that you can wear. Give me just a minute, I'll be right back." She patted my cheek and flew up the stairs, leaving me to deal with Alice.

"Alice, before you start, remember I told Mom no. You know how she is. I'll go talk to her…"

"Edward, wait. Mom's right. Bella shouldn't miss this dance. If that means going with an insensitive ass like yourself then so be it. But so help me, you step one inch out of line and I will shove my heel so far up…you get the picture. Now go change, we're going to be late."

Thirty minutes later, I stood trembling on her porch, finger hovering over the doorbell. After one final pep talk, I pressed it and waited. Those thirty seconds felt like an eternity, my heart racing and palms slick with sweat.

Her voice streamed through the door, calling out to Alice about an overlooked message. Her shock was evident when she realized she was mistaken in assuming it was Alice at her door.

I spoke with confidence when she asked why I was there. She looked taken aback and I soon determined the source of her embarrassment. Clothed in a ratty bathrobe and fuzzy slippers, her hair pulled up with stray strands framing her face haphazardly, she truly had accepted that she wasn't going to the dance.

Pulling the flap of her robe shut, she backed into the house, and mumbled, "Come in," while she looked over my shoulder in search of Alice. Their eyes met and Alice flew in to action, pulling Bella up the stairs and telling me to wait in the living room.

What she hadn't mentioned to me was the fact that Bella's father currently occupied that space.

I squeaked out a 'hello' and surveyed the room for a place to sit. The minutes dragged as my knees bounced and I wrung my hands, desperate to come up with something to say to the Chief of Police, a man who on a daily basis carried a loaded weapon. Fortunately, conversation didn't seem to be high on his agenda, for any item I brought up was responded to with short affirmations in the form of grunts. Instead of inflicting further torture on myself, I settled in to my seat and waited.

In the time it took the Mariners to end the game with a win, the footfalls of my sister could be heard on the steps. Following Chief Swan to greet them and leave, I stopped in my tracks when I caught sight of Bella. She was absolutely breathtaking. On an ordinary day, her understated beauty was mystifying, but now when she was sheathed in dark blue satin that hugged her curves and had a subtle shimmering of gloss upon her lips, she was gorgeous. My body reacted instantaneously.

"Just perfect," I whispered to myself. Or so I thought, until three sets of eyes landed on me. One dark and furious filled with a fierce protectiveness, a second lighter pair filled with a mixture of sympathy and caution and the last, the most striking of them all, filled with…_desire_? A stunning blush took over her face as she offered me a soft smile before she turned and spoke in hushed whispers to her father.

"So…shall we go?" she directed at me as she shifted her weight from side to side, trying to maintain her balance on the heels that could only have been my sister's doing.

"I can't wait," I replied as I extended my arm to her. When her fingers made contact with the crook of my elbow, the electric surge that resulted was exhilarating. I would never tire of the way even such a simple touch could thrill me. _Imagine what it would be like to kiss her, to taste her._ Expelling the ill-timed thoughts from my head - _Bella's_ _father…Chief of Police…shotgun - _I led us to the door following after my sister.

Bella seemed unsure as we reached the car, very much like the first time I had picked her up for school. Placing my hand on the small of her back, I guided her in to the passenger seat. No way was I going to allow her to leave my side for the rest of the evening. This was my last shot.

Looking in the rearview mirror I took in the knowing smirk from my sister, and proceeded to speed off to pick up Jasper and take us all to the school where the dance was being held. When we arrived the party was in full swing, the bass of the music pumped freely from the speakers, and a plethora of streamers and balloons in a rainbow of colors filled the gymnasium.

Through the crowd we spotted Rose and Emmett sitting at one of the tables with a swarm of people around them. Bella walked with trepidation, shifting her eyes as we moved. I placed my hand on top of hers keeping her securely at my side, and I felt a lightening of her shoulders as she eased in to my touch.

Settling into place at the table, the six of us struck up a light conversation, until one of Alice's favorite songs began playing and she pulled Bella and Rose up to dance with her. It was amazing to watch Bella loosen up and let down her inhibitions as she laughed with them, swaying her hips to the beat.

A hand clasped on my shoulder interrupting my ogling. "Eduardo, seriously, what is your deal? You obviously like her. And I see the way she smiles at you. I know Mom was the one that got you to take her, but why didn't you ask her yourself? Better yet why not months ago when you started crushing on her? Are you some sort of masochist?" Emmett was always blunt and I would expect nothing less from him.

Turning to face the expectant faces of both Jasper and Emmett, I said, "It's complicated."

"Bull shit. How complicated can it be? You like her, she likes you, you date, get married, have lots of little Eddies. Sounds pretty easy to me," Emmett chuckled.

"Do you really think she likes me?" I hedged.

"Are you blind? That girl has had a thing for you for months, but you always seem to jump up out of your seat when you are in the same room with her for more than five minutes, and when you are not making a mad dash to whack off, you are spouting off nonsense and scowling. Get it together, bro."

"But…the letter…she can't…she doesn't - no, you're wrong." I all but told her I was in love with her and her response was "is that all?" Doesn't seem like the response from someone who is interested.

"Dude, the big lug over here knows what he's talking about. I've seen it. Alice has seen it. Why can't you see it?" Jasper added.

_Could this be true? Could we have wasted all this time not seeing clearly how the other felt? _

Looking back over at the girls, I took in her smiling face and our eyes connected. In that moment, it didn't matter whether I could see it or not. I could feel it, and I couldn't ignore it.

I stood and closed the distance between us, ignoring the hooting and hollering from behind me and the smiles of approval from behind her. All I saw was her. All I wanted was her.

When I reached her, the song had changed, the tempo slowed, a sweet melody filling the air. Taking her hand in mine, I met her gaze and asked, "May I have this dance?"

She breathed out a "yes" and positioned herself so that she was fully facing me. I gathered her other hand and placed it on my shoulder, allowing my fingers to lightly surround her waist. I pulled her close, so close that I could feel her labored breaths against my skin. She stumbled slightly, murmuring an apology, reminding me that she wasn't much of a dancer. It didn't matter because I was there to catch her, and having her in my arms was all I needed.

I thought that now would be a good time to question her, to confirm what I now knew, but as I remembered all the times in the past when words had failed to serve a purpose, only straining things more, I kept my mouth shut.

Acting on its own accord once again, my body sought more contact, shrinking the gap separating us. My head leaned down, the stubble on my jaw grazing against the skin of her shoulder, my lips brushing the nape of her neck as they neared her ear. I whispered, "You're so beautiful, do you know that?" A visible shudder took over her body as my breath fanned out over her skin and I stared deep into her eyes.

She gulped as she fought against the intensity of my gaze. Her body trembled as we barely shuffled our feet. Keeping a constant connection with our eyes, I inched my mouth closer to hers. Just as our lips were about to touch, she pulled back, stating she needed to be excused, and I watched her run off toward the restroom.

_Fuck._

Reclaiming my seat at the table, I placed my head in my hands, threading my fingers through my hair in frustration. _So close._ _She'll be back, don't worry._ I watched my siblings and their partners twirling around the floor, Alice shooting a questioning look my way as Jasper spun her in his arms. I shook off the concern and mouthed 'bathroom' to which she nodded.

Fifteen minutes later when Bella hadn't reappeared, my anxiety heightened. Deciding that sitting and waiting was doing no good I sought her out.

Within feet of the restrooms, I ran in to the last two people I would have wanted to suffer through a conversation with at that time, a cackling Lauren and Jessica. I overheard a snippet of their ongoing conversation and it was enough to make my stomach turn.

"So if he wrote you this letter, why haven't you dated? And for that matter why again is he here with another girl? I thought you said he wasn't your date because he wasn't going to come to the dance," Lauren snipped.

"He's just shy. You remember what happened with his last girlfriend. And from what I heard he's here on a pity date because his mom made him take her."

"That makes sense I suppose. But why didn't he give you the letter himself? Why have Mike give it to you, I thought they hated each other?" Lauren replied.

"I already told you this. He was in a rush, he gave it to Alec. Mike snatched it from him and that's when he gave it to me. It really isn't that difficult. Try to keep up," Jessica said, now mere inches from me. It became clearer what they were talking about as I spotted the paper in her hand. A paper I had agonized over for months.

_She never got it._

"Oh, Eddie, how are you? Did you save a dance for me? I was just telling Lauren here how nice it was of you to help your sister's friend out of her predicament," Jessica spoke as she feverishly tried to hide the letter in her clutch.

Catching her by the wrist, I pried the paper from her hand. "What are you doing with this?" I fumed as I shook the paper in front of her face.

She looked at me sheepishly before saying, "I loved every word, and I feel the same way too. I only wish you could have given it to me yourself. Do you want to take a walk outside so we can talk more about it…_in private_?" She approached me with a predatory look in her eyes, claws at the ready.

"Wh…What?? Are you kidding me? This wasn't for you. This was for…" And then I saw her retreating form. "Bella! Wait. Please." I pushed past them and raced after her. The muscles in my legs ached as I sped, desperate to reach her.

Pushing through the double doors, I knew it was too late. The taillight of the squad car lit as it drove away; taking with it my opportunity, my second chance.

My eyes scanned the paper that was crushed in my fist, taking in the familiar scrawl of my handwriting.

_I sit here and all I can think about is you. _

_When you came crashing into me that day in the hall, I knew in that instant that I had fallen half in love with you. Thoughts of you are all I can manage when I lay in bed at night and count the minutes until I see you again. _

_In the day, when you are near and your scent surrounds me, my lungs fill with your sweetness and all I can do is think about having you at my side endlessly. I am drawn to you. Every cell in my body ignites when I see you, when I hear you, when I touch you, even for the briefest of moments - there's an electricity that shoots through me and it excites me to no end…._

_You're so different from all the other girls, and I find that to be so alluring and I can't seem to get enough. I would like to see if there's something here, between you and I, something real. I've always been more a man of action, words acting to further muddle my feelings, so I hope you will give me the opportunity to express to you how serious I am about getting to know you better. I hope that you feel even a fraction of what I do, or at the very least are willing enough to give me a chance. I anxiously await your reply._

"Edward? What are you doing out here? Where's Bella?"I cringed at the sound of my sister's voice, I had been so lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard her approach. _How do I explain to her that I've fucked up again?_

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Esme and Edward's pre-dance talk was brought about by the Friends episode "The One with the Prom Video" and Edward got some inspiration from Salinger for his letter.

**I am ready for whatever you have to throw at me, so click away and let it all out.**


	8. Mean Girls and Last Chances

**Sorry for the delay. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. Your thoughts help tremendously, even the ones simply letting me know your level of frustration. My undying gratitude goes to Tiff for pre-reading, acting as my cheering squad and hand-holding. Many thanks to Katie for betaing this and offering words of encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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BPOV

It was so lovely being in his arms. It provided me with a feeling of comfort, almost like it was where I was meant to be, a home of sorts. The way his lips felt on my neck sent shivers throughout my body. My arms quaked, my knees trembled. I felt trapped in his gaze. His green eyes alight with foreign emotions. I saw him nearing me, and my brain reeled with confusion. None of this made sense. Up until this moment he had given me no indication that he was interested. As a matter of fact he had given me quite the opposite feeling. And now he was going to kiss me. Did I want that? _Yes,_ my body screamed while my mind told me it was a bad idea, that it was too much. So I ran. I told him I had to use the restroom and I hardly gave him a second look as I raced away.

I braced myself against the sink and felt the tension leave my body as the cool water made contact with my skin. Taking several deep breaths I chided myself for my foolish behavior, soon realizing I _wasn't_ being foolish; I was acting out of self-preservation. I needed to pull it together, regain the strength of days past and go out there and deal with the situation with indifference and resiliency.

I shut off the faucet and pushed myself away from the sink, taking a moment to fix a few loose strands of hair and wipe away the residual droplets of water. The sound of the door creaking open and heels on the linoleum floor startled me. I quickly barricaded myself in the nearest stall, not quite as ready to face the outside world as I had previously thought. Pulling my feet up off the ground in an effort to remain inconspicuous, I waited for the sound of Alice's voice.

It never came. Instead what I heard caused me to double over, an uneasiness turning my stomach.

* * *

"Did you see what she was wearing? I mean the least she could have done was make the effort. I mean it's not every day you get to go to a dance with Edward Cullen," the first girl spoke in a nasal drawl.

"Uh-huh," the second girl responded as she passed a brush through her mess of curls and frizz.

"Jessica, why aren't you more upset about this? I thought you were head over heels for him. And didn't you ask him to go with you to the dance and he turned you down?" the first girl inquired, firing one question after the other at a rapid pace.

"Lauren, Lauren, Lauren, I'm not worried about the ugly duckling, because I have this," Jessica said as she pulled a scrap of paper from her purse.

"Oh not the letter again; I still don't get it," Lauren said as she reapplied some lip gloss.

"That's because you're jealous no one has ever written such beautiful words for you. I mean listen to this:

_In the day, when you are near and your scent surrounds me, my lungs fill with your sweetness and all I can do is think about having you at my side endlessly. I am drawn to you. Every cell in my body ignites when I see you, when I hear you, when I touch you, even for the briefest of moments - there's an electricity that shoots through me and it excites me to no end._

Who wouldn't feel secure when they had that at their disposal? Only a fool wouldn't get that. Edward and I are meant to be, so I'm not worried about Swan, or any other girl for that matter. If they're dumb enough to think they have a shot with him, it's their funeral, got it?" Jessica put her brush away and turned to the door.

Seconds later the door shut behind them and I was left in the stall with the words I had just overheard swirling in my head: "fool", "dumb". _Stupid, stupid Bella._ Why did you let yourself believe?

I couldn't go back out there. All it would take was one look in his eyes and I would break down. How had I not seen the laughter and deception there? How had I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in the feeling of his skin on mine?

I knew going back was not an option, and I couldn't very well hide out in the bathroom for the rest of the night; that left me with a very easy decision, I needed to go home. But there was a problem; Edward had picked me up so I didn't have any way of getting home on my own.

Digging out my cell phone from my bag, I dialed the one person who I could place my faith in to not let me down.

On the second ring, a gruff voice answered, "Forks Police Department, Chief Swan speaking."

"D…Daddy," I whispered, trying to hold back the tears.

"Bells honey, are you ok? What's the matter?" His voice sounded frantic.

"Dad, can you come and get me, please?" I couldn't muster the strength to tell him what was bothering me and lying seemed inappropriate, so I chose to keep it simple.

"Of course, I'll be there in two."

"Thanks," I mumbled before closing my phone. Climbing down from the seat, I peered through the crack in the door, ensuring that the bathroom was empty.

Without hesitation, I opened the door and made my way into the hall. I walked at a clipped pace toward the main exit, avoiding eye contact with anyone who I may have passed by.

About ten feet from the door, I heard it, the sound of my name echoing off the walls, the velvet voice causing me to miss a step and nearly tumble. I couldn't face him, not now, not with all I now knew.

The cold wind sent a chill through me. In my expedited exit I had forgotten my coat. No time to worry about that. My eyes scanned the lot in desperation. When they landed on the flashing lights of the police cruiser, a whoosh of air left my lungs. I raced toward the car and hurriedly took my place in the passenger side, making sure to secure my seat belt, before muttering my thanks to my dad.

He looked at me inquisitively, seeming to contemplate asking what prompted my sudden call and erratic behavior, before turning the key and softly asking, "Home, then?" to which I simply nodded, turning in my seat to face the window.

The silence continued as we entered the darkened house. Still Charlie did not question but I could see that he was anxious, the fidgeting evident as he looked at me sympathetically.

"It'll be ok, kiddo," was all he said before he placed a kiss on my forehead and walked up the steps to his room. I stood there at the bottom of the stairs bracing myself for the onslaught of emotions that were sure to erupt when I entered my room and I was free to break down.

When I neared the top landing I reached over to switch off the light; as I turned to do so, my body immediately caught sight of something that brought the memories of the night's events to the forefront of my mind.

Wide green eyes, a crooked grin, and the matching one of my own that involuntarily sprung to my face as our eyes met.

How is it that everything had gone so wrong in just a matter of a few hours?

_Because you are a fool. Stupid Bella._

At that moment I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They streamed down my cheeks, blurring my vision as I stumbled the rest of the way to my bedroom. Once safely tucked behind the door, the dam truly burst and sobs exploded from my chest as the images assaulted me at a feverish pace.

_So stupid._

After stripping and scrubbing away the last reminders of an evening that I had regrettably hoped would go so much better, I cocooned myself underneath the blankets and used my pillows to silence the sounds of my sorrow.

I awoke the next morning at around ten, with a throbbing pain between my temples, the pillow still clutched in my iron grip. The ache in my body and my chest served as unwanted souvenirs.

They say it gets easier with time. I certainly hoped that was the case.

Somewhere between the crying and fighting off images of _him_, I had come to the conclusion that the only way to resolve this situation permanently was to make a clean break. But first I needed to clean up this pity party.

Showered and changed, I gathered the balled up tissues and made the bed with clean linens, chucking the old ones in the wash. Next on the agenda was food. My stomach grumbled in agreement.

Since it was Sunday, I wasn't surprised to find that there was no one to greet me when I entered the kitchen. A note tacked to the fridge confirmed my suspicions that Charlie had likely gotten up at the crack of dawn to go fishing with Billy. Needing to only prepare food for myself made the decision of what to eat that much easier. No sense in dirtying pots and pans for a meal for one. Digging the cereal from the cupboard, I filled a bowl and made my way to the couch.

As I plopped down into my usual spot for Sunday morning TV viewing, I felt that something was off. Reaching behind me, my fingers landed on the offending object and it felt as if my fingertips were on fire.

_Stop overreacting. It's just a coat._

I grabbed the garment, stood and made my way over to the front closet, shoving it inside without so much as a second glance.

Returning to my breakfast, the turning of my stomach told me that nourishment would have to wait a bit.

I cleaned up the dishes and looked over to the living room, having an internal debate as to whether I could handle going back in there and relax. In the end, the side that deemed it an impossibility won out.

The clock on the microwave read just after eleven. Charlie would be home no earlier than five. That left me with six hours to avoid the memories. I could go upstairs and hole myself off for the day, but I'd be doing myself no good by wallowing in my misery.

After rejecting every option I came up with, it struck me that I overlooked the most obvious. Grabbing the rubber gloves, I got to work. There wasn't much to clean as I had used this therapy the night before, but it still managed to provide a much needed distraction. Before I knew it, it was two o'clock. Sinking down on the newly made bed, I let out a sigh that was a mix of exhaustion and relief.

A blinking red light drew my attention to the bedside table. Scrolling through the missed call list, I saw that there were twelve calls, ten of them from Alice starting at about five minutes after Charlie picked me up to about twenty minutes ago. I was about to shut my phone, unable to deal with hearing the worry in her voice as I listened to her voicemails when I saw the last call from the list from about five minutes ago.

Huh?

I hit redial and waited.

A smile spread across my face when the familiar voice answered.

* * *

Going back to school was easier knowing that I'd only have to avoid the mess that was my life for a few more days. Spring break was right around the corner, and after Renee had invited me down to see her, I couldn't pass it up. It truly could not have come at a better time.

Trips to the library during lunch and after school helped me evade the possibility of running into the piercing eyes that I fought against in the lab. I considered asking Mr. Banner to switch partners but I knew that doing so at this point in the semester was unrealistic.

Alice and I had talked late Monday afternoon. She picked up on my desire to avoid discussing all things Edward, or dance related, and we came to a silent agreement that our friendship should not be severely altered, though she was insistent that we rotate our weekend schedule a bit.

Charlie was hesitant to let me go off to see Renee, and I couldn't quite understand what was at the root of his worry. Reluctantly he agreed at the last minute and offered to drop me off at the airport the next morning. Placing a kiss on his cheek and giving him a one-armed hug I thanked him, and went up to my room.

My sleep for the past week had been uncomfortable at best. The dreams that plagued me were not ones of yearning, but ones of regret. The face that was once twisted in fire and passion now held a sneer full of contempt and disgust.

But tonight, tonight was different. The green eyes were there, but not full of sexual desire or hatred but of longing. I tossed and turned as the scenes played out. He inched toward me, arms reaching, searching.

"Bella, I need you. Please. Don't leave. Just let me explain." His voice was shaky and his shoulders were hunched in defeat.

My fingers twitched in response. Those words cut me deep. I wanted to believe it, part of me felt it was the right thing to do, to listen, that this was all a big misunderstanding. But I couldn't. Pushing off the cloud of sleep I awoke feeling a hollow pain in my chest. Why couldn't I just try to believe that Edward wasn't like that? Well, for one thing, he hadn't given any indication, other than in your dreams, that he wanted you. Except for the dance. I couldn't bring myself to think of that night. Skipping over the night in question I focused on the events after the dance. Edward seemed to be avoiding me just as much as I was avoiding him. In lab he barely said more than three words to me each day, 'hello' and 'see ya'. The few days when I did go to eat in the cafeteria with Alice, he was nowhere to be found, not that I was looking. All of this further confirmed what that night had taught me, I was nothing more than an obligation that needed to be fulfilled and I was a fool for wishing for anything more.

The clock told me that it was too early to get out of bed, yet I knew that shutting my eyes again and getting some rest was just as unlikely. I lay in bed with my hands covering my eyes until the sound of the alarm blaring drowned out my thoughts.

Several hours and thousands of miles later, I touched down in Jacksonville and was quickly scooped up into my mother's waiting arms. The week passed seamlessly; it was exactly what I needed. Despite my mother's many flaws and airhead moves, there really was nothing like the feeling of going home, even when that home moved every two months or so.

She hugged me and lavished me with much needed attention. When it was time for me to head back to Forks, she extended an invitation to visit during the summer break. I gladly accepted, thinking that the alternative of a probable cold, wet and lonely summer in Washington was not too promising.

* * *

The final few weeks of classes flew by as exam prep and prom frenzy filled the school. Alice did not bother to press the subject of my attending junior prom as I had told her and everyone else that I had plans that could not be rescheduled. Yup, plans. Me, a bag of microwave popcorn and a ton of DVDs.

Not attending did not save me from dress and shoe shopping however. Alice insisted that she desperately needed my opinion.

Of course since I have spectacular luck, the day we did decide to go happened to be the same one chosen by half of our class, including a set of bleached blondes who had the ability to induce vomiting at the mere sight of them. They stood by the mirrored dressing room. All frizzy hair and low cut fabric, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. As they adjusted and preened, the words came back to me.

"…_only a fool." "Ugly duckling."_

I covered my mouth and fled out onto the sidewalk gasping for air.

A frantic looking Alice followed moments later.

"Bella…Oh my god, Bella, what's wrong? Talk to me." She gently rested her hand on my shoulder, urging me to face her.

"Alice, I'm not feeling very well. Would you mind taking me home?"

"Of course. Are you sure there's nothing else bothering you?" she questioned.

I felt terrible for not being honest with her, but I couldn't verbalize what had caused my sudden panic attack. I hadn't been able to be honest with her about anything that had to do with _him_.

We drove back to my place in silence and before I knew it we had arrived. Climbing out of the car, I thanked her for the ride and apologized for cutting our time short.

* * *

When prom night came around, I settled into the armchair and allowed myself to be immersed in the mindless plot of several movies. About half an hour into 'The Hangover', the doorbell rang.

An eerie sense of déjà vu overcame me as I inched my way to the door.

"Wh…Who's there?" I called.

"Bells, open up."

"Jake??" I unlocked the door and peered out to the porch to find a soaking wet Jake standing there.

"What are you doing here? Come inside."

"Thanks," he responded as he shook the droplets of water out of his hair. "Charlie mentioned to Billy how he was worried about you, moping around the house; apparently there's some big event or something at your school and you've decided to sit it out." He hung his coat on the rack and made his way to the couch, settling in the moment he was within reach. I followed after him and resumed my previous position.

"Jake, you really didn't need to come over. I'm fine. I swear." My voice wasn't strong enough even to convince myself. The look that crossed his face told me he wasn't fooled either.

"So, no pretty party dress for you tonight? You know you owe me a rain check still, right?" Jake asked as he grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table.

"Oh Jake, you know me. Two left feet. And besides you stood me up, remember?" I spoke nervously, not wanting to delve deeper into the subject.

Luckily a raucous laugh erupted from Jake's chest; looks like there would be no need to skirt around the issue. We sat there for hours making idle chit chat and watching one movie after another. As the credits rolled on our third movie, I yawned and Jake soon mimicked my motions, stretching his muscles.

"Well looks like I should be shoving off. Don't be such a stranger. You know I'll always be here for you." He placed his hand on my chin, lifting it so that I could stare directly into his eyes. They were so genuine. Not full of doubt; nothing but absolute sincerity. I felt tears starting to fill my eyes and I struggled to hold them at bay. The words trapped in my throat, I nodded and he pulled me into his warm embrace. Placing a kiss on the top of my head, he said goodnight.

Locking up behind him, I went to clean up the mess left over from our movie night.

Things were so easy with Jake. I think it had a large part to do with that he wasn't a threat, wasn't thinking with his hormones. He was sweet and affectionate, but in a best friend/younger brother kind of way. I never felt like his gaze was predatory, his touches obscene. He always knew the right thing to say, and more importantly he knew when to leave things alone.

If I could only find someone who possessed all of these qualities with the added benefit of being physically attracted to me I'd be a happy camper. Sigh. No use dwelling on the would haves, could haves of the world.

Shutting off the lights, I went to bed. The rest of the weekend flew by; Alice stopped over on Sunday to fill me in on her night out, and to have our weekly "treatments". She loved turning my room into a mini spa, insisting on painting my toenails and fingernails brighter and brighter shades of pink. We discussed our plans for summer vacation, and the pout on her face was enough to break my heart. When I had gotten back from spring break, she told me about her family's upcoming vacation and even invited me to go along, to add insult to injury she played the 'mom' card, telling me how much Esme would love for me to join them. Thankfully I didn't need to lie when I told her that I would be out in Florida with my mom. She reluctantly accepted it, only after making me promise that when I came back we would spend some time together before senior year started.

* * *

Watching the clock tick down the final minutes of the semester was torture. My knees bounced, my eyes scanned the clock, and the moment the last bell rang I shot out the door along with my anxious classmates. The sun shone bright, well, as bright as was possible in the wettest part of the continental US. Alice twirled and skipped over to her car, pulling me behind her. She embraced me tightly, and bid me farewell, saddened once again by my eminent departure and subsequent absence for the next month and a half. I told her that it would all be ok and that I'd see her when I got back, promising to call and write, and wishing her well.

Walking over to my truck, I caught sight of sparkling green and rich bronze, a timid smile and wave, and then it was gone.

The weeks passed without incident. The distance proving to lessen the ache. The dreams all but disappearing. Returning to Washington at the end of August, I did so with a new outlook on things. I could do this. I could make it through the year. It was just until June. Ten months and then I could put all of this behind me.

Alice and I had a fantastic time before the first bell of the semester rang. I even convinced her to come down to visit Jake with me, and we spent nights on the beach, or in Port Angeles. Sometimes Jasper would come along too, others even Rose and Emmett showed, but he never did. And I was both saddened and relieved.

Senior year started off better than I could have anticipated. The gods had decided I deserved a break because as I went through my first day, I noticed one obvious difference. No Edward. You would think with a class the size of ours, it would be an inevitability that we would have at least one class together, but no, not one. We even had different lunch periods. After school was my next test, and again, I managed to pass without a hitch. Edward spent his afternoons on the field, leaving long after I drove away. This allowed me time to visit with Esme without fear of the tingling feeling on my skin whenever he was near. She seemed to understand the lack of visits over the previous months but was much happier having me around to take care of again.

Weeks turned into months, and before I knew it final exams were around the corner. Edward was always pleasant when he did encounter me, smiling meekly and offering pleasantries, but never extending the conversation beyond trivial subjects. The unease that once overwhelmed me was hardly a buzzing.

This fact alone was enough to minimize the amount of pestering that Alice had to do when she invited me to a post-graduation party at her place. Once the caps were flung, I headed off to a quiet dinner with Charlie and then he dropped me off at the Cullens'.

The twinkling lights that wrapped around the trees lining their driveway illuminated the lawn beautifully. The sight that I encountered when I walked through the front door was breathtaking. Alice sure knew how to go all out. Decorations covered every spare inch, and music pumped soundly from speakers throughout the room. There was a handful of partygoers already moving to the beat, with several more milling around the snacks.

I found Alice quickly, and after having my offers of assistance turned down numerous times by both her and Esme, I went to stand by the front window, facing the center of the room. As I scanned the crowd for someone who could possibly serve as a worthy conversation partner while I waited for Alice to finish up some of her hosting duties, my eyes locked on his.

I was momentarily taken aback as I tried to process all of the emotions streaming through the green.

Sadness. Regret. Acceptance. Longing. Desire.

Neither one of us seemed to want to be the first to look away. He inched toward me, and with every step he took, I felt an electric current fill the air. The intensity heightening as our separation decreased. I stood fixed in my spot, unable to move or speak, only capable of staring. Inch by inch. So close. So far.

I squeaked as I felt my feet leave the floor and arms wrapped around me, warm breath fanning across my face.


	9. Hasty Goodbyes and New Beginnings

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading, reviewing and favoriting. Special thanks to Tiff for pre-reading and her continuous hand holding. Thanks to Katie for betaing and asking some really important questions. **

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

* * *

BPOV

_I squeaked as I felt my feet leave the floor and arms wrapped around me, warm breath fanning across my face._

"Emmett, put her down!" Esme chided, calling out to him from the entryway.

The breath whooshed from my lungs as his arms pulled away and my feet touched the ground. Looking up I saw his familiar dimples on full display.

"Hey, sweet thang. How's it feel to officially be done with high school?" he asked.

Looking behind him I searched for the lost connection, only to see the back of Edward's head as he was led away to the kitchen by Alice.

My shoulders dropped as I turned my full attention to Emmett, and struck up a light conversation discussing my plans for the next year.

"So, sticking around Washington, eh? I would have thought you'd want to head back to somewhere warm. Weren't you thinking about University of Florida?" He shot me a quizzical stare.

Truth was I had asked myself this very question not too long ago when I was filling out my applications. I was most certainly not a fan of the cold and the wet, and the thought of at least another four years dealing with it was low on my list of priorities. My mom had also been pressing very hard for me to pick a school in her neck of the woods. So why was it that I had chosen to attend University of Washington? My logical side said it was because the bond that had slowly been building between Charlie and I was not something I was ready to separate from again, and being just a few hours away was much better than being across the country. But my heart, it told me something else. As much as I proclaimed to want a clean break, and avoided thoughts of him, this place, this state, held all of my memories of falling quickly and breaking even faster. And being the glutton for punishment that I am, I wasn't quite ready to leave it all behind.

"Yeah, but I don't tan so much as burn, so being in sunny Florida would be a bit of a waste. Besides, UW has a great writing program, and Angela and Ben are going there," I answered with pseudo-confidence. Wanting to steer clear of any further questions about what I would be doing and what, or rather whom, I would miss the most, I asked, "How are things with you and Rose going down in California?"

He told me about the past year and all the adjustments they had made living in a new city, how he had impressed the coaches with his natural ability on the field, and how Rose had found her calling in the laboratory. Just as he was going on about some of the pranks his teammates had tried to pull on the new guys, I caught Alice in my sight. She stood off to the side talking animatedly with Jasper, her brow furrowed and her hands waving frantically. I searched the crowd for the mess of bronze hair that was last spotted trailing behind her, but came up short. I excused myself from the conversation with Emmett which had since grown to include some of the males from my class, and made my way over to Alice. As I approached, I saw Jasper give her a pointed look before turning on his heel and walking toward the back of the house.

"Hey Bella, having a good time?" she asked in an uncharacteristically calm voice.

"Yeah, I am. But I feel like I haven't spent any time with you," I responded.

"Well, you know how it is. I like to be the life of the party, making sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Why don't we head over there and talk for a bit," she said as she hooked her arm in mine and led me toward the chairs lining the front edge of the living room.

We chatted for several minutes about her summer plans and the impending move across country to New York. When we had applied to colleges we had discussed ad nauseam Alice's dream to enter the fashion industry. Washington wasn't exactly teeming with prospects as far as design schools go, so she had applied to some of the big names in both California and the Big Apple. In the end the offer she received from NYU was too good to pass up, even if it meant being so far away. It also helped that Jasper was accepted to Columbia in their history department. I wasn't sure where Edward had decided to go, only that it was likely on the east coast as well.

True to her word, Alice would ask anyone who passed how they were getting along, and if there was anything she could get for them. Unlike earlier in the evening, she seemed more than willing to accept my offers of assistance, practically keeping me glued to her side. The party wound down and people began to make their exits.

I hadn't discussed with Alice my spending the night, assuming that there would be no issue with my staying, so I was startled when I asked her if it'd be ok and she flat out refused, telling me that she had an early morning planned and that it really wasn't the best time. I was taken aback to say the least, it was not the answer I had been expecting in the slightest. I contemplated pressing the issue, asking what had happened, why she was acting cold but decided against it.

I excused myself to call Charlie to ask for a ride home. The phone rang three times and there was no answer. I shut the phone, pressed my closed fist against my forehead and expelled a sigh that was a mix of frustration and confusion.

"Bella, are you ok?" a gentle voice asked.

I looked up and saw Angela standing before me.

"Sure Ang, just having a hard time getting a hold of my dad. He dropped me off, and I forgot to tell him what time to pick me up," I lied as I turned my gaze to the dwindling crowd.

"Oh, well, Ben and I were about to get going. I'd be happy to give you a ride if you'd like," she responded.

"That'd be great. Let me go grab my coat. I'll meet you out front."

Hurrying my steps, I went to retrieve my coat from the closet in the hall, eying each person I passed. Rosalie…Mike….Emmett…Eric…Jasper…Alice, but no Edward. I could have sworn that there was something different in his eyes right before Emmett interrupted. Ever since then I hadn't been able to catch sight of him to confirm whether or not it was just my imagination running wild. Coat in hand, I convinced myself that it was all in my head and that nothing had changed and it was better that way.

I said quick goodbyes and headed out the front door. Angela stood snuggled in Ben's arms, the pair of them leaning against her car. Not wanting to interrupt their moment I walked leisurely to meet them. The sound of accelerated footsteps behind me caused me to stumble a bit. The sound of his voice, however, stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Bella, wait, don't leave."

_I need you_.Shaking the thought from my head, remembering that that had only been a dream, I slowly turned to face him, getting the opportunity for the first time that evening to fully appreciate what he was wearing. He had a navy button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and had paired it with a dark pair of jeans. His hair was a tousled mess of rich colors and his eyes sparkled with a newfound intensity in the twinkling lights of the driveway.

He increased his pace, coming within inches of me, the electricity flowing seamlessly between us. He gasped for air, resting his hands on his knees.

He rose to full stature seconds later and began to speak, hesitating slightly, "Bella…I…about before…" He fiddled with his cuffs as he searched for the right words to say.

_Tell him. What are you waiting for? What's the worst that could happen?_ Rejection. _Been there, done that._

"Edward, what is it? Angela and Ben are waiting for me," I said in a much harsher tone than I intended.

"Oh," he mouthed as he looked over my shoulder at the happy couple. "Here," he said as he handed me a picture frame containing a snapshot of him, Alice and me from the first weekend I had spent the night. "Mom wanted me to give this to you." Esme had snapped pictures relentlessly that evening and this one showed us laughing. The look on Edward's face in the picture shocked me. He stared at me, almost in longing. His smile was so broad and made his eyes shine. I couldn't understand how the happy boy in the picture could be the same one that stood before me, fidgeting and uncertain. I searched his eyes for a trace of the emotions that had flitted across his face at the start of the evening and found none. _It was all in my head._

"Thanks," I said as I fingered the wood of the frame. "Is that all?" I asked almost pleadingly.

"Um…yeah, I guess that's it. Good luck at school," he said as he reached out and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"You too," was the only response I could come up with as I felt my emotions start to boil over.

Without a second look, I turned and resumed my walk to the car. Angela and Ben were now nestled inside of it. With my hand on the handle, I knew this wasn't how our story was supposed to end, but I also knew that I couldn't survive turning around and facing the boy who had the power to crush my heart in his hand. So I opened the door, and watched through the window as my chance at happiness flew by, seeing his green eyes for possibly the last time.

* * *

The next three years were tough, filled with assignment after assignment, exam after exam. I shut myself off in my room most nights, avoiding the constant partying that many of my classmates had made a part of their nightly ritual. My roommate freshman year had been a loud girl from Portland, who had apparently determined that she wanted to sleep her way through as many of the upperclassmen as she could before finals. A quick trip to the housing office quickly remedied this less than ideal living situation, and I lucked out by ending up in Angela's empty suite. It was nice to have at least one friendly face to pass by on the way to my room. I kept in constant contact with Alice via phone and email, but there really was nothing like face-to-face interaction with someone.

On several occasions Angela she tried to get me to go out on double dates with her and Ben and one of his friends. I turned her down more often than not, and on the times I caved and went with them, I didn't have a terrible time. But none of the guys were able to hold my attention for very long. There was the one that did nothing but talk about himself; the one who thought it was appropriate to touch my skin every chance he got; the one who droned on and on about the ways in which Call of Duty: Modern Warfare was much better than any of the previous versions; the last was the one who convinced me to firmly decline any more fix-ups, he spent most of the evening checking himself out in any shiny object he could get his hands on, and when he was done doing that, he was checking out the waiter's ass.

With dating off the table, I managed to maintain a stellar GPA, excelling in most of my classes. I stayed on campus throughout most of the year, only going home for the major holidays. Even then, when I was back in Forks, I mainly remained at home or out on the small excursions that Alice had forced me on. Thanksgiving during my junior year marked a significant change for my family.

When I found out that my father had started dating again I couldn't have been happier for him. He was always so reserved and before I moved to live with him he had pretty much been on his own since my mother left him. When it was time to go away for college, I felt guilty about leaving him alone again, but he assured me that he was a grown man and would be perfectly fine on his own, urging me to go after my dreams. I still couldn't help but worry, even though it was only a few hours away. When I had first come to live with him, he could barely feed himself. Most nights he would suggest we go to the town's only diner for dinner, so I had taken it upon myself to take over housekeeping chores.

Sue was the widow of one of my dad's good friends, Harry Clearwater. After Harry passed away during my senior year of high school, my dad, as well as Harry's other friends, had taken it upon themselves to help her out and kept her company. Turns out, shortly after I left for college my dad got up the nerve to tell Sue how much he enjoyed spending time with her and expressed a desire to take her on a date. From there things progressed to the point where they spent most of their spare time together.

After two and a half years of dating he thought it was high time to make an honest woman out of her and got down on one knee. When he told me the news over turkey and stuffing, I was ecstatic. The wedding was planned for two weeks after the spring semester ended. They hadn't planned on a big wedding, opting for just a small ceremony with family and friends followed by a bonfire down at First Beach.

* * *

I hadn't been back to Forks for several months, not since Christmas break. I breezed my way through finals and packed my bags to head home for the wedding. I planned on staying in town for a few weeks to help out with the last minute planning. Being there for a little extra time beforehand also meant that I got to know Sue's kids Leah and Seth. Leah was generally very tough but her soft side shone through when she set her eyes on her fiancé, Sam; Seth on the other hand was young and full of joy, constantly cracking jokes and making those around him laugh.

The two weeks flew by quickly and before I knew it the big day had arrived. The wedding was beautiful and I had never seen more smiles plastered on my dad's face than on that day. Many of his friends and co-workers were so happy to see me and marveled at how I had grown in the last few years into such a beautiful young woman. I blushed furiously at the compliments and thanked everyone. I mingled and was relieved to see a friendly face, as Jake smiled and waved me over to where he stood talking to Seth and a few other males I didn't recognize.

"Hey Jake, it's been a long time, how are ya?" I asked as I gave him a timid hug.

Never the shy one he engulfed me in a tight embrace and chuckled.

"Hey Bells, you look good. Your old man is a lucky bastard, eh? Sue is a fine piece of…"

Seth cut him off with a punch. "Dude, that's my mom."

Jake held his hands up in apology. "Sorry Seth. Hey Bells, you know Seth, right?"

I nodded. "Cool, well this is Jared," he pointed to the guy to the left of him, who had his arm draped over a blond; he smiled and nodded in my direction. "That's Kim," she shot me a glance and waved, "And this is my brother, Paul."

My eyes fell on the man to Seth's right. He had cropped black hair, was at least 6' 5" and had a well toned upper body and chest. He wore a short-sleeved Oxford shirt with most of the top buttons undone and a pair of khaki shorts. The white of his shirt contrasted nicely with the russet tone of his skin. His eyes were dark and as they connected with mine they flashed and a smile broke across his lips. He grasped my hand in his and the warmth was overwhelming. He shook my hand lightly and as he made a move to pull his hand away he let his thumb stroke the back of mine.

"Pleased to meet you Bella, Jake can't seem to shut up about you," Paul said while he shot a smirk to Jake.

"Well that's Jake for ya. That mouth of his is always moving, though usually he's shoveling food into it," I said earning a chuckle from the group. The sound of Paul's deep guffaw caused my skin to tingle.

My palms started to sweat and my throat became dry. Eying the makeshift bar, I managed to squeak out, "Nice to meet you all," my eyes firmly glued to Paul's.

A few sips of my vodka tonic helped to calm my nerves. It had been years since I had felt an instant connection with someone, a semblance of desire, and the feelings it reignited scared me. I sat on the bar stool and collected my thoughts, allowing the clear liquid to flow down my throat, feeling my body relax.

"Is this seat taken?"

The finger tracing the rim of my glass stopped mid-circuit as I looked up and saw the smiling face of the man who had sparked something inside of me just moments before.

"No, please," I said as I motioned with my hand for him to sit.

We spent much of the remainder of the evening talking, focusing on the getting-to-know-you topics that most people broach when they first meet: favorite movie, favorite band, career aspirations and the like. Talking to him was so simple. The awkward pauses in conversation never weighed upon our interaction.

The music started to die down, and a slow tune filled the air. We slipped into a lull, enjoying the melody, the silence broken only by the clearing of his throat.

"So…" he stalled, "Jake tells me that you're quite the dancer. Any chance I could see the famous skills in action?" He reached out his hand to me in invitation.

I stared at his palm, frozen in my spot as memories of many years ago pushed against the block that I had put in place after that wretched night. Meeting his eyes, I searched for uncertainty, and found none. Instead there was something different: confidence, need, and hope.

I slipped my hand in his and allowed him to pull me out on the sand into a circle of lights. He held me close to him and whispered to me as we swayed to the beat. Continuing the conversation we started at the bar he told me about the auto body shop that he and Jake were starting up in Seattle. I talked mostly about my school work and the few friends I had up there.

As the song came to a close, he thanked me, squeezing my hand once more before releasing it from his grasp. Reclaiming our perches at the bar, we watched Charlie get twirled around by Sue; he really must have been in love with her to have accepted her invitation so easily; he considered dancing to be torture and would do just about anything to get out of having to do it.

It was starting to get late, and the crowd began to thin. Once the newlyweds made their exit, I knew it was time to follow suit. I said goodbye to Jake, promising to meet up with him once he got settled in Seattle. Paul and I exchanged numbers and made plans to have coffee in a few weeks time.

* * *

Coffee turned into lunch which bled into dinner. I enjoyed Paul's company tremendously and for the first time in a long while I didn't want time to press ahead. Paul looked at me like I was the most precious thing in existence. He made me feel desired; it was a nice change of pace, feeling appreciated.

He told me that the time he spent with me made him feel like he was wanted, something he had apparently been lacking for most of his life. Once we began seeing more of each other he started to open up to me. My heart ached as he broke down and compared himself to unwanted goods. I knew that feeling all too well. He told me about making the effort to have a connection with his father, of going to see Billy, and being turned down repeatedly. Once again I could empathize.

Jake had turned to me a few years back when he had learned that he had a half-brother. He told me about the confrontation that Billy had with Paul, and how he had followed Paul when he sped away on his motorcycle after a knock-down-drag-out fight with Billy. He told me about Paul's anger toward him and his father. Jake told me about the hurt he had felt over his father keeping such a secret from him and over the fact that Billy had abandoned his own child. I felt terrible for Jake when he recounted the events that were plaguing him. But now hearing these same stories from Paul's mouth, the urge to cry resurfaced and acted upon me ten-fold.

Paul and I could not be any more different, he was loud, short-tempered, quick to act first and think later, daring, and passionate, yet the underlying connection was undeniable. We both understood what it was like to want something just out of our reach, wanting to feel like you belonged.

Things progressed naturally for us. We spent much of the summer getting to know one another, taking walks through the park, having picnics in my living room, watching fireworks on the fourth of July. When the fall semester started up and the body shop began to pick up more business, it became harder to go out as often. We did however talk on the phone as much as possible.

The week before Christmas marked a critical point in our relationship. Paul took me out for dinner and a walk on the pier. He sat us down on a bench overlooking the harbor and gathered my hands in his. He told me how different I made him feel. How suddenly he felt like he had a place in this world. He told me how he knew from the moment he saw me that there was something special about me. With several gentle kisses on my lips, he told me that he loved me. My eyes grew wide at those three little words that carried with them weighty promises. I knew next to nothing about love, having my only experience with it lasting for less time than it took to start, but I did know that being with Paul made sense, that he gave me purpose. Returning his sentiment, he pulled me into a tight embrace. Noting my shivering he led us back to his place. He was sharing a two bedroom apartment with Jake, but Jake had gone down to Forks early for the holiday. We spent the rest of the evening in bed, translating our verbal declarations into physical expressions of the same emotion.

The next few months flew by. We grew closer with each passing day. The rare occasions on which we fought were explosive, but we always seemed to reconnect in bigger and better ways once the hurt feelings had faded away. As graduation approached we began discussing our future. I wanted to go on to get my Master's and he fully supported my desire to do so. The shop was doing well, so he was looking into getting a place of his own, a place for us. We had been together for several months, spent the night together on more than one occasion, so it seemed like the next logical step. A month after graduation, my boxes were lined up against the living room walls. We passed the afternoon christening every room of the apartment.

On the third anniversary of this change in living arrangements, things were much different.

"This can't be," I whispered to the bathroom air, as silent tears spilled onto my cheeks.

Opening the bathroom door, my eyes met the frantic ones that were usually so serene.

"We're having a baby."

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A/N

**Someone has nominated this story for an Indie Award for "AH story that knocks you off your feet". I have yet to figure out who it was, but I would like to thank them for thinking enough of this piece to put it up for voting. So make sure you go and check out all the stories up for awards www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com**

**As always only way I'll know what you all are thinking is if you click that button, so go get to it.**


	10. Making Adjustments

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. A couple of people have expressed the need to stop reading and I understand completely. Thank you for reading as long as you could. Thanks to everyone who's still around.**

**Thanks to Tiff for all the various roles she fills. Words really aren't enough.**

**Thanks to Katie for red penning and asking the all important questions to keep me on track.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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BPOV

Paul took the news of my pregnancy better than I had expected. In the four years that we had been together, we hadn't really spent much time discussing things such as marriage and children. In fact I tried to avoid those topics altogether, knowing how hard his upbringing had been for him.

He kissed me soundly on the lips and expressed his joy over the prospect of being a father, whispering how happy I was making him. We passed several hours talking about what our next step should be.

One thing was obvious, another move would be in order. Our apartment was nice, but no way was it suitable for raising a child. We decided we would set some time out over the next week to try to find a place.

In our discussions, marriage never came up, and I'd be lying if I said a part of me wasn't disappointed. I knew, deep down, that getting married because you were having a baby was not a good enough reason. The thing was though, I loved Paul and I could see myself staying with him for years to come, and now with the baby on the way, why not get married?

The feeling of sadness soon dissipated as I felt the onslaught of emotions that were connected to the realization that I was having a baby. There was so much to do, and my brain truly could not wrap itself around how much my life would be altered by this event. Drifting off to sleep, these thoughts slipped away as I felt the warmth of Paul's body nestled next to mine. His arms acted as a safety net, protecting me, securing me, loving me.

The weeks that followed were arduous. House-hunting was painful at best. We had difficulty agreeing on a place that fit both of our tastes and price ranges. I had just completed my Master's a few months back and had a part-time, low-paying job at a publishing house so I couldn't contribute much in the way of mortgage payments. Paul insisted that money shouldn't be the deciding factor in selecting the home in which our family would blossom, but I couldn't help but feel that our relationship was a tad lopsided.

Eventually we compromised and found a quaint two-bedroom, two-story house just outside of Seattle. Now that the house had been selected and loan paperwork had been signed, we were tasked with shuttling our things from the apartment. Jake and a couple of the guys from the shop offered to help with the move and for that I was grateful. My morning sickness had been coming on pretty strong, leaving me feeling weak and emotional. Paul was concerned but I brushed it all off, having read that this was not uncommon with first pregnancies.

Finally, the last of the boxes were lined up in the various rooms and the unpacking had begun. I sat in front of a box marked 'Bella's clothes' lamenting over the fact that many of them would soon be unwearable as my body continued to expand. I shook out each piece and hung many of the items in the closet. My fingers brushed against soft velvet and I shuddered as my mind recognized what it was. Pulling the jacket from the box, I stared at it as my fingers ran down the sleeves. I laughed at myself as I recalled the last time I had laid eyes on it, how foolishly I had reacted all those years ago to several pieces of fabric stitched together by a few feet of thread. Shaking it out, I placed it on a hanger and proceeded to put it on the rack with all the other items. As my fingers made a final pass over the front of the material, they made contact with a foreign object. Grasping the yellowed paper in my hand, I pulled the scrap from the pocket. My hands started to shake as I tentatively unfolded it, catching sight for the first time the words that were scrawled on it.

There in an eerily familiar handwriting, a lettering that was often seen on lab reports and class notes were the words: _**I'm sorry. **_Two simple words, but nevertheless they held an enormous amount of power. A multitude of questions sprang to the forefront of my mind: When? Why? How? Why?

As the questions slowed, I determined that it didn't matter, none of it mattered. I was happy. Paul made me happy. We were having a baby. No sense in dwelling on a person who hadn't been enough, who couldn't have been enough. It had been years and there was barely a mention of him during my talks with Alice and Esme, so there was no way that a missed apology was going to turn my life on end. Crushing the paper in my fist, I chucked it in with the rest of the garbage. _Out of sight, out of mind._

After hours of shuffling things back and forth, I was dead on my feet. Paul had gone in to the shop about halfway through my rearranging, and had yet to return. The weight on my eyelids prohibited me from waiting for him any longer. For the first time in all the time we had lived together, I went to sleep alone. I'd like to think that this is what prompted the dream to come. _Green eyes, bronze hair, pink lips begging to be kissed, whispered words._ I woke the next morning with a start, but soon settled back in when I felt the weight of Paul's leaden arm resting on my belly. I placed a kiss on his skin at the base of his neck. He stirred slightly and looked at me through heavy lidded eyes.

"Hey babe. Go back to sleep," he grumbled.

"Can't. I missed you," I said as I kissed his chest.

"I know. I missed you, too," he sighed, pulling me closer to his body, enveloping me in his warmth. "Things have just been crazy down at the shop, and I took all those days off. Jake needed me. But I'm off today, so why don't we get some more sleep and then I want to take you out."

I groaned as I buried myself under the covers. "Fine," I muttered, feeling peeved that my advances had been rebuffed.

His breath tickled my ear as he whispered, "There will be time for that later," his hand firmly cupping my breast and squeezing.

Six hours later, we were eating at our favorite restaurant down by the water. Conversation was light and laughter flowed freely. Once dessert was consumed and the bill had been paid, Paul took my hands in his and said, "We got one more stop before we head home."

We drove for a few miles and stopped at the harbor that housed the very bench where he had shared a big part of himself with me as he told me about his past, the same bench where he had told me he loved me for the first time.

I sat on the cool metal and waited, as I watched Paul pace nervously in front of me, wringing his hands as he muttered to himself.

Turning to face me, he took deep strides and made his way over to me, clasping my hands once more in his. Kneeling before me, my heart stuttered as the enormity of the moment dawned on me.

"Bella," he began, "my love for you grows and grows with each passing day. From the very beginning you've made me feel more complete." His hand released mine and made its way to my stomach, "This baby, joins us in more ways than words can express. So, what I'm about to ask you, is undoubtedly the easiest thing I'll ever ask. Bella, I've loved you for the past four years, even before I could put it into words, and I know with certainty that I'll love you for the years to come and I'd love nothing more than for you to be my wife. Bella, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" He looked up at me expectantly and I saw the glistening moisture pooling on his lashes.

My response came as easily as his question did. "Yes," I shouted. We spent most of the rest of the evening celebrating.

Time stretched on as plans were made, fights often erupting as we couldn't come to an agreement and my hormones took over. Paul took to spending more and more time at the shop, arriving later and later. I grew lonely and my mind started to wander to all of the possible reasons for his distance. I soon began to panic as the thoughts of affairs and broken promises flitted through my head.

Bracing myself against the mantle, I tried to calm my breathing. Righting myself, my eyes connected with smiling faces, and the absurdity of what I had been thinking hit me. There in the silver frame was a picture of Paul and me, laughing on the fourth of July. Next to it was a candid of us from the night we had met, dancing on the beach at my father's wedding. However, the final picture I saw was something different. Buried in the back behind all the ones of my current life, was a remembrance of my past. There in a faded wooden frame were three smiling faces. Picking up the phone, I was rewarded with the calming voice of my best friend.

Alice had recently moved back to Forks to be closer to her parents. Just after I finished my undergraduate studies, I had received a frantic call from Alice. She filled me in on how Esme was undergoing tests because they found a lump in her breast. I immediately went down to be by her side and we were both relieved when the tests revealed that it was benign. Despite the good news, Alice had been so shaken that she started applying for jobs back West. Throughout the past few years we had done our best to be there for one another through the major times in our lives. This was certainly one of those times.

"Bella," she exclaimed.

I sighed and felt my shoulders relax. "Alice, I need to talk. What are you doing tomorrow?" We met the next day at the sole diner in Forks. Seeing her again put me at ease, it had been far too long and I really needed a sounding board.

We talked about the changes that were happening in my life, about my fears that things were happening faster than I could keep up with. When I mentioned my irrational fear about Paul cheating on me, Alice offered me sound advice; she told me that I should listen to my heart. She said that from all the information I had given her, that I shouldn't doubt his love for me.

At the end of our meeting we promised that we wouldn't go so long without seeing one another. She even suggested that I come back down for brunch one Sunday with Esme and herself.

The drive home afforded me time to think, to come to the conclusion that my judgment was clouded. As I pulled up in the driveway, I resolved to allow the negativity to slip away, that these next few months were all about positive change.

I entered the house and encountered Paul with the phone pressed to his ear, harsh whispers filling the air. The volume of his speech was so low I could hardly make out what he was saying. Looking up, he caught my eye and abruptly ended the call. He shoved the phone in his pocket and embraced me. I shot him a questioning glare and asked, "What was that about?"

"Work," he replied curtly.

Disentangling myself from him I went into the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. I couldn't allow myself to be disbelieving of his explanation. Yet, my mind was flashing me red flags, trying to clue me in that he was lying, that the way in which he spoke did not indicate anything work related. _But he loves you._

Paul came up behind me. "Baby, what's wrong? Where were you?"

"Nothing's wrong. I went down to Forks to have lunch with Alice," I replied.

He scoffed before he mumbled under his breath, "That explains things."

I set my glass on the counter and faced him, arms crossed over my chest, "What's that supposed to mean? Alice is my best friend. I'm allowed to see her whenever I want."

"Yeah, she may be your best friend, but I have also seen the way you react whenever her brother is mentioned. I know you've told me that you were _just friends_, but I don't ogle my friends the way I've seen you do with that picture of yours. So cut the bullshit," he screamed.

"Where is this coming from? Why are you bringing any of this up?"

"Stop acting so innocent. You know what? I can't talk to you right now. I'm going to handle this screw-up at work, I'll be back later." He turned, grabbed his keys off the front table and slammed the door as he walked out.

I stood there stunned. What had happened? How did things get so messed up?

When Paul returned hours later, he was apologetic. The "I'm sorry"s flowed freely and my will to stay mad at him faded just as quickly as it had surfaced.

The cycle continued for about a month, fights were picked over inane things and it always ended with one of us running away, mostly him.

After our latest knock-down, drag-out, his apology was more than words and tender caresses. He told me how the stress was getting to the both of us and that a change in scenery was in order. He talked about a bed and breakfast that was just outside of Forks and how he had booked us a weekend's stay. He had a good point, things were reaching a boiling point and if a few days away were what it took to put us back on the path to happiness I was up for it.

* * *

I was starting up the shower when Paul stuck his head in the bathroom to tell me that he had to step out for a few moments and that he'd be right back to get me to go to dinner. I smiled up at him and told him I'd be waiting. He placed a tender kiss on my forehead and quietly closed the bathroom door. I sighed, half out of contentment and half out of frustration.

Paul seemed so detached lately. We hadn't been intimate for several weeks and to be honest that was one of the main things I was hoping to resolve on this trip. I missed the feel of his warm body hovering over me.

The standoffishness was a real killer to my psyche. Ever since I had found out I was pregnant Paul was so sparse with his affection, a kiss on the cheek or forehead from time to time was about the most I ever got. Well that's not including the time he had gone to hang out with Jake and he came home stinking drunk.

We had gotten into a huge argument and I had allowed my insecurities to take over. I screamed at him that he was unhappy with me because I was fat and that he probably was out looking for a hot piece of ass. He responded by grabbing me firmly by the forearms and pressing me back against the bedroom door. The suddenness and roughness of his actions startled me. I was conflicted, I wanted him to stop and talk to me but a part me was screaming for him to continue and bend me to his will. I involuntarily moaned as he slid his hands to grasp me by the shoulders, the warmth of his touch sending shivers down my spine.

He began to speak at that moment and it came out as more of a growl than words, "Bella, why would I go out looking for a 'hot piece of ass' when I have you here, ready and willing for me?"

He lowered one of his hands to rest over the juncture between my legs and the heat of his hand combined with that which I was emitting was almost too much to handle. He grazed my panties with his thumb. He smirked when he realized that I was indeed ready for him. He grasped my face between his palms and attacked my mouth with a ferocity that I had never experienced before. It thrilled me and my body met his with an equal amount of energy. He guided us over to the bed and I noticed a change in his demeanor. While only moments ago he was upon me like an animal, he now looked at me reverently with a twinge of sadness in his eyes. He had seemed to regain focus as he reached down and in one fell swoop ripped my panties from my body. Seconds later he had plunged himself deep inside of me. We let out a near simultaneous groan and he began thrusting in and out at a rapid pace.

I felt the tension of my orgasm rapidly building and moaned as his mouth attacked mine once more. This was so different than the previous occasions that we had made love. Could this be considered making love? It was so desperate and rough, but he was the man I loved, the man I would marry, that was all that mattered. His pace quickened and I could tell that he was getting close to his release, yet I wasn't quite there yet. I had tried to alert him that he needed to slow down, that I wasn't ready, but he was so focused on his motions he failed to hear me and less than a minute later I felt him spill into me. He extracted himself and placed a kiss on my forehead before he rolled over and fell asleep. I was infuriated; I couldn't believe he had left me high and dry.

The next morning the argument that this had sparked was so heated that Paul told me we needed some time apart. It wasn't until three days later that I saw him again, yet the distance only grew as time passed.

When he proposed this trip I was overjoyed. It was beyond taxing to live with someone and feel like the connection you once shared was slipping away. We needed to get back to a place where we were connected again. I shook my head hoping to clear my thoughts and focus on one thing at a time; we would have dinner, and talk and when we got back to the hotel we'd get to know one another again physically.

Fully dressed in a black wrap dress and low heels, I was putting on the finishing touches to my make-up when I heard my cell phone ring. I hurried over to the nightstand and scooped it up, flipping it open without checking the caller ID.

"Paul, honey, I'm just finishing up. I'll be down in two minutes..."

The sound of a throat clearing interrupted my rambling, "Is this Bella Swan?"

I tentatively replied, "Yes, who's this?" I suddenly noticed the blare of a siren in the background. "Is everything all right? Is this about Charlie, I mean my father? Is he hurt?"

I started to tremble at the prospect of my father having been injured while on duty. He always told me that I was being irrational and that he had been a cop for over twenty-five years and had managed to survive this long without so much as a scratch and that he planned on doing just that. Tears began to pool in my eyes as I reflected over all the time we had lost by my living so far away for all those years, and for failing to make more of an effort now that I was close by. I never expected to have to deal with this so soon.

The voice continued to speak and I caught only about ten percent of what he was saying. I was able to make out the words 'Forks General Hospital' and 'badly injured'. I shut my phone and grabbed my purse making sure to stuff my room key in on the way out the door. I contemplated leaving a note for Paul but I figured it'd save time if I just called him when I got to the hospital.

I cursed internally when I reached the lobby and realized that Paul had the truck and I had no way of getting to the hospital. The concierge was kind enough to dial the local car service for me and after several agonizing minutes of waiting, we sped off to the hospital. I ran through the double doors and accosted the first nurse that I could find.

"Where is he? My father, Chief Swan. I got a call, how is he? Is he…is he…"

Before either the nurse or I could speak, I heard a sound that had my heart singing. I blinked away the tears that had been steadily forming ever since my phone call, and looked up to see the face of my father, who also appeared to have recently been crying. I lunged myself at him and he wrapped me in a tight embrace.

"Daddy," I whimpered. "I don't understand, I got a phone call and they said you were at the hospital and that you were badly injured. You look fine…"

"Shhh, honey it's ok. I'm fine. It's not me, it's Paul."

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**A/N: Thanks to Kaitlyn145, she rec'd this for an Indie Award for AH Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet. Voting has begun and runs until March 2nd. http:// theindietwificawards(dot)com/vote(dot)aspx Lots of great stories there, so go vote.**

**As always only way I'll know what you all are thinking is if you click that button, so go get to it.**


	11. Lost Time

**A/N: Thanks to all of the wonderful people who have been reading, reviewing, favoriting, and recommending. The response in the last few weeks has been overwhelming. I am beyond appreciative of the fact that people are taking the time to check this out. **

**To Tiff, thanks for all that you do to keep me sane. To Katie, thanks for putting up with my grammar flubs time and time again, and for forcing me to show what is written between the lines.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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EPOV

"Where is she? Where's my little girl?"

I'd recognize that voice anywhere. Turning the corner, my suspicions were confirmed as I saw a frantic looking Chief Swan addressing the charge nurse.

She spoke in a whisper so I couldn't hear what her response was, but judging by the unfurrowing of his brows it must have been good news.

What had him up in arms? He had asked about his little girl. Was Bella here? Worse yet, was she injured?

I immediately began to panic. I hadn't seen her in over seven years, not since she drove away from my house and the graduation party, but not a day had gone by that she wasn't ingrained in my thoughts in one way or another.

Trying to sort through all of my emotions, I started toward the chief, determined to get to the bottom of the situation and help in any way possible.

Tear-filled brown eyes stopped me dead in my tracks. There she was, the woman who had taken the biggest part of my heart with her on the first day that we met.

The sight of her pulled my body toward her, that same electric current connecting us.

She seemed to have felt it too, for her steps faltered slightly. It must have grown weaker for her in our time apart because she continued on to her father's arms.

I had drawn near enough that I could catch snippets of their conversation.

"_Daddy," _she whimpered._ "I don't understand I got a phone call and they said you were at the hospital and that you were badly injured. You look fine…" _

"_Shhh, honey it's ok. I'm fine. It's not me, it's Paul."_

"_Paul? But he was just with me. How? I…Where…Where is he? I need to see him." _

Sobs wracked her and she began to shake. Her father reached out and tightened his grip on her, pulling her to his side.

Hearing her talk about another man caused a mix of emotions to flood my senses. Jealousy. Envy. Longing, and mostly regret.

I watched Chief Swan lead her down the hall, and for the first time I caught a glimpse of her protruding belly.

I had overheard Alice telling Mom that Bella had found someone and was engaged, but I must have left before any mention of a baby was made. _Could have been you. _

My back hit the wall and my hands immediately went to my hair as a barrage of images I had pushed into the recesses of my mind resurfaced and assaulted me at rapid fire. Bella in the parking lot on the first day of school; the look on her face when we interacted for the first time in the hall; the saddened look on her face when she misinterpreted my run-in with Jessica; the joyful expression as she laughed on the couch that first weekend she stayed at our house; all dressed up at the dance right before the near kiss; the fleeting glimpse of her face as she sped away.

So many missed opportunities that all could have been easily avoided had I just told her how I felt.

The dance. That's where it all fell apart.

* * *

Getting the opportunity to make things right was just what I had needed. Things were going so well, or so I thought. I inched my lips toward hers, desperate to taste her sweetness, only to have her abruptly pull away and run off. The anxiety that had built up inside me was crippling and only succeeded in growing ten-fold when I was faced with the taillights of the cruiser and the reality that she was oblivious to my feelings for her.

I wanted to chase after her; lay it all on the line. I would have, but I failed yet again. I failed her. I failed myself. I failed _us._

Alice caught me just as the fact that my letter had never reached its destination sunk in. She asked what I had done, and when I told her "nothing" it wasn't in an attempt to shirk responsibility, to act guiltless, it was an admission that I had done nothing to prevent this from happening.

I tried to explain that I needed to go after Bella, that I could still fix this. Unfortunately, a swift kick to my nether regions stopped me cold. I fell to my knees, my hands cupping myself protectively as tears welled in my eyes. The shrill sound of my sister's voice rang in my ears as she shouted out her frustrations.

"How could you? I told you I was giving you another shot. You promised not to screw up this time." She punctuated her angry words with slaps to my back. "And to think I actually started to think you were ready to move on. That you could be happy again. That you could make Bella happy."

I tried to interject, to tell her that I wanted those things too, but all attempts were futile.

The shuffling of feet down the corridor signaled the arrival of the rest of the group as well as several onlookers.

Strong hands saved me from a continued assault and I overheard their murmurings as they asked for an explanation as to what they came upon. Jasper managed to settle Alice slightly before he made his way over to me.

"Ed, what's up? Why is your sister in such a fit? Where's Bella?" he asked, the concern heavy in his voice.

"I messed up. I need to fix it…." I struggled with my words as my mind reeled, racing to think of a solution. "Tell me it's not too late to fix it..."

Alice had since pulled out her phone and dialed repeatedly, each call ending in defeat as she slammed it shut, muttering her displeasure with me.

Jasper turned his gaze toward the five feet of fury that was Alice and then shot me a sympathetic look before he responded, "Give it some time."

_Time._ Too much time had already been wasted. Maybe with Alice time was the answer, but with Bella, I needed to do something, and I had to do it now.

Alice stomped her way back over to me, her heels clicking on the pavement of the parking lot. She jabbed at my chest with her finger as she growled out, "Listen, I stood by for months watching and we saw how that turned out. I warned you, and I thought you learned, that's why I didn't protest when Mom said you should take Bella to the dance. When I saw the two of you out there, I thought maybe I had been a little too harsh, but obviously that was a miscalculation on my part. I'm not going to ask you to do the right thing now. I'm going to tell you. Stay away from Bella. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her. I'm serious. She's my best friend - one of my only real friends. I'm not ready to lose another friend because you can't get your shit together. I'll be watching you, and if I have to, I'll get Mom on my side. I'm riding home with Emmett. I suggest you head home as well. Don't think about stopping anywhere on the way."

Brushing through the growing crowd of nosy classmates and teachers, I made my way back to the gymnasium to retrieve my things. When I reached the table, I saw yet another reminder of how I had messed up. There draped over one of the seats was Bella's coat. I gathered it along with mine and exited the school and drove off. The coat lay on the passenger's seat and the very sight of it caused my heart to clench, almost like it was being squeezed by a vise. She had been so distraught she couldn't even take her coat.

_Fix this. Fix this._ One solitary thought streamed through my mind. Without any conscious effort, the tires navigated the roads and took me to the same spot that I often came to when I needed to think. Looking out over the dash, I took in the sight of the darkened windows and worn vehicles in the driveway. My head rested against the seat, my hands covering my face. Pulling them away, my eyes landed once again on the coat. She would surely need it. I should just go over there and give it back to her. _But Alice said to stay away…Wait, she never said anything about ignoring Bella if she came to me._ Grabbing a scrap of paper from the glove compartment I scribbled quickly before shoving the paper into the coat's pocket. I gathered the material in my hand and stepped out into the cool air, jogging up to the steps and placing the garment onto the porch.

I had found my loophole; I'd just wait for Bella to come to me.

But she never did.

* * *

School was torture; having her near but not being able to truly be close to her. Alice kept true to her word and watched me like a hawk. Even without her stalking my every move, I still had no chance. It seemed as if Bella was purposefully avoiding additional contact with me. I'd see her race off to the library during lunch and her car was always one of the last in the lot at the end of the day.

As the final weeks rolled by in a blur as the school prepped for exams and the female population went gaga over prom dresses, I moped. I couldn't understand why Alice couldn't leave me alone to do as I pleased.

The family summer vacation was a disaster. Trying to force smiles for my parents' sake was draining. Alice spoke to me when absolutely necessary, but our relationship had definitely suffered since the dance.

Senior year brought with it much excitement and hope. Unfortunately that hope was soon dashed as I saw Bella again for the first time; she looked happy, really happy, yet there was a tension in her shoulders as she scanned the lot. Tranquility took over as her search apparently came up empty and she made her way to class. Something about that slight shift in her demeanor put me on edge.

With a flash of a smile and some flattery, Ms Cope was all too willing to shift some things in my schedule. Seeing the light fade in those brown eyes was not something I could endure. So I gave up.

I concentrated all my efforts on my studies and translated my exasperation into physical energy on the field. Despite how full my day was, it always felt lacking. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know what it was.

Our paths crossed now and then as the months passed, but the resulting interactions were of little consequence, polite words that could have come from a script. There was a nagging deep down that told me I should push, but I knew that would get me nowhere, so I didn't. I lay down when I should have jumped.

The endless days of self-imposed solitude weakened my resolve. How could something that left me feeling dejected be the right thing?

On the night of the graduation party, I realized it wasn't. Nothing about the years lost was right. I scanned the crowd, frantic to find Bella, to make the most of my last chance. In just a few weeks I'd be going east to Cornell and from what I heard Bella would be staying in Washington to go to UW. It was selfish of me to want to unload all my feelings on her now, right before we'd be on opposite sides of the country, but I had to do all I could to know if I was the only one who felt it.

After a solid five minutes of searching, I spotted her. I felt a rush of emotions hit me.

Sadness. Regret. Acceptance. Longing. Desire.

My eyes remained trained on her as I allowed the connection to draw my body closer to hers. The minute distances I traveled were painstaking. I willed my feet to move faster.

My efforts were all for naught as I watched my brother wrap her in his arms and whisk her away.

I was about to shout and race over there when I felt a small hand on my shoulder, pulling me back.

"Alice, what is it? I'm busy," I growled.

"Edward, I need your help over here," she said as she pulled me to the kitchen and out of the line of sight of Bella.

My arms crossed over my chest as it heaved. I needed to get back out there; I couldn't waste another moment.

"Alice, can't you get Jasper to help you or something?" The past year had done wonders in restoring our relationship, but we were still not quite back to where we had been before the Spring Dance during junior year and our blow-up. She had been pleased with my willingness to comply with her _request_ to leave Bella alone. But I'm sure that she had seen the effect this was taking on me. She'd often look at me with pity in her eyes and sigh.

Sure enough, she wore the same expression and sighed before she said, "Ok, I lied. I just wanted to talk to you before you made a mistake."

I cut her off, "A mistake? A mistake would be me staying in here and arguing with you." I turned to exit the room, when I felt her hand on my arm again.

"Wait, let me explain. Come on, just sit for a minute." She walked over to the island and took a seat on one of the stools.

I followed suit and sat across from her. "Go ahead."

"I know you probably think I've acted irrationally about this Bella situation," she paused and looked at me for a response but I had none, "but I think I need to explain some things to you. I love you both, and I want what's best for you. Bottom line is I was there sophomore year. I saw your heart break and I can't bear to see that happen again…to either of you.

"I watched the both of you in the beginning, the way you looked at each other was…almost reverent. I could have sworn that you would have asked her out within a week, but you didn't. I waited for her to make a move, and she didn't. Then you started acting like a douche," she shot me an apologetic look, "and I saw what it did to Bella, so I took on the role of her champion.

"I acted unfairly to you. That's why I let my guard down so easily about the dance. Then, well, you know what happened. Again, I'm sorry for that. I was rash and should have probably asked you what was going on. I still wish you'd talk to me about it, let me in, but I'm sure you have your reasons and I don't want to push you away. Besides that's in the past, there's nothing that can be done about that now. What I can do is make sure that I explain to you my reasons for stopping you now. Please don't do what I think you're going to do. You're going away to school in less than a month. What good will this do for you, either of you? Leave it as it is. If it's meant to happen, a few more years won't do you any harm. Just wait."

_Wait? No. I couldn't. I wouldn't._

"No."

"Edward, please, just think about this. Do you remember how you felt after Kate left? Is that what you want for Bella?"

I felt a pang in my chest at the memory of an event I had tried long and hard to forget. Again, Alice couldn't truly understand what that felt like. She may have seen me at what could probably be considered one of the lowest points in my life, but there's no way she could know. She hadn't been the one to have their heart stomped on and handed to them without so much as a thank you. I couldn't think about this right now. But was Alice right about Bella? Was this what I was about to do to her? No I wouldn't. And this definitely was not what I wanted. But was the alternative any better? _No._

"Alice, I appreciate your concern, but I have to do this." I stood from the stool and walked toward the double doors. The moment my hand pressed against them, they swung back and in rushed my mother.

"Oh good, just the two people I was looking for. I could use some help," she said.

"Mom, I…"

"Edward would love to help. I have to go take care of something out front but I'll try to be back in a minute," my sister said as she scurried out of the kitchen.

The assistance my mother needed took far longer than I had anticipated. Before I knew it, the party was dying down. I entered the living room to see numerous forms retreating out the front door. I caught sight of the top of Bella's head just as she left the house.

_No._

I raced up the stairs and grabbed at the package that I had planned to give her the next day. I didn't get why she wasn't spending the night, but I couldn't let her leave without giving it a shot.

Her tone and nonchalant reaction to the photo cut off my internal speech. With a lame sendoff I watched her walk away, for what I hoped wouldn't be for good.

_Maybe in a few more years._

College was pretty much exactly how I expected. Tons of studying, even more drinking, late night cramming, early morning coffee runs. I had dates here and there, but no one ever held my interest like my brown-eyed lab partner. On several occasions I found myself seated at my desk with a blank email open, the cursor flashing at me menacingly. The words never seemed right, always ranging from mundane 'Hey, how's it going?' to borderline obsessive 'I miss the smell of your hair'. In the end, I always shut it down, leaving it how it began, a blank slate. Unable, or more likely, unwilling to find adequate companionship, I managed to fast track my way through my undergraduate degree and applied to medical schools across the country.

Staying in New York held great appeal, so I selected Columbia. I missed my parents but Washington held too many memories. I regretted my decision only once. In my third year of medicine, I received a call from Emmett. He told me that Mom was undergoing tests for suspicion of cancer. I flew back immediately and was relieved when everything turned out to be benign, but the news still caused me to rethink being halfway across the U.S. I applied to all of the residency programs in Washington, with the one in Forks being my top priority -which led me to be standing here, in this hall, watching the girl of my dreams walk away. Again.

I grabbed my cell phone and called the one person that I was certain could help fix this.

"I need you to come to the hospital as soon as you can. It's important."

I hung up the phone and walked down the hall in the direction that I saw the pair headed.

I became a doctor to help others, to ease their suffering and pain; it was what I knew. In this moment, Bella seemed to be one such person. The past didn't matter now. The dozens of missed opportunities faded away. I needed to be there for her in any way that I could. Failing was no longer an option.

**

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**A/N: Remember to place your votes for the Indie Awards, only a few more days left. This story is up for an Indie Award for AH Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet. Voting ends March 2nd. http:// theindietwificawards(dot)com/vote(dot)aspx Lots of great stories there, so go vote.**

**As always only way I'll know what you all are thinking is if you click that button, so go get to it.**


	12. Accidents, Acquaintances and Admissions

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading, reviewing, favoriting, I appreciate all your thoughts. Seeing a review count over 100 is not something I ever imagined when I first set out to write this.

**Thanks to Tiff and Kaitlyn for pre-reading. Your comments and suggestions were just what I needed.**

**Big Thanks to Katie for red penning while under the weather, and for her insight into several parts of this.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

* * *

Charlie led me down the hall, and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. So many questions raced through my mind. _How could this be possible? He was just with me. What happened? Would he come out of this in one piece? Why him?_

The several feet that we traversed felt like miles. My body was a trembling mess as we reached the doors to the critical care unit. I wanted to burst through the only separation between Paul and I, but was held back by my father.

"Bella, honey, we need to let the doctors do their work. They'll let us know when we can see him. Come with me, you should sit down."

"But…" I let out a shuddering cry, "he needs me…I need to see him." My knees grew weak and I gripped onto his arm for support.

"Whoa. Ok, no arguing, come and sit down. Think about my…you never did tell me what you were having," he said as he guided me to the waiting room.

I sat in the hard plastic chair and sighed as the ache in my muscles decreased slightly despite the discomfort of the seat.

"So…" my father began, "will I be getting a granddaughter or a grandson?"

"Huh? Oh. I don't know. I have an ultrasound appointment scheduled for next week," I said shakily, trying to focus on my dad's obvious attempt at distracting me from my worry. "I kind of want to know the sex of the baby but Paul…Paul thinks it will be more exciting if it's a surprise. He does…did…want to see him or her though. You should have seen the smile on his face when I told him I was pregnant." I grew silent as the magnitude of the situation weighed down on me.

"Daddy, what happened? I'm having a hard time understanding how one minute he was kissing me goodbye and the next I'm sitting here waiting to see if…if he's…alive. He has to be ok."

My tears steadily streamed down my face. My sniffling increasing as I tried to calm my shaking.

Charlie met my eyes and his panic heightened. "Bella…" he stilled, likely unsure of what to say.

"Daddy, I'm so scared. He has to be ok. I don't know what I'll do if he's…he's…He just has to be ok. Why haven't they come to tell us anything?"

"Bella, please don't cry. I'm no good at these things, you know this."

I could see the moisture steadily collecting on his lashes as he patted me on my back in an attempt to soothe me.

"I wasn't on the scene, only got the call at home when they ID'd the vehicle, but from what I heard, they found your truck smashed up on the side of the highway about five miles outside of Forks. Paul was banged up pretty bad and they rushed him here as soon as possible.

"I didn't know what to think. When the call came in, all I could do was worry that you were in the truck with him, that you could've been the one lying in a bed needing urgent care. Do you know how scared I was?" His voice quivered as I noticed a lone tear slide down his cheek. The sight of my father, a man of very little words, who was often stoic and calm, breaking down served to push me further into a state of panic.

He held me close to his body and I cried until I couldn't shed another tear. Time knew no bounds as we sat in that room, waiting for word from someone, from anyone. He had to be ok.

* * *

He looked so broken, the once vibrant man that was so full of life lay here broken, a near empty shell.

The doctors had told us that he had broken three ribs as well as his forearm when he crashed. There was internal bleeding that took over an hour for them to get under control. Once they had, they learned that he had ruptured his spleen. But the worst of it all was that he had not regained consciousness. They were concerned by the lack of neurological response and noted some swelling around his brain. The fact that they hadn't immediately rushed him to surgery was an indication that maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed. For now they were administering IV fluids and had placed him on a respirator to ensure that his blood was properly oxygenated and that his blood pressure remained at a high enough level so that his brain could receive a sufficient amount of blood. This course of treatment still left me feeling on edge, but they assured me that even the slightest change would be monitored and more aggressive treatment would be taken if deemed necessary. He was placed in the critical care unit and visitation was limited to family. Only after much pleading, both on my part and my father's, was I granted this too brief visit.

No sooner did my hand fully clasp his, after much hesitation and fear of causing him pain, did the door creak open and a sympathetic looking nurse appeared telling me it was time to step out. I begged for just five more minutes, tears steaming heavily down my cheeks. She sighed and signaled that she'd give me two. Not wanting to waste another second I thanked her quickly and returned my attention to the bed.

"How did this happen?" I whispered, not really concerned with the answer; I couldn't wrap my brain around what had transpired.

From what my father had told me, the officers on the scene had indicated that they found the truck flipped over on the side of the highway five miles outside of Forks. The bed and breakfast that we were staying at was at least fifteen miles from there. What was he doing so far away? He'd said he'd be right back.

Shaking my head to clear it of the questions to which there'd be no immediate answers, I spoke aloud the other constant thought that had occupied my mind since I had learned that it was Paul who was injured.

"Come back to me…to us." I placed my hand on my newly swollen belly. "I can't do this on my own. Please you can't leave me here alone."

One hundred and twenty seconds later, the horrific creaking returned, and the same nurse appeared and whispered, "I'm sorry."

I nodded half in understanding and half in defeat. I pushed myself up from my seat and gave his hand a squeeze. "I love you. Please come back."

I managed to make it to just outside of the door before my knees buckled and my body began to fall to the ground.

A strong pair of arms caught me from behind, saving me from meeting the linoleum.

"Whoa. You should take it easy. Come this way and lie down for a bit." The voice held a familiar tone but through my haze I could not make it out. My eyes flooded with moisture and my body shook with silent sobs as we walked a few steps to an empty room. I was assisted into the bed and my head fell back against the pillow. I squinted my eyes against the darkness to try to ascertain who had guided me here.

As exhausted as I was, I couldn't think about sleeping at a time like this. I needed to be near him.

Before I could pull myself up out of my prone position, a gentle hand touched my arm. "Just try to rest for a little while. I promise I'll come and get you if anything changes."

I had no clue who this was, or why they were so concerned for me, but I felt at ease as they made their promise.

"Okay," I murmured. "Thank you." I swore I heard a faint reply but my eyelids grew heavy and before long I was fast asleep.

* * *

Once I shut my eyes and sleep took over, I fought against the images of mangled limbs. My body grew rigid as it conjured up pictures of the truck swerving off the road, flipping, crashing, Paul screaming. Paul's twisted and tortured face soon melted and morphed into the soft lines and sparkling green eyes that often accompanied me to sleep throughout the latter part of my high school years.

"_Edward, what are you doing here? Where's Paul?"_

"_Bella, it'll be ok. I promise. I'm here for you."_

I saw him back away from me and I began to chase after him.

"_Edward, wait. I don't understand."_

"_Sleep, Bella, just sleep. I'll be here when you're ready."_

_Sleep? Ready? What's going on?_

* * *

I woke to a hand stroking my face and whispered words.

My eyes watered as I tried to adjust to the influx of sunshine that streamed through the blinds. The stroking stilled as did the whispers.

"Oh, thank goodness you're awake; I was having a hard time staying patient." I felt myself being pulled into an embrace. Looking up I saw that Alice had wrapped her arms around me and was holding on for dear life. My grip on her tightened in turn as the realization that she was here fully settled in to my consciousness.

"Alice. When did you get here? How did you know? Did you come by yourself?" I shot question after question at her, unable to contain the mixture of excitement and worry I was experiencing.

She chuckled before responding. "A little after midnight. Someone called me. No, Jasper and Emmett are in the waiting room with your dad."

Midnight. "Why didn't you wake me?" From the looks of things outside it had to be well into the morning. "How's Paul? I need to see him." I flung my legs over the side of the bed and searched for my shoes with my feet.

Alice bounced off the bed and lent me a hand, expediting the process. I hurried down the hall, with Alice at my heels.

"Bella, slow down." I heard the clicking of her heels as we walked to Paul's room.

The door stood open, which was odd since visitation was so restricted. Peering inside the room, my heart stopped. The bed was empty. He wasn't here. He was…gone.

"No. No. No. Where is he? He was just here." My words spilled out as my eyes darted around.

Alice finally caught up to me at that moment, and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Bella. Calm down."

"Calm down? He's gone. He can't be gone." I was on the verge of tears as I marched over to the nurses' station.

"Bella, he just went for tests, he'll be right back. Come sit down for a minute."

_He'll be right back._ He wasn't gone.

"Ok," I whispered, feeling slightly foolish for jumping to conclusions.

We turned the corner and entered the now crowded waiting area. Almost immediately I was swooped up into a bear hug.

"Emmett," Alice screeched. "Put her down. Use your head for once, you could have hurt the baby."

Emmett's exuberance and Alice's chastisement made me chuckle for the first time in quite a while.

"I'm sorry," he said as I righted myself.

"It's ok. Thank you for coming," I replied as I took a seat.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked.

"He went down to the cafeteria with Sue and Jake. Didn't take much more than the mention of food to get Jake up and going," Jasper answered.

_Sue's here? I'm glad. Dad was taking this pretty hard; he'd need someone by his side as I just…couldn't. When did Jake get here? _

"An hour or so after I did," Alice said.

I hadn't realized I stated my last question for everyone to hear.

"So what tests are they running? This is a good thing, right?"

Alice sighed before placing her hand atop mine. "From what I overheard, they're running another MRI and checking his GCS. So far there's been no change and he's still in the critical range."

My stomach flipped as she spoke. The initial GCS was an 8, which was way lower than the doctors would have liked. I, on the other hand, tried to stay positive. He'd wake up, I knew it. He just needed time.

"How long have they been gone?" My stomach began to rumble.

"Bella, when was the last time you ate anything?"Alice asked, worry heavy in her voice.

I thought back, it had been a while. Paul and I never made it to dinner, and aside from a few sips of water I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since I got here.

"Ummm, I don't remember, maybe lunch…yesterday."

"Bella! You need to eat something. Come on, let's go. I'll let one of the nurses know that we'll be right back and I'll have them call us if Paul comes back before we do."

I tried to protest, to tell her that I was fine, but my stomach had other plans. She gave me a stern look and threatened to have Emmett carry me if I didn't obey.

Reluctantly, I dragged my feet behind her to the cafeteria. We spotted Jake, Sue and my father sitting at a far table. Both Sue and Charlie were pushing their food around their trays, far too preoccupied to eat, while Jake was devouring every last morsel on his plate. Alice led me to the line and began piling items in front of me.

"Alice! How much food do you think I can eat?"

"Bella, I'm just thinking about that little bundle that you're carrying. You know you're eating for two."

I nodded.

We settled into the remaining seats at the table, and ate in silence, save for the clanging of silverware. I forced myself to eat as much as I possibly could as everyone at the table kept shooting me sympathetic glances and the act of eating tore my attention away from the pity that was heavy on their faces.

My father and Sue were the first ones to leave the table, followed shortly by the guys, leaving just Alice and I.

"So Bella, tell me how you're really doing because I don't believe for a second that you're "fine"."

Alice was always the type of person who got straight to the point.

"I'm a mess. What else would I be? The father of my unborn child almost died. He still could. I don't know what I'd do if that happened. Why is this happening? We had plans. We were making a future together. Explain to me how this is fair," I broke down, collapsing against the back of my chair.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I wish I could say I know what you're going through, and that everything will get better. All I can tell you is to have faith…that everything happens for a reason."

"What possible reason could there be for _this?_" I yelled.

"I don't know. But I'm sure with time it'll become clearer."

I wanted to believe her. That there was some master plan that had set this all in motion. But all I could see was what was in front of me, and I didn't like it in the slightest.

* * *

Once I had consumed enough to placate Alice we headed back to Paul's floor. Bypassing the waiting area, I made a beeline to his room. The door, which just a little while ago was wide open, was shut.

He must be back. Why hadn't the nurse called us? I didn't have time to worry about that at the moment, I needed to see him. Looking up and down the hall, I gently pushed on the door and made my way into the room.

I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me.

"Leah, what are you doing here?" My eyes found hers: red and full of moisture. She held his hand in hers and when I entered I heard her voice murmuring, quiet yet frazzled. Overall she looked extremely disheveled. Her hair was in disarray and her clothing was askew. I found the whole scene to be very odd. I had always thought that they hated each other. Why was she here?

Sure our parents were married, but we weren't all that close, only seeing each other around the holidays and the occasional Sunday dinner.

Releasing his hand, she stepped toward me. She spread her arms as if to embrace me, but seemingly rethought it as I saw her arms lay flat by her sides.

"I was with Jake when he got the call. He was too frantic to drive so I offered. Mom called me shortly thereafter and well you know how she and Charlie are taking this."

Alice had filled me in on how Sue had collapsed when she had seen Paul laying in his bed for the first time. She considered him to be her son despite the lack of a blood relation. I could only imagine how his biological mother would have reacted had she still been alive. It didn't surprise me that Billy hadn't shown up; though I'm sure Paul would have appreciated it if he had.

"I'm so sorry," Leah murmured.

I looked up and saw that while she spoke her eyes never left Paul's face.

Clearing my throat, I broke her gaze, causing her to shift her attention to me. "Would you mind giving me a minute alone with him, please?"

"Of course. I'll go find Mom."

She shut the door behind her and the room was silent, well almost silent. Every now and then the heart monitor would beep, and the sound of the respirator would fill the air.

"Wake up, baby. Just open your eyes.

"Why won't you wake up?

"Don't do this to me.

"This isn't fair."

With each sentence I spoke my anger at the situation grew. I wanted to shake him, to make him open his eyes. I knew I should be patient. That it had only been a few hours, but I couldn't.

I'm not sure how long I managed to sit there, silently raging, filled with sadness, but my eyes drifted closed and I felt my body being carried.

_Bronze and green._

I awoke much like I had the day before, with Alice at my side. The first thought that popped into my head was Paul.

When I tried to sit up and make my way out of the bed, I felt a tugging on my arm. Looking down, I saw an IV taped to my left arm.

"What's this?"

"You passed out and everyone's very worried about you and the baby. They didn't want you to get dehydrated so they hooked up the IV to make sure you were getting fluids at least. Charlie was not very pleased about the fact that you hadn't eaten anything for nearly eighteen hours. The bag's almost empty, so I'm sure they'll take it off soon. For now why don't you sit back and relax for a bit. I'm going to step out for a second and send Jasper to get you something to eat."

I groaned. The last thing I wanted was to be strapped to a bed. I peered over at the door that Alice had just exited through into the hall; I saw a doctor pass and my heart skipped a beat involuntarily.

Bronze and green.

Was he really here?

Did I want him to be here?

Flinging my feet over the side of the bed, ignorant to the hindrance that the IV caused, I strained my neck to get a better look. The hall was empty. A minute later, Alice returned, arms laden with goodies. She shot me a questioning look as I settled back into the bed.

I munched on the food she brought me and watched as the fluid dripped slowly from the bag.

Alice's definition of the bag being almost finished and reality were two completely different things. Two hours later I was finally cleared and advised to take it easy. I showered and changed into some of the clothing that Alice had been kind enough to have Emmett and Jasper fetch for me.

Immediately upon exiting the room I went to Paul's. He would be moving out of the critical care unit and into a private room, but I was told not to be too optimistic about what this meant. It simply meant that there had been no significant change one way or the other, and they wanted to keep the bed clear in case another patient needed it.

It didn't matter what they said, I had hope. _He's going to wake up._

The next few days passed in pretty much the same manner. Except now I was more careful about making sure I ate when I was supposed to; I even agreed to take naps. I still wouldn't leave the confines of the hospital, but I made do with what I had.

The others would come and go, but I was a constant. Billy showed up some time on the second day, and I can honestly say I've never seen him so distraught in his life. Rose also came on the second day; she had been out of town for work but came as soon as she could. It was great seeing her; it had been easily a few years since I last had. Esme and Carlisle came on the third. It was all a very bittersweet event; getting to see the people who I cared deeply for, under grave circumstances.

* * *

On day five, the doctors were starting to give up hope.

They kept telling me that I needed to leave; that I had to let him go. But how was this even possible? This was the father of my unborn child, the man I had promised myself to for eternity. Sure the last few months had been tough, but I knew he loved me and was only reacting to all the changes we were experiencing. There's no way this was the same man, it just didn't make sense.

We were supposed to be having a romantic weekend to reconnect. Instead he was lying in a hospital bed, with tubes and wires covering almost every inch of his body. The doctors had told us that if it weren't for the machines he would have passed away days ago. There had been no change in his brain activity and there was little hope that things would turn around. When the doctors came in to discuss removing him from life support I vehemently objected. Refusing to allow my pleas to fall on deaf ears, I sat at his side, trying to express to this once vibrant being just how much he meant to me, and how much both our child and I needed him. I was sobbing uncontrollably when I felt a strong pair of hands grip my shoulders and whisper my name.

"Bella, honey, we need to let the doctors in."

My father's eyes were rimmed red and puffy. He had grown to love this man as a son and this turn of events was hitting him just as hard as the rest of us. I knew that what he was saying was true, but I couldn't bring myself to walk away. I wasn't ready to be without him.

My father never released me as I bent down to whisper 'I love you' and placed a tender kiss on his forehead. My knees grew weak as I struggled to maintain my balance. Tears streamed silently down my cheeks. I leaned into my father and followed him out of the room. With every step I took, I felt like I was leaving a big piece of my heart behind. This wasn't supposed to be how this day ended. I was supposed to be wrapped up in my fiancé's arms safe and secure. Instead I watched as they rolled his body away.

When they returned it was as they suspected. All the tests indicated that there had been no change. I still would hear nothing of "pulling the plug." He was in there, and I wouldn't give up.

* * *

On the sixth day, I pulled Alice off to the side to ask for her help.

"Isn't there anything more that they can do? What about Carlisle? Can't you call him; he still pulls some weight around here. There has to be something more," I said as I grabbed hold of Alice's arm.

"Bella, I'm not sure…"

"You said you can't say that you know what I'm going through, fine. But what if it were Jasper who was in that bed? Wouldn't you do anything and everything in your power to fix him?"

She nodded, her face overcome with sadness over the prospect of being in my position.

"Well then you can understand why I'm fighting so hard. All I'm asking for is one more scan. He can't be gone. He's in there somewhere, and we just need to find a way to bring him back to us."

I rested my hand on my belly, feeling the fluttering of kicks. Apparently I wasn't alone in this. Everyone else may have given up hope but there were two of us, fighting to save a life.

"I'll call my dad. But Bella I think you need to consider what the doctors are saying and start thinking about how you want to say…goodbye."

I couldn't, I wouldn't. This was not how this was supposed to end. We had our whole lives ahead of us.

* * *

On the seventh day, my hope and faith paid off.

I sat in the waiting room for hours. Charlie had tried to get me to go to his house with him, stating I needed to rest, and get something to eat. I just shook my head. He can't be gone. I couldn't leave.

Jake brought me a sandwich which I begrudgingly picked apart. Alice forced me to shower and change.

The hands of the clock ticked off the hours as I waited. Four hours and twenty-seven minutes later, the double doors opened. I sucked in a breath as I realized that I wasn't delusional, that he had been here all along. I was conflicted over how I felt seeing the person who had captivated me the very second I laid eyes on him all those years ago. Part of me was ecstatic to see him after all these years, desperate to make up for lost time, but a larger part of me was telling me that now wasn't the time for a grand reunion, not given the severity of the situation under which it would be occurring. Pushing aside the nagging desire to go to him, I sat impatiently and awaited the prognosis on the man who I was set to spend the rest of my life.

"He's out of surgery. They took him off the respirator and he's breathing on his own. Things are looking good so far," there was a collective sigh of relief, and I gripped onto the armrests of my chair waiting for the other shoe to drop, "but the next twenty-four hours are critical."

"He's not quite ready for visitors yet, but maybe…Bella, if you'd like to sit with him for a few moments, I think that'd be alright."

I shot from my seat and followed after Edward.

"Thank…thank you. I can't tell you how…"

"No thanks are needed," he said. We stopped outside of a room on the far left side of the corridor. "I'll be right out here. Try not to stay too long. He needs his rest."

I nodded and made my way into the room.

Paul lay in the bed, and although not much had changed, I could see and feel his energy surging through his body. The respirator was gone, leaving his face free and clear.

I walked to the side of the bed and pulled a chair next to him.

This time there was no hesitation as I grasped his hand in mine. I lifted it to my lips and placed a kiss on his palm.

"I knew it. I knew you'd come back. All I need now is for you to open your eyes. I just want to look at you for a moment," I pleaded.

Nothing happened. I couldn't help but feel disappointed. I knew Edward had said the next few hours were critical and that he wasn't out of the woods yet, but I could feel it, Paul was just below the surface and he'd be waking up soon.

I rested my head on his arm, stroking it with my fingertips.

I felt his body begin to stir, and a grumble escaped his throat.

"Oh my God. You're awake." I turned my face to look directly into his eyes.

They flickered several times before they started to open fully.

He grumbled again, wincing from pain.

I searched frantically for the call button for the nurse.

"Don't try to speak. I'll get someone to help you in just a minute."

He cleared his throat and let out in a breathy whisper; one word that caused my heart to stop.

"Leah."


	13. Mr Fix It

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading, reviewing, favoriting; I appreciate all of your thoughts. **

**Big Thanks to Katie for red penning.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

* * *

EPOV

_I grabbed my cell phone and called the one person that I was certain could help fix this._

_"I need you to come to the hospital as soon as you can. It's important."_

_I hung up the phone and walked down the hall in the direction that I saw the pair headed._

_I became a doctor to help others, to ease their suffering and pain; it was what I knew. In this moment, Bella seemed to be one such person. The past didn't matter now. The dozens of missed opportunities faded away. I needed to be there for her in any way that I could. Failing was no longer an option._

* * *

I watched as Charlie led Bella down the hall. He was gentle as he guided her away from the doors of the Critical Care Unit. She was showing visible signs of fatigue, and my body yearned to act on impulse and race to her aid. But she didn't need me. She had other people to care for her.

They sat and talked, and I watched her body shake as tears streamed down her face. I couldn't make out what they were saying from where I stood, but I could only assume that she was asking about the accident.

When I had heard the call come in about a MVA involving an old Chevy, part of me couldn't help but immediately think of Bella and that clunker of hers that she rode around in throughout her time in Forks. Seeing the Chief frantically searching for his "little girl" only cemented the worry that had erupted inside of me.

I was trained to expect the unexpected, it came with the territory of being an emergency room doctor, but seeing her, after all these years, was not something I could have prepared myself for.

I told myself that she had moved on, that I had let her move on by staying away and out of touch. But I could not deny how much a part of my life she had been from the very start.

I felt slightly intrusive standing here, basically spying on a woman who had a life completely separated from my own, especially given the severity of the situation. I pulled away from the wall and went to find someone that could help me with my promise to be there for her any way I could.

I found the attending on duty, Dr. Alistair just as he was coming out of the CCU.

"The patient that came in, the MVA victim, how is he? I saw his family sitting in the waiting area, and I'd like to give them an update."

"Dr. Cullen, you know the drill; we don't update the family members until we have fully assessed the situation. Right now all we know for certain is that there was a substantial amount of internal bleeding which thankfully we've managed to get under control, and a ruptured spleen which has been removed. Our biggest concern at the moment is his lack of consciousness. The initial GCS shows minimal response to stimuli. He's being taken up for an MRI and we'll have a more definitive prognosis when the results are in. For now, we can do nothing but wait. I appreciate your desire to intercede on behalf of the family, but we can't afford to get their hopes up only to let them down or vice versa."

He patted me on my shoulder before he walked off toward the elevator.

_This was not good._

_I hope Alice gets here soon._

Bella's going to need a friend, and as much as I wished that could be me, right now I was probably not the best option.

I was restless, I couldn't stand here idly, but really what could I do, it's not as if I could make the scan go faster. Well, maybe I could. I hated the fact that when people looked at me they saw nothing more than the former Chief of Surgery's son, but you can't help these things. I had never once used the nepotism card here, always scratching my way up the ladder, but maybe I could talk to a few people, get them to rush the results.

* * *

I watched as Chief Swan tried to reason with the nurse when she refused to let Bella in to see Paul. Why should something so trivial as the fact that they were not yet wed prohibit her from being by her fiancé's side, by the side of the father of her unborn child? As Bella walked away dejected when she received a timid denial from the nurse, I knew this at the very least was something I could fix.

I made my way over to Marcy and flashed her my signature crooked smile, taking her hand in mine. All it took was a few words and bits of flattery to get her to agree to a very brief visitation for Bella.

Stepping away and back out of sight, I watched as Marcy went up to Bella and led her off to Paul's room. I wanted to get closer, to see how she was with him, but I knew that doing so would only make my heart twist further at the realization of my past mistakes. The time for pity parties was over; I had to focus on the here and now. Checking my watch, I saw that given Alice's propensity for speeding and my cryptic instructions over the phone, she should be here in just under an hour.

Eyes trained on the door, I watched Marcy enter the room. _Had it really been ten minutes already?_ She came out, devastation clear on her face. My eyes connected with hers and she signaled to me 'two.'

Sure enough, two minutes later, Bella emerged from the room, eyes puffed and cheeks stained with tears. She shut her eyes and her knees gave way. I raced to her side, grabbing her under her armpits, moments before she touched the ground.

"Whoa. You should take it easy. Come this way and lie down for a bit."

I wasn't quite ready for her to see me, too uncertain of her reaction to my presence, but I couldn't very well let her collapse…much like that day in the parking lot when I saw her slipping. I couldn't stay away then, and I definitely couldn't stay away now.

Bracing her body against mine, I guided her down the hallway to an empty room. Laying her back against the pillow, I witnessed as she struggled against the exhaustion that was clearly evident.

She tried to right herself, but I knew that doing so was not the ideal thing given her current state, so I placed my hand on her arm, motioning for her to lay back.

Not once did she show any acknowledgement that she recognized me, simply muttering her thanks as I assured her that I'd wake her if there was any significant change in Paul's condition.

As her eyes fluttered close, I whispered, "No thanks needed. I'd do anything for you."

I sat on the edge of the bed for several minutes watching her chest rise and fall as she took ragged breaths, her body twisting and turning as she most likely fought against the images in her mind.

I was about to leave my perch when I heard her voice, faint and frantic, as she spoke her dreams aloud.

"_Edward, what are you doing here? Where's Paul?"_

I knew she couldn't hear me, or at the very least wouldn't know the difference between reality and fantasy but I had to respond…had to reassure her. "Bella, it'll be ok. I promise. I'm here for you."

I couldn't sit there and watch her in anguish. Looking at my watch again, I noted that it was just after midnight. Where was Alice? She should have been here by now. I got up off the bed and made my way to the door. When I reached it, I turned to take one last look at Bella.

"_Edward, wait. I don't understand." _She lay on the bed as before, but her hand appeared to be slightly elevated and outstretched.

Returning to her side, I grasped her hand in mine and stroked the underside gently as I whispered, "Sleep, Bella, just sleep. I'll be here when you're ready."

Pulling myself away from her, I exited the room and made my way over to the main entrance. As I passed the waiting room, I saw the black, spiky hair of my kid sister, her back facing me; beside her stood both Emmett and Jasper. She sat with her hands clutching Bella's dad's as she talked in whispers to him.

I caught Jasper's eye and signaled for him to come talk to me. He bent down, placing a kiss on Alice's forehead, murmuring in her ear before he joined me.

"Hey bro. How are you?" I said in as even a tone as I could muster.

"Really? That's what you got for me. You call your sister, leaving her cryptic messages about her needing to get to the hospital right away, no explanation whatsoever as to why. You know how excitable she is. Want to know the first thing that popped into her head? Esme. She was so nervous that something had happened to her. It took me a good twenty minutes to calm her down and assure her that both of your parents were fine. Then we had to check on Rose and Em. When they too were ok, she drove herself mad trying to come up with every possible scenario as to why she needed to get here immediately. I had to have Emmett drive us down here so I could sit with her in the back. Would it have killed you to just tell her what happened? It would have taken you what one, maybe two minutes tops," Jasper spoke with a slight twinge of venom in his voice, but after so many years I could tell he had been just as worried as Alice.

_Why hadn't I thought a little more clearly before calling Alice? Of course she would freak._ It's because you weren't thinking. _Yeah, maybe._ It's also probably in part because Alice has always had a sixth sense, I just assumed she'd _get it._

Sighing, I looked at Jasper and fought to come up with the appropriate words to say; 'I'm sorry' really didn't cover it.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, 'you're sorry.' Let's not worry about it. Tell me, what's going on? I overheard Charlie telling Ali something about a car accident. How bad is it?"

"Bad," I said.

"Really, Edward? And is this your medical opinion?" Jasper responded, sarcasm heavy in his speech.

"He had internal bleeding, a ruptured spleen, three broken ribs, a broken forearm and swelling around the brain. He has yet to regain consciousness and is moderately unresponsive to stimuli. So all in all, I think my saying things are bad about sums it up," I said in almost a yell.

"Chill bro. Sorry. How's Bella doing? I didn't see her with Charlie. He's been asking about her. Alice told him that she'd find out for him."

_Shit._ I forgot to get word to Charlie that Bella was resting in one of the rooms. Of course he was worried about his pregnant daughter.

"Shit," I blurted, "I mean, she was visiting and then she started to pass out so I set her up in an empty room just down the hall. I meant to go tell the nurse. I'm doing a bang up job here, aren't I? Should have just butted out." At this point I was speaking more to myself than to Jasper.

I stared off into the waiting room and watched Alice get up from her seat. She walked toward us, her eyes watery yet fierce.

"Where is she?" she demanded.

All I could do was point.

"Thank you. We'll talk later."

I nodded. As much as I knew Bella needed Alice here for her to offer support, I needed Alice here for me as well. Alice may not have known the full extent of my lingering feelings for Bella but she did know that I had always envisioned something more than friendship with her.

"Coffee?" Jasper asked.

"Coffee."

We headed up to the cafeteria, and sat in near silence for about twenty minutes.

"So what's the deal? I knew in high school you had a sort of thing for Bella. How was it to see her after all these years?"

How was it? It was wonderful, just like before, thrilling, devastating, heart wrenching.

"Bittersweet."

He looked at me questionably, begging for me to continue.

"I did have a _thing_ for her in HS. But nothing ever happened. It's been seven years, but seeing her was like the first time. Those old feelings that it reignited made me happy. I haven't felt anything even close in the last seven years. But as I said, it's been seven years. Things change. Most notably, she's engaged…to a man who's in critical condition, on life support. And she's pregnant. So yeah, it was bittersweet."

He nodded in understanding. He didn't seem shocked in the slightest by my admission.

"Did you know?" My question was intentionally vague. _Did he know that I wanted her to be my everything back then? Did he know she was getting married? Did he know about the baby?_ It didn't really matter which one he answered.

"Yes." _Just as vague._

"How?"

"Ed, how long have we known each other? Fifteen, twenty years? I know you. I have only seen you act that way about a girl one other time." I shuddered at the mention of the only other person who I had allowed myself to care deeply for. "So yeah, I knew."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I did. But you probably just didn't hear me. I was so certain that you were finally going to make a move at the graduation party. Even fought with Alice over whether she should get involved. But when you came back in the house, by yourself, with that look on your face…the look like someone had kicked your puppy, I knew. It hadn't happened."

I sat there unsure of what to say. Of course he knew. Did it change anything? Not really. Bella was still engaged, still pregnant, still not mine.

Shaking away the sadness, I stood and gestured to Jasper's empty coffee cup, "You done?"

"Yup. But I have a feeling you're not."

* * *

I vowed to keep a close watch on Bella over the next few days, but had decided not to reveal myself to her quite yet. I had no clue why I was being such a pussy. We were both adults, sure I still felt something for her, something I couldn't really explain, but we could have civil conversations. I mean how else did I expect to show her that I wanted to be friends?

I found her sitting the next day at Paul's bedside, completely beside herself. She literally was passed out from the stress. Carrying her gingerly, I placed her in the same bed as the night before. Her face was withdrawn and slightly pale. I asked the nurse to set her up with an IV and hook her up to the monitors. I stood outside of her door surreptitiously observing her, eyes glued to the monitors looking for any significant change. When Alice came into view, I scurried out of sight. We had managed to talk briefly but not once did she bring up my old feelings for Bella. She was more concerned with what I thought the chances were that Paul would make it out of this. I doubt she'd take kindly to basically stalking her friend.

Alice stepped out of the room, after a brief conversation with Bella; I knew it was risky but I wanted to see with my own eyes how she was doing. I tried to nonchalantly peer in the room as I slowly walked past the room. I saw her stir, stepping off the bed. I wanted to rush back and warn her that she should stay in bed, but I'd be taking too big of a chance, and would certainly be seen. I quickened my pace and ran like a coward. I hid around the corner, out of breath, not from exertion but maybe…fear?

The next few days I was much stealthier in my shadowing. I focused more on ensuring that her fiancé would make it out of this in one piece. It was painful to read the charts and see the lack of progress, reading the notes of my colleagues indicating that there was nothing more to be done. I spent my evenings off researching case files of similar instances, only to have each of them end up with the same result…death. Bella couldn't handle that. Dealing with the loss of a loved one was always difficult. Couple that with the fact that she was carrying his child and that would cripple even the average person, but Bella was far from average. There had to be some way.

When Alice came to me asking advice over Bella's request to not give up hope, I knew that my searching had not been in vain. I went to Dr. Alistair and pled my case. He was reluctant at first but I insisted that the scan was the least the hospital could do. He started to cite 'the unnecessary cost of a test that would only further prove that he was a lost cause,' but I quickly shut down any discussion of funding, stating that if need be, he could send the bill to me, or better yet to Carlisle. He walked away grumbling about high and mighty over-privileged kids playing dress-up, but I paid no mind to it.

The scan showed that the swelling was still there and that the brain activity still remained minimal. Dr. Alistair had a smug expression on his face as I reviewed the films.

"I want to perform a ventriculostomy," I said.

"Listen kid, I'm not sure what your investment is in this case. But there's no way that you're going to do brain surgery on this guy."

"Excuse me. Maybe I should have been clearer. I'm going to do a ventriculostomy on him. You can either assist or get out of my way." I wasn't sure where my sudden assertiveness came from, and it kind of scared me a bit, but this, this here was something I could do to give Bella the shot at happiness that she deserves.

"Why…you…"

"I'll be prepping in OR 3; come find me when you're ready…or don't," I said as I left the room.

* * *

Several hours later, I made my way out of the operating room and down to the waiting area. Having the procedure go well had given me a newfound confidence. I could face her. I could let her know that I was here for her…that I had been here for her.

Pushing on the double doors I saw her, sitting there surrounded by her family…by my family, by all the people that loved her. My eyes briefly connected with hers, and for the slightest of moments I swore I saw a flash of elation. Just as quickly as I had picked up on it, it was gone.

I watched as her knees bounced and her hands wrung one another. Clearing my throat I began to speak.

"He's out of surgery. They took him off the respirator and he's breathing on his own. Things are looking good so far." There was a collective sigh of relief, and I noticed that Bella did not seem at ease, her fingers gripped onto the armrests of her chair. I continued, "But the next twenty-four hours are critical."

"He's not quite ready for visitors yet, but maybe…Bella, if you'd like to sit with him for a few moments, I think that'd be alright."

She shot from her seat and began to follow after me.

"Thank…thank you. I can't tell you how…" she spoke in a quiet voice.

"No thanks are needed," I said. We stopped outside of a room on the far left side of the corridor. "I'll be right out here. Try not to stay too long. He needs his rest."

I should have walked away, given her some time alone with him, but I didn't. I waited. I felt drawn to her, and now that she knew I was here, there really wasn't a reason to stay away.

Not even two minutes later I heard a buzzing at the nurses' station. Marcy picked up the phone and paged for assistance. I pushed open the door, and saw him, eyes wide. Bella stood off to the side, her hand covering her mouth in shock.

Dr. Alistair raced in behind me, pushing me to the side as he sped into action, flashing light in Paul's eyes, checking the readouts on the machines.

I was conflicted. I didn't know where to turn my attention.

Bella's breathing was elevated and she was visibly shaking.

The decision was clear at that moment. She needed me. Alistair had control of the situation. I needed to get Bella under control.

"Come with me," I said as I grabbed hold of her arm in as gentle a manner as possible.

She dragged her feet as she walked in my wake.

"I just don't understand. Why? It doesn't make sense. He was confused. That must be it. He loves me," she talked at an accelerated pace and I barely understood what she was saying.

"What don't you understand, Bella? Let me help you," I said as I turned her to face me.

I saw moisture collecting on her lashes and she looked as if she was on the verge of tears.

The clicking of heels on the linoleum alerted me to Alice's presence.

Before I was able to get a response, Alice whisked Bella out of my grasp, whispering to her softly, telling her it would be ok.

I shot Alice a look of confusion and she mouthed 'later' before taking Bella down the hall.

Doctor mode kicked in and my focus returned to the patient whom I had just operated on, not even an hour ago.

I made my way back into the room just as Alistair was concluding his exam.

"Not bad, Cullen," he said as he passed me.

I followed him into the hall, needing more than a pseudo-compliment on the job I had done.

"So, he's awake? I mean he's out of the coma."

"Appears so, his responses were good. I've ordered another MRI to see the extent of any permanent injury. He'll need some physical therapy but I don't see why he wouldn't be back to normal in a few months time. Maybe you do know what you're talking about after all," he said before walking over to the elevator.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I fixed him. I fixed Paul. I'd done what I could to make him whole again for Bella.

Now the question was, was Bella whole? Could she be fixed? Would she let me help her with whatever this was that was taking hold of her?

* * *

**A/N:**

**Some clarifications/definitions:**

**- Ventriculostomy - A procedure where a surgeon cuts a small hole in the skull and inserts a plastic drain tube. Cerebrospinal fluid is drained from inside the brain, helping to relieve the pressure (via WebMD)**

**- Edward telling Jasper about Paul's condition is a HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability & Accountability Act) violation, this I know, but it just worked in terms of the plot.**

**The next chapter is already written and should be up in a few days.**

**Thanks for taking the time to read, feel free to click that button and let me know what you thought.**


	14. Secrets, Suspicions and Sonograms

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reading, reviewing, favoriting; I appreciate all of your thoughts. **

**Big Thanks to Katie for red penning.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

* * *

BPOV

_I don't understand. He said…No. I was hearing things. No way did he…He's awake. I can't believe it._

I was pleading with him, desperate for him to wake up…and he did. He's awake. He came back to me.

In burst the same doctor who in no uncertain terms told me Paul was gone and that I needed to let him go. _Ha. Shows what he knows._

I stood there stock still in my spot off to the side of the bed, unable to speak…to move…to react. It was all so overwhelming.

He's alive. He's awake. He spoke.

_Yeah, but he didn't ask for you._

He didn't know what he was saying. I can't even be sure he said anything coherent. It could have just been a sound.

_Who are you trying to fool?_

I felt Edward grab hold of my shoulders as he led me out of the room.

"What don't you understand, Bella?"

I hadn't realized that I had spoken my confusion aloud.

How do you explain to someone without looking like a crazy person that you _think_ the man who fathered your baby just woke up from a coma and said another woman's name?

_You can't._

So I stayed quiet, tears gathering on my lashes.

Edward's warm fingertips stroked my cheekbones as they collected the wayward tears that had started to fall.

I looked up at him with a mixture of gratitude and desperation; I needed to understand this; I needed someone to tell me I was wrong.

A second pair of hands clamped down on my shoulders and pulled me away from Edward.

Alice cooed and tried to soothe me, telling me everything was ok. Little did she know that was the furthest from the truth at the moment.

We made it to the waiting room and encountered the frantic faces of our family and friends.

My father was the first to speak.

"Bells, what's wrong?"

How did I answer that? At this point all I had was one word off of which to form my suspicions.

"Nothing, he's awake," I said as I exhaled a breath I managed to hold in for most of the trip from Paul's room.

My declaration caused a multitude of emotions to erupt from the inhabitants of the room but I was only concerned with one in particular.

My eyes remained glued on the face of my step-sister, studying her every movement.

Her eyes flashed shock, relief and finally joy. I saw her lips moving in what appeared to be an utterance of "Thank God." Her hands were clasped in front of her and she lifted them to her face, raising her eyes in the process, finally connecting with mine. She looked almost…frightened when she met my gaze. Our connection was broken as I was pulled into a tight embrace by Jake.

"Can't beat old-fashioned faith; you never gave up hope. Not even when the doctors, and all of us, said it was time. I'm so sorry, Bells. I should've had your strength." He continued to squeeze me and I felt moisture dripping on the top of my head.

Extracting myself from his grip which was fast becoming like a vise, I looked him in the eyes and said, "Jake, don't be so hard on yourself. He was in bad shape. It's a miracle that he made it back to us. He's a fighter. He probably just realized he had something worth fighting to get back to." I gently stroked my belly, remembering what I was fighting for. _He loves me. He loves us._

"So, when can we see him?" Billy asked.

I was poised to answer with an "I'm not sure," when I heard the velvety voice.

"Dr. Alistair wants to run a few more tests so it'll be about an hour or so, and then it'll be two at a time, family first."

There were nods all around, well mostly. One particular individual had settled into a seat off to the side and looked dejected over hearing the priority of visitors. I tried not to read too much into Leah's expression; no way did I want to make myself paranoid over every little thing.

Alice wanted to get something to eat while we waited and I reluctantly followed after her.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay?"

"Perfect. Why wouldn't I be? He's awake," I replied without a second thought.

"No reason," she said, as she looked upon me warily.

No additional words were exchanged as we headed to the cafeteria and back.

* * *

When it was my turn to go in to see Paul, they let me go alone since technically the baby made up my pair.

His eyes were shut and he appeared to be deep in slumber.

I sat quietly in the sole chair in the room, observing him.

I closed my eyes for a brief second, exhaling deeply as I willed my stress away.

"Baby, you look so tired." He spoke in a tone much softer than I was used to hearing come from his mouth.

My eyes fluttered open and I tried to drive the sadness out of my eyes. I forced a smile onto my face, and really looked at him. As hard as I tried I couldn't quite seem to get the image of when he first awoke from the coma out of my head.

It wasn't my name he called out. But I didn't understand why he had asked for _her._ They hated each other. It just didn't make sense.

My musing was cut short as I felt his hand eclipse my own.

"Baby, are you okay?" his voice held concern and tenderness.

Now wasn't the time to build up the unknown in my head. I needed to spend this time talking to the man I loved.

I chuckled. "Only you would wake up from a coma and ask _me_ if I was okay. Of course I am. You're alive." I squeezed his hand and brought it to my lips, keeping my eyes trained on his.

I searched them for uncertainty, for regret, but neither was there. All I saw was love and devotion. How silly of me to have doubted him.

"You know I worry about you…both of you." His eyes wandered to my belly and I reacted on impulse, bringing one of my hands to caress my bump. "Have you felt her move yet?"

_Her. _It was no secret that although to his peers it would have seemed Paul wanted a little boy to play catch with, he was wishing for a little girl to spoil. For the past few days I had been feeling little flutters but no full on kicks yet. The doctor had told us that it was likely we wouldn't feel anything until about the twentieth week, and I was just over the nineteenth mark.

"No not yet."

"Good. I don't want to miss a thing." His grin was so large it took up nearly his entire face.

Seeing him so happy helped to ease my anxiety. My shoulders relaxed and my breathing steadied, no longer sticking in my throat.

"So…who else is here? I saw Billy, Jake, Charlie and Sue. Did anyone else come by?" he asked.

His question was simple enough, but my radar had been flipped on ever since I heard him speak.

"Umm, yeah a couple of other people are here. Alice and Jasper, Alice's brother Emmett and Rosalie were here but they left and…Leah." I spoke the last part in barely a whisper.

His expression did not alter in the slightest as I answered his question. He simply nodded.

"So…" I started, hesitating as I considered my next words.

"What is it, hun?"

It was something that had been nagging at me ever since that first night, and although it wasn't the most opportune time to ask, I had to know. "They said they found the truck off the side of the road five miles outside of Forks," I paused, registering the slight shock that clouded his face before I proceeded, "What were you doing so far away from the bed and breakfast? You…you said you'd be right back." My voice grew timid as I finished up my inquiry.

"Bella, I…"

The door opened, cutting off his speech. I turned, frustrated by whomever had chosen that exact moment to interrupt to find a startled Leah with one hand on the door.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were still in here. I'll…I'll just come back later." She released her hold on the door, and it swung on its hinges before it shut with a quiet click.

My eyes returned to Paul and he now had a glassy look in his eyes. Standing quickly I made my way to the door, ignoring Paul's attempts to get my attention.

When I entered the hall, no one was in sight. I wasn't sure what I had hoped to accomplish by chasing after Leah, but the feeling that had been just a minor bug in my ear was fast becoming a full-on mosquito that would not die.

If she was gone, there was still someone that could answer my questions.

I entered the room to find Paul struggling to right himself in the bed. His hand was outstretched, searching for something to allow himself to climb out.

"Get back in bed. You are in no shape to be moving around," I bellowed. The doctors had mentioned that it'd be several weeks before he'd be fully mobile. If he were to collapse on the ground, it'd be impossible for me to help him back up.

"Where'd you go? What's wrong?" Now was not the time for him to be asking questions. All I needed from him were answers.

"Don't worry about it. So why were you near Forks? Better yet, are you sleeping with my step-sister?" My voice was filled with venom as I spat my accusation at him without prelude.

"W…Wh…What? Bella, calm down. Getting excited can't be good for the baby. Sit down. Now why would you ask me something like that? You know I love you. This," he motioned between us, "is everything to me. You and the baby, it's more than I deserve…more than I could have ever hoped for, why would I throw that away?"

I looked him in the eye, searching for deceit, for something to confirm my fears. What I saw was nothing akin to that. What I saw was love and sincerity. My shoulders slumped in defeat and regret for having overreacted.

"I…I…I don't know what's wrong with me. Ever since you…woke up, I've just…I can't explain it."

"Bullshit. Tell me what really is going on." I was startled by his exclamation.

"Fine," I sighed, "When you woke up, I was so happy, and then you said…you asked for…not me."

"I'm still not understanding; what could I have said to cause this sort of reaction? I don't remember much since the accident. You have to give me more to work with."

"You asked for _her,_ not me. Why would the first word out of your mouth be my step-sister's name? Why? Aren't I enough?" I began to cry in earnest as I struggled to get all of my words out.

I felt the tips of his fingers touch mine and I recoiled my hand in disgust; whether at myself or him I couldn't be certain.

"Bella, look at me. You are more than enough. You always have been, don't doubt that. I can't tell you why I asked for her; honestly I don't even remember doing so. But I can tell you I'm sorry that it made you feel this way."

I nodded. _He loves me. _

"I'm getting a bit tired, would you mind getting the nurse to bring me some more pain meds?"

"Of course. Get some rest; I'll be back later." I kissed him on his forehead before making my exit.

I alerted the nurse of Paul's request and made my way over to the waiting room to find my dad.

"Dad, I'm a bit tired, would you mind driving me to your house?"

"Sure thing, Sweetie. Let me just go find Sue."

I looked around the waiting room and for the first time noted that it was almost empty. Finding solace in my solitude I slumped into a nearby chair and put my head in my hands. I had to find a way to get these doubts out of my head before they consumed me. A night in my old bed should do the trick.

Less than five minutes later, Charlie returned, alone.

"Where's Sue?" I asked.

"She's going to stick around here for a bit. She said she'd see us back at the house."

"Ok."

The drive was quick and silent, exactly what I needed. When we drove up the driveway, I thanked my father, kissed him on the cheek and went up the stairs.

Seeing the familiar walls and things of my youth put me instantly at ease. Charlie never could let go of that girl who came to live with him all those years ago, the girl who he had to watch leave with the woman who could never love him enough.

Changing into an old pair of pajamas that fit snugly over my bulging belly, I slipped under the sheets and tried to allow my mind to go blank. A throbbing rang between my ears as my overactive imagination refused to shut off.

He had said all the right things, so why wasn't my mind at ease? Regardless of the fact that I wanted to believe that he would never cheat on me, some things just didn't add up. Why was Leah sticking around the hospital, and Forks? Her original explanation of needing to drive Jake down was logical, but what business did she have being here now, over a week later? What was she whispering as she sat by his bedside when he was still dead to the world? Why had he said her name? Whether or not he remembered it, still did not negate the fact that the first word out of his mouth was a name other than my own. Why did she run off when she came in to the room and found me there? Too many questions and the answers were not satisfying enough. Throughout the night not only did the recent events loop through my head, but I began to analyze every interaction Paul and Leah had in the past. Did their eyes linger as they looked at one another? Had I ever heard him on the phone with her? Was she what had caused him to pull away? I drove myself mad with my suspicions and fears. Would it'd have been better if he had admitted that he was cheating on me?

I barely managed to sleep as I tossed and turned. I awoke the next morning with bags under my eyes and a heavy heart. I wanted to let it go. But I couldn't.

I dressed and took the keys to the spare car and drove the short distance to the hospital. Walking the dozen or so steps to Paul's room felt like walking on death row. I was fearful that I'd open the door and find them locked in a heated embrace. That'd they'd be sitting there laughing at my stupidity, feeling righteous in having deceived me so easily.

None of this happened, of course. All I found was a smiling Paul. He motioned me to his side, urging me down to give him a kiss. He asked me how I slept, and told me that he missed me. As we talked, my trepidation faded away and a genuine smile graced my lips. He constantly stroked my hand or my belly, his words coming in whispers as he spoke words of love and adoration.

"I really wish I could go with you for your ultrasound. Promise to bring me back lots of pictures," he said.

Given his still-fragile state there was no way that he could travel with me to Seattle for my checkup. We had tried to get them to reschedule or even perform it here in Forks, but unfortunately neither was possible. Paul insisted that he was fine with just seeing the pictures since before long he'd be able to see his angel in the flesh.

Both Charlie and Alice had offered to drive out with me, but I declined their gestures. Time alone on the road always had a calming effect on me, and right now that's exactly what the doctor ordered.

"I will. I'll make them give me doubles, no triples. I actually should get going if I want to make it on time. I'll come by right after," I said.

"Why don't you wait until the morning to drive back; that's quite a bit of a trip to be making in one day," he replied.

I tried not to read more into his words than what he said, but I couldn't help but be put off by the fact that he didn't want me to return as soon as I could. "Yeah, you're right. I probably should stop by the house anyway."

I kissed him on his cheek before saying goodbye.

* * *

Soft, dulcet tones filled the confines of the car as I navigated the roads cautiously. I checked in and feigned patience as I waited for my name to be called. My focus was on one thing. Today was the day that I'd get to see my baby. The joy of this reality was minutely eclipsed by the fact that things had not gone according to plan and I was sitting here alone.

"Swan. Bella Swan," a blond-haired nurse called.

"Here."

I followed after her into an exam room where she told me to change into a gown and sit on the table. Quickly discarding my clothing, I put it on and waited.

Moments later, the ultrasound tech, Irina, came into the room and began to explain what we would be doing today; she had me lie of my back and asked me to expose my belly. The coolness of the gel she squirted there caused me to jump slightly. She ran the wand across its expanse, looking for a clear image of the life that was growing inside me.

"There. That right there is your baby," she said. On the screen I could see a profile shot. My eyes welled with tears as it all suddenly became real. I knew I was carrying another individual inside of me; the changes my body was going through made that evident, but seeing it in black and white was another thing entirely.

"I'm just going to take a few measurements, and snap a few more pictures. Do you want to know what you're having?" Irina asked.

Did I want to know? "No, we want to be surprised."

"Very well."

I watched the screen, seeing tiny feet, a beating heart, and fists opening and closing. I placed my hand over my heart feeling it beat at an accelerated pace.

"Hmm. Bella, have you been in any pain lately?"

What kind of question was that? My skin stretched as my belly grew, my feet and ankles swelled, my back ached, but none of this was really "painful" per se.

"No, not really. I mean the usual aches and stuff. Why?" I was beginning to worry. Was something wrong? Was there something wrong with the baby? "Is the baby ok?"

"The baby's fine. I want to confer with the doctor though; give me just a moment." She handed me a cloth to clean the gel off of my belly before she exited the room. I wrung my hands as I listened to the silence of the room. My eyes wandered, trying to find something to focus on. The image on the screen was where my eyes finally landed. My child was prominently displayed, thumb placed firmly in its mouth. I allowed my breathing to return to normal as I stared at the image. I wished that I had someone here to hold my hand, and I silently cursed my refusal of assistance.

The door swung open and Irina returned followed by a man in a white lab coat.

"Ms. Swan, I'm Dr. Aro Volturi. Irina asked that I come and take a look at you, do you mind?"

"Not at all. But I'd like to know what's wrong? Irina said the baby was fine. Are you sure?"

"That's what she told me as well, but why don't I take a look."

He applied some more gel to my abdomen and glided the wand through it.

"I see. Well that is interesting."

"What? What's interesting? Is it the baby?"

"The baby's just fine. All ten fingers and toes accounted for. You say you aren't experiencing any pain?"

"No, just the growing pains I suppose. Should I be?"

"Well, the scan indicates that there is a cyst on one of your ovaries, a rather large one at that. I've sent the images off to your physician and I'm going to have Irina here call over there to set you up for an appointment right away so that she can discuss possible treatment options with you."

A cyst? A large one? Treatment options? None of this made sense. I came in here to see my baby, not to find out I had a problem.

The room cleared and I went into autopilot. I got redressed and left the room. Irina had told me that the doctor would be waiting for me in her office and that I should go right up. She handed me a strip of images, images of my precious baby, before she gave me a half-smile and wished me luck.

The elevator dinged indicating my stop and I stepped off and walked toward the far end of the hall. I knocked twice on the office door, and heard "come in." There sitting behind the desk was my obstetrician, Dr. Bree Hunter.

"Bella, thanks for coming by so quickly. Have a seat," she said.

I silently did as requested.

"So, Dr. Volturi sent over your ultrasound images and I've had a chance to review them. They indicate a 27 cm cyst on your right ovary."

_27 cm? How had I not noticed that?_

"This is rather concerning to me given its size. It's compromising the space needed for your uterus and your baby to grow. In fact it'll make it extremely difficult for her to make it to term."

_Her?_ Paul was right. A little girl. A little girl that was in danger.

"Right now I'm seeing only two real options. Since you are still in your second trimester we can terminate the pregnancy…"

No! No way could I kill my baby.

"What's the other option?" I spoke for the first time since stepping foot across the threshold.

"Surgery. I know of a great surgeon who specializes in high-risk pregnancies and I can give you his name. But know that this is not an easy situation and this decision should not be entered into lightly."

There was no decision. I couldn't kill my baby. I wouldn't let her die.

I nodded. "Can I have the name and number of the specialist please?"

"Sure," she said as she scribbled on a piece of paper.

"Bella, I'm really sorry that things turned out the way that they did. Take some time; think about what you want to do. Talk it over with your fiancé. Call me if you have any questions and we'll go from there, okay?"

"Sure sure. Thanks, Dr. Hunter."

There really wasn't anything to think about. Surgery was really the only option. But she was right; I needed to talk to Paul. I got in the car and turned onto the highway, disregarding my previous promise to stay in Seattle until the morning.

I made it to the hospital without incident and headed straight to his room. Not seeing the point in knocking, I pushed the door open and gasped as I caught sight of my worst nightmare come to life.

Leah lay curled up at Paul's side, fingers threaded in his hair, their lips joined in a gentle kiss.

"What the fuck?!" I screamed.

The pitch of my voice caused them to break apart from their embrace, shock heavy on both of their faces.

"Bella, baby, it's not what it looks like," Paul began.

"It's not what it looks like? Are you fucking kidding me? What happened to 'Baby, I love you' and 'you're more than enough'? Was it all a lie? And I think it's exactly what it looks like. You no-good son-of-a bitch. Screw you. Both of you."

I left in a fury. I couldn't believe it. No wonder he didn't want me to come back right away. I was so stupid. I should've known that things were too good to be true. I was destined to always be undesired and unloved.

I let out a scream releasing the frustration and disgust that was bottled up inside of me.

Feet shuffled across the floor in response. I was embarrassed by my outburst and immediately apologized to the approaching figure, my eyes trained on the floor, too ashamed to face whoever it was.

"I'm sorry. I had to get that out of my system. I was just leaving." I turned to walk toward the exit, uncertain of my destination, but knowing that I couldn't stay here with _them,_ when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay, because that scream leads me to believe otherwise," Edward said.

I hadn't seen much of him since he had come to tell me that my rat-bastard of a fiancé had made it out of surgery. At this point I kind of wished he had come to tell me that he hadn't. No, that was a lie. As hurt as I was, I still loved Paul, and he was the father of my baby and for that I couldn't wish him dead.

"No."

"No, you're not sure or no, you're not okay?" Edward asked.

"Neither. Both. I don't know."

"I see. Well, I'm just getting off shift. Do you…do you maybe want to go somewhere and talk?"

That was exactly what I needed. I knew that if I left everything that I was feeling boil up inside of me it'd only fester and leave me bitter. Right now, that was not something that I could allow.

"Yes. I'd like that very much."

**

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**

If so inclined, click away and leave me your thoughts. Thanks for reading.


	15. Starting to Let Go

**I know, it's been ages. Apologies for that. Thanks and news type stuff at the end.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

* * *

EPOV

We walked through the parking lot in near silence. The sound of our breathing, mine at a steady pace and Bella's ragged and forced, filled the air which had begun to chill. I looked to my left and saw Bella shudder as a gust of wind hit her. She wrapped her arms around her torso in a futile effort to provide her body with added warmth, and I wished that my arms were the ones engulfing her trembling limbs. Instead, I walked at her side with my hands shoved in my pockets.

Bella hadn't spoken a single word since we exited the hospital. It was obvious from the way her brow was furrowed, and her outburst in the hallway, that she was troubled by something. I had no clue what it was or even how to go about asking…so I waited.

_Haven't you waited long enough?_

I was poised to speak, at the very least to ask where she wanted to go, when she broke down and released a sob, her body shaking in the process.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?"

_Of course she isn't. She's crying. Do something._

I placed my hands on her shoulders and angled her body toward mine so that I could look in her eyes. The tears that were spilling from them were fresh but as they slid down her cheeks it was evident that they weren't the first to fall that day.

"I…I…I'm fine. Would you mind if we just took your car? I'm not much in the mood to drive." Her voice cracked as she spoke and more tears were expelled.

"Of course. Whatever you want."

We made it to my car in a matter of minutes. I helped her into the passenger seat before I walked around the front of the car to my side. I stole a glance and I saw her swipe the tears away with a tissue she'd pulled from her purse, trying to remove the evidence of her sadness. Seeing her cry and not being able to erase her pain was breaking my heart. I desperately wanted to know what was weighing down on her but didn't want to add to her displeasure by pressing for details. Hopefully she'd open up to me and I could come up with a way to help her through whatever she was facing.

When I was fully settled in my seat, I asked, "Are you hungry? We could go to the diner."

"I'm starving. But could we maybe go somewhere else…somewhere not in Forks?" Her voice trembled as she spoke, and she was working the sleeves of light jacket down to cover her hands.

"Sure thing. How about the Italian restaurant in Port Angeles?" I had wanted to take her on a date there back in high school, but my idiotic behavior had deprived me of the opportunity. But now was not the time to be focusing on past mistakes or even trying to make this into more than it was. This was nothing more than two acquaintances sitting down to eat together…a simple attempt on my part to show her that I'd willingly accept any role she'd allow me to fill.

She used her actions, and not her words, to accept, as she nodded her head.

We drove in absolute quiet for a good ten minutes, before it started to become too much for me. I turned on my iPod and soft music filled the air. I watched Bella ease back into her seat as she allowed the music to lull her.

"I got to see my daughter today." Bella spoke so softly I hadn't heard her at first.

"Oh, that's wonderful. I bet she'll be as lovely as her mother." _Did I really just say that?_

"The doctor said I might not be able to keep her."

"What do you mean?"

"There's a problem and the doctor said that I need surgery or I need to let her go." She cried as she spoke, dabbing at her eyes every now and then.

This was not what I was expecting her to say. How did one reconcile the fact that they might have to end their child's life? I couldn't even imagine being faced with that decision. I wanted to hug her close and reassure her that everything would be okay…but I couldn't, and more importantly, I shouldn't. She had someone who would be by her side through this. It wasn't my place, and no amount of hoping was going to change that.

"I'm so sorry. What does Paul think about all this?"

She stiffened at the mention of his name. _Uh oh._

"Nothing."

"So he doesn't have an opinion on whether or not you should continue on with the pregnancy?" I was becoming irate. Although my question was a tad out of line, the thought of having to face the prospect of getting rid of a part of yourself was heartbreaking, but not having the input of the person responsible for aiding in the creation of said being was downright devastating.

"I didn't get a chance to tell him." She avoided my gaze, turning her focus to the road.

"Why not?" I knew I shouldn't pry, but this was obviously troubling Bella and I couldn't understand why she wouldn't have talked to Paul. I had found her down the hall from his room; surely she had been there to talk to him.

"He was a bit…preoccupied."

"What could…?"

"The restaurant's coming up on your left. You should probably change lanes," she interjected.

"Sure." I switched on the blinker and returned my focus to the road. Bella had changed the subject for a reason and I wasn't willing to risk my second chance at a friendship with her just for the sake of my curiosity. She'd tell me when she was ready.

*B&E*B&E*

Bella Italia was fairly empty, which wasn't surprising given that it was the middle of the week. The hostess led us to a table in the back corner and departed after I shot down her lame attempt at flirting. I wasn't interested in a bathroom hookup or whatever she was angling at; no, my present company was far more to my liking.

We sat across from one another and while Bella was studying her menu, I found myself studying her. There was so much sadness written on her face, but beneath it were shadows of her former self. The girl that used to laugh with my sister in our family room; the girl whose intelligence always embarrassed her to some degree; the girl who stole a big chunk of my heart from me on the first day I met her and has always unknowingly carried it with her since.

"Everything looks so good. I just can't decide."

The sound of her voice and the shutting of her menu broke me from my ogling. "Yeah. I hear the mushroom ravioli is excellent as well as the four cheese lasagna."

"Oh they both sound wonderful." She picked up her menu again and scrunched her brow as she gave it another glance.

"How about you get one and I'll get the other, and you can take some of mine."

"That's a good idea. I don't think that I can pick just one."

We waited for the waitress and when she arrived we placed our orders along with drinks. Bella opted for just water and I got a Coke.

Once the waitress headed off to the kitchen, the lack of noise returned. I racked my brain for a topic of conversation that would endure throughout our meal and struggled to come up with something that wasn't akin to a game of twenty questions.

"So…"

"What…"

"Ladies first," I insisted.

Bella pulled on her napkin, twisting it into various shapes. "What made you decide to go into emergency medicine? I would have thought that since Carlisle was a surgeon, you'd follow in his footsteps."

Well that wasn't the question I thought she'd ask, but it was certainly a start. After all we hardly knew each other, having spent the last seven years of our lives mostly on opposite ends of the country.

"You're right; surgery would have been the obvious choice. My main reason for being a doctor in general was to help people. Working in the ER came after seeing how easily things could change in an instant. One second either way can mean the difference between life and death. Plus I get the benefit of handling all sorts of cases, from broken bones to women in labor. I've had my fair share of hours in the OR behind a scalpel, but I just love the hustle and bustle of the ER more."

"That makes sense."

"What about you? Have you written the next great American novel yet?" Bella had always had a passion for writing. She was the co-editor of the Forks High newspaper and had been instrumental in the completion of our senior class's yearbook.

"No, I haven't written much in the last few years." Her voice matched the sadness in her eyes. "I do have a part-time job at a publishing house in Seattle. It's not much, but it's comfortable and manages to cover most of my expenses."

It hurt to think that Bella was settling for a job, or even a life, that failed to offer her the opportunity to utilize her full potential.

"Do you like living in Seattle?"

"Yes. It's become like a second home to me. I mean, what can I say, I have a thing for rain." She chuckled and the tinkling sound and momentary light in her eyes made it impossible for me to resist joining her. One of her biggest complaints when she had moved to town had been the dreary weather. "What about you? Alice had said you were living on the East Coast. You certainly could have practiced medicine out there. What brought you back to the great state of Washington? Besides the stellar weather, of course."

There really wasn't much choice in the matter when it came to choosing where to settle down. When my mom had gotten sick, I knew that I couldn't hide out any longer. "Esme. When she had her scare, I realized how much I was missing out on by being so far away."

Bella looked at me with pity as she absorbed my words.

I didn't want her pity. I had made the choice to run away all those years ago because I was too scared to take a leap of faith. Up until the day when Esme had gotten sick, I was still running and hiding, afraid to take chances. So pity was the last thing I deserved.

Thankfully, the waitress arrived with our order and I was granted a moment to collect myself. Bella dug into her ravioli without prelude. She picked at the sauce, pulling the mushrooms off to the side of her plate and I broke out into a huge grin at the sight of it.

Bella looked up and seemed startled by the expression on my face. "What?" she asked, in between bites.

"Nothing," I responded before I picked up my fork and began eating. It seemed that some things would never change. Bella had always loved mushrooms but for whatever reason if there were large chunks in something she was eating, she'd pick them off.

We took our time with our meals, and the questions continued. I noticed that whenever I tried to direct the conversation to anything having to do with Bella's relationship with Paul, her body would stiffen and her answers were terse and straight to the point. After a while, I stopped asking them altogether, and allowed her free reign over the conversation.

*B&E*B&E*

When my mind registered the restaurant's employees milling around, clearing the tables, and picking up the chairs, I looked down at my watch and realized we had been sitting here for nearly three hours, our plates long gone, and our glasses drained.

"Well, it's getting late. I guess we should get going. You can just drop me off at the hospital and I'll get my car."

"Like you said, it's late. How about I just drop you off…where are you staying?"

"I was supposed to be back in Seattle for the night, but I came back because…yeah, so I'll just head home."

"Bella, it's awfully late to be driving all that way, especially on your own. What about staying at your dad's place?"

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Alright, well let me at least call Alice; I'm sure it'll be fine with her if you crashed for the night there. She can take you to the hospital in the morning."

"Okay. Let me just use the restroom and then we can head over there."

She got up from the table and walked toward the restrooms.

I dialed my sister's number with a heavy heart. The time I had spent with Bella had gone too quickly, and every time I had tried to steer the conversation back to Bella in an effort to find out what was bothering her, she'd make an errant comment about something mundane or direct the focus back on me. I wasn't quite ready to let her leave, but I knew I had no right to want to keep her.

Alice picked up after the second ring.

"Hey, brother of mine. What's going on?"

"Hey, Squirt. I'm actually calling because I need your help."

"Sure. What is it?"

"I ran into Bella when I was leaving the hospital and she was in obvious distress-"

"What's wrong? Is it the baby? Oh God, did something happen to Paul?"

"Slow down. I'm not calling to talk about any of those things. Let me finish, please."

Her responding silence allowed me to pick up where I left off.

"So I offered to take her out to dinner and talk. She told me some of what was going on, but I know there's much more lingering in her mind. The restaurant's closing up and when I offered to drop her off, she said she'd just drive back to Seattle. Well obviously I don't think that's a good idea given the time and whatever is troubling her. So I offered to take her to Charlie's but she seemed adamant about not going there. So…"

"She can stay with me. I mean, I'm still up in Seattle at the design expo, but I can skip out on tomorrow's activities. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of hours to drive down. Why don't you-"

"Alice, no, don't be silly. It makes no sense for you to drive all that way at this hour either. I'll just let her stay at my place for the night, and I can take her to get her car when I go into work tomorrow."

"Edward, do you..."

"Alice, I want…no I need to do this. Let me try to take care of her. I promise I won't do anything to hurt her. We've talked about this already. You must know how important she is to me."

Alice sighed. "I know. I believe you. Do you need me to do anything?"

I can't believe I was about to do this. It made me feel so juvenile.

"Well…could you maybe call Charlie and tell him that Bella's spending the night at your place?"

Alice chuckled. "What are we, twelve?"

"No definitely not twelve, but I'd rather not have the chief of police going out on a manhunt for his pregnant daughter. He is probably still shaken by what happened, and there's no telling what he'd think if he drove by the hospital and saw her car there but couldn't locate her."

"Very true. I'll call him when we're done. Anything else?"

"No, that's it. Thanks, Sis."

"Anytime. Love you."

"Love you too."

I ended the call and returned the phone to my pocket. I hoped that Bella would take the change of plans in stride and I wouldn't have too much of a fight on my hands. No way should she be driving in her condition, and I definitely had the space at my place, so it wouldn't be an inconvenience. Besides, it was just for the night.

Two minutes later, Bella was back.

I grabbed her jacket and extended the sleeves for her to place her arms in. "Shall we?"

She accepted my offer and as she neared me my body thrummed with excitement at her proximity. I willed away the inappropriate image of what would have happened if this had been a real date and she wasn't carrying another man's baby, a man to whom she had promised herself, and snapped myself back to reality.

"So what did Alice say?"

_Shit. _I knew Bella was bound to ask, and of course I had to tell her of the change of plans, but I wasn't quite ready to do so just yet. What is she put up a fight and absolutely refused my offer? She could be quite stubborn about accepting the assistance of others, but was always the first one to lend a hand. I had hoped to tell her when we were at least halfway through the drive back to town. It'd be pretty hard for her to reject me then. It's not like she'd get out of the car in the middle of the highway, right?

"Um…well…see the thing is, Alice is in Seattle at a design expo until tomorrow afternoon, and she said she'd drive back tonight…"

"Edward, it's okay, I understand. I don't mind driving home, and if I get tired I can always stop at a motel or something."

"Bella, no. I told Alice she didn't need to come back, and you don't need to drive home tonight. Are you sure you don't want me to take you to Charlie's?"

She shook her head no, while she kept her eyes trained on her moving feet. I saw moisture gathering on her lashes as she inhaled deeply.

I stopped her in her tracks and angled her chin up so that she could face me.

"Bella, I don't know all that's haunting you in here." I tapped her temple with my forefinger. "But I don't think you should drive home right now. If you don't want me to take you to Charlie's, I won't. Why don't you spend the night at my place? I have an extra bedroom, and I'd be happy to take you to get your car tomorrow when I head in to work. Please, let me do this for you."

She swatted the tears away and studied my face, looking for what, I'm not entirely sure. A moment later, she exhaled and gave me a quiet nod.

Once again, silence loomed heavily during the car ride to my house. Bella fiddled with the controls of my iPod, and when she wasn't shuffling through songs, she was stroking her belly and murmuring softly.

Shutting the engine off, I removed the keys from the ignition and said, "Here we are." I climbed out of the car and made my way over to the passenger side just as Bella was placing her hand on the handle.

I helped her from the car and led her up to the front door. Once inside the entryway, I flipped on the hall light. Bella stood just inside the threshold and looked around nervously. My house was small yet tidy, one of the many benefits of practically living at the hospital, less mess to clean up in a hardly lived in house. I offered to take her jacket and gave her the grand tour. I stopped at the guest room at the end of the hall on the second floor.

"You can stay in here. It has its own bathroom and I'll be just across the hall. If you're not tired yet, you're welcome to use the TV in the living room. Or would you maybe like a snack? I know we just ate but I read…"

She stopped my incessant rambling by placing a hand on my forearm. "Thank you. This will be fine. But…umm…I…"

"What is it, Bella? What do you need?"

"Well, I was in such a rush before, and I forgot…Do you maybe have something I could change into? I mean I guess I could probably just wear this…"

"Of course. I'll get you something more comfortable to put on. Wait right here."

I ducked into my room and headed straight for my dresser. I didn't have a stockpile of women's clothes lying around- and thank God for that. I could only imagine what Bella would think if I returned with another woman's pajamas for her to wear. Though it's not like that was even in the realm of possibilities given the pseudo celibate existence that I've been living for the past several years. Or that it should matter to Bella that I'd had women over at my place. She'd moved on, so why shouldn't I have also?

All of the would haves, could haves didn't matter. I regained my focus on my original task and began shifting through the bureau until I found the perfect items. I pulled an oversized, fire-red Cornell t-shirt and a pair of XL gym shorts and headed back out into the hall.

Bella wasn't there. But I saw the door to the guest bedroom slightly ajar so I rapped on the door twice.

"Come in."

I entered the room and found Bella sitting at the foot of the bed, massaging her ankles. She sat up straight and placed her hands in her lap. I made my way over to her and offered her the clothing I had grabbed out of my room.

"I hope this is okay."

"It'll work perfectly. Thanks."

"Well…I guess I'll just let you get changed. Like I said, you're welcome to help yourself to anything in the kitchen and use the TV. If you need anything, I'm just across the hall."

"Thanks, Edward."

"Anytime."

I shut the door and went back into my room. I showered quickly and changed into a plain white t-shirt and black flannel pajama bottoms. I usually slept in a lot less, but thought it'd be more appropriate given my houseguest to cover up a bit.

I climbed on top of the covers and crossed my arms behind my head and stared straight up at the ceiling. An odd sense of déjà vu overcame me as I thought back to a similar situation such as this, when I was a horny teenage boy, lying in my bedroom across the hall from the girl who made my heart do gymnastics in my chest. That night had gone so much differently than this one had. Images of Bella from years past, confident, and so full of life, mixed with the ones of her from the present, broken and deflated. Luckily, my body didn't act on impulse like it had back then when it was in a constant state of arousal; I guess it knew that having such thoughts now was inappropriate. I shut my eyes and tried to allow sleep to take over me, in the hopes that my mind would shut off. After about twenty minutes of looking at the back of my eyelids, I knew it was pointless. There were just too many unanswered questions and things left unsaid that I had no chance of getting to sleep any time soon.

Maybe a snack and some TV would do the trick.

I climbed out of bed and headed for the stairs. As I passed the guest bedroom, I pressed my ear to the door and was met by silence. When I was in the kitchen, I grabbed an apple and some orange juice before I started for the living room. The faint sound of the television grew louder as I neared. I thought for a moment about turning around and taking another stab at willing myself to sleep, but knew that running never did me any good in the past. Besides, this was my house after all, and I was more than capable of watching TV with Bella.

The sound of the television was soon drowned out by sobs and when I ducked my head in the room, I saw the source. Bella sat on the couch, wearing the outfit I had provided for her, curled up in on herself. Her face was lined with tears that seemed to be coming on an endless loop. My foot snagged the corner of the end table and she snapped her head up in my direction as I muttered a curse.

"I'm so sorry," we said at the same time.

Why she was apologizing for being upset was beyond me. But I knew I was sorry I had intruded on a private moment.

"Bella, don't be sorry," I said as I sat down beside her.

"I should have just gone home, or rather what used to be my home."

Her words weren't making sense to me and she appeared to be talking more to herself than me.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"I'm alone. I don't know if I can do this on my own. How could I have been so stupid?" She rambled on and on, her tears still falling, her body shaking slightly from the action.

"You're not alone. You have your dad, Alice, your baby…" I paused before saying the next name out of fear of her reaction. "Paul."

She began to cry in earnest.

"Bella, you need to talk to me. Before when I asked what Paul thought about your situation you said that you didn't get to talk to him about the baby because he was preoccupied, what did you mean? And just now you said that you should have gone to "what used to be" your home. Paul was fine the last time I checked on him. His vitals are improving. He should be out of the hospital in no time."

She nodded her head, whether it was in understanding or simply out of habit I couldn't tell.

"Yeah, but chances are when he does get out of the hospital he won't be coming home to me. Or at least I won't be there when he does. I have nowhere to go. What am I going to do?"

Her words lacked logic, and I knew I shouldn't prod but I needed to know what was going on. They seemed so happy. She'd barely left his side since he was out of surgery.

"Bella, I'm having a hard time following you. Why wouldn't he go back to you?"

She inhaled deeply and her body grew tense, her tears slowing momentarily. She responded with an anger that startled me.

"Because he's fucking my step-sister, that's why. That bastard has been going behind my back for God knows how long and just the thought of staying in that house with him for a second more makes my stomach turn. I have no clue what I've done to deserve this. I get the blessing of seeing my angel only to be told that I have to decide her fate, and when I go to reach out to the one person who's supposed to be there for me through all the good times and the bad, I find him pressed against another woman. They say karma's a bitch, but I have to wonder what atrocious act I did to get saddled with this."

I was enraged. How could he do this to her? No one deserves to be cheated on, especially not someone as loving as Bella. "Bella, you did nothing wrong. You have plenty of people who love you and who'll be there to help you through this."

"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better. But there is no way of fixing this. I've lost Paul and I'll probably lose my baby. I'll be left with nothing. No man. No child. No place to live. I can't go to Charlie's because _she'll _probably be there. Alice has her own life. I could barely afford my apartment, there's no way I could make payments on the house. Plus it's in his name so he has more right to it than I do. I…"

I grabbed her hands, which had made their way to her hair, and clasped them in mine.

"Bella, as much as I'd love to tell you that everything will be magically fixed overnight, you and I both know that would be a lie. But I can say with certainty that you are not alone, and that you can and will get through this. Just try to relax, and take things one at a time. As far as having somewhere to stay, you are more than welcome to stay here, whether it be for a night or a week. And don't doubt that my sister would do anything for you. She may have her own life as you put it, but you are her _best friend_ and she would _never_ turn a blind eye to you."

She looked at me with watery eyes and her shoulders relaxed as she took in the sincerity of my words and my expression.

My heart broke into a thousand pieces as I watched her curl in on herself. He had broken her spirit and that was a shame to witness. I pulled her body close to mine and let her shed the last of her tears. Soon she cried herself into a state of slumber and her muscles relaxed. I brushed the hair off her forehead and wiped away the remaining drops under her eyes. Gathering her in my arms I carried her up to the guest room and tucked her into the bed. I stood in the doorway and watched her chest rise and fall as she drew in breaths. Her face was tight even though her body was at ease. She had moved her hands to cradle her belly as if to protect it from the outside world. She looked so fragile in that moment and I re-avowed to do everything in my power to make things right for her, and with her. It was obvious that she needed all the friends she could get, and I couldn't be the one who let her down. Not again.

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Big Thanks to Katie for betaing and all her support over the last few months.

**Thanks to all those who shared your well wishes with me as I struggled with unexpected RL stuff.**

**Thanks to all the readers who have left reviews, favorited and just plain stuck around and waited while I worked this all out.**

**Many people have asked if there is a connection between this and the one-shot I wrote called "Masked Desires." I believe I answered most of you directly, but yes, they are related, with that piece focusing on Paul and Leah and their activities. It's the first fanfiction related thing I wrote, thus why it's so "raw." Also it has its rating for a reason, so don't read if you aren't comfortable with mature themes. I will be doing a major edit on it to clean it up, both grammatically and possibly to tone it down a bit, in the near future. Plus I have plans for a few more chapters of their story as we all know there are multiple sides to the same story and Bella just can't know everything that's going on with them. So to make a long answer short, yes they are related, but you don't need to read one to understand the other.**

**I wrote a one-shot for the Texts from Last Night contest called "Finding the Cure." It's pure fluff, almost zero angst and strictly BxE. Voting ends on June 15****th****, so I'd love you to read and vote if you enjoyed it. Link to the story is on my profile page, and here is where you go for voting: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net / u / 2276896**

**Next chapter is underway, and is BPOV, so hopefully it'll be up soon.**


	16. Good Grief!

**I managed to get this done fairly quickly, and since I've started on the next chapter already, I figured it only made sense to post this early.**

**Big Thanks to Katie for her speedy work on this and her encouragement. I'm not sure what I'd do without her.**

**Thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, favorites, or recommends this to their readers. I appreciate your time, your thoughts and the fact that you see something in my words worth sharing.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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BPOV

I was slowly working my way through the stages of grief. When Paul had woken up and uttered her name, I began to doubt the strength of our relationship. The seeds planted by that action had begun to fester and rot my faith in us. But I had convinced myself that I was worrying for nothing…I was in denial.

When I walked into that room, already in a state of despair, the sight of them wrapped around one another had enraged me. Sure, I was saddened by it, but more than anything else I was pissed off. Hadn't I been through enough that day, already? Why was this happening to me? Was it a punishment for some past misdoing? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't at fault and that just made me seethe more. I could deal with this if it was in some way my doing, but I couldn't see how I could be to blame.

Next up was bargaining, but really did I want to plead and beg to have back something that obviously wasn't working? Nope, hadn't made it there yet. I was still in full-on anger mode. But the thing was, I couldn't exhaust my energy focusing on how I was wronged; I had much more important things to consider.

When the doctor had given me my options, the choice had been clear. No way could I end my child's life, no matter the risks. I was certain then, and I was certain now. Despite what her father had done, my daughter deserved a shot at a life full of happiness, and I was willing to make whatever sacrifice necessary to see that she received one.

*B&E*B&E*

Edward had caught me in a moment of weakness, when my walls began to crumble, and the anger no longer provided me with strength. He made me feel and understand that the depth of my emotions was valid even if my rationale had begun to fade.

When he offered to go somewhere and talk, it was exactly the respite I needed. I knew if I stayed in that hospital for a moment more, I would surely march back to that room and tear them apart. The stress that would ensue ultimately causing more harm than good, not for them, I could care less at this point about any pain they felt, but for the only innocent person in this whole messy affair.

I tried my hardest to hold it all together as we walked in silence across the lot but brick by brick it all came tumbling down. The traitor tears that fell from my eyes further enraged me. Neither one of them was worth this; when I was seated in Edward's car I swiped the tears away furiously as I tried to regain my composure.

The gentle music that filled the confines of the car further aided in settling my nerves and I blurted out something that I needed someone, anyone to know.

"_I got to see my daughter today."_

Edward commented on how much of a joy that must have been, and how he was sure she would be precious.

But I couldn't respond, needing to get the more difficult words to leave my lips.

"_The doctor said I might not be able to keep her."_

Edward was puzzled by the words which had been so simple and so heartbreaking to say. It was as if I always knew that things were too good to be true, and I was constantly awaiting the bottom to fall out of my life, and it finally had in a major way.

I answered his query in a matter-of-fact sort of way and expected that to be the end of it. Sadly, I was mistaken because the next question out of Edward's mouth was in regards to how Paul had taken the news.

I felt as if I had ice running through my veins as I recalled the events that had transpired. How I had been so devastated and overwrought with emotions from my trip to the doctor; my frantic drive down from Seattle; my bursting into the room and having my heart and life torn to shreds, all in a matter of hours.

Again, short and sweet remained my repertoire as I responded to only what was asked, refusing to expand upon my answers. When I saw the sign for the restaurant up ahead, I saw my exit from the conversation. The rest of the drive was devoid of conversation and for that I was thankful.

As we looked over the menu, I was focusing much more on where I went from here and not so much on what pasta dish to order. Shaking my head slightly, I told myself that there'd be time for all of that later, and that I should just take each moment one at a time.

Finally glancing at the menu, my mouth began to water as I read the descriptions of the dishes.

"_Everything looks so good. I just can't decide,"_ I said as I shut my menu and laid it on the table.

Edward had the wonderful suggestion of ordering multiple dishes and sharing. Well, for me to take some of his. I was never much a big believer in the whole 'eating for two' thing, but in that moment I was starved and could certainly do some damage.

With our orders in, I knew we'd have to come up with something to talk about, since it would be quite odd for us to just sit there, the only sounds being that of metal against china.

I figured it was best to start where things had left off so to speak. Edward and I had been merely acquaintances when high school ended, having spent the latter part of my time in Forks barely uttering pleasantries when our paths crossed. I had thought for an instant that on the night of Alice's graduation party the tides were about to change. Little could I have guessed that what would have ultimately happened would have been the final nail in the coffin of any possible relationship between Edward and I. Our paths diverged on that night; mine taking me to Seattle and on that now disastrous road which I was suddenly traversing on my own, and Edward to the East and to things unknown. I had heard bits and pieces of Edward's life from his mother and sister, but they never lingered on his happenings. Now was my opportunity to not only fill the dead space in the dinner table conversation, but to satisfy my curiosity, for as much as it bugged me, Edward had always been at the back of my mind.

As he talked about his chosen profession he spoke with such passion, it made me slightly envious. I'd had envisioned a life much different than the one that I had acquired, and up until about an hour ago, I would have been okay with that. But now, it all hit me that maybe I had sacrificed too much of myself.

I was surprised when I was able to joke about the weather, the first sounds of joy escaping my lips in a long while.

When he mentioned Esme's suspected illness, it filled me with such sorrow. I had been fortunate enough to have been able to simply drive a few hours and make it to her side. I couldn't imagine what it must've been like to be on the other side of the country.

Seconds later, the waitress arrived with her arms laden with plates and cups and it broke the connection that I had felt growing between Edward and me as I processed my recollections.

The sight of the food was ten times better than the descriptions, which had been tantalizing enough, and I greedily dug into the ravioli, making sure to pick out the large chunks of mushrooms. As much as I loved them, the texture always squicked me out so I had trouble eating them unless they were chopped up.

I caught Edward staring at me, and his smile and look of joy startled me. I didn't know what to make out of his expression but it oddly put me at ease. It was as if he was seeing me again for the first time.

When the restaurant started to empty out and the workers started in on their closing duties, I knew we had overstayed our welcome and it was time to head home. _Home?_ That was a funny word given my predicament. Sure, I had a house that I could go to out in Seattle, but right at that moment it hardly felt any more a home to me than a cardboard box would. There was Charlie's, the place that had fast become a home to me when I had moved to town junior year. But he had a new life now, a new family, of which _she_ was a part. No, I couldn't take the chance in going there and running into her. I seriously doubted my ability to remain calm in front of my father should I have to see her lying face. So really I was left with the lesser of two evils. It made sense to go back to Seattle. I still had to make an appointment with the specialist and figure out where to go from here.

Edward, however, had other plans. He was strongly opposed to my driving all that way at this time of night and insisted that I stay at Alice's, at the very least, until the morning. I couldn't fault his logic. I was already starting to drag from the weight of my emotions, and the meal I had just consumed wasn't helping to stop the drooping of my eyelids.

I excused myself to the restroom and left Edward to call his sister. Splashing some cool water on my face in an attempt to both wake myself and wash away the reminders of the tears I had shed, I told myself that everything would be okay. Unfortunately, I didn't believe it for one second.

I made my way back out to the table and accepted Edward's assistance with my jacket. For the briefest of moments, I felt a spark as our bodies grazed one another. It was an odd sensation, one that was prevalent when we had first met, but had slowly dulled over time as our distance grew. In that instant, I imagined how differently things would have turned out if instead of creating a fork in our destinies, that night had joined them. Cursing internally, I shook away the silly thoughts that had no business to plague my mind. Things of much greater importance needed the space.

When Edward told me that Alice was out of town and wouldn't be back until tomorrow, it seemed fitting that something positive wasn't meant to happen. He gave me the option of changing my mind on the whole Charlie thing, but I knew there were no ifs, ands or buts about it, staying there was a big negative.

_Guess it looks like I'm on my way back to Seattle_, I thought_. There were a bunch of motels along the way, I should be fine._

I hadn't realized that I had started to silently cry until Edward lifted my chin so that I could look at him, and I only saw a blurry version of him. He spoke to me in a stern yet kind voice, and restated his desire not to have me drive with whatever was on my mind haunting me. He offered up his guest bedroom, and although it shouldn't have been easy for me to accept, it was.

There was no pointless chatter on the drive home, which was good, because it allowed me to center my thoughts. I diverted most of my attention to my little girl, whispering to her my words of love and sorrow over the circumstances we found ourselves in.

Edward's house was quaint and obviously not designed by him; my guess being that both Esme and Alice had had a hand in the selection of his furnishings. Edward gave me the tour and settled me into his guest room, giving me free reign of the contents of his refrigerator and use of his television, should I not be tired yet. His generosity was too much to take in all at once. I mean, we were little more than strangers, our only real connection in the past few years being his family. We had spent more years apart than we had 'together,' for lack of a better description. He had already given me so much, but there was one thing more I needed to ask of him. I hadn't brought any luggage with me when I rushed down from Seattle, and while I could probably just sleep in my underwear, it seemed a bit inappropriate to do so in someone else's house, especially a male who once made your legs quiver and your heart race.

He was a bit flustered as he rushed out of the room to get me something 'more comfortable' to wear. My legs began to ache as I stood in the doorway, so I made my way into the room and sat on the edge of the bed while I massaged my ankles. He returned shortly thereafter, and although this was his house, he still knocked lightly on the door and waited for me to grant him admittance.

The oversized t-shirt and shorts he provided for me would work perfectly and I told him so. He left me to settle in for the night, and I opted to take a quick shower to unwind my tense muscles. Edward was right; things could easily change in an instant. I rinsed out my hair and exited the stall, drying off quickly before pulling on the bright red t-shirt that held the hint of a fragrance very uniquely Edward, and stepped into the shorts. I sat back down on the edge of the bed, and despite the tiredness of my body, I knew my racing mind wouldn't afford me a moment of peace. I stood once again and made my way down to the living room, hoping some mindless entertainment would help me conk out for the night.

But since my luck wasn't shitty enough, I managed to land on the one channel showing back-to-back love stories with perfect couples, and their perfect lives, with their perfect families. The flood gates burst open and no amount of pleading could stop the sobs. I couldn't prevent the negative thoughts from worming their way into my brain, either. Somehow, this all became my fault. It was some defect of mine that had left me undesired, unwanted, unloved. It was me who had made the error in judgment. It was me who was alone.

When I heard a muttered curse, I lifted my head and saw Edward grabbing on to his calf. The first words that my lips could form were in apology. For some reason, I felt like I had to apologize for so many things, most importantly for dragging Edward into this mess.

I began to mumble and much of it didn't even make sense to my own ears, so I could only imagine what Edward was hearing. As I spoke my sobs continued to ripple through my body. I berated myself for my stupidity over my wrong turns, and lamented the fact that I was faced with doing this all on my own.

When Edward tried to reassure me that everything was okay, and that my friends and family would help me through this, I couldn't help but chuckle darkly when he mentioned Paul, my sadness soon turning to pure rage. I informed Edward just why Paul wouldn't be there to hold my hand, exposing the depth of his betrayal.

Edward's response was not the placative one I had expected, one which I could have easily scoffed off. The tried and true, 'it'll all be better with time. Just have faith' was not something I was willing to swallow. But that never came. Instead he told me that, no, things would not be fixed right away, but that I didn't need to do it alone. While I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel as clearly as he could, I knew he had a point. I settled into his embrace and cried myself to sleep, faintly registering his fingers brushing my hair off my face and whisking away my tears. I felt my body being moved and settling on the soft cushioning of a bed. I instantly curled myself up on the side and captured my belly in my arms, needing to protect my daughter from any further harm.

*B&E*B&E*

I slept soundly despite the rocky evening, and awoke several hours later, to the faint glow of the sun streaming through the blinds. Sun was a rarity in these parts, so I took it as a sign, that maybe Edward was right yet again, and that I'd be able to make it through this. I washed up in the bathroom, and started down toward the kitchen, in desperate need of some nourishment.

I found Edward bent down with his head in the fridge and the smells of bacon frying and toast burning. Spotting smoke emanating from the toaster, I flipped the switch and popped up the charcoal looking pieces of bread. My swift movement startled Edward, and he stood upright, banging his head in the process. I chuckled as I watched him rub the back of his head and look over at me with wide eyes.

"Morning," I said, in a surprisingly chipper voice.

He grunted back a response as he continued to massage his head. He wore the same plain white t-shirt and black flannel pajama bottoms from the night before and as he stretched, his shirt inched up exposing a sliver of his pale flesh. I felt my body heat inappropriately given the situation, and redirected my attention to replacing the slices with fresh pieces of bread. Once I had adjusted the timer, I slid them down. Edward had moved from the fridge and was standing in front of the stove, flipping the bacon and pouring pancake mixture onto the griddle.

"Thanks. I can never seem to get that part right."

"So what are you making?" I took a seat at the island and peered over as he flittered around.

"Well, I was planning on pancakes and bacon for you, and some toast and coffee for me- unless you'd rather have something else. I think there are a few eggs left; I should be able to make you an omelet."

"No, that sounds lovely. Though I wish you'd join me so I didn't feel bad about eating all your food."

It was remarkable how at ease he made me feel. He welcomed me into his home, comforted me as I bawled and got up the next morning and was making me breakfast. I'm sure most people wouldn't have put forth the effort. In fact, I was counting on something simple like a bowl of cold cereal, which I would have graciously devoured.

"Do you need any help?" I asked.

"No, I think I got it under control. What would you like to drink? I have milk, orange juice and I think I may have some herbal tea in one of the cabinets."

"Juice will be fine, but let me get it. Where are your glasses?"

He pointed to the cabinet over the sink and I rose from my seat to get one. As I stretched I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen which caused my fingers to slip and the glass to come crashing down to the ground.

"Bella? Are you alright? What happened? Come sit down." Edward grabbed me by the shoulders and led me away from the shards of glass. When we had gotten about two feet, I felt the sensation again and reached down with both hands to caress my belly.

"Oh."

Edward still had a frantic look on his face, and rather than explain I took one of his hands and placed it under mine just as another kick poked at my belly.

"Oh" was his response, and it was fitting because there wasn't much more to be said.

"It's the first time she's done that," I said once the movements had stopped and Edward slowly slipped his hand away.

When he didn't respond, I looked over to him and took note of the glassy look he had in his eyes as he stared off to the side. This whole situation was starting to feel weird. I had managed to block out most of the negative events of the previous day and had found myself enjoying the time I spent with Edward. The kick my daughter gave me suddenly brought me back to reality. And I guess it had for Edward as well. I shouldn't be getting comfortable; I needed to pick up the pieces of my life and move forward not backward.

"So, I guess I should clean up the broken glass before someone cuts themselves," I said as began to walk to the cabinet.

"Bella, no. I'll take care of it. Let me just finish the food first. Why don't you go take a seat at the table."

"Edward, I can do it. You've got your hands full already, plus I was the klutz that dropped it in the first place."

"Bella, please," he pleaded.

There was something about the tone of his voice that made me stop my motions and turn to look at him. There was a foreign emotion written on his face, but it held such sadness that I couldn't help but compile with his request.

"Okay. Let me at least take what's ready with me." I grabbed the plate of toast and bacon and went to sit at the table.

Edward followed shortly after with the pancakes, a mug of coffee and a glass of orange juice. He placed it all on the table then scurried back to the kitchen, returning with some butter and syrup.

"This looks delicious. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now eat up. You've got to make sure that future soccer star of yours has all the nutrients she needs."

I giggled at his comment and placed a hand on my belly.

I loaded a plate with food and began to eat. Despite his inability to make toast, Edward was actually not a bad cook. Once I was stuffed, I pushed my plate away and let out a sigh of relief.

"So what time do you need to be at work?" I asked, looking over at him as he read the paper.

"Not for another few hours. Did you want me to take you over there before then? Or are you okay with waiting?"

"I'm in no rush." _Boy wasn't that the truth._ I was enjoying this little break from reality and was in no hurry to dive back into it. Though there was one piece of business I should probably take care of right away.

"Would it be alright if I excused myself? I want to make a phone call."

"Of course. I should probably go take a shower anyway. Don't worry about the dishes; I'll get them when I'm done," he responded.

I made my way up to the guest bedroom and searched my purse for my cell. I had several missed calls which I skipped over. I pulled the business card from my wallet and dialed.

"Doctor's office. How may I direct your call?"

"Good Morning, my name is Bella Swan and I would like to make an appointment."

"What's the nature of your visit?"

"I…I have an ovarian cyst and need to discuss my options." I struggled with my words as I recalled the 'options' that Dr. Hunter had given me.

"Well I see that we have an opening next Tuesday. Would you prefer morning or afternoon?"

"Morning."

"Alright, I've scheduled you for a nine o'clock appointment with Dr. Laurent next Tuesday. Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms.?"

"No, that'll be all. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Have a pleasant day." _If only._

I ended the call and threw my phone back into my bag. With that taken care of I felt like I had taken a huge step toward a new future. One that was leading me away from the path I was on.

I grabbed my clothes from the day before and headed to freshen up. This time the warm water eased my tension, allowing me to breathe deeply. _I can do this._

I dressed and looked through my bag for something to tie back my hair. My fingers landed on a cool metal object and I shuddered as I registered what it was. I pulled the diamond ring from the bag and looked at it with disgust. It used to represent Paul's undying love and fidelity to me, but now all I saw were the lies he had told me. I had taken it off a few weeks back because my fingers had started to swell and it didn't quite fit like before, and for this I was grateful. I didn't need a reminder of how foolish I had been to believe his words. I wanted to pitch it into the deepest body of water I could find, so that I'd never have to see it again, but instead I tucked it into the pocket of my jeans.

I gathered my hair into a messy bun and secured it with a rubber band. I slipped on my shoes before making my way into the hall. As I passed Edward's door, I heard the faint sound of running water and rushed past as lurking while he was bathing seemed altogether inappropriate.

I headed back to the dining room table and gathered up the remnants of our meal and carried them to the kitchen. I set them in the sink, noting that the glass had been cleared from the floor.

I was halfway through the last plate when Edward said, "Bella, I told you I would get those."

When I turned to look at him I had to bite back a gasp. He was wearing navy blue scrub pants and a black wife beater and was pulling the matching scrub top over his head.

I let the plate drop from my hand and it made a clattering sound as it hit the basin of the sink. The resonating noise broke me out of my reveling. I picked up the plate and rinsed it off before shutting off the water and toweling off my hands.

The image of Edward's tight form replayed in my mind as I trained my eyes on the floor. The way his biceps flexed as he stretched the fabric to cover his upper body. The dark lettering, on the underside of his right bicep; I had caught a glimpse of it through his white t-shirt the night before. The way his pants hung dangerously low on his hips.

I felt my body flush and I cursed my pregnancy hormones for making me overreact. In no way was this appropriate. We were barely friends. I should not be conjuring scenarios of how I could study his tattoo up close and personal- and with my tongue no less. But I was curious what the letters spelled.

"What does it say?"

"Huh." Edward was leaning in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room, with his head tilted to the side. That glassy look had returned and again I was puzzled as to what had placed it there.

"Your tattoo. What does it say?" I asked again as I closed the distance between us.

"Oh you saw that…It's just something I got a few years back."

I raised my eyebrow for him to continue as he hadn't answered my question.

He lifted the sleeve of his shirt to show off the thick lettering that spelled out two words _Memento Mori._

I hadn't taken Latin at all in high school, thus I had no clue what it meant, so I asked.

"It's a reminder of one's mortality. It literally means 'Remember you must die.' It helps me remember not to take any of life's moments for granted."

I ached to reach out and trace it with my finger and was stretching out my hand to do so when there was a sharp knock at the door.

My eyes connected with Edward's and he seemed almost as disappointed as I was for the moment to end.

"I should get that," he said as the knocking became more urgent. He walked to the door calling out as he went.

"Who is-"

The door swung open. "I should have known you wouldn't be able to stay away." I saw him bend down to give his sister a hug, before she detached herself and made a beeline for me.

"Bella, how are you? What's going on? What can I do to help you?" She asked question after question with hardly a breath in between.

Edward was peering out the door as if expecting more company. "Where's Jas?"

"Probably still asleep at the hotel," Alice responded nonchalantly to her brother. "I may have forgotten to tell him that I was leaving." She whispered the last part so that only I could hear.

Edward shut the door and joined us in the living room where Alice had dragged me.

"Well, I'm waiting." Alice tapped her foot and crossed her arms over her chest.

I was bewildered. I had no clue how much Edward had told her or even where to begin. There was nothing I felt I couldn't tell Alice but for some reason this felt different. It was that nagging feeling that I had failed, and exposing that would hurt all over again the more I talked about it.

"Alice, I don't know what you want me to say."

"Start by telling me why you're sitting here on this couch and not at the hospital?"

"I don't belong there."

"I see."

_Really? _The woman of a thousand words and that's all she could come up with.

"Do you?"

She sighed. "Bella, I can tell you're struggling with something, and as much as I want to know, I don't want to force you to tell me."

Her understanding made it so much easier to divulge all my dirty secrets. "Paul's having an affair. I caught him kissing Leah on his hospital bed. I was there to tell him that there was…is…a complication with the baby and yeah. So I don't belong there."

"Oh, Bella." She grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me into an embrace.

I know the thing a normal person would have done, was cry. But I was all cried out it seemed because my eyes remained dry as I told her what I had decided I was going to do. Both she and Edward offered to allow me to stay at their places for as long as I needed, and while their invitations were tempting, I needed to do this on my own.

"Thank you both, but I need to go back to Seattle. I've made a life for myself there, and I can't allow this to change that."

"Where will you live?" Alice asked.

"I haven't figured that out yet. I have some money saved, so I should be able to get a studio apartment for the time being, until I can work on something more permanent."

"Stay at my loft."

"Alice, I couldn't…"

"Come on, Bella. You won't stay with me here and I hardly use the place, let me do this for you."

I sighed as I took in the 'I'm not taking no for an answer' look Alice was giving me.

"Fine, but let me give you some money for rent at least."

She simply shook her head. "Nope. Not going take it. Why don't you use it to buy a pretty pink dress for this little girl of yours." At this point she was speaking more to my belly than to me and had rested one of her hands there.

As I started to protest, said little girl gave me a swift kick which set Alice off into a fit of giggles. "See? She agrees with me."

We sat and talked for another half an hour, our conversation ending when Alice's phone's shrill ringtone broke the discussion. I heard her muttering apologies to who I could only assume was Jasper, as she walked out the door, signaling to me that she'd call me later.

Throughout Alice's visit, Edward had sat off to the side observing our interaction. The clearing of his throat brought him back to the forefront of my mind, and our exchange in the kitchen.

"So, I should probably be getting in to work. Do you still want me to drop you at your car?"

"Yes please. Just let me grab my bag." I stood from my seat and raced up the stairs with a new feeling of ease. _Maybe things would work out after all._

*B&E*B&E*

I had intended to have Edward drop me off at the hospital, get in my car and drive off. But once we arrived, I knew there was one thing I had to do before I did. I couldn't, no I wouldn't, give them the satisfaction of turning me into a coward who tucked tail and ran when things got ugly. I shut the passenger side door of Edward's car and walked with determination toward the sliding doors. I heard the faint sounds of Edward calling after me, but I didn't turn, not needing to see the confused look on his face to know that it was there.

My luck seemed to have finally turned, because when I hit the button for the elevator it arrived in seconds. I ducked inside and quickly closed the door, shutting Edward out on the other side. I mouthed an "I'm sorry" just as the doors shut. I didn't need an audience for this. I had to do it for myself.

The elevator dinged as it reached its destination and I took deep strides down the hall until I found the room I was looking for. As I entered the room, my heart dropped, the bed was empty. The feeling that came over me was not like it had been just a few weeks ago when I had found myself facing the same situation, where my mind had immediately raced to the possibility that he was gone from this world. No, this time I was annoyed. What I needed to say simply couldn't be put in a note, and the fact that I had to await his return just served to further tick me off.

I removed the ring from the pocket of my jeans and placed it on the bedside table before I made my way over to the window. _No sense in carrying that around anymore._ As the seconds ticked by, my anger began to wane which only caused me to become more incensed. I shouldn't be feeling sadness. He didn't deserve my pity.

About five minutes later, I felt a prickling sensation on my neck and turned my head to the door to see a pair of emerald green eyes staring over at me. I gave Edward a faint smile and mouthed "I'm okay."

"He's in PT. They're finishing up and should be back here in about another five minutes or so," he said.

"Thank you."

"Do you want me to stay?"

I shook my head no. As great as it would be to have someone here to support me, I thought it was best if I showed Paul that I would be alright on my own.

"Okay, well I'll be over by the nurses' station if you need me." He hesitated before he turned and walked away.

The five minutes felt like five hours. My hands were wrung red and my feet had worn a path in front of the window as I paced.

I heard the sounds of shuffling footsteps and the wheels of a wheelchair and the sounds grew in volume as the pair neared the room.

"Here we are," the nurse said as she crossed over the threshold. "Oh, it looks like you have a visitor."

"Babe. Oh thank God, you're here," Paul said as he looked over at me.

I tried to swallow back the bile I felt pooling in my mouth and plastered a fake smile on my face but didn't utter a word. I knew if I started to speak, I'd unleash all my hatred onto him, and I thought it best to spare the poor nurse's ears from the barrage of curses that was dying to break loose.

She helped him get settled into the bed, and reattached his IVs. Once she was sure she had checked everything, she bid us farewell, and left the room, shutting the door behind her.

"Babe, come here. You're so far away." He reached over to me and made a grab for my hand. I recoiled at his touch and distanced myself from him. "Bella, what's wrong? Is this about yesterday? It's…"

"Don't you fucking dare tell me 'it's not what it looked like.' Show me that courtesy. I don't really care how long it's been going on, or how or why it started. I'm only here to let you know something that should be painfully obvious. You and I are done. I don't want you to call me. I don't want to see you after today. I'll be moving out as soon as I can, and I'll leave the keys with Jake. Your ring is there." I pointed to the bedside table, while taking a moment to catch my breath. "I thought about throwing it into the lake, but I, unlike you, am a decent individual and felt you should have it back."

"Bella, let's talk about this. You don't mean this."

"There's nothing to talk about. And I most certainly mean this."

"Goodbye, Paul." I turned and started to walk away. The words that he spoke relit the fire that I had managed to put out by saying my peace.

"But what about our baby? I have rights you know."

"Firstly, it's _my_ baby. As far as your _rights, _you have to be out of your damn mind if you think you deserve a place in her life." I was literally shaking from fury as I spoke.

"A daughter? I knew it," he whispered. "Bella, please. Don't deny me this."

His puppy dog eyes and soft words weren't going to sway me. He'd screwed me over and as selfish as it made me, I wasn't going to grant him the opportunity to toy with my daughter's emotions.

"No. I won't let you screw her up."

"Then I guess we'll just have to get a judge to decide how much of a role I'm allowed to play in her life."

"And what do you think he'll say when I tell him that you were sleeping with my step-sister behind my back?" I didn't wait for a response before turning my back to him. "Goodbye, Paul."

I turned the handle and walked into the hall. I should've felt victorious. But I didn't. Part of me knew that denying Paul was the wrong thing to do, and that regardless of what he had done to me, he still had a clean slate with our child. But the bigger part of me knew that although he had contributed his DNA to create her, that didn't make him any more a father to her than some random guy on the street.

I straightened my shirt and walked toward the nurses' station to let Edward know I was finished and I'd be heading back to Seattle. Just as I was about to turn the corner, I ran into the one person in the world who I'd rather not have seen at that moment.

"Bella, I'm so sor-"

"Screw you, bitch." I had never understood how when an affair was exposed the blame was heaped upon the other woman and not the cheating boyfriend. But in this instance, there was no excusing Leah's behavior. She was well aware that Paul was taken, that we were getting married, that I was pregnant. I mean, it kind of came with the territory of being the daughter of the woman my father was married to.

Tears sprung from her eyes at my harsh words and she raced off without bothering to come up with a response.

Jake rounded the corner and eyed her retreating form. He called out to her, but she didn't turn around, instead pushing her way into the restroom at the end of the hall.

"Bells, what's going on? Where was Leah running off to?"

"Hey, Jake. I'd love to stay and chat but I was actually on my way out. I'll give you a call later."

He grasped me by the wrists and stopped my attempts to get away.

"Talk to me. Why are you in such a rush? I would've thought you'd be camped out by my brother's bedside. Matter of fact, I didn't see you here yesterday when I came to visit. Is everything alright?"

I wanted to tell him what was going on, but I had started to put it behind me already so I didn't see the point.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just have some things I need to take care of back in Seattle."

"Bella. I know you better than this. Tell me what's up."

I sighed. Jake had a point. He had been my first real friend. The fishing trips our parents made us accompany them on had made sure that we would either love each other or hate each other. Fortunately, we had settled on the former.

"Things didn't really work out with Paul and me. I just need to get back to Seattle and figure some things out."

I swore I heard him mumble, _that bastard, _and when I looked at his face for confirmation, it was clear as day that Jake knew more than he was letting on.

"You knew?"

"Bells, I just found out right before the accident. He promised that he was going to end things with her-"

My hand made contact with his cheek and instantly I felt a stinging in my palm as I retracted it.

"How could you keep something like this from me? You're one of my best friends. I can't believe this."

I wrenched my hand from his and marched off, returning to my original route.

His racing footsteps behind me did nothing to slow me down.

"Bells! Please wait. Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain. At least now I know where your loyalties lie."

"Bells, don't be like that. He's my brother."

"And I was supposed to be your best friend."

He finally reached me and spun me around to face him. "You have to know I wouldn't have kept something like this from you unless he promised that things were over. And then the car accident happened and it seemed like everything was back to normal."

I slapped him again. "Normal? Nothing's fucking normal. I'm on my way back to Seattle to pack up all my stuff and find a new place to live. I'm having a baby _on my own_. I found my fiancé lying in his hospital bed with his tongue down my step-sister's throat. There's nothing normal about_ any_ of this."

I started to pound on his chest as I tried to calm myself.

"Bella. I'm sorry. You know I love you. You _are_ my best friend. Please forgive me." His voice cracked and when I looked at his face I saw tears in his eyes.

As angry as I was, I knew deep in my heart that Jake had never meant to hurt me by keeping this from me, but it still hurt. My pounding stopped and I found my arms drifting to wrap themselves around his torso.

"I'm so sorry, Bells. So very sorry."

I cried as he held me, and tried to take comfort in his words. Two large thumbs soon brushed the tears away and forced me to look into his eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"No, I'm not alright. But I'll be okay."

**

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Try not to hate on Jake too much. I know for many of you this is asking a lot, but he really didn't mean any harm. His finding out is one of the scenes I do have planned to write as an outtake of sorts, in case anyone is interested.

**So, what did you think of how Bella handled things with Paul?**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to click away. Thanks as always for reading.**


	17. Helping Hands

**Big Thanks to Katie for her speedy work on this and her encouragement. I'm not sure what I'd do without her.**

**A special thank you goes to Kaitlyn for pre-reading for me, and reassuring me that I was worrying too much.**

**Thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, favorites, or recommends this to their readers. I appreciate your time, your thoughts and the fact that you see something in my words worth sharing.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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EPOV

I saw her in the midst of a heated argument with Jacob Black and my instincts were screaming at me to race over and pull her away. But I didn't. My mind reminded me that she could handle whatever this was, along with anything life threw her way, on her own, and if she couldn't, she knew where to find me. This feeling of helplessness was hard to accept as I had a deep-rooted savior complex, or so I've always been told. When I came to tell her that Paul would be arriving shortly, she shot down my offer to remain with her, and I couldn't help but feel dejected. I knew it wasn't my place, nor my right, to witness the upcoming conversation, but I wanted to be there to hold her hand through it.

I walked away after telling her where I'd be if she needed me. Oh how I wished she needed me. I don't know what it is about Bella that makes me act like a pussy-whipped fool, but she has controlled me so thoroughly since day one. Fortunately, I had grown some backbone in the last seven years or else I would have followed her around like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

When Bella had told Alice all the sordid details of the ordeal she had suddenly found herself in, and how she had walked in on Paul and Leah making out on his hospital bed, all I could do was ball my hands into tight fists and grit my teeth as I watched her shed tears for someone who obviously wasn't worthy. I wanted to tell her as much but thought better of it when she composed herself and admitted that while things were not ideal she'd be okay. She declined the offers both Alice and I extended as far as staying in our homes, stating that she could manage on her own. I relented momentarily, but I definitely was not planning on giving up. Even if she could do this all on her own, she shouldn't have to, and if it was up to me she wouldn't.

I watched as her expression grew fierce and she pounded her fists on his chest. I waited with baited breath for any indication that he would reciprocate the motion, ready to pounce if he so much as laid one finger on her. Moments later, they were embracing and I eased slightly, though jealousy flared inside of me as I watched him comfort her. They shared some hushed words before she pulled back and placed a kiss on his cheek in goodbye. As she made her way over to the nurses' station where I stood, I grabbed for the nearest chart and feigned interest in the information contained within, all the while watching Jacob in my peripheral. He stood in the same spot with a forlorn look on his face. He seemed very unsettled, and the look he wore on his face surely mirrored my own.

A soft voice broke my ogling.

"So…I'm going to head back now. Thanks again for everything. You don't know how much I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. You know, you don't have to go, I mean, my offer still stands."

"I know. But I think I do, at least for now. I'll call you when I get there."

I nodded. I wanted to kiss her goodbye as I had just seen Jacob do but wasn't sure how she'd take it. Sure we'd come leaps and bounds from where we were just a day ago, but would she be comfortable with such a gesture? She seemed trapped in the same mental process that I was, because she stood there fidgeting.

No way was I interested in repeating the lame handshake I had given her when we first met, yet a kiss seemed too forward. Maybe a hug? I reached forward with my arms open and she gratefully stepped into my embrace. It wasn't as tight as I would have liked, but nevertheless, the feel of her body pressed against mine was heavenly. Feeling a surge of confidence, I ducked my head and allowed my lips to glide gently against her cheek as I whispered in her ear. "Be safe please."

She pulled away and nodded. As she walked down the hall to the double doors, I sighed. I freaking sighed. In the last few days, I had gotten a small taste of what I had missed out on from my inability to voice my desires all those years ago, and I was becoming desperate for more. I would not take advantage of the fragile state that Bella's life was in, but I would not run should the opportunity arise for me to make my feelings known. I fully intended to support her and show her that I wanted nothing more than her happiness. Starting small was key, but, really, given everything that she's facing there's nothing small that comes to mind. Taking that into consideration, I figured it made the most sense to start with something I was familiar with. I made my way to the lounge and after a few phone calls, things were falling into place. Bella did not and should not have to do everything on her own.

*B&E*B&E*

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe when Jake told me he had known about Paul's betrayal. I was literally seeing red. He's my best friend. How do you keep something like that from your best friend? Although it was hard, I did see his point when he expressed the predicament he was in, and I could recognize the sincerity in his tone when he told me that he thought things were over. I meant it when I told him that while things were bleak right now, I'd be okay in the long run. I had to be. Jake made me promise that I'd let him help me, and as hard it was to agree, I did. I promised to call him when I was ready to start moving my stuff over to Alice's loft. She had badgered me into accepting and I was thankful for it. I had enough in my savings to find a small place, but she had saved me from having to go through the hassle of finding acceptable accommodations.

I walked away from Jake and caught sight of Edward standing at the nurses' station just where he'd said he'd be. Edward was another situation I wasn't quite ready to deal with. He was fast becoming the only bright spot in this whole mess which I now called my life, but I couldn't allow him to act as a crutch for me. I turned down his offer to stay at his house because it would have been far too easy to let him swoop in and save me. But I didn't want to shut him out either. I found an enormous amount of comfort in his presence, which was unbelievably strange for me, as Paul had been the only man I had been intimate with over the last several years. While our relationship was far from sexual, I couldn't deny that I felt attracted to him. My body positively hummed with excitement when I was in close proximity to him. I tried to brush it off as a combination of second-trimester hormones and a recent dry-spell, but the lies couldn't mask the fact that there was _something_ there. There always had been, but I was young and inexperienced in matters of the heart so nothing ever came of the brief flirtation that was hinted at.

And now here I was, not quite ready to leave a town that had only been frequented when needed; I knew I had to start putting the pieces of my life back together but that was such a daunting task and I had no clue where to begin.

I cleared my throat as I reached the station since he was staring off in the distance with an odd look upon his face. I told him I was going to get going and expressed my gratitude for everything he'd done thus far. He replied by reiterating that I didn't need to leave. I wanted to say that I'd stay, but there were things that needed my attention back in Seattle. I promised to call when I got home, and it was a promise that I was fully intending on keeping. I should have turned after that and headed for the door, but instead I waited. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, and even more than that I didn't know how to say goodbye. Edward and I were definitely progressing past acquaintances. I'd consider us friends at the very least. It was okay to hug your friend goodbye, right? His thoughts must have mirrored my own since he pulled me into a loose embrace. The heat of his body against mine helped ease some of the tension from my shoulders. When his lips ghosted across my cheek and his warm breath fanned against my ear as he whispered, I shivered. Friends didn't react this way over such a simple act. I blamed my pregnancy hormones once again. It had to be that and not the feelings buried deep inside.

All I could do was nod as I made my way out into the cool air. My phone rang as I reached my rental car.

Looking down at the screen, I wasn't surprised by who was calling. I had been avoiding talking to him since I had caught Paul.

"Hi Dad."

"Bells, where are you?" _Typical Charlie._ Cop mode was in constant effect.

"The hospital." Better to keep my answer short and straight to the point.

"Stay put. I'll be there in five."

I started to protest, but he cut me off.

"Stay where you are, young lady."

No matter how old I was, my dad always had a way about him that made me feel like a little girl. I loved and hated it at the same time.

I spoke my agreement and opened the car door so that I could sit down while I waited.

Sure enough, five minutes later I spotted the brown and white cruiser pull into the parking lot.

He pulled to a stop beside my car and got out. I contemplated rising from my seat to meet him but stalled as I noted his posture. He stood tall and looked all the authoritative figure that he was. His hand was at his belt and if he were armed I'm sure his fingers would have been curled around the butt of his gun. I was nervous. Why had he been so insistent that I wait for him?

He rapped lightly on the glass and I jumped. Instead of rolling down the window, I opened the door and met him head on.

"Hi."

He looked at me shrewdly, cocking one eyebrow, appraising my face. I awaited a response but all I received in return was a sad look. He closed the distance between us and hugged me. I was taken aback. Charles Swan was by nature not an affectionate person. It came with the territory of having to be level-headed in his line of work. He cared for me, that much I knew for certain, but he was never the touchy-feely type and I had grown to accept that.

"Why didn't you call me?" he whispered. I had no clue to what he was referring and I didn't want to reveal too much in case he was talking about something other than the fact that I had just ended my relationship with Paul.

"Umm…"

"Isabella Marie, why did I have to hear from Alice that you are having a little girl? A granddaughter, I can't believe it. Don't tell Sue but I was hoping for one."

So not what I expected him to say.

"Uh yeah. I guess I was just so caught up in the moment."

He eyed me keenly. "What aren't you telling me?" I should have known better than to try to keep things from him; his cop sense never switched off.

"Nothing, Dad. I'm just tired, and I have a long drive ahead of me."

"You're heading back to Seattle? I would have thought you'd be here for a few more days, at least until Paul was ready to head back."

"I have some things that need my attention. I'll be back soon." I tried to keep my voice even as I spoke. I knew Charlie would be on my side in this situation, but things were still too raw and I couldn't deal with having to retell them yet again.

"Bells…"

"Dad, really, it's nothing."

He didn't press, though I could see his wheels turning, and his brow furrowed. "Okay. Drive safely and call me when you get there."

"Always." I placed a kiss on his cheek and turned to climb back into the car.

"Bells…"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"I..I'm here if you want to talk."

"I know. Love you."

"Me too."

I got into the car and made it to just outside the town's border before the weight all the day's events began to press down on me. I pulled to the side of the road and sobbed silently. Things would really never be the same. When I had shed a sufficient amount of tears, I pulled myself together and focused on the things that I had the power to change. There was no repairing the relationship that had been lost, nor a want to do so, but I could pick up the pieces I had left and make a better life for myself and my daughter. I would drive back to Seattle, start to gather my things and prepare for the move, figure out what I needed to do with my job, and mentally ready myself for my appointment with the specialist.

I put the car into drive and off I went. The trip took me several hours and by the end of it, I had formulated a new life plan. When I pulled into the driveway, my heart sank. The last time I was here, there was no sadness, no despair, no empty feeling in my chest. Now there was anger, regret and worry.

I turned off the car and forced myself to walk up the front steps. When I entered the living room, my eyes landed on the pictures on the mantel and my eyes welled with tears. There were a half-dozen photos that had once brought me joy, but now all I saw were false memories. My anger surged as I looked upon the smiling faces of a couple that never was. My first impulse was tear them from the frames and rip them to shreds, burning the pieces to ash. Instead I lay them flat, hiding the lying eyes from view. I'd pack them away in a box, keeping them hidden but never forgotten. As painful as the memories would be, they'd always serve as a reminder of how far I'd come. One should never regret their past actions, rather only their inactions. As I set the last one down, my fingers landed on one that was hidden in the very back. A reminder of happier times. The green eyes sparkled and after having just been so close to him, they seemed so much more alive.

Remembering my promise, I dialed his number. It rang three times and then went to voicemail. I ended the call, not wanting to leave a message. I dialed the two other people I had vowed to inform of my safe arrival. Jake, being fully aware of what I was dealing with, wanted to drag the conversation out, but I silenced him by telling him I was tired from the drive and that I'd talk to him tomorrow. He said he'd be back in Seattle in the late afternoon and he'd stop by on his way home from the shop. I tried to delay him, not feeling up for the company, but he insisted. Arguing about it wasn't worth it because he'd just do whatever he had set his mind to anyway. I did manage to convince him to call me, at least, before he showed up at the door.

The call to Charlie was shorter. He still seemed wary that I was keeping something from him, and tried to coax the details but he didn't pry. I rushed him off the phone when I heard the signal for a call on the other line. I quickly answered when I saw that it was Edward's number but apparently I wasn't quick enough since the line was silent. I redialed and was met with a busy signal. I sent him a text letting him know that I had arrived safely, and that I'd try to give him a call in the morning.

I headed to the upstairs bathroom, and turned on the water to the shower. The room began to fill with steam, and I discarded my clothes into a neat pile on the floor. As I was stepping into the shower, I heard the ringer on my phone go off. Part of me said I should ignore it and whoever it was would leave a message if it was urgent. But a greater part of me couldn't help hoping that Edward had gotten my text and had decided to call instead of waiting until the morning. I carefully stepped out of the bathtub, grabbed a towel to wrap around my body, and picked up my phone before it rang for a third time.

"Hello?"

"Bella, it's Edward. I know you said you'd call in the morning, but I just…I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I couldn't help but be touched by his concern. The text message I had sent clearly indicated that there was nothing to worry about, yet he felt the need for a verbal confirmation.

"Yes, Edward. I made it in one piece." I moved to perch on the closed toilet seat and tucked the phone between my shoulder and my ear.

"Good. Well…"

"I called you earlier," I blurted, not quite ready to have the conversation end.

"I saw. I was with a patient, and I couldn't answer. Sorry about that."

The steam was starting to get very dense and the mirrors fogged until there was not a single inch of the crystal clear surface to be seen. The sound of the water hitting the tile echoed throughout the small room.

"So—"

"Are you—"

A deep chuckle echoed in my ear before Edward insisted that I speak first.

"Are you still at the hospital?"

"Yeah, I'm just finishing up some paperwork and then I'll be heading home for a bit. What about you, what are you up to?"

"Uh…I was…I'm about to hop in the shower and wash off the long car trip. Then I was going to start to sort and pack some things so I could get settled at the loft by the end of the week."

He hummed in response. "I guess I should let you go then."

"No. I mean, I can talk for a little bit." I got up and shut off the water, silencing the pelting, and left the bathroom to sit more comfortably on the edge of the bed.

We talked for several minutes about nothing of consequence, but it was nice. His voice soothed me and allowed me to focus on something other than the disaster zone.

Once he ended the call, stating he had to get some shut-eye before he had to head back to the hospital, I showered quickly and decided to forgo packing, leaving it for the morning when my limbs were less tired. My sleep was restless as my brain refused to shut off and provided me with haunting images of all that had occurred over the last few weeks. Thinking I had lost Paul in the accident; seeing Edward again; finding out that Paul had been saved; losing Paul for real; feeling betrayed; finding comfort in an unlikely place; holding my head up high and moving on.

I awoke the next morning groggy, but determined. My appointment with the specialist was in two days and I needed to prepare myself for facing the reality of my situation. The best way that I could see to do that was to make sure I had somewhere to settle once it was all over. I grabbed some boxes from the hall closet and started to gather my things. I started with the essentials, figuring anything else could be picked up later on, or replaced. I was halfway through the third box when my phone buzzed.

**Don't work too hard. Call me if you take a break. –E**

I smiled as I set the phone down, knowing that I'd likely take him up on the offer in an hour or so.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock on my door_. Seems like Jake completely ignored my request to call before dropping by._ I righted myself and made my way over to the door.

"I thought I told you to—"

But it wasn't Jake at the door. There stood Alice, Jasper and Edward, with beverages in tow.

"Alice? I thought you weren't going to come by until tomorrow."

"Well I was in the neighborhood and I had Edward and Jas along to help me transport some items, and he mentioned that you were packing so it only made sense that we stop by and help. This way you can rest for a bit."

"Alice, I—thank you. Come in."

I placed a kiss on her cheek and waved to both Edward and Jasper before I led them back to the kitchen.

"Why didn't you tell me you were in town?" I whispered to Edward as I trailed behind him.

He glanced over at Alice before responding, "I didn't know we'd be stopping by. Alice said we'd be in and out."

"Oh, okay. Well have a seat. Would anyone like anything to eat?"

When Alice declined, Jasper looked at her as if asking permission which she apparently granted because he accepted but insisted on helping.

After we had consumed a few sandwiches and a mixed greens salad, Alice took over, barking orders at the boys while she supervised. Whenever I tried to assist she'd shoo me away, giving me smaller tasks to take care of. At about two-thirty my phone rang, and I was slightly surprised to see that it was Jake. Although I had asked him to call, I had completely forgotten about it.

"Hey Bells. I'll be there in ten."

"Jake, now's not—"

"You made me promise to call before coming over, and that's what I'm doing. I'll see you soon. And no arguing." The line went dead and I looked down at my phone in defeat.

Sure enough, ten minutes later I heard the engine of Jake's motorcycle cut off as he reached the top of the driveway, followed by his footsteps on the front steps.

I swung open the door before he was able to finish knocking. He quickly scooped me up into a hug and mumbled an apology.

"Jake, put me down. And would you please stop apologizing for something that wasn't your fault."

"Bells, I know 'sorry' doesn't cover it but I truly feel terrible for my brother's actions and for not coming to you as soon as I found out what was going on. Please tell me you forgive me."

"I don't know how many times I need to say this but I'll say it again. There's nothing to forgive. Of course I was hurt when I learned that you knew about the affair, but you made a good point, he's your brother. It was a difficult spot to be in and I'm not mad at you. Now come inside and help me."

"But—"

"Bella, where do you—" Thank goodness for Alice.

"Hey Jake, you remember Alice, right?"

"Sure sure," he said as he offered her his hand. When he saw that we weren't alone, he dropped the apologies and focused on helping to get me packed up. He did, however, ask me a few times if I was sure about moving, to which I replied that there really wasn't anything left keeping me in this house.

With four of my friends helping, the task which would have probably taken me several days at least, was finished within a few hours. Jake left with the promise of coming back later with truck if we couldn't get all the boxes to fit in Jasper's. I decided to double check the house before we headed out. As I surveyed the rooms, they felt so empty. It seemed like not that long ago a new chapter of my life was being opened rather than closed. Tears involuntarily sprung to my eyes as the realization that this was really happening hit me.

"Bella, are you alright?" A warm hand rested on my shoulder and I didn't need to turn around to know whose it was.

I started to nod but it soon morphed into an admittance of defeat as I shook my head no; I felt my body being instantaneously pulled backward, my back coming flush with his hard chest.

"I know this must be rough, having to start over on your own. But we're all here for you. Don't be afraid to lean on someone else. It doesn't make you look weak. In fact it shows true strength to admit that you can't carry the burden alone." His gentle voice was barely above a whisper and his fingers made gentle circles along my forearms and wrists.

I turned my head ever-so-slightly so that I could gaze into his emerald eyes. I was at a loss for words, so I simply forced a weak smile onto my face and raised my hand to wipe away my tears. His fingers mimicked the motion and for the briefest of moments it was as if we were holding hands.

A throat cleared and broke us apart though our eyes remained locked.

"Alice said we should be all set if you want to get headed out," Jasper said. "But I could tell her you need another minute, if you'd like." When I looked over at him, he had his eyes trained on the floor as his boot made a sweeping motion across it.

"Thanks, Jas, that'd be great. Let me freshen up and I'll meet you outside," I replied.

He headed back to the front of the house to relay the message to Alice, and I gave the room one last glance.

"It'll get easier, you know." Edward's voice was softer than usual, and held a sadness that I couldn't quite place.

"What will?"

"The feeling of betrayal. The pain."

I looked at him skeptically. I was sure with time things would improve, especially after I, God-willing, had my daughter to share my love with, but I highly doubted that this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach would dissipate.

"I know it doesn't seem like that at this moment. But over time, you begin to focus less on what you've lost and more on what you're left with. And no matter how bleak it may be, you should always know that there are people who love and support you."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience."

"Something like that."

I was taken aback by his comment. Alice nor Esme had ever mentioned Edward being in a serious relationship in the past few years. Surely they would have known if he had gotten his heart broken.

"Have you—"

"I should probably go help Jasper load the rest of the boxes." His departure was abrupt and I couldn't help but feel there was more that he wasn't telling me. He was obviously uncomfortable discussing his past and I figured the least I could do is offer him the same courtesy that he had shown me.

I headed to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face before I headed to the kitchen to grab a snack for the drive. When I made it out to the front porch, the flatbed of Jasper's pickup was filled to the brim with all the boxes and items I had selected to take with me. Most of the furniture was being left at the house as Alice had said that the loft had just been remodeled.

With the addition of all of my things to Jasper's truck, there wasn't enough space for the three of them to ride in it. I offered to take Edward in my car but he swiftly arranged it so that Alice would ride with me and he'd go with Jasper. He avoided my stare as I sought to understand his evasion.

Alice's loft was in the downtown area but was only a short drive away, which meant I had to select my questions very carefully. I drummed my fingers on the wheel as I thought about how to ask Alice about Edward's love life.

"Spit it out already. I can see the gears spinning from here," she said nonchalantly.

My face heated from embarrassment and I blurted the first thing that came to mind. "Who broke Edward's heart?"

She seemed startled by my question and began fidgeting with her seatbelt. That small action told me I had been right in my suspicions. Alice never fidgeted.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about. Did he say he had his heart broken?"

She was being evasive, but she raised a good question; Edward never did say that he had been hurt like I had, but it was more what he didn't say that had me believing he had.

"No, but—"

"So why would you assume that he had? And even if he had, which I'm not saying he did, it wouldn't be my place to say. Though I am intrigued by your curiosity. Is there something _you're _not telling me?" she challenged, raising her eyebrow.

"Why would you—no, there's nothing—are we almost there?" I fumbled with my words as I felt her appraising me.

She simply laughed and responded, "Yeah, you're going to want to make a right after the next intersection."

I breathed a sigh of relief and continued the drive in silence. Ten minutes later we pulled up to a six-story building surrounded by similar establishments. I turned to open the door when Alice spoke again.

"If I were to know the answer to your question, I would have probably said that it was someone from before you moved to Forks and that she changed who he was, and not always for the better." She climbed out of the car before I could question her further.

The unloading took twice the amount of time that packing had since Alice insisted that all the boxes be placed in the correct spots. When Alice had told me that she had a loft she wasn't using, I figured it was just a couple thousand square feet of space, and that it'd be a tight squeeze but I'd make do. This was certainly not the case. The ceilings were at least twelve feet high, and there had to be at least five thousand square feet of space, all beautifully decorated and furnished.

I tried to get Alice alone to ask her to explain what she had said right before we walked into the building, but it looked like both she and Edward were now avoiding me. Once the boxes were arranged to Alice's liking, she busied herself with unpacking. I halted her motions when I was assaulted with a barrage of kicks and elbows.

"I think the future soccer star is hungry. Why don't we take a break and get something to eat? Besides you guys are going to leave me nothing to keep me occupied."

There was a mix of grumbles and eager acceptances. Alice pulled out her phone, dialed up the nearest Italian restaurant and ordered some pasta for me and her to share and a pizza for the guys. We ate in silence, everyone appearing to be on the verge of saying something, but no one uttered a word. We were saved from the awkwardness by the proverbial bell ringing, as my phone signaled a call. I answered quickly and almost wished I hadn't. On the other end was an automated system confirming my upcoming appointment. I punched in the number one to accept and hung up. Nothing about the day had been normal, but for a few lone minutes I had forgotten the decision I was facing.

My face paled as I once again thought of the possibility that I would have to give up my daughter before I got the chance to know her.

"Bella, are you okay?" I was really starting to get tired of everybody asking me that. I knew they were just concerned but it was beginning to grate my last nerve. I was far from okay but I couldn't say that, could I? _Don't be afraid to lean on someone else. It doesn't make you look weak._ Edward was right; I needed to let my friends help me.

"No, Alice, I'm not. That was the specialist's service confirming my appointment to discuss my options. I'm scared. I'm not ready to lose my baby."

Alice stood from her seat on the floor, where she had situated herself between Jasper's legs, and joined me on the couch. She gathered my hands in hers and looked me in the eyes. "I can't say that I know what you're going through, because I don't and I wish you didn't either, but I'm here for you, no matter what you need. Do you have someone to go with you to the appointment?"

I shook my head. I should have thought to ask someone to go with me but I was so determined to do it all on my own, I was barely giving anyone details about what was going on. Heck, even Charlie, my own father, didn't know I could possibly be having surgery.

"When is it?" Alice asked.

"Tuesday," I mumbled.

"Oh well I have—but I could—let me check—"

"I'll go with her." We both lifted our heads at the sound of Edward's voice. "I mean I have something I need to take care of at Seattle General Hospital, so if you wanted someone to go with you…never mind."

"No, I'd like that. Thank you, Edward." Alice and Edward were having a silent conversation as I gathered the plates and headed to the kitchen. I soon overheard them talking in hushed tones and strained my ears to make out what they were saying. I heard the words "Bella," "heartbreak," and "Kate" before Jasper cleared his throat from the doorway. I allowed the plate I was holding to drop into the sink as I turned to face him.

"Hey Jasper. Thanks so much for all your help today. I don't know what I would have done without you guys."

"It was nothing, Sugar. That's what friends are for." He walked over to where I stood and wrapped me in his arms. "Now why don't you go back out there and rest your feet and let me take care of these dishes. And no arguing. My mama taught me better than to keep a lady on her feet for so long."

I smiled, and complied. Jasper was always the perfect gentleman and it was easy to see why Alice was madly in love with him. True to his word he washed up the dishes and joined us a few minutes later. They said their goodbyes soon after and Edward promised to call me the next day to set up a meeting time for Tuesday.

I slept soundly that evening, in spite of being in a new place, on my own. My worry had momentarily ebbed and I focused on the good things left in my life. I had thanked my friends for their help but the words didn't seem like they were enough. I started to devise ways to truly show my appreciation for their support.

The next morning was filled with unpacking and just when I thought I was done, more unpacking. Jake stopped back over to help and he apologized again, and I wanted to beat him senseless for it, but instead I accepted as graciously as I could and directed the conversation to what was going on with him. That night my sleep was less serene. As the minutes ticked by and brought me closer to nine o'clock Tuesday morning, my nerves flared.

I woke the next morning groggy and sore from having tossed and turned the whole night through. Edward had called just before bed and we had decided that it was easiest if he just met me at Dr. Laurent's office.

Dr. Laurent was a pleasant, French man in his mid-thirties with a dazzling accent, dark hair and strong features. He explained to me—to us—that I did have options and he was willing to go over them all with me. When he mentioned termination, I expressed my extreme desire to avoid that at all costs. He explained the risks of leaving the cyst untouched and strongly encouraged me, if I was anti-termination, to proceed with the surgery. He detailed how, given my pregnancy that it was extremely difficult to perform the surgery laparoscopically, which would mean a much longer recovery time. He reassured me, as best he could, that he'd do everything in his power to make sure that both my baby and I were safe. Throughout it all, Edward held my hand firmly in his, stopping Dr. Laurent whenever he felt he was spewing medical jargon unnecessarily, either asking him to state it in layman's terms or doing so himself.

I left the office feeling hopeful. Dr. Laurent wanted to get me into the OR as soon as possible, so he sent me off with a requisition for pre-OP blood work and testing. Edward still had to head to his meeting so he couldn't tag along, and I told him not to worry about it. He offered to take me to lunch after I was done, and I gladly accepted.

After being poked, prodded and practically drained of all my blood, I met Edward at the café just down the street from the hospital. We kept the conversation light, but I still had Alice's words haunting me. I wanted to know more about Edward and his failed relationship with the girl who had changed him irrevocably, but given my present situation, it felt wrong to reopen old wounds. Instead, we discussed my plans to treat Jasper and Alice to a nice weekend away in thanks for everything they'd done for me. He agreed that it was a nice gesture but insisted that Alice would probably refuse. We strategized for a bit on the best way to get her to relent, and we were in hysterics when my phone rang.

I was slightly alarmed by the fact that it was Charlie. I had just spoken to him a few days prior and I wasn't scheduled to call him again for at least another day or two. However, with the surgery scheduled for the end of the week, I knew I had to bite the bullet and let Charlie in on what was going on.

"Hey, Dad," I answered in as even a voice as I could muster.

"Hey, kiddo. How's my little angel doing?"

"Well…"

"Bells, what is it? I know you're keeping something from me. Just tell me. I'm a grown man, I can take it."

I chuckled involuntarily at the image of Charlie standing there with his hands on his hips trying to keep a straight face as he spoke.

"The baby is good, but Paul and I broke up and I have to have surgery in a few days to remove an ovarian cyst." I spoke without taking a breath and I'm not sure that he caught everything that I'd said.

"Back up there just one minute. You and Paul aren't together anymore? And you're having surgery? Why would you keep something like this from me?" He sounded genuinely hurt, which was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Daddy, I'm sorry. It was just all at once and I couldn't make heads or tails of any of it. You know how I get. Sometimes I just need to close myself off and think. Kind of like my dad."

"Yeah, but sweetie, you shouldn't be going through any of this by yourself."

"Don't worry, I'm not." I stole a glance at Edward who was trying to avoid eavesdropping. I extended my hand and gave his two quick squeezes. "I have some really great friends looking out for me."

"I'm glad. But I'm your father. It's my job to protect you from these sorts of things. When is your surgery? I should be able to get Miller to cover a few shifts for me."

"Dad, you don't have to—"

"No arguments. Where are you staying? Are you still at the house? At Jacob's?"

"No, let me give you the address." I gave him the address to Alice's loft and told him the date and time of the surgery. He promised to get things settled there and then he'd be by in two days. I hung up feeling incredibly guilty for leaving out so many of the details of the past few days' events but just like Jake, I found myself in a tough spot. Leah was Sue's daughter, and Sue was the woman my dad was head over heels for. He had been so lonely for so long once my mom had moved us away and I was thrilled to see him so at ease with someone else. I knew when he arrived and he asked, I'd have to tell him more than just that I had caught Paul cheating on me. Thankfully, I had two days to come up with an acceptable answer to his possible queries.

"It doesn't really matter what you say. He's your dad and he'll support you regardless," Edward said once I had hung up the phone and placed my head in my hands.

"I know. Are you done? I'm so ready for a nap right about now."

"Yeah, I'm done. I should be heading back to Forks anyway. I have an early shift tomorrow morning."

My shoulders slumped as he spoke. Somehow I had assumed he'd be sticking around until after the surgery. Of course he had to go back, he had a life there. He was just helping me out because his sister couldn't. I should be thankful for the time he has given me, and not constantly wanting more.

When we reached my car, he did not hesitate as he pulled me into an embrace that allowed me to press firmly against his frame. Again he whispered in my ear, leaving a heated trail along my cheek as his lips ghosted there, "Be safe."

"Always." I spoke on an exhale as I released a breath that I had been holding from the moment he wrapped me in his arms.

I raced home and, as planned, passed out. The next two days flew by in a blur. I would sporadically get phone calls and text messages from my friends and my dad checking in on me. Thursday evening marked the arrival of my dad; I was fearful that he would bring Sue along with him, unsure of how I would be able to keep up an acceptable level of politeness to the woman who had done no wrong to me. Fortunately, my fake smile and pleasantries were not needed as he arrived alone and explained that Sue couldn't get away but sent her love and support my way.

Sure enough when he had made it completely inside the loft, the questions began. I kept my answers as clear and concise as possible, only going into further detail when probed. His expression remained stoic throughout, only showing a flash of anger and disgust when I described how I had learned about the affair. At the end of it all, he hugged me and assured me that no matter what he'd be there for me. I took comfort in his words and his actions. I wasn't sure whether it was Sue, or the pregnancy or maybe just old age, but if I didn't know any better I'd say that Charlie Swan was turning into a real softie.

We talked a little about what he should expect for the following day. He would be taking me to the hospital and sticking around through the surgery and when he was sure everything was okay, Alice would take over monitoring me. I was definitely too old for a babysitter but I was grateful that they cared enough to hover.

He offered to have me stay with him during my recovery, but understood why I declined. I explained to him that I held no ill will toward Sue but it would be hard for the both of us if I was around, as Leah would likely not feel like she could stop by to see her mom. He promised to come back as soon as he could to check up on me and said he'd talk to Alice about coordinating something for when he couldn't be there.

The next morning, I met with the anesthesiologist before Dr. Laurent came in to go over one more time how the procedure would transpire. He reminded me that since it was being performed at one of the largest teaching hospitals in the area that there would be a handful of doctors in various stages of training in the room, but that I shouldn't be nervous as he'd be doing all the 'heavy lifting.' My dad kissed me on the forehead before they wheeled me off to the operating room.

I looked around the sterile room and felt a bit of trepidation as I gazed out upon the ID-less faces of the students. My body shivered, whether from the chilly air in the room or the fact that I was about to be sliced open, I couldn't tell. I heard Dr. Laurent's voice in my ear, walking me step-by-step through what he was doing and what he was about to do. I scanned the room for a focal point, something to center myself with, and kept coming up empty, feeling my fear increase. As he asked me to count back from one-hundred, my eyes landed on a bright, jade pair that was all too familiar. I heard a whisper as my eyes fluttered shut, _"It'll get easier."_

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This chapter was supposed to be all EPOV but he just wasn't ready to talk. He's scheduled to spill his guts next chapter, and based on this it seems he'll have a lot to cover. Was he really in the OR or was Bella seeing things as her nerves got the best of her? Who was he on the phone with after Bella left? What were he and Alice discussing?

**Thanks for reading. Feel free to click and leave a review letting me know your thoughts.**


	18. Favors and Whispered Confessions

**Yeah, I know; it's been forever. Between my first real vacation in seven years, then having to have surgery, and school starting again, this was delayed a bit. Good news is: This is an extra long chapter (by my standards anyway) and it's all EPOV. Let's see if he finally has some answers. Thanks and news at the end.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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Previously…

_She pulled away and nodded. As she walked down the hall to the double doors, I sighed. I freaking sighed. In the last few days, I had gotten a small taste of what I had missed out on from my inability to voice my desires all those years ago, and I was becoming desperate for more. I would not take advantage of the fragile state that Bella's life was in, but I would not run should the opportunity arise for me to make my feelings known. I fully intended to support her and show her that I wanted nothing more than her happiness. Starting small was key, but, really, given everything that she's facing, there's nothing small that comes to mind. Taking that into consideration, I figured it made the most sense to start with something I was familiar with. I made my way to the lounge and after a few phone calls, things were falling into place. Bella did not and should not have to do everything on her own._

*B&E*

**EPOV**

Once I was settled into the lounge, my first call was to a colleague of Carlisle's and an old family friend. I wasn't big on using my father's connections to get ahead or for favors in this field, but when it came to Bella, the rules were no longer the same. Dr. Maggie Byrne, or Mags as she insists on being called, was amongst the highest ranking students in her class at Harvard Medical School, right along with my father. She was actually the one responsible for introducing Carlisle to Esme.

Esme and Maggie's sister, Siobhan, were sorority sisters; Siobhan was quite fond of Esme and would invite her to family functions regularly. As Carlisle and Maggie grew closer through their studies, she began extending similar invitations to him. One July afternoon, the four of them found themselves at a family barbecue at the Byrnes' estate. Siobhan picked up on the subtle glances that Esme was throwing in Carlisle's direction, and he in hers, and set out to play matchmaker. With the assistance of her younger sister, Maggie, Siobhan devised a plan to force Carlisle's chivalrous nature to make an appearance. One misplaced foot and Maggie _accidentally_ pushed Esme into the swimming pool.

Luckily for her, Carlisle was an excellent swimmer, having been on both his high school and college teams, and he was able to jump right in after her. Once on dry land, and in dry clothes, Carlisle and Esme got to talking, and the rest is history, or so the saying goes. Both Maggie and Siobhan stood as witnesses at my parents' wedding and would join us whenever possible for family gatherings.

Maggie had used her degrees earned at Harvard to become one of the most world-renown physicians in the field of Maternal Fetal Medicine. Elected Chief of Surgery just two years after she completed her fellowship at Seattle General Hospital, she was the youngest in their history. When news had reached her of my plans to leave the East Coast to come back home, she had tried to coax me into taking a position "up in the big city." She had always had such faith in my abilities. She said she just had a way of seeing the truth in ones words and actions, and based on mine, she knew I had a heart that was pure and would lead me to do great things.

The call was brief but it set everything in motion. I did my best to work up to the favor I needed without going into specifics. Inquiries were made about recent cases or any upcoming ones that seemed especially promising. She cut through my bullshitting and got me to come right out with what I wanted. When I told her I had heard that Seattle General might be performing a laparotomy on a five month pregnant woman to remove a twenty-seven centimeter cyst, she didn't wait for me to ask permission to observe. Instead she gave me the name and number of the doctor in charge of selecting residents and medical students for such cases. She said she'd put in a call to him personally, but that it'd be best to go through the motions as well. After I had thanked her, she reminded me that she considered me to be like family and there was nothing that I couldn't come to her for help on. I hung up and stared at the name and number I had scrawled out on the scrap of paper in front of me. Luck really was starting to be on my side. About time.

I scheduled an appointment for Tuesday, and went about the rest of my day anxious to hear that Bella had arrived safely. After a few unsuccessful rounds of phone tag, I got to hear her lovely voice just as I was finishing up my shift. When she told me she was just about to hop into the shower, I had to do my best to beat off the perverted urge to envision her naked body covered in suds. Now was definitely not the time for such thoughts. _Eyes on the prize, doofus._ I offered to let her go on about her business, but I was pleasantly surprised when she insisted on chatting for a bit. I couldn't tell you really what we discussed, but I could tell you that I had never felt so at ease as I had in that moment. I reluctantly ended the call as I made my way to my car, needing to get home and rest up for a few hours since I was on-call the next morning.

*B&E*

The next morning, I found myself especially jittery and the reason became painfully obvious as the smoke rose from the toaster. The last time I had eaten breakfast at home, I had someone there eating with me. Now, that someone was several hours away, on her own, dealing with what I could only imagine was a shitstorm of emotions thanks to a man whose life I had saved. After disposing of the burnt remnants of my proposed breakfast, I made my way upstairs and got cleaned up for the day. I had gotten a call from Riley asking to switch shifts with him so that he could be off tomorrow and he'd cover for me today. I agreed, thinking a lazy Sunday was just what the doctor ordered. Unfortunately, I hadn't run these orders by Alice, because sure enough, five minutes after I was freshly showered and dressed, she was banging on my door.

"Alice, geez, don't you ever sleep," I said as I opened the door to find her on the porch with Jasper trailing behind her. "Hey, Jas. What's she up to now?"

"I'm standing right here, you know?" Alice said as she pushed her way past me and into the living room where she plopped down on the couch.

I shut the door behind Jasper and shot him a questioning look to which he just shrugged.

"So, dear sister, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" I asked with mock sincerity.

"You don't have to be an ass. I'm here because I need your help. I need to move some things, and Emmett was busy, so…"

"Alice, I really—"

"Please. You know I'd never ask if I didn't legitimately need your assistance. Plus I'll let you drive."

"But, Sugar—" Jasper started to protest.

"Jas, honey, remember that thing I did for you last week with the feathers and the ice." He nodded with a goofy grin on his face. "Well, let Eddie here drive your truck to Seattle and I'll let you do that to me."

He kissed her deeply and I felt like I was going to barf. Sometimes these two were worse than Rose and Emmett when it came to PDAs.

"Enough of that already. I may only have had coffee for breakfast, but I'd really like to keep it in my stomach and not on the floor. So what is it that we are moving? And why are we going to Seattle?"

"Yay! I knew you'd agree. Now get in the truck; I'll explain on the way."

After being in the tight confines of Jasper's truck for nearly three hours, Jasper and I unloaded all of Alice's materials at her design studio. I'm not sure whether it was all of the moving of boxes, or being in such close proximity to her, but my mind kept wandering to Bella. I hadn't talked to her since last night, and I contemplated doing so regularly since I had woken up. Instead of dialing her number I sent her a short text telling her to take it easy and call me if she wanted to take a break.

"So, we just have to make one more stop before we head back to Forks," Alice said as she sauntered out of the building.

"Alice, you said we'd be in and out. I'd really like to salvage at least part of my day off," I all but whined.

"Seriously, don't get your panties in a bunch. You may actually be thanking me later."

"What do you mean by that? Alice—" She ignored my pleas for a response and climbed into the truck.

Twenty minutes later, we were pulling up to a two-story house when my brain finally kicked on, and I figured out where we were. I wanted to throttle my sister for her fucked-up Cupid behavior, but in that instant it didn't matter. I was like a kid in a candy store, jumping up and down giddily at the prospect of a nice treat. Turns out I wouldn't have to spend the day without seeing Bella.

She was taken aback when she opened the door and saw us standing there. From her words as she swung it open, we were the last people she had been expecting.

When she questioned Alice about our sudden appearance, my sister, always the master inventor, told her that we were just in the neighborhood and wanted to help out. Bella graciously accepted Alice's offer of our assistance and invited us in. After she had played the part of a welcoming hostess, feeding Jasper's bottomless pit of a stomach, she showed us what she was working on, and Alice set us all to task.

The time flew by quickly, even more so when Jake dropped by. He seemed just as shocked as Bella to find us there. As I was helping Jasper load the boxes into the back of his truck, I noticed that Bella wasn't in sight. I had seen her not too long ago walking around the now near empty rooms. I told Jasper I'd be back in a minute and went to seek her out.

I found her standing in the living room with her back to the door, but I could see her arms wrapped around her chest. I heard the faint sound of her sobbing and made my way over to her. I lay my hand on her shoulder and asked her if she was alright. She started to nod but soon shook her head no, and I reacted instantly, pulling her back into my chest. I wrenched her arms from around her as gently as I could and used my fingertips to smooth soft circles along her forearms and wrists. I whispered words of understanding and encouragement, telling her she didn't need to try to do it all on her own and that there was no shame in asking for help.

When she turned to face me and gave me a forced smile, my heart broke. It continued to break as I took in the tears that had gathered on her lashes. She raised her hand to remove them, and I mirrored her action allowing our fingers to overlap. What was fast becoming a tender moment was interrupted by Jasper's arrival to tell us that everything was set and we should start heading out. Bella asked for a minute to pull herself together and he complied to her request without a moment of hesitation.

I continued to stare at her and, in that moment, I saw so much of myself. I could never truly understand the depth of the pain she was feeling, since for every person it was different, but I did know what it felt like to give your heart to someone and have them not handle it with care. I wished I had known back then what I knew now, though I couldn't be certain it would have made the hurt any less. Since there was no turning back time, I could do the next best thing and pass on the wisdom that it had taken me years to acquire to someone in need.

"It'll get easier, you know." My voice came out quiet as I tried to push back the memories that were fighting to get to the surface.

"What will?"

"The feeling of betrayal. The pain."

I wasn't surprised by the look of disbelief that she gave me. If I had been on the receiving end of this advice when_ she_ had left and torn my heart from my chest as she did, I would have been just as skeptical.

Still, I continued on, "I know it doesn't seem like that at this moment. But over time, you begin to focus less on what you've lost and more on what you're left with. No matter how bleak it may be, you should always know that there are people who love and support you."

When she responded by stating that I sounded like I had experience in the area I gave her a non-committal response. When she tried to prod further, surely wanting the details on the "who," the "how," and the "why," I made up an excuse to rush out of the room. I had no clue why I was running from my past, especially since Bella has been so forthcoming with her story, but it didn't seem like the time nor the place to open old wounds, not yet anyway.

Once everything was situated in the truck, the fact that there would be an issue with seating arrangements became a problem. There simply was not enough room for Alice, Jasper, and I to fit in the cab of the truck. Bella offered me a ride but I swiftly denied it, avoiding making eye contact as I was still feeling too exposed from the conversation we'd just had.

Jasper only asked me one time if I was doing all right, and when I responded with an affirmative, he let me be—which was one of the many reasons I was happy to have him for a brother-in-law.

The rest of the afternoon consisted primarily of unloading the truck and moving the boxes around per Alice's commands. We took a break to eat and the atmosphere was beyond tense. No one said a word, either because they didn't want to be the first to speak, or they couldn't think of what to say. Bella's phone rang and I could've sworn there was a collective sigh of relief.

Whoever was on the phone obviously did not come bearing good news, because almost all of the color had drained from Bella's face by the time she hung up. Alice questioned her change in demeanor and Bella admitted that it was the doctor's service calling to remind her of her upcoming appointment. She expressed her fear over the prospect of losing her child, and the sadness that eclipsed her face made me want to gather her in my arms. I wanted to whisper to her that everything would be okay, even though I did not know this with any real certainty. Alice continued to inquire about the appointment, extending an invitation to accompany her.

Unfortunately, it was on Tuesday and Alice responded that she had something going on that day. As she was starting to work through possible ways to reschedule, I cut her off by throwing my hat into the ring. I had to be back in Seattle anyway for my meeting with Dr. Anton; I didn't see why I couldn't just come by a few hours sooner to escort Bella to her appointment. When she didn't immediately accept, I began backpedaling, not quite prepared for another rejection. But one never came. Instead Bella agreed and excused herself to take the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

Alice decided to turn the concerned looks and worried glances that she had been shooting me into whispered words.

"What's going on with you? What did you tell Bella?"

"What do you mean?" I had no clue what was getting Alice so riled up, but I did know that having an argument with her was not high on my agenda.

"Why did she ask me who broke your heart? Did… did you tell her about Kate?"

"Of course, I haven't told her about Kate. That was years ago. Wait… What did you tell her?" Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jasper get up and make his way to the kitchen. A loud clatter echoed throughout the room and I heard snippets of Jasper and Bella's conversation. The noise was a reminder that some discussions were probably best to be held in private.

"Edward—"

"Alice, why don't we finish this on the way home, okay?"

Shortly after Bella and Jasper returned from the kitchen, Alice stood and said it was time to go. I normally would have fought her on it, but I had to be at the hospital early the next morning. I promised to give Bella a call to work out the arrangements for Tuesday.

*B&E*

I drove into Seattle an hour before Bella's appointment. I had offered to pick her up so we could drive over together, but she insisted that she take her car and said she'd meet me there. I shut the engine off as I settled into a spot in the parking lot of Seattle General. My fingers drummed against the steering wheel and my legs started to bounce. I glanced at the clock and noticed that there was still at least another thirty-five minutes before she was set to show up. The confines of the car suddenly felt too small as I was left with only my thoughts to keep me company. Telling Bella that everything was going to be fine and that she should just take things one step at a time may have seemed easy, but it wasn't. Deep down, I knew she'd struggle. I knew she'd be kept up at night wondering what she could have done differently. I knew this because that's what happened to me when Kate left. But I also had to believe that Bella would be as fortunate as I was and find someone to fill that hole in her heart. I just prayed that I could do that for her as she had done for me—even if she didn't know she had.

_If only… _

No, I couldn't start that again. I had a chance back then to tell her how much she was helping me, how much she was making me feel alive again, and I chose to let all of the hurdles thrown in my way stop me. I couldn't force my feelings onto her, especially not now when she was so vulnerable.

Bella had hurdles of her own to deal with, and I had to be a true friend to her and do my best to help her overcome them. This is what led us here—to this car in this lot. This doctor's appointment was the first obstacle that Bella would have to meet head on. My anxiety was getting the best of me. What if the doctor told her there was nothing that could be done, that she had to terminate? No, that couldn't be her only option. I could tell that losing this baby after she had already lost so much would be more than she could handle. I was glad she had allowed me to come along. If Dr. Laurent tried to steer her in that direction, I'd be able to show her that she wasn't out of options, at least I'd hoped I would.

Checking the time again I saw that there was still another twenty minutes to go. I ran my fingers through my hair tugging as I reached the ends. The waiting was killing me. Just as I was about to let out a scream, there was a tap on my window. I jumped slightly but soon regained my composure when I saw that Bella was standing outside of my door, looking just as frazzled as I felt. I gave her a tiny wave before I grabbed my things and exited the car. I greeted her with a half-hug and we made small talk as we walked into the hospital and rode up to the doctor's office.

The wait was short and soon we sat opposite Dr. Laurent in his office. He was kind and went through all of the possible options. When he began to talk about termination, I started to cut him off but Bella beat me to it. She explained how she wanted to do whatever she could to keep the baby. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and a reassuring smile. By the end of the session, Bella and the doctor had agreed to go ahead with the plans for surgery. I thanked him for his time and led her out of the office. She had to go and get some lab work done and I wanted to go with her, but as I checked my watch I saw I only had about fifteen minutes before my meeting. She assured me that she'd be fine on her own and expressed her gratitude for accompanying her to the meeting. Our time together had been so short, and I wasn't ready for it to end, so I offered to take her out to lunch after we were both done and she graciously accepted.

We parted ways and I headed toward Dr. Anton's office. The meeting went fairly smoothly. Maggie had already notified him of what I was seeking to do, and it didn't hurt that when I opened the door to the office I was encountered by a familiar face. I left his office with a huge smile on my face knowing that I was being given the opportunity to make good on my promise to stick by Bella through this.

Our lunch went smoothly, though I could see something was troubling her at times. She often seemed on the verge of asking a question but would hesitate and then go back to picking at her salad. We soon struck up a light conversation about my sister of all people. The mood shifted from one of joyful and joking to solemn when her phone rang. She greeted her dad and I did my best not to eavesdrop. I did catch snippets of her conversation and learned the reason behind her shift in demeanor; it seemed that she was telling Charlie about current events and for the first time no less. Her shoulders slumped as she hung up the phone and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. This time my reassurances didn't go over so well, and she gave me a clipped response and asked if I was ready to go. I wasn't, but now that my business at the hospital was taken care of, I didn't have an excuse to stay. Besides, I had to be at work early the next day. I silently cursed my luck that we were finally on the same coast but still too far apart. I walked her to the car and pulled her into a tight hug and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I waited for her to exit the lot before I got into my own car and made the drive back to Forks.

The next few days passed quickly. While I was in Seattle, I had called to arrange for time off and permission to do some of my hours at Seattle General. I doubled up on a couple of my shifts and convinced some of my colleagues to step in for me now and I'd return the favor at a later date. Given our excellent working relationship, I had no problem getting to leave early on Thursday and having off until the following one. Bella's surgery was set for first thing in the morning on Friday, but I planned to drive to Seattle on Thursday afternoon, check into my hotel, and crash.

I had spoken to Dr. Laurent twice after the meeting to discuss what my role would be in the operating room. He stated that although he had no doubts about my abilities, based off of my record and his talks with both Maggie and Dr. Anton, that I was too closely involved with the patient to take part in any of the actual cutting. He said I was more than welcome to observe and take notes if I so desired. We coordinated the check-in times, and he said he'd see me in the OR.

When Bella was wheeled into the room, I immediately wanted to rush to her side but I remembered that I was working, even if I wasn't cutting, and I should act professional. It didn't however stop me from whispering some calming words as I saw her search frantically around the room.

"_It'll get easier."_ My eyes connected to Bella's, whose were panicked, as she searched for who knows what; her expression softened and her eyes slowly fluttered closed. For the first time, in I don't know how long, I actually believed what I was saying. Things would get easier for Bella; I'd make sure of it.

I watched as Dr. Laurent made precise cuts along Bella's abdomen, calling out orders to his nurses and residents. I was beyond lucky to have been granted my request to observe this procedure, and I was determined to make the most of it. Not only was this the chance I needed to show I could and would be there for Bella, but I could learn while doing it. Dr. Laurent moved swiftly and seamlessly. He was the epitome of precision. When he pulled the cyst from Bella's abdomen, there was a collective gasp. The ultrasound pictures could not compare to seeing it in 3D. It was sent off to the lab and Dr. Laurent and his chief resident went to work on patching her up. Instead of sutures they went for staples. It wouldn't have been my first choice, but I remembered my place was to observe. I also figured that a scar might actually look kind of cute on Bella. Scars were tiny reminders that you had the ability to persevere. As they concluded, I checked the monitors—two strong beating hearts.

Once the bandages were in place, and the anesthesiologist cleared her for transport, Dr. Laurent approached me and asked if I'd like to go with him to deliver the progress report to her family. The waiting room was filled with people desperate for news on Bella and the baby. I was pleased to be able to tell Charlie, Sue, Jake, Alice, and Esme that they both were doing well. I explained that she was in the recovery room and that in just a little bit she should be waking up and could have visitors. Given that she needed to have a laparotomy, she'd be admitted and would remain in the hospital for at least two days.

Dr. Laurent had another surgery to prepare for and took his leave only after he asked if I'd like to scrub in. As much as it killed me to pass up on the opportunity to see the man at work again, I knew I'd kick myself more if I wasn't there when Bella woke up.

I walked back through the double door restricted for staff access only and made my way to the area where they had placed Bella. She was still hooked up to an IV, blood pressure cuff and heart monitors for both herself and the baby. The oxygen tubes had been removed from both her nose and her throat, and I watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she took in air. I settled into the chair nearest the bed and gazed over at her. Even in her unconscious state, she was in a protective stance: her left arm was curled around her belly and her right hand rested on her chest. Surely, it couldn't have been comfortable to lie like that, so I gently pulled it away from her chest. As I was placing it down on the bed, her fingers tightened around mine. I looked up and saw her chocolate brown eyes staring back at me.

"E-Ed-Edward, what're you doing here?" Her voice came out scratchy, likely as a result of the breathing tube that had been inserted during surgery.

"Shhh, just rest."

She looked down at our hands and then to the one that still remained on top of her belly.

"The baby?" she asked hesitantly, a hint of fear in her voice.

"You're both fine, no, better than fine. But you really should try to relax. Are you in any pain? Can I tell the nurse to get you anything?" I started to stand to get the attention of a nurse so she could get Bella some painkillers and some water when Bella tugged on my arm and kept me in my seat.

"No, please, stay." I smiled at her as I complied. "Tell me how it is that you're here. Are you working here?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. She wanted me to stay, and she was asking me "how" and not "why." I never told her about my plans to observe the surgery out of fear that she'd tell me she would prefer that I didn't. Not having to explain to her the overwhelming need I had to ensure that she was safe at every turn from here on out was definitely a plus to how she framed her questions.

"If I promise to tell you, do you promise to try to get some rest? Based on the group of people waiting out there, you're going to need it," I said with a smirk.

She groaned and I could only imagine that she caught on to the fact that my sister and her ball of energy were likely among that group. I took her silence to mean that she agreed to my terms.

"Remember that meeting I had the day of your appointment?" She nodded her head ever so slightly. "Well, turns out it was with a former instructor from medical school. I was one of his favorite students, and not just because of his close friendship with Carlisle.

"Dr. Demetri Anton had always taken a liking to what he considered to be my keen mind and steady hands. He transferred to Seattle General about halfway through my time at Columbia. When I neared graduation and he learned of my plans to move back West, he did his best to try to convince me to do my residency here.

"While gynecologic oncology and surgery is interesting, and definitely a mostly rewarding challenge, I opted to make Forks my home again. I just wanted to be as close to my parents as possible after what had happened. I couldn't forgive myself for ruining another second chance.

"Anyway, with Dr. Anton backing me, I was given the opportunity to observe your case as well as a few others." I wasn't sure what else to say, and I had in a roundabout way answered her question, so I hoped she was satisfied.

"I see," she said after a moment of pause. "But why my case?"

I should have known that sooner or later we'd get to the "why." How could I possibly answer this without laying all my cards on the table?

"I just had to make sure you were safe." Her eyes flashed with some indescribable emotion. I quickly sought to cover my admission. "Besides, I figured it'd be nice to have at least one friendly face in the room with you."

She contemplated my words for a moment and then whispered, "Thank you."

With two simple words, my heart stopped beating erratically in my chest and my breathing evened out. She wasn't angry, she was grateful.

"I believe we had a deal. Now get some rest. I'll let the others know that you'll be ready for visitors soon."

"Don't go yet." Her voice was so low I almost didn't hear her.

"Bella, I can answer the rest of your questions later. You really should try to sleep."

"Please," she whispered as her eyes started to flutter shut. Her grip on my hand started to loosen, but my body remained glued to my seat. There was no way I could make myself move even if I wanted to—which I didn't.

*B&E*

About an hour later, I was still perched in the chair at her bedside, her hand clutched in mine, her chest rising and falling steadily as she slumbered. The curtain peeled back and the tear-streaked faces of my sister and mother were followed by the visibly shaken ones of Chief Swan and Jacob Black. When they took in my presence, their expressions shifted. Shock. Disbelief. Approval. Elation. What was truly startling was to whom these expressions belonged.

In an uncharacteristic move, Charlie was the first to speak. "How is she, Doc?"

It felt weird for the man who had intimidated me so much on the night of the failed dance rescue, and pretty much every day since, to treat me with such respect. I cleared my throat before updating him on her progress. He looked from me to Bella to our joined hands and raised his eyebrow in question. I tried to extricate my hand in as smooth and swift a motion as possible, but only succeeded in waking Bella.

"Don't go," she whimpered.

"Bella, your dad's here."

She woke with a start. Her bleary eyes, still heavy with sleep, took in the faces of the new arrivals, and almost immediately broke into tears, which only served to set off my mother and sister.

I stepped back to allow Charlie some room and privacy. Bella noticed my movement and started to speak. I cut her off before she could plead for me to stay, because I knew I couldn't refuse her.

"I'll be right back. Just need to check in with the service to see about the other cases." I waited until I was a good twenty feet away from the section where Bella was before I pressed my back against the wall and allowed the tears to fall. Alice must have been hot on my heels because when I opened my eyes and wiped away the droplets, there she was with a tissue in hand.

"Alice, I don't want to talk about it." Breaking down in the hospital was bad enough. Having to explain to my sister that my heart ached for a woman who was experiencing probably the lowest point of her life, and that I had no clue how to make the pain go away was worse.

She held her hands up in surrender and allowed me the time to compose myself. "Where's Mom?"

"She went to call Dad. She promised Bella that they'd be by tomorrow afternoon."

I nodded in response. It filled my heart to see the love that my mother had for Bella. But it also caused a pang in my chest over how easy it was for her to be able to express it. I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

"You should tell her."

"I know." I wasn't sure what Alice was referring to—whether it was about Kate, or that I was madly in love with her—either way it didn't really matter; I needed to get so many things off my chest.

We walked back to Bella's bed in silence. Charlie had taken up residence in the chair I'd previously occupied, and Jake was perched on the side of the bed. The three conversed in a lighthearted manner and I caught Bella in the middle of the most beautiful laugh. Her eyes connected with mine and it seemed as if all the worry flitted away. A huge grin broke out on her face and I felt myself being drawn to her. Jake looked at me with a sneer, but once he took in Bella's expression, his guard dropped and he seemed resigned.

"Come on, Charlie. Let's get the show on the road. The citizens of Forks can't police themselves. I mean without you there, who will protect them from the rain and the greenery?" He chuckled and Charlie gave him an unamused look.

He rose from his seat and whispered to Bella. "Bells, are you sure you don't need me to stay? I could get Mitch to cover for a few more days."

She waved him off and gave him a kiss on his cheek before whispering an "I love you."

Charlie replied, "Me too, kiddo," and then walked out of the area to meet up with Sue. Jake shared a look with Bella before he sighed and placed a kiss on her forehead, promising her he'd be by to visit her the next day.

After Dr. Laurent had come to check in on Bella, he advised her that she would be transferred to a private room soon and that she'd have to stay in the hospital for at least two days, but barring any complications she should be allowed to go home soon. When he reminded her that she would be on bed rest for at least a month and that she should allow the people she lived with to care for her as she shouldn't overexert herself, her face went pale as her eyes darted toward me. This was the first I was hearing that she would be on bed rest for so long, though it wasn't surprising given what she had just undergone. Problem was, I hadn't thought about the aftercare. Bella lived alone; I should have made plans for someone to stay with her. Maybe I could talk to Alice about setting up a schedule. This would be so much easier if Bella had accepted my invitation to stay with me.

_So ask her again_. But—_No buts! Do it._

Dr. Laurent excused himself after wishing Bella a speedy recovery. I turned to her and caught her fiddling with the edge of her blankets.

"Bella, who's going to take care of you once you're released?" I tried to keep my tone even, but I was still irritated that I hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Well… I should be okay on my own for a few days, and Charlie said if I needed him… plus there's Jake." She sighed. "I'll be fine, Edward, don't worry about me."

I took her hand in mine. "I know you're trying to put on a brave face, but it's okay to ask for help. You heard what Dr. Laurent said. You need to let other people take care of you." I purposefully left out the part about her roommates taking care of her, as we both knew that had been a lie to placate the doctor. "What if I had Alice draw up a schedule, and we all could take turns staying with you?"

"Edward, no, I can't have you all driving so far out of your way. It'd be bad enough pulling my dad away from his home; I couldn't do it to more than one person."

_Ask her; worst that can happen is she'll say no._

"Come stay with me." She started to protest, but I quickly cut her off. "Listen, I know I asked you before, and you turned me down because you want to do this on your own. And I totally respect that. But think about your daughter. You need to rest, not just for yourself, but for her as well. If you stay with me, you won't have to feel guilty about us caring for you. I have the space, and Charlie, Alice and my mom can come and go as they please. It'll just be until your body has had some time to heal. I'll drive you back myself. Don't answer now. Just give it some thought, okay?"

She let out a soft sigh and nodded. _At least she didn't say no._

A short while later, the nurse came to inform us that Bella's room was ready. As they wheeled her to it, Bella held fast onto my hand. The electric current that so often passed between us was better than any shot of espresso or energy drink; I felt more alive in that moment than at any point in the last eight years.

The rest of the evening was rather uneventful. Bella and I talked about everything and nothing all at once. When we ran out of things to say, we watched the limited programming available on the hospital's TV network. Soon, Bella yawned and her eyes started to shut. After urging her to get some rest, as much as was possible when you were constantly being poked and prodded, she closed her eyes and drifted off. Every so often, a nurse would come into the room to check on her, but I would always shoo them away stating that she was fine, always adding a pleasant smile for good measure. They would blush and try to coax me out of the room, asking if I wanted to get something to drink. I'd politely decline; there was nowhere else I'd rather be. I stroked Bella's hair, and her face, touching her skin as frequently as possible. Her slumber gave me the confidence to whisper words that in her waking hours were lost to me.

"You're so beautiful. I can't believe I've never told you how special you are. When you sleep, the worry on your face seems to fade away, and you look at peace—happy even. You should always look this way. I want to be the one who makes you look this way." I took to memorizing her features when she was in that state: her brows were not furrowed, and the corners of her lips were turned up slightly in a half-smile.

My limbs started to grow tense from the awkward position I had found myself in. I stood and stretched, fully feeling the ache in my joints. I fought against the yawn that was building and immediately wished I had taken one of the nurses' suggestions and gotten coffee. I looked over at Bella and saw that she was sleeping soundly. I figured I could duck out and grab something before she woke, so I opened the door as quietly as possible and stepped out into the hall.

When I entered the room less than fifteen minutes later, I could sense that something was off. As I neared the bed, my fears were confirmed. Bella had moved herself into a more upright position and her cheeks were stained with tears. Her body shook as she continued to sob. Placing my purchases on the nightstand, I made my way over to the chair beside the bed that I had just recently vacated. My eyes searched frantically for the source of her distress.

"Shh… Shh… Bella, it's going to be all right. Try to stay calm. Are you in pain?"

She scoffed before speaking in a harsh tone. "Don't tell me that everything's going to be just peachy, and that all it takes is time. And pain? Of course, I'm in pain. I feel like my chest is being ripped in two. The worst part is that I start to feel this way and I then I get angry about it because _he's_ not worth it. So unless you know what that feels like, save your words of wisdom for someone else."

I was taken aback by her tirade, but I took it in stride. Once she had sufficiently steadied her breathing, I said, "Actually, I know exactly what that feels like. Well, not exactly, but yeah, pretty much. What I mean is I know what it feels like to give your heart to someone and have them return it to you in less than perfect condition."

She looked shocked and maybe a little ashamed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Don't apologize. You couldn't have known… I should have told you when you asked… It's just, I don't like to think about it, let alone talk about it."

"I know, but I still shouldn't have lashed out at you." She paused before continuing in a much more hesitant voice. "Who was she?"

I inhaled deeply, needing to draw as much courage as I could before I responded. That chapter of my life was one that I tried not to revisit unless necessary, but it always seemed to haunt me.

"Her name was Kate. We dated from the first day of freshman year of high school up until about a week before the end of the first semester of sophomore year. I thought I was going to be with her forever. But then again, most kids that age have no real concept of what forever is. She was my first for everything. The first girl I loved, the first girl I kissed, the first girl I had sex with.

"We were the picture perfect couple. We rarely argued, and when we did, it was always over trivial things and we'd be laughing and making up before we knew it. But soon things started to crumble. When we fought, we stayed angry longer, and she started to pull away from me. The distance hurt because no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough. That's when I started to hear things. There were whispers going around the school about Kate. I ignored them for the most part—chalked them up to the typical jealousy of the other girls—but then when I would bring them up to Kate, to maybe have a laugh at the new lows that were being stooped to, she wouldn't refute them. I started to get suspicious that maybe she really was cheating on me.

"Things got super tense and we broke up. I never expected it to stick; we'd been through blow-ups before. There was a big party the following Friday so I figured that would be a good opportunity to work things out. I searched the whole house for her, and once I found her, I almost wished I hadn't. I found her in the middle of a lip lock slash grope session with the last person I would have expected—Mike Newton. I was enraged. He and I had never been on the best of terms but this further created animosity between us.

"I pulled her out of his grasp and demanded an explanation. Her words acted as a knife that drove straight into my chest. 'You were fun for a while, but I've found something bigger and better here. No hard feelings.' I couldn't believe her callousness. That was the last I saw of her because a week and a half later, she and her family moved out of town. But that didn't stop the pain from building in my chest, especially as I had to listen to Mike gloat about how he wasn't surprised that Kate had wanted an upgrade. He had always been smarmy and thought that just because his parents had money he was a big deal.

"Anytime I would try to approach another girl, or even thought about doing so I'd have a voice going off inside my head telling me I wasn't good enough and that I couldn't measure up. Then the pain would strike and I'd feel like my heart was ripping in two. The worst part of it all was that it was nothing more than a lie."

"What do you mean?" The look of pity that she had worn as I spoke had morphed into one of confusion.

"I ran into her a couple of years back in New York. As you can imagine, it was quite difficult coming face-to-face with the person responsible for the greatest pain you've ever experienced, but I decided to be the bigger person and not let it affect my ability to be civil. After all, Esme taught me better than that. So when she asked me out for coffee, I hesitantly agreed.

"Two double espressos later, and I had learned that she hadn't been fooling around behind my back, and that the time I caught her with Mike had been the only other time she had kissed anyone other than me. She went on to explain that it had all been a lie—a tool she had used to help ease her outrage over having to leave. Her parents had told her about the move and she didn't want to go, but she had no choice. She didn't think our relationship would last if we were so far apart, but she knew that I'd still want to try.

"She said it was selfish of her but she couldn't deal with the hurt of being with me but not really. I was enraged that she had not only deprived me of the opportunity to decide what I could and could not handle, but that she had left me feeling as if I was unworthy. Even knowing the truth, the pain in my chest was there—the doubt was there. I think to some extent it still is, just less."

"So when does the pain start to go away?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Truthfully, it never really goes away completely, but after a while you start to notice it less. And if you're lucky, the hole in your heart slowly mends."

"But how? How did it happen for you?"

"Every situation's different…" I looked and saw that she was giving me a pointed stare. "Okay, for me, it didn't happen all of a sudden, it took quite some time actually. But I think what did it for me was when I met this girl who consumed my every thought, waking or otherwise, and I started to realize that when I thought of her, my heart hurt less. The things she made me feel were nothing compared to how it was with Kate. With Kate, we weren't ever really complete—something always seemed missing. But with _her_, nothing else mattered. Even the littlest of things sent my heart soaring."

"She sounds like a lovely girl." There was a hint of sadness in her voice as she spoke. "You two must be very happy together."

"She is, and we're not."

She raised her eyebrow in question.

"We're not together. I'm not sure if she feels the same way about me."

She let out a sigh. Was she relieved? "Oh. Well, any girl would be lucky to have someone like you in their life." She blushed as she concluded her sentence.

_If only_, I thought to myself.

"I think that your little girl will do that for you. The love she'll give you, and you her in return, will help to fill in the gaps. You're going to be a wonderful mother."

I squeezed her hand and stood from the chair. I noticed a worried look on her face and spoke quickly in an effort to assuage her fears. "I'm not going anywhere." I perched myself on the bed beside her as gently as I could and rested my upper body next to hers. She looked into my eyes, searching for something. Satisfied with what she found, she laid her head on my chest and closed her eyes.

I felt her breath against my neck and heard a soft murmur that almost sounded like, "and you'd be a great father."

I fell asleep with visions of Bella and me clasping the hands of a little girl, whose chocolate brown eyes would look up at us adoringly, dancing in my head. That night I slept the most soundly I ever had.

*B&E*

The rest of her stay was relatively calm after that breakdown during her first night. She fell asleep in my arms and woke the next morning with a genuine smile on her face. That small gesture had my heart beating like a racehorse's. I broached the subject again of who would care for her after her release. Instead of preying on her emotions, I tried to reason with her rationale side. I reassured her that it would only be until she was well enough and we would stay out her hair and allow her to be as independent as physically possible as long as she adhered to the doctor's orders. I felt kind of sneaky doing it, but I never specified which doctor's orders, and I'm sure _this _doctor's orders would differ slightly from Dr. Laurent's. I expected a fight and had come prepared with an arsenal of logical reasons for coming back to Forks with me. To my surprise, they weren't needed and she agreed on the condition that we could stop by her place first to grab a few things. I eagerly accepted her conditions and put in a call to Emmett to ask for a ride home. I had my car with me, but I would much rather be able to sit with Bella and ensure that she was as comfortable as possible for the long trip.

The day of her release came and she was acting strangely. She was jumpy and gnawed at her bottom lip incessantly. I tried to ask her what was troubling her, but she kept brushing me off, saying she was just tired or that it was nothing. After she had received her discharge instructions, we slowly made our way out of the building and into the parking lot. She refused to ride in a wheelchair, insisting that it was better that she get the exercise. We maintained a slow and even pace as we headed for Emmett's Jeep.

Gradually, her steps started to become leaden. I glanced over at her with a look of concern on my face.

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked in as even a tone as I could manage; I didn't want to let on that I was starting to freak out.

A muffled cry, almost a whimper, escaped her lips. I followed her gaze and caught sight of the thing, or rather person who had brought about her sudden impediment.

_What the fuck was he doing here?_ And with her no less. Seriously, couldn't they have shown up on a different day, or better yet, not at all?

I returned my attention to Bella and tried my best to redirect her focus.

"Bella, just ignore them. We're almost to the car." I diverted our path to take us in a new direction, hoping to avoid encountering them all together.

Unfortunately, I swerved when I should have stayed straight, and we ended up less than a foot away from them moments later.

"Bella, are you all right?" _Motherfucker, you don't have the right to ask her that anymore._

"We're fine," I responded curtly.

"I wasn't talking to you," Paul sneered. "Bella, why were you in the hospital? Is our baby okay?"

Our baby? This guy was really starting to piss me off.

I placed my hand on the small of Bella's back and started to lead us away. We didn't make it very far before I felt a large palm grab my free arm. The grip was loose so I easily stripped myself free.

"What's your problem? Bella obviously doesn't want anything to do with you, so why don't you leave her alone?" I screamed in frustration.

Despite his clearly weakened state, Paul inched over toward me and shoved on my chest. "You know what my problem is? You. I wasn't talking to you, and this is none of your business. So stay out of it." He proceeded to push back on my chest. I had managed to move Bella out of harm's way and threw up my hands to defend myself. I had no intention, nor desire, of getting into a fight with this loser in the hospital's parking lot, but I also couldn't have him thinking he could bully his way back into Bella's life.

"Listen, we were just leaving. Why don't you go about your business, and we'll do the same?"

"Why don't you—" He started to protest and raised his hand which was now clenched into a fist when a large body came between us and blocked his punch.

I looked over and saw the hulking frame of my older brother. "Emmett, it's cool. I can handle this."

"I know you can, little bro, but your hands are much more valuable than mine. Don't worry yourself. This'll only take a minute."

I watched as he grabbed Paul's arm and proceeded to twist it.

"Let's get one thing straight, Paul. Bella has asked you to leave her alone. That doesn't seem to be getting through your thick skull. She was doing you a courtesy by asking, but I'm not feeling quite so generous. I'm not asking, I'm telling—get out of her life and do it fast."

Paul continued to squirm and opened his mouth as if to speak but swiftly shut it as he grit his teeth against the pain. Emmett had slowly begun to twist his arm further as they talked. Leah let out a gasp and I noticed the tears streaming down her face for the first time.

"Em, that's enough. Let's get Bella to the car; she really needs to rest."

He nodded and released his hold, causing Paul to slump down slightly. Emmett made his way to Bella and we walked her over to the car. As I was helping her into the backseat, she spoke in a soft voice.

"Remind me again." It took a moment for my brain to register what she was asking of me, but once it did, my response was effortless.

I took her hands in mine and gave them a gentle squeeze before I looked her straight in the eyes and said, "It'll get easier, Bella. I promise."

Her responding sigh told me that she was finally starting to believe me, and that was enough for now.

**

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So it seems Edward is finally learning to wear his big boy pants. He still has tons to say, but it's a start, right?

**As always, big thanks to Katie for her speedy work on this and her encouragement. I'm not sure what I'd do without her.**

**Thanks to everyone who reads, reviews, favorites, or recommends this to their readers. I've been fail at responding to reviews as of late, but I appreciate your time, your thoughts and the fact that you see something in my words worth sharing.**

**This story was recommended on the Twi-fic Promotion blog. You can read the review and many other great ones here: ****http:/twi-ficpromotions(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/07/desired(dot)html (Direct link is also on my profile page)**

**Thanks for reading. Feel free to click and leave a review letting me know your thoughts.**


	19. Clearing the Air

**I know; I suck at updating. Thanks and stuff at the end.**

**Disclaimer: SM still owns all things Twi and anything else recognizable is not mine either, the ramblings however are, as are the mistakes, let's keep it that way.**

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Previously…_

"_Remind me again."_

He took my hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze before he looked straight into my eyes and said_, "It'll get easier, Bella. I promise."_

_**B&E**_

Edward's words rang true. It did get easier. Sure, not at first. I had been staying with Edward for six weeks, and there were still nights where I woke up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down my face. But each time it happened, he was there, tissue in hand, to help me through it. Soon the nightmares of losing everything—Paul, my daughter, a chance at happily ever after—were being replaced with imagery that did not incite fear and sadness but hunger and excitement. I felt like a teenager again, trying to stifle my moans for fear that the coppered-haired boy—scratch that—_man_, for he was certainly no longer a boy, would overhear me.

Countless nights, I'd had visions of our limbs tangled in the sheets, covered in sweat as our chests heaved from the exertion. I saw his dazzling green eyes staring up at me as he nestled himself between my legs. There were the nights when all I would get were flashes of Edward calling out my name in a breathy whisper. Those were the nights that haunted me most because it almost felt real, reminding me of that night all those years ago when I allowed myself to hope for something more.

I chalked these fantasies up to just that—wild dreams brought about by late second trimester hormones run amok. I was, however, having difficulty rationalizing my waking dreams: Edward holding a little girl in his lap, singing a sweet lullaby; Edward kissing her tiny nose as she lay asleep in her crib; Edward with tears of joy in his eyes as she said her first word – "Dada." The longing I felt in my chest each time I realized that this was a reality that would never come to fruition cut me to the core. _Why couldn't it have been him? It should have been him._

The sound of the kitchen cabinets opening and closing startled me out of my thoughts. I heard a loud "Fuck," followed by the cabinet door slamming. I walked as swiftly as my protruding belly would allow and found Edward leaning his hands on the kitchen counter, with flour covering the front of his shirt. His eyes shot up to look at me, as the floor creaked.

"Bella, what are you doing out of bed? I was just about to bring you breakfast." He spoke tenderly as he approached me.

"Edward, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not an invalid. Dr. Laurent said it's a good idea for me to get up and walk around a few minutes every day. Besides, I was getting bored, and this little one…" I pointed to my belly "…was kicking up a storm."

His eyes darted down to my belly, and I could have sworn I saw the briefest flicker of sadness cross his face.

"But—"

"No buts. Now what are you making? It looks like a tornado made its way through here." I surveyed the room and noted in addition to the flour, that there were egg shells and grated cheese littered across the counter.

"Well…I was planning on making some pancakes and a cheese omelet with some bacon, but I couldn't find any baking powder. And then, I had a little mishap with the hand mixer. I was just—" As I watched him talking animatedly about his ordeal, I burst into a fit of giggles.

His face grew serious and he started to pout, giving me a pointed look. "It's not funny."

"I'm sorry, but it kind of is. Why don't you go and get cleaned up and I'll sort this out? You're on call today, right?"

He sighed, before responding, "I'm supposed to be taking care of you, you know? You've got a point though; I've got to be to the hospital in an hour."

"In that case, you better get a move on." I shooed him out of the kitchen and set about cleaning up the war zone. Half an hour later, I was setting down some plates of chocolate chip pancakes, spinach and feta omelets, and enough bacon to feed at least ten people. Edward sauntered into the dining room just as I was pouring myself a cup of orange juice.

"Bella, this looks amazing. Thank you." He took the seat opposite me and quickly loaded his plate with some of everything. We ate in companionable silence. In the days directly following my release from the hospital, something as simple as eating breakfast with him had been excruciatingly awkward. I wasn't used to being waited on. Renee hadn't been much of a caregiver; she was always too wrapped up in one harebrained hobby or another to put forth the effort for things like family meals. I'd become self-reliant fairly quickly, so having Edward constantly hovering was jarring and made things rather tense for a while.

My sadness and anger over the Paul situation came out at the most inopportune times, and I found myself apologizing more times than not. He was always gracious about it, telling me that he understood. It only served to make me feel worse. Soon, we found a happy medium. I'd just have to give him a look and he'd know to back off. Once we'd stopped walking on eggshells around one another, it was great. Day by day, I could feel the weight on my chest lifting a little bit more.

Unfortunately, I should have known things were getting to be too good to be true. As Edward got up to take the dirty breakfast plates into the kitchen, he called over his shoulder. "Oh, I forgot to mention, you got a letter this morning. I placed it on the table by the front door."

_A letter? Who would be writing me? _Alice and Esme had just been by the day before. I'd spoken to Jake a few days ago. Renee was more of an email person than a snail mail one. I walked over to the front door hesitantly. When I picked up the letter, I knew I was right to be wary. My fingers shook as they traced the lettering on the envelope. Even though it only had my name on it, I knew deep down that whatever was in it could not be good.

"Did you find it?" I felt his breath on my neck, and my body shuddered involuntarily. His proximity always startled me, but I couldn't deny that I craved it. At times it felt as if I was gravitating toward him. "Who's it from?"

"Don't know. I'll look at it later." I placed it back onto the pile and turned to face him. My breathing hitched as I took in the sight of him. His scrub pants hung low on his hips; his hair was perfectly tousled, giving off the impression that he had just rolled out of bed; his eyes sparkled and his tongue darted out briefly to moisten his lips.

He reached around me and grabbed his keys off the table. "I'd better get going before I'm late. I should be back around three. I'll call you later to see what you'd like me to pick up for dinner. Try to get some rest, and don't worry about the dishes; I'll do them later."

Before I could protest, he placed a kiss on my temple and headed out the door. The skin where his lips had been began to tingle. Gradually, he had started to show more affection: holding my hand as we watched a movie, brushing the hair out of my eyes, giving me a goodbye kiss when he left—but never on the lips. No, he was careful to avoid coming anywhere near my lips. These gestures combined with my dreams had me experiencing whiplash.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed all thoughts of a future with Edward from my mind. I was going back to Seattle in a week; it was not the time to think about something that wasn't in the realm of possibilities. Edward was doing his duty as a good friend, and soon I'd be back home and out of his hair.

In the spirit of moving on, I picked up the envelope and made my way to the living room. Taking a seat on the couch, I steeled myself for whatever I would find contained within.

***B&E***

"_We need to talk."_

I stared at the cursive lettering for over an hour. When I'd opened the envelope and had immediately recognized the familiar scribble, I wanted to rip the paper into a million tiny pieces just as the author had done to my heart. However, with time comes wisdom and also the ability to look at a painful situation more logically—with my emotions no longer running on high. No, I had not forgiven them, nor did I think I could, but a small part of me remembered the good times—the happy memories before life decided to give me a two fingered salute. But by the time I had finished, one thing became abundantly clear. While I wasn't sure about a lot of things, I knew with absolute certainty that the one woman pity party had to end.

I took a deep breath and after the fifth try, I had succeeded in willing myself to dial the number at the bottom of the note. The connection finally picked up, and before so much as a hello could be uttered, I blurted, "One hour. That's all I can give you."

After I'd hung up the phone, I began to freak out. Was this really a good idea? Could I sit here and listen to one lame excuse after another? A series of kicks coming from my belly reminded me why I was doing this. In just a few months' time, I'd be holding my little girl. She deserved a mother who wasn't filled with hatred; I needed to make an effort to get past my betrayal sooner rather than later.

Forty-five minutes later, there was a timid knock on the door. I pushed myself up off the couch and made my way to answer it. Swinging the door open wide, I was confronted with a worried looking Leah. Her eyes shifted from left to right, and her hands had a slight shake to them.

"Bella, thank you—" I raised my hand to cut off her off.

"Why don't you step inside? I'd rather not do this on the porch." I gestured for her to go into the living room.

Once she was seated, her edginess only seemed to escalate. Her leg bounced up and down, and she ran her fingers through her long dark hair. I was conflicted. Part of me was extremely pleased that she was uncomfortable. I mean, she was just as much to blame as Paul was. However, there was part of me that didn't like to see her so…afraid.

"Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?" I broke the silence, trying to put her at ease slightly.

"Coffee would be good. Thank you." Her voice came out soft, and she seemed very unlike her usual confident self.

"It'll just be a second."

I went into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, taking several calming breaths. I knew when I walked back into that room there'd be no going back. Who knows what it was that was on Leah's mind? What I did know was that at least part of it was probably something that would make me want to yell or cry or both.

"We can do this," I whispered as I placed both hands onto my belly. "Mommy would do anything for you. No tears, right? Just listen, that's all I have to do. No guarantees."

I grabbed two mugs and filled one with the coffee Leah had requested and made chamomile tea in the other. The mugs were placed on a tray along with some milk and sugar and a variety of crackers. I figured having something to chew on would limit my enraged outbursts.

When I returned to the living room, Leah was still in a state of agitation. I took my seat on the chair opposite her perch on the couch and took one last cleansing breath.

She stilled her motions and lifted her eyes to meet mine. She searched them momentarily before she began to speak.

"Bella, I'm so sorry—"

"The time for sorry has passed. Matter of fact, sorry should have never even been necessary. Leah, how could you? After everything with Emily…I would have thought…Never mind any of that. Was this why you wanted to meet? If so, you've wasted both of our times." _So much for keeping control of my anger._

She seemed taken aback by my sudden reaction. "No, that's not all. I was…I was actually hoping to talk about the baby." Her eyes shifted from mine to gaze at my belly, which I was covering with both of my hands protectively.

I was floored.I was not expecting that one. What right…

"My baby is none of your concern," I seethed.

"You're right. But Paul is that baby's father. I just think that cutting him out of her life is not like you. You know his history with his father. I would think—"

"Let me stop you right there because you summed everything up pretty well. You didn't think. Instead you went behind my back and _fucked_ the man who I was supposed to marry. So don't lecture me on what_ is_ and_ isn't_ like me. I'd much rather _my_ daughter not know what it feels like to trust someone only to have them stomp on your heart. God, I mean…What the fuck, Leah?" I could feel angry tears pricking my eyes, but I pushed them back. I would not give her that power.

"I know it's going to seem like a load of bull but even though I knew what we were doing was wrong, I couldn't stop it. At first, it was all about the sex."

I cringed as she began to recall the details of their affair, and it didn't escape her notice.

"I'm sorry. After that first time, I tried to stay away from him, really, I did. I'd look in the mirror every morning and hate myself for what I'd done. You mentioned Emily and how things had gone down with Sam. Well, that was constantly on my mind. How could I do to you what had broken my world apart?

"When I asked Sam why he had cheated and he told me it was as if he and Emily were meant for one another, I screamed every dirty word in the book at him. I couldn't believe he was chalking his affair up to it being about 'destiny' and 'soul mates.' But I think part of the reason I was so angry was because I couldn't understand what he was talking about. I loved Sam without a doubt, but the way he described how his world revolved around Emily, and how it was as if there was an invisible string constantly connecting them—I'd never felt that. I never felt like I couldn't breathe without him around. At least, not until Paul.

"I hated myself, but even more than that, I hated him. I hated him for making me see what I was missing. The night of the accident, he called me to end things..."

Understanding clouded my face as the missing pieces started to fill in. I had always wondered why Paul was out on the road that night. Obviously, he had gone to meet Leah. I was biting my tongue as she talked and I could tell she was far from done, so I let her continue.

"I had never admitted to him how I felt. I couldn't take being in love with someone who didn't love me back—not again. And I know it was selfish of me, but when he met me, I didn't wait for him to tell me that we were over—I suddenly needed him to know the depth of my feelings—so I blurted out that I was falling in love with him, and that I wanted more. I pleaded with him to pick me. In that instant, I became everything I abhorred most in the world. I used every dirty trick in the book to get him to reconsider. He told me he had an obligation to you and the baby, but I could tell he was considering what I had requested. After he promised to think it over, he left and we both know what happened next.

"Seeing him there in that bed was devastating, but it was worse to watch you crying and fighting so vehemently for someone to save him, knowing what I'd done. Then he said my name, and you started to get suspicious. I never wanted to you to find out like that."

I found it difficult to remain silent.

"How would you have rather I learned that my step-sister was screwing my fiancé? Maybe a nice note taped to the fridge: 'Hey, hun. I'm off to work then I'm going to fuck Leah in the back office. Oh, we're out of milk by the way – Paul.' Yeah, that would have been _so_ much better. If you couldn't believe Sam when he said Emily was his soul mate, how do you expect me to believe this?"

I was growing tired of this conversation, and I really wished she'd get it all out so she could be on her way.

"Just think about it. Haven't you ever felt so overcome with happiness for someone? Like everything you did was to get to see a smile on their face? Felt as if something was missing until they were around and you suddenly felt whole? Well, that's how I feel when I'm with Paul. And that's why I'm here. I see how he's suffering over the pain we've caused you. He's beside himself thinking about your promise to block him from your daughter's life. He loves that little girl, and he really did love you. All I'm asking is that you think about this some more. Give him a chance to prove he can be a good father. He and I both know you'll probably never forgive us, and we've accepted that. I'll also understand if a condition for him being able to spend time with her is that I need to stay away while he's with her. We'll do whatever we can to make this as easy on you as possible."

I was just about to tell her to get lost when I heard the front door open. Edward entered the living room, calling out, "Bella, things were slow, so they let me go early. You weren't answering your phone, so I figured we—" He stopped mid-sentence when he caught sight of Leah and I seated there. He shuffled on his feet, his eyes darting between us. He raised his eyebrows questionably. I shook my head ever so slightly, signaling that he didn't need to worry. He smiled and excused himself.

My gaze followed him as he ascended the stairs. My breathing caught in my throat, and my heart raced. I felt a tugging deep inside me. That's when it hit me. Everything Leah had been describing was how I felt for Edward. It was never like that with Paul—that feeling of being incomplete if he wasn't around, I only began noticing it when Edward had come back into my life.

"I get it." By no means did I forgive how things went down, but I could see why they might have happened. If Edward had appeared sooner, would I have been the one who lied and cheated? I'd like to think I would have had more sense than to do that, but there was no way for me to deny that there was something between us, no matter how one-sided it might be.

"You do?" she asked in disbelief, but with an optimistic tone to her voice.

"Yes. But I can't forgive you—either of you. What you did was possibly one of the most hurtful things I've ever experienced. We were going to get married! I'm having a baby for Christ's sake. I know this is not all your fault. Trust me, Paul should have known better. He was the one who made those promises to me, not you. But, Leah, we're family now. Sure, not by blood, but my dad and your mom have chosen to be together so that connects us. If I let Paul into this baby's life, knowing what he's capable of, and he hurts her…I could never forgive myself. But I also shouldn't have let my anger over what you've done cause me to make those threats.

"You mentioned what Paul went through, not growing up with his dad around, well…I can relate. My mother taking and keeping me away from Charlie was one of the most selfish things she's ever done. A part of me has always resented her for that—even more so when she dumped me to start a new life that had no room for a teenage daughter.

"The thing is, comparing Charlie to Paul is like saying apples and oranges are the same just because they're fruits. It takes a whole lot more than DNA to make you a dad."

She nodded along as I spoke, not daring to interrupt as I tried to work this all out in my head. I wanted to be able to agree to what she was asking—to let Paul try—but I couldn't bring myself to give in.

"Why does this have to be so complicated?" I spoke more to myself than to her. "When did I become the bad guy in all of this?"

"Bella, no one thinks you're the bad guy. What we did was reprehensible without a doubt. All I'm asking is that you consider it," she said, trying to capture my gaze again.

Sincerity was clearly displayed in her eyes. Sighing, I responded, "I need some time. This is all too much to take in. You have my number; tell Paul to call me in a week. I'm not ready to see him face to face, nor can I make any promises, but I'm willing to hear him out."

"Thank you!" Leah leaped off the couch and looked as if she were about to hug me, but stepped back after she thought better of it. "I'd better go; I've taken up enough of your time already."

I nodded and stood to walk her to the door. She waved as she made her way over to her car, a smile spread across her face. I watched her drive off before stepping into the house. What I had said to Leah was true—I hadn't forgiven them, and I didn't know how I would ever be able to, but I somehow hated them just a little bit less.

I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Edward coming down them, running a towel through his damp hair. He had obviously just taken a shower, and he had changed his clothing. He was now wearing a pair of button fly jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. When he caught sight of me standing by the door, he dropped the towel on the banister and made his way over to me.

"Is everything all right?" His voice was tender as he held my gaze. He cupped my face in his hands, the tips of his fingers stroking gently along my cheeks. I searched his green eyes for my answer. My breathing stuttered and the electricity I had felt the second I saw him on the stairs grew exponentially. At that moment, I knew—he was the one, and nothing else mattered.

I spoke in just above a whisper, keeping my eyes trained on his. "No. But it will be."

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**Major thanks as always to my beta, Katie, for ensuring that what I write makes sense, and for pushing me to explain myself further when I come up short. **

**Thanks to everyone who still bothers to read this, even when it takes me half a year to update. It was certainly not my intention for there to be such a huge gap, but life has a way of setting its own schedule.**

**I'm halfway through with midterms, and I've already started the next chapter, so hopefully it will only be a couple of weeks before we see where this is going. **

**Feel free to hit the review button and share your thoughts. Or if you want, tell me I suck. **


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